Jacob Sartorius

Jacob Sartorius in the flesh.

"Hey, look at me everyone! I'm cool because I have abs!"

Jacob Sartorius is a 14 year old fuckboy who makes cringy music videos and vlogs on Youtube. Only people who actually enjoy listening to his "music" are underage girls. Like all tweens, Jacob is addicted to social media. In fact, he mentioned that social media gives him an "escape" from the real world, because of supposed bullying in real life. Rather than standing up for himself, like a strong-willed person would, he prefers to hide in his room, and use Twitter as his only means of communication. Because of his social media addiction and fear of leaving his home, he begged his parents into homeschooling him. Talk about having the social skills of an aspie...

In essence, Jacob is another Justin Bieber; terrible music (if you even call it that), tremendous amounts of USI, and a hot-shot attitude. And one can only imagine Jacob when he's 20 years old.

The Story Begins

A faceless couple from Oklahoma was fucking around without condoms, and accidentally, in October 2002, Jakey was born. The couple, realizing their mistake, put him up for adoption. He was unwanted since the beginning. When he was adopted, he moved to some greasepit town in Virginia, where the bastard was raised. At age 7, he began "acting" in musicals. Jakey, being filled with USI, thought he could make it big in the music industry.

In 2014, Mr. Sartorius discovered the world of autism where people post 6 second videos doing stupid things. Because using Vine makes you so kewl, right? Apparently, it was a video about cyberbullying that went viral, and, in turn, made him famous. Later on, Sartorius began regularly uploading content to Vine, and became mildly popular on the app.

But then Jacob said "Hmmm. I'm already popular on Vine. Maybe I can become even more popular by uploading my cringy content to Musical.ly, while sporting my fuckboi haircut." And so he did. Later on, in 2014, he signed up for Musical.ly, and began making "lip sync" videos of overrated pop songs. When he's not making Musical.lys, he's making vlogs about his life - the life of a 14 year old kid with rich parents.

Bullying

It seems as though all this didn't stick to plan for Mr. Sartorius, as his "fame" made him the target of bullying. According to Wikipedia, he "had to switch schools three times" due to said bullying. This isn't to blame the bullies. Any normal person who sees this fuckboy would tell him how much of a faggot he is.

Escape From Real Life

Like most people who are addicted to social media, it provides an escape from reality, especially when ones' real life sucks so much. Sartorius is quoted by the following:

“	Before Musical.ly, I wasn’t the most outgoing. The app helped me goof off. It’s like no one is watching besides the camera.	„

Jacob has no talent. He thinks he does, but he doesn't. But when your parents are rich, and have connections, anything's possible. And Jacob is no exception.

Crying On Stream

There, there, Jacob. They didn't really mean what they said.

“	I'm just a KID, who sits in my room, and makes MUSICAL.LYS.	„

Looks like Jacob, here, is getting more than he bargained for. A video uploaded to Santorius' Youtube channel, dated November 21, 2016, shows Jacob reading hate mail from complete strangers online. While staring blankly at his screen, he breaks down and starts crying, proving that his self-esteem is so low, as to take goofy internet comments seriously. Seems like an internet career is too much for Jakey.

The important part is from 0:13 to 0:56. Forget all the other crap.

His Fans

The only people who look at his shit. Mostly underage girls, who probably have wet dreams about him. His fandom is comparable to the Justin Bieber fandom, as they're vividly similar.

Feminist Attacks Jacob

A fat Jacob Sartorius fan accuses him that he looked at her rudely, because he showed some apprehension in hugging a greasy, fat woman. Anyone would do this. Because, quite frankly, nobody likes fat people. After this greasy, fat woman in question, "Kaitlyn", posted a tweet about Jacob discriminating against her, a whole array of Twitter feminists jumped right on into the bandwagon, defending the bitch, and calling Jacob mysogynistic.

What started it all

No, fatty. He's not looking at you "rudely." He's silently saying that he doesn't want to be anywhere near your fat folds, shown by the initial apprehension. And you're fat.

This incident proves that if you look at a feminist the wrong way, it's discrimination or "misogyny."

External Links

Warning: only for the curious, it is strongly advised not to go here.

• Actual website. Yes, because he's apparently important enough to have his own website.
• Youtube channel where he uploads his cringe material
• Another channel, only this one contains vlogs
• Oh shit, even another channel
• Some obese JS fan accuses him of calling her fat

Jacob Sartorius is part of a series on Music Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.