Zets coony

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zets_coony is a homosexual Canadian furry who is unfamiliar with spell check.

zets_coony is a major source of lulz, like most furries. If you can brave through the cockgobbler's LJ, replete with more exclamation points than all of the Pokemon games in their entirety, you will find that Zets is convinced he actually srsly is an animal person that has sex with other animal people. some argue that any sex actually occurs IRL between furries, because they would all discover that not only was each lying to the other about being a fox girl or the Fly, but that both were in fact secretly fat. As sex implies the ability to breed, and as we all know, furries are all gay anyways and reproduce by spawning from the aftermath of buttsex.

zets_coony (Raccoon limpwrister on left) & ral_jiktar (lizard boy on the right) showing off their furry love.

Being a raccoon boy, zets_coony has caused some controversy in the furry world by becoming the mate of a lizard boy. Apparently people whose imaginary buttsex avatars possess differing genus is some severe serious biz in the fandom. He expands upon these feelings in an LJ entry titled I so love my mate..(If you hate hapines dont read this) (Note: "hapines" are thought to be like the atomic particles of rape or something.)

Some excerpts:

Almost no one in the world could forgive me for all the things that I did that hurted [my boyfriend] and yet he never scream at me for my stupid actions.

As a furry case study, zets_coony is particularly interesting completely normal because he seems to have "gone native." Upon observing his writing, it appears to the casual reader that he is communicating with some form of Engrish. Any Internets veteran, however, could tell instantly that this writing style is unlike any form of Engrish previously observed. Scientific studies clearly indicate, however, that this is actually his English skills devolving into a guttural animal/human hybrid form of speech. This is one of the lesser known symptoms of being a furry, as it is largely overshadowed by the more obvious symptom of becoming a fucking fag. It is also theorized that, being a raccoon boy, he probably eats out of the trash. This fits well with the furry lifestyle, as most furries are shit poor fucktards because they spent all their money on buying a fursuit, and have to eat out of dumpsters anyway. All in all this devolution of language is fucking amazing, since he claims to be an employed and utilized guidance counselor.

Also of note, his ex-mate, a lizard boy, seems to have taken on the even-tempered characteristics of an actual cold-blooded animal; any normal human would slap his bitch for spouting such incoherent bullshit. Of course, it is an error to think of any furry as normal, so this point is moot.

He goes on to list the positive traits of his lizard boy ex:

And I know that I am lucky because some people that says that have solid realationships sometimes yell to there partners about mistakes that they do sometime for money sometimes for school and even sometimes because they faild something at school..

This is obviously very important in a mate for zets_coony, as he has clearly "faild ... at school."

The rest is now to the readers witch recently I found is consist of more people that I could imagine do to Second Life.

A careful translation of this furry-speak leads to the revelation that not only is zets_coony a furry, but that he is an avid Second Life player. Such activities on their own are usually enough to classify an individual as a real fucking winner, but paired with being a furry, the individual is able to reach untold heights of faggotry. It is also particularly ironic, in that playing Second Life implies that the individual in fact had a First Life, which is not the case with a furry MMORPG player.

stuff that I reasently told him that if it would get known to the law it could bring me in jail. I did not commit a murder or anithing but the thing that I did are considered as imoral and a crime againts...(something) I wont tell more here.

Here zets_coony (not so) subtly confesses to actually engaging in bestiality. There isn't really much else to say, except to note that for furries, bestiality isn't animal abuse so much as it is just normal, run-of-the-mill surprise sex with a furry friend.

You and I are as everyone told us the most ODD couple ever and even at the furry form it is ODD as most lizards stand at been whit scalies and that the mixt of a Raccoon and Lizard seam kite ODD.

Even his lizard boy ex regularly points out his bestiality tenancies, as such behaviour is considered laudable in furry relationships.

He claims to take courses to help you, yet he can’t even help himself and his way to cope with trouble is hide it. Hey Zets have you mentioned to your clients about that time you masturbated that dog. Or what about you cheated on your boyfriend wile he was passed out drunk in the same room.

Even his ex-mate has the common sense to encourage all furries to become an hero, Zets insists on encouraging all furries to continue their pathetic existence using heaping piled of bullshit

Here zets_coony reflects upon how odd it is for a lizard to mate with a raccoon. While displaying a fairly surprising amount of accuracy in such a statement, he neglects to mention that THEY ARE BOTH ACTUALLY FUCKING PEOPLE IRL OMGWTFBBQ!!!11ONEONEELEVEN. But that's okay, even Zets knew this combination was odd from the get-go, as it was found he'd been cheating on his lizard butt-buddy since the second week or some shit into the relationship. Awesome.

Like most furries, he is desperate for (real) human contact as he lives alone in a basement. He has requested that someone, anyone, call him so he has someone to talk to. "Its just open to anyone." We have yet to discern if that statement is about his journal or his ass.

Even now, after Zets moved on to his next mate, a fag wolf furry who shares his life-long dream of living in the damp confines of his parent's basement having buttsex, other furries insist on touting his supposedly positive attributes by showing how he's a victim and completely without blame and perfect

Zets also never shuts the goddamn fuck up about his TTLY AMAZING FURSUIT, and so successfully drives away anyone who might have a vague inclination to speak to him. Remember guys, fursuits, raccoons fucking lizards and wolves, and exclamation points are all serious business.

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