Sanjaya

	“	For A Happy Relief...You Know Where To Go	„
	—Sanjaya's MySpace Profile

*tired of things being plugged* into him

Sanjaya Malakar, a 17 year old Bengali with an awesome sense of humor, is easily the best thing to happen to American Idol since William Hung. During AI's 6th season, Sanjaya had managed to spice up what was otherwise a painfully boring show, with his high levels of faggotry. The catch? He couldn't carry a tune further than he could an air conditioner. This resulted in lulzy bounts of butthurt from American Idol fans, complaining about him still being in the competition, and how they were done with 'AI' forever.

Sandjobba's Journey on American Idol

Sandjob began American Idol as a promising young lad, bowing down to suck the cock of Stevie Wonder like many contestants before him. This got him through to Hollywood Week with his sister, who has an extremely jiggly set of breasts. Sadly, the talking gelatin cleavage was cut from the competition, and Sandjob was allowed to stay. This turned out to be a great error on part of the Judges, as he then began to stink up the room by being highly unoriginal and boring like all the other contestants.

Sanjaya managed to make it to the top 12, which at that point troll group Vote for the Worst decided it would be lulzy to sabotage American Idol by continuing to vote him through. They nearly failed after just one week, due to most people thinking that American Idol is a legitimate singing competition. All seemed lost when out of nowhere, Howard Stern swooped in and saved the day by forcing all his listeners to sit in their dark corners for two hours and furiously mash their fingers against the phone, in hopes of keeping Sanjaya alive.

The charade went on for countless weeks, as Vote for the Worst was flooded with some of the most illiterate-sounding hate mail ever written by human beings (ICP fans not included) (an archive can be seen here). After six lulz-filled weeks of Sanjaya's antics, he finally got his ass kicked off of the show. Not surprisingly, ratings took a deep plummet, and no one gave a shit shortly after.

Some argue that the producers rigged the voting, based on a small disclaimer at the bottom of the credits, claiming they had the right to throw away votes coming in rapid force from one person. This led to an investigation from Howard Stern which ultimately went nowhere, and went on to show that Howard Stern is unable to let go of something.

Sanjaya's Family Life

While Shyamali Malakar (Sanjaya's well endowed, Hooters' waiting 19 year old sister) may seem innocent on the outside, simply desiring to cruise down the freeway on a Friday Night and suck some cock like most teenage girls, there's more to her than you might think. In February 2005, She was busted for Pot possession. But it didn't stop there, oh no it did not.

Because Shyamali apparently hates her parents (Possibly because her Mom remarried), she led the cops to their super secret Pot Farm, where her Mom and Step-Dad (Jillian Blith and Charles Quist, not respectively) were arrested for growing weed higher than the beanstalk from Jack and the Beanstalk. While the incident was kept under wraps for nearly two years, it surfaced just last April, right when the Sanjaya drama was starting to settle down.

We here at ED were able to obtain their charging documents, as seen below.

Dox About missing Pics

Shyamali's docs.
Page 2.
Page 3!
Jillian's docs.

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Page Two
Charles' docs.
Last page.

Reactions to Sandgina

Justice the DJ

As many may know, Philadelphia isn't exactly a breeding ground for noble scholars. Justice the DJ would be a good example of this. After getting butthurt over his most favorite show ever, American Idol, not booting Sanjaya from the show after awhile, he decided to do what all rational people do; camp out on top of a car dealership until Sanjaya is booted from the show. This action finally proved that Reality Shows are indeed, srs bsns.

Of course, because Justice is a complete pussy who isn't willing to go the extra mile to stand up for what he believes in, he kept his BFF The Internet close to him, because he would have most likely become an hero after spending many a long night without his love. Shortly after going up to the roof, he uploaded this video to MySpace, proclaiming that 'Children should not be taught that they should be rewarded for people feeling sorry for you, for looking good, or for having no talent'.

This led many to wonder why Justice didn't make his oh-so painful protest about American Idol itself, since it's all basically a money-lubed circle jerk, but this is because Justice works for a pop music station, and was robbed of his independent thought years ago.

Just ten days after setting up camp on the roof, Sanjaya was voted off, disappointing many who wanted the dipshit to die a cold, miserable death.

J The Fat Bitch

J, a 23 year old fatso, decided she would go on a hunger strike until Sanjaya was booted off American Idol. This only encouraged people to vote more for Sanjaya, since the fat bitch was due to lose some weight. She devoted a MySpace page to tracking her progress in a campaign that surely belittled what hunger strikes stand for. You can view the YouTubes and MySpace entries here!

For 3 days, J made no update to her MySpace. Then, on April 2nd, 2007, she made a post informing everyone that she quit. The suffering of not being able to stuff her face full of strawberry shortcake by the dumptruck load was just too agonizing for poor J. Although there's no doubt she wasn't doing this anyway, since she seems to have put more weight on since her last video. The advertisement floating above her head shows that J was really nothing more than a corporate whore, who can't pull off an advertising stunt to save her life.

Ashley The Crying Girl

During one of Sanjaya's performances, a little make-a-wish girl named Ashley Ferl was featured on American Idol BAWWWWWing her eyes out. Strangely enough, it was not because his singing was so ear-bleedingly awful. After this was aired on TV, it was parodied by every single talk show or late night variety hour in America, each thinking they were as original and funny as the next. It turns out that the girl was a plant, as revealed later.