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Horizon: Zero Dawn
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STEP THE FUCK OFF! Horizon: Zero Dawn looks like shit but it is NOT a {{crapstub}}. It is a work in progress! If you require assistance beefing up this article, then hit up the experts on our IRC.
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Horizon: Zero Dawn, or more popularly known as Soulless Ginger versus Dinobots is an exclusive title for the GayStation 4.
Horizon: Zero Dawn is another, man was Stupid and fucked up the world for some reason or another, Apocolyptic, man should be erased from the Earth, Style game where only one Uber Menshe is capable of saving the world and arrives in the future through the favored plot devices of being frozen, cloned or time travels and some examples include games and media like Chrystalis for the NES, Fallout 4, Futurama or Doctor Who.
It follows the same plot devices as the before mentioned in that there's a introductory period, where you are introduced to the character that was born with the right Gene set through either selective breeding or just being born perfect and is the only one capable of saving the world.
Much like games in this genre, the opening few hours of gameplay are spent being taught that the world is a dangerous place but if the player follow the rules they'll be alright. Predictably, after a few missions the player is introduced to the story that progresses as the game moves on.
Where this game differs from most RPGs of this style is that it has a story mode where the inept player can advance the story without having to fight because they don't haven't acquired enough skills to spam buttons in the right order.
Plot
Thanks to self replicating Terminators that can use organic materials like people, trees, topsoil and shit to reconstruct themselves after being destroyed or make more human hunting terminators the human race is on the verge of being destroyed. It is the Dawn of Civilization and due to the efficiency of machines it is coming fast,
To save humanity, the very cliche idea that a Noah's Ark of sorts will be built where the nerds have broken humanity down into Alphas and Betas and decided which people and genes will survive. It is decided that, by the ,Nerds that humanity will let the machines destroy the world, along with the Beta, Gama and basement dwelling humans to then die off break down or power down and die when there is no more organic material left on the Earth (Zero Dawn)
After 200 years, when the Earth was ready for humanity to start making styrofoam, plastic and Hummers again The GAIA system was was built to start repopulating the Earth with birds, animals, plants and humans to drive them to their final extinction.
As a counter measure, if in case GAIA didn't get it right, an antithesis lo GAIA named HADES, (when better names for a destroyer like Shiva or Obama exist) was created to destroy everything if GAIA didn't get it right the first time and then GAIA would start again.
As can be expected, and is the central theme in this plot and genre, HADES goes mad with power deciding it better to destroy humanity, like a liberal tree hugger mad with power and in possession of the nuclear footbal, it sees it unworthy. To protect this new humanity, GAIA An heros to halt HADES' plan to ban hammer humanity from the planet permanently.
To put herself back on line, GAIA clones Dr Elisebet Sobeck, the creator of (Zero Dawn) because with her voice and gene map her Soulles Ginger clone Aloy can gain entry and command all all of the systems.
As is the case with all ✡Moses✡ style stories, with her last breath of power, GAIA clones Dr Elisebet Sobeck and leaves her in a mountain cave and at the entrance to the main GAIA system, to be found by mountain hicks that worship sticks and rocks, so that when she is older the new, younger, Lolita version of Dr Sobeck named Aloy can begin repairs on the GAIA system and stop HADES.
16 years later, when Alloy is a sexy, hot ginger that can bounce quarters off her tight, well arrobocized ass - the game begins.
Characters
File| Name | Description | Picture |
|---|---|---|
| Aloy | The flat chested, bubbled butt hero of the game that only looks like she has a decent pair when she starts getting armour that has a chest plate. Despite being born with the debilitating condition of not being having a penis she somehow becomes capable of saving the world. An outcast at birth, because she was a bastard God child that was born without a mother, one of her fellow tribe leaders allowed her to be raised by fellow outcast Rost who was more than likely tapping that ass the second fire was burning up her crotch. Being like most Pedophiles he felt the need, like most pervertss do, and dumped her the second she turned 16 because she was starting to look too much like an adult. In RPG terms Aloy falls under the Archer/Hunter class and is best used Sniping or at long distance. When Aloy wins the Proving a coming of age trial, as a girl she will be declared 80% almost as good as a man. The Proving is an event for all the children from the Nora tribe to compete in when they turn 16. Winning the event, Aloy is granted a wish and she chooses to become a seeker so she can find the people who attacked them at their proving and the reason for it. As Joseph Campbell would describe it, this is the setting out of the hero that puts them on their path. A clone of Dr. Elisebet Sobeck, Aloy's place in the story is to serve as a pro-feminast message that men will destroy the Earth but it will be Wimmins that rebuild it with duct rabe, a butter knife for a screw driver and a coffee mug for a hanger. Surprisingly these a quest items to get an in game trophey when all of them are found. | |
| Rost | A minor character in the game that is only there to give Aloy a childhood to make her more of a sympathetic character and a plot motivated reason for the in game training missions that teach the player how to use their Focus, attack and destroy Dinobots for their parts to make more effective arrows, how to hunt for meat and to collect healing herbs. Becomes An hero when the Proving is attacked by a strange, Science and technology based cult to save Aloy's life. | |
| Sylens | You might want to call him the token nigger but the game is like a liberal town hall meeting in the ghetto designed to show how down with the homies they are and provides a handful of them so the creators can claim that they are not racist. Like all black men he is responsible for all the goings wrong in the world because, after being tempted by HADES he is the person who helped birth a Scientology like cult dedicated to technology. reinvented the internets and set lose The devil back into an Eden like world. Despite all his desires to help Aloy, it is only to serve himself so that he can retake HADES and have it back under his control so that he can be the big DOUBLE NIGGER in this world and maybe cause a reset where the black man is in charge because he is the one with the monopoly on knowledge. Get it? He's both the s make and the one who ate the apple? | |
| Bast | That cocksucker, that everyone seems to know, that is incapable of being brave unless he has 6 or 7 friends with him. Basically a small dog barking at the wind, he tries to sabotage Aloy at the proving by shooting her trophey and breaking it which causes her to have to get another and take a dangerous route to win the proving. To great satisfaction, Bast dies like the snibbling coward he is. | |
| GAIA | Much like in The Matrix, she is the know it all Feminazi nigger that has all the answers because she is so in touch with mother Earth. She is named for the Greek Goddess of the Earth and in some circles, the name of the Earth that plants grow and humans live on, literally the dirt. In the game she is the program tasked with re-terraforming the Earth. |
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Horizon: Zero Dawn is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |