Epic Sword Guy

Good night, sweet prince.

Indiana Jones is a bad influence.

The original Epic Sword Guy, Trip Fisk.

How it went down.

Anime representation of what happened at the Church of Scientology that day.

Epic Sword Guy, aka Mario Majorski, was a batshit insane former Los Angeles scilon. On November 23rd, 2008, he decided to test his mighty hanzo steel dual-wielding prowess against the power of the gaijin's ultimate technique in the parking lot of the Scientology Celebrity Center. He lost, and is now fighting the good fight against our galactic oppressors alongside Lisa McPherson, Shawn Lonsdale, and you if you think doing stupid shit like this is still cool.

So What Is Known?

“	An teenager who saw the man arrive in the parking lot said he stopped the car abruptly in the driveway and climbed out with a 5-foot sword in his hand and an angry expression on his face. Tony Marquez, 17, said the man, who was bald and had tattoos on his arms, walked toward the building, then returned to the car to get the other sword.	„
—The alarm didn't scare him off.

Majorski is on record as having completed at least three high-level Scientology courses in 1990. Kendrick Moxon helped him sue the state of California in 1993 because some hippie psychiatry professor at UCLA was talking smack about Scientology. The complaint said that the professor was "routinely practicing religious hatred."

“	It is illegal and immoral for the University to provide tens of thousands of dollars of aid to West to try to destroy any religion. We intend to see that this is stopped.	„
—Epic Sword Guy in June 1992, before he got his swords.

In his defense, the professor pointed out that he had once killed an elephant for the lulz by injecting it with over 9,000 hits of LSD. Based on this evidence, the court decided that the professor was cool and dismissed the case.

Majorski also attended I.A.S. Special Briefings (in Los Angeles) in 1992 and 2004. This is the last specific record of him, but the batshit insane Freezoner Pierre Ethier claims to have audited him. The last time they spoke to each other, he said that whales were monitoring earth and reporting back to their homeworld. It is safe to assume that he had dropped out and started watching Star Trek movies instead of Battlefield Earth.

Some argue that Mario's bankruptcy filings had something to do with his attempt.

So What Are They Telling The Scientologists?

According those with relatives close to the source, the official line is that it was a random lunatic "With a long criminal history, recently released from prison" without mentioning that he was a long-time Scilon.

Shit, has anyone heard from ODB lately?

So What Aren't They Telling Us?

According to The Defamer (see link section), a Google search for "Mario Majorski" brings up a results page which informs the user that due to a legal request to Google, one search result has been omitted. The legal request was sent by the U.K.'s Internet Watch Foundation, and the substance of it is that the words "Mario Majorski" were returned by Google from a website which has been blacklisted as a supplier of child pornography.

If it's ED, we're hoping they'll tell us.

A Cautionary Tale of Swords

We at Encyclopedia Dramatica would like to enlighten our readers about the unseen perils of wielding such fiendish instruments of death. We've invited guest speaker Trip Fisk to demonstrate how to stay safe both at protests and at home.

Another epic sword guy

	“	Swords will fucking cut you wide open.	„
	—So will bullets.

If you're going to put on a mask and harass a local org, please leave your faggotstick behind.

The Swords, They're Multiplying

Security guards' view.

“	A security guard shot and killed a man wielding a sword Sunday on the grounds of a Scientology building in Hollywood, police said.	„
—Associated Press, early November 23

“	A security guard shot and killed a man wielding two Samurai swords Sunday on the grounds of a Scientology building in Hollywood.	„
—Associated Press, later, November 23

“	Lead detective Wendy Burke tells us a former Scientology member drove up to the property on Franklin Avenue with two samurai swords in each hand.	„
—That is quite a feat, KCAL 9.

Previous exploits

In addition to doing real-estate deals, getting ripped off by Scientology, and getting arrested for being batshit crazy, ESG is supposed to have been an occasional internet poster on freezone groups.

ESG infiltrates CLO

note: clo stands for Continental Liaison Office [1] -- Anonymous

Source thread

“	thank u for your kind words. yes I sent it to the Int Justice thief. and then I used my OT ability to get past their lame security in the the [sic] clo building (I swear I was completely invisible) and they are on a sharp look out for me as I created a "scene" last month, by putting dollars in the poor security officers' pockets, as they followed and pedaled about me. The fire engine doesn't stop for the yapping dogs ON THE WAY TO THE FIRE. I told them ALL that they were doing a great job! Well...it was a hot day and I thought they could use some pops. poor kids. one turned beet red with embarrassment as we were in front of the AOLA public. and I was in a very upstat car and wearing lots of jewelry, I really had the "celebrity" mock up going on and those poor saps have been trained to brown nose celebrities so I put them in a complete state on confusion. art of war, sun tze. http://www.sonshi.com/learn.html so as I made it to the clo's front desk, and staff obediently opened doors for me as I intended, I calmly laid this doc on the desk for the reception who looks 80 but might be 50, really could use a theta transfusion, and I wrote across the front in huge letters: Body route to the international justice chief. He just sort of gapped at me and I calmly waltzed out got into a beautiful blonde's car and zipped away. art of war, sun tze. http://www.sonshi.com/learn.html "one of us" I am just a simple thetan. peace	„
—signed "mario m"

Gallery

Gallery About missing Pics

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• 
  We can has movie rights?
• 
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  Paradoxically, some Scientologists are also Samurais.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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  I'm sorry, Mario, but our Xenu is in another Celebrity Center, erm, castle.
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  The Legend of Zelda: Majorski's Mask
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See Also

• Vincent Li
• Louise Sword
• Epic Beard Man
• I'm back faggots

External links

• Guard fatally shoots man armed with swords at Scientology building.
• Man killed at Scientology building had church ties.
• Dox thread at WWP
• The Defamer is watching you enturbulate
• An example of doing it right.

Epic Sword Guy is part of a series on Scientology

[CollapseExpand]

LOL TECH: Dianetics • Disconnection • Child abuse • Saint Hill • Scientology's History of the Universe • Sec Check • Freewinds • Sea Org • Glossary • Religious Freedom Watch • Volunteer Ministers • OSA • Space Opera SCILONS: L. Ron Hubbard • David Miscarriage • Tom Cruise • Scientology Agents • Tommy Davis • Rogues Gallery • Suri Cruise • Terryeo • Heaven's Gate • The Regime • Evil Jacket Guy • Joe Feshbach • VaLLarrr • Tom Newton • John Carmichael • Freezone • Captain Bill Robertson • Danny Masterson • Will Smith • Oschaper • Kendrick Moxon • Tim Armer • Jorge Serrano • Ron Savelo • John Travolta • Jett Travolta NOTORIOUS SPs: Anonymous • Wise Beard Man • Jason Beghe • Gas Mask Girl • Magoo • New Zealand Fail Guy • Message from Scientology • Shawn Lonsdale • Rorschach • Moralfags • Leaderfags • Raidfag Wench • James Packer • Leah Remini • Epic Nose Guy • Stu Wyatt • Tommy Gorman • The Unknown Autobot • Psychiatrists • Marcab Confederacy • David Wu-Kapauw • Epic Sword Guy • Agent Pubeit ENTURBULULZ: PROJECT CHANOLOGY • Why We Protest Forums • A Scientologist's Guide to 4chan • The Geterator • Neil Gaiman's Sandman • Paul "Fetch" Carnes • ReligionIsFree.org • You Found the Card • /i/ • alt.religion.scientology • Complete binge of LEAKED SCILON DOX • 888chan (/td/)

Featured article December 6, 2008
Preceded by Mediacrat	Epic Sword Guy	Succeeded by Metal (music)