View source for Cardi B

[[File:CardiB.jpeg|right|thumb]]

'''Cardi B''' ([[Powerword]]: Belcalis Marlenis Almánzar) is a [[Hispanic]] and [[Dominican Republic|Dominican]] threat sent by the [[Spanish Inquisition]] to spread disease across our world.

Actually no - as that would be giving her too much credit and would mean she did something to the Earth. Cardi B is a batshit crazy, over-privileged, wannabe [[Nicki Minaj]] dipshit. She became famous on the now-dead internet application known as [[Vine]]. However, unlike most other [[Jake Paul|retarded]] [[Logan Paul|aspies]] spreading their cancer to [[Jewtube]], Cardi B had to spread her shit into our ears, and become a [[poser|rapper]] (although calling her a rapper is a stretch in this instance). She can also be found in 90% of the garbage made by [[Soundcloud|soundcloud rappers]].

It turns out her fucktardedness is spreading outside of music. She has appeared in shitty [[bombs|movies]] that are so irrelevant that the only way you will know they exist is by looking up [[fail|"Cardi B movies"]] on [[Jewgle]]. She often appears in shitty low-budget TV shows that will probably be canceled after one season, as nobody fucking watches them or ever will. In addition, she has made her way into politics to say pointless bullshit that nobody gives a flying fuck about. 

==Early Life==

[[File:File-Cardi B whore life.jpg|right|thumb|She started out as a stripper as people with no talent like her wouldn't be able to become famous otherwise and start a better career]]

Belcalis was born October 11, 1992, in the same year as another [[Miley Cyrus|whore]] in Washington Heights, [[Manhattan]]; Her parents considered her to be a failure and forced her to be with her [[old|grandmother]] most of the time. So she basically [[true|was doomed from the start]]! Eventually, she found the retarded name "Cardi B" which she says came from [[lie|Barcardi]], but we all know it actually came from [[carding]]- (something she actually did with the gang The [[losers|Bloods]].) She decided to become a [[stripper]], which she got the idea from some dirty ass [[white knight|cashier register]] at the [[Walmart|supermarket]]. She claims that becoming a stripper was positive for her life in many ways; [[fact|In reality, that was only because being a whore can get you out of anything with no talent involved]]. Eventually, she attended [[useless|college]], and says she dropped out; However, she was actually kicked out for being too much of a [[fucktard]]. She has lied about getting money from babysitting to her Moms as she knew that she would be seen as a [[meme|joke]],( which she already is.)

==Vine==

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<center>The average shit she made on [[Vine]].</center>

==Her Music==

None of Cardi B's music is worthy enough to be mentioned as they all sound THE FUCKING SAME. Somehow, however, she was able to get a Net Worth of 24 million dollars from her garbage, due to [[aspies]] (the only people that listen to her music) streaming it. [[You]] may be asking what makes a [[shit|Cardi B song]]? We still don't know for sure as she speaks in another language, unknown to the human mind. So basically we can't understand what the fuck she is saying, but we will try.

===How to make a Cardi B song===
# ''Put some Spanish beat taken from the [[Public Access|Public Domain]].''
# ''Shout out words as loud as you can, to pretend that you're rapping.''
# ''Always be off-beat.''
#  ''???''
# ''PROFIT!''

===Collabs===

For some unknown reason, every shitty [[Soundcloud|soundcloud rapper]] in existence has to make a song with her, so that people will know who the fuck they are. Cardi B doesn't give a shit about the songs and is only on them to get more money. The [[fail|person]] that created the song probably doesn't give a shit about Cardi B either, here are some examples.

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She's even collab'd with a few people in her own music, no one noteworthy though. She has begun working with pop artists such as [[prostitute|Jennifer Lopez]], [[nerd|Ed Sheehan]], and [[shit band|Maroon 5]]; Just further trying to replicate the [[bullshit|success]] of [[Nicki Minaj]]. 

==Cardi B Instagram Breakdown==

From time to time Cardi B can go completely fucking insane and shout out some random sperg shit.

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<center>Average Cardi B rant.</center>

==Cardi B and Nicki Minaj Feud==

Yes folks, it turns out the equally retarded [[Nicki Minaj]] thinks Cardi B is a [[mental illness|mentally ill]], [[retarded|unstable]], [[Human Centipede]] as well. The person she was trying to become, more or less, hates her. This is basically proof that Cardi B shouldn't be trusted by people. 

Basically this all started when Nicki and Cardi collaborated with [[nobody|Migos]] to create a song called [[shit no one cares about|Motorsport]]. It turns out, however, that Cardi decided to fuck with the [[garbage|lyrics]] and change them to be just as cancerous as they were. Nicki got fucking pissed (even though it was neither of songs and belonged to a group that no one gives a flying shit about).

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Eventually, this led to a [[brawl]] between the two.

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==Political Retardation==

[[File:VoteforCardi.jpeg|right|thumb|At least she's hotter then Kamala]]

Cardi B has the dream of becoming a USA politician, [[Republicans|even though she fucking hates what the fuck has happened to America right now]]. It will only stay [[MLK|a dream]] however as the chances of her doing shit to the world is little to none. She criticizes everything else that every other liberal criticizes, such as [[Trump]], the USA's border wall, and the government shutdowns. The latter even got the attention of the unfunny, retarded, dumbass, autistic, aspie, motherfucker known as the [[Stephen Colbert]]. He tried to get Cardi to [[joke|rebuttal the State of Union]] (not surprising considering the person we're talking about). She says if she would go back to college that [[retarded|she could become a part of the USA Congress]]. Honestly, everyone else in that college class would have a higher chance than she would. 

===Coronavirus===

Like always, Cardi B couldn't keep her mouth shut and had to go on Instagram to have a breakdown about [[Coronavirus|COVID-19]].

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Then [[youtube nobodies|somebody]] decided to take it, and remix it.

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Then some shitty [[DJ]] decided to remix it too, it even got on the charts somehow.

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This led the person Cardi was supporting, [[Bernie Sanders]], to interview her about the Coronavirus.

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==See Also==

*[[Nicki Minaj]] Cardi B's equally retarded mother
*[[Kanye West]]
*[[Eminem]]
*[[Vine]]
*[[6ix9ine]]
*[[XXXTentacion]]
*[[Instagram]]
*[[Britney Spears]]
*[[Miley Cyrus]]

==External Links==

{{Soundcloud|iamcardib|Cardi B on Soundcloud}}

{{yt|c|UCxMAbVFmxKUVGAll0WVGpFw|Cardi B on Youtube}}

{{Instagram|iamcardib|Cardi B on Instagram}}

{{Twitter|iamcardib|Cardi B on Twitter}}
{{Afro}}
{{aspies}}
{{Politics}}
{{memes}}
{{whores}}
{{music}}