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Samurai Jack
Samurai Jack is the Holy Grail of cartoons and was created by Genndy Tartakovsky✡. Originally a show that aired a month before 9/11, it made an unexpected return in 2017 where it single-handedly BTFO every liberal CalArts-tumblr cartoon on TV, including Reddit's favourite shitty shows, like Rick and Morty, Steven Universe, Star vs. the Forces of Evil and The Loud House, garnering more ratings than all of these pretentious fuckshows combined.
Mister Tartakovsky. For that alone, we at Encyclopedia Dramatica welcome you as our lord and saviour of lulz.
Plot
The story is about Japanese Jesus Jack, a pretty cool guy; he kills robots and doesn't afraid of anything... His goal is to destroy Japanese Satan Aku and then travel back to his own time period, a goal he always fails at due to the writers having a sick torture fetish. This is pretty much the plot of almost every episode between Seasons 1 through 4. There's also some scottish deadbeat simply known as The Scotsman who appears rarely from time to time to do badass shit or insult daisies and dandies.
In Season 5, it's pretty much the same except Jack is now immortal, has a badass spiky motorcycle, a hawt teenaged gf with a dog whistle pitched voice named Ashi to pal around with (who turns out to be Aku's half-demon bastard child) and is plagued with thoughts of suicide. Also the scottish dude dies.
In the end, he actually makes it back to the past thanks to Ashi's demon powers and kills Aku once and for all in a pretty badass fight that caused many to jizz their pants! But the future ceases to exist and all of Jack's future friends stop existing cuz bootstrap paradox. Jack then decides to get married to Ashi in the past but she fades away too, because Jack's fans are too fucking primitive to understand time paradoxes and ask themselves, "If the future that Aku ruled ceased to exist then Jack never developed the skills he needed to beat Aku and never meet Ashi so the second Jack beat Aku everything should have reverted back to that moment when Aku sent Jack to the future and create a circular timeline with Jack being sent to the future and beating Aku to have it start all over again."
Jack returns to having thoughts of suicide once more as he wanders spooky swamps in the past forever alone with no real aims or goals anymore. So he traveled to the past for nothing and lost more than he gained, and now suffers from veteran's syndrome to boot. Way to go genius. The End (the comic book had a better ending anyway).
The Great Triggering Episode II: Attack of the Straights
While the show seemingly received universal praise from all sides of viewership shortly after its 5th season revival, something greatly unexpected occurred on the night of May 6, 2017 when the 8th episode of the show's 5th season aired, where Jack was revealed to have fallen in love with his female assassin and proceeded to fuck her right then and there on TV for everyone to see.
The reaction was, as one would expect, the epitome of hilarity. Countless newfags and SJWs proceeded to flood social media to express their massive disgust to the reveal that Samurai Jack, is in fact, a CIS male heterosexual. With countless tumblr, twitter, facebook and neofag posters claiming the show to be spreading a gay-shaming heterosexual agenda, whilst supposedly "old school fans" bitched about forced romances and Jack never showing interest in chicks (despite the older seasons clearly proving otherwise). To further their hilarious hypocrisy, most of the butthurt complainers are the same people who worshiped shit like Korrasami.
The lulz further grew as the now butthurt newfagfans and tumblr knights began harassing the creators of the series during a live Q&A session or on their social media while demanding the show be boycott for its "disgustingly blatant agenda and offensive disregard for homosexual viewers". Elsewhere on the white nationalist shit pit known as 8chan, neo-/pol/tards proceeded to lose their fucking minds as well, calling Genndy a conniving jew shilling for feminazis and that no one should have watched his show since he is jewish, despite that he's the first jew in ages to have the balls to treat women like the hot objectified sex icons they were meant to be without forcing any politics into his story. Meanwhile on 4chan, endless infighting began between its anonymous users, with one half laughing at tumblr and the butthurt whiners while the other half (known as /co/mblr by those within the board) bitched endlessly while making up all manner of reasons as to why the romance was triggering or unnecessary and calling anyone who disagreed /pol/, trolls or "anti-tumblr Jashi drones".
To troll the SJW idiots, simply show pics of Jack kissing the new girl or instances from the first 4 seasons where he clearly had crushes on girls way before the 2017 revival came along.
Libtards and virgins lose their shit over a fucking cartoon, and it's glorious
The Great Triggering Episode III: Karma
Two weeks after "the one where they kiss", the series finale had Ashi dying in a time paradox and ended with Jack getting depression while also leaving the fate of his future friends up in the air. This made the crybaby fans and shippingfags just as salty as Tumblr was during the triggering kiss lulz, however all three were now bitching together and started desperately protesting (and harassing) Genndy to fix the ending because "Jack deserves a happy ending! WTF happened to the Scotsman?! OMG FUCK U!" among other bitchfits, with many also desperately hashtagging #SaveAshi while tumblr once again bitched about Ashi ruining Jack for them. Elsewhere on 4chan, the bitching was endless, as faggots continued to bitch on about every possible little instance of the show and why they hated every minute of it including Aku's bastard child, despite circlejerking each other over every episode each week before the finale. To desperately give themselves a "happy ending" headcanon, fantards began making animatics and comics about Ashi coming back to kiss Jack disregarding the paradox or Jack simply getting a happy ending in other ways because tragedy is apparently too much to handle, and other just made up their own ending or fanfictions where Ashi doesn't exist to vent their autistic rage over the story, Genndy and the character that made their precious Jack a hetero. The most notable and autistic examples of the fanfiction/headcanon autism that followed the end of show were those made by the Rick and Morty fanbase, which consisted of several cringeworthy webcomics and fanfiction where a suddenly fuck-giving and out-of-character Rick Sanchez brings her back to Jack or gives everyone a happy ending 'because lol science' and because he's now suddenly a nice guy for no reason, and each webcomic ends with either Rick, Jack and Ashi having a threeway (or just Rick and Jack fucking each other in the ass) followed by Jack giving Rick a McDonald's sauce recipe because of a shitty R&M season 3 meme. Some redditors have even gone so far as actually making petitions to make, animate and dub the webcomics, fan animatics or fanfiction and make them canon.
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Today was a good day
Related articles
External links
- Samurai Jack is racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic and all kinds of bigoted! Don't watch it goys!
- Tumblr and SJWs experience massive breakdown as Jack is revealed to be a heterosexual
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Samurai Jack is part of a series on Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage. |
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Not to be confused with Animu |
Disney [+]
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Cartoon Network & Adult Swim [+]
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Nickelodeon [+]
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Fox & Warner Bros [+]
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Hasbro [+]
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Other Networks [+]
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| Featured article May 13 & 14, 2017 | ||
| Preceded by Pepe |
Samurai Jack | Succeeded by Snapchat |