Don't Hug Me I'm Scared
Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared is yet ANOTHER artsy, hipster bullshit YouTube series that tumblr. cannot shut the fuck up about due to being 2deep4u and OH SO WHACKY AND RANDUM xDDD. Originally developed by thisisit, a production office with too much felt and not enough children in the neighborhood to abduct, the production has also worked on...well, not much else, really. Hell, even their YouTube channel revolves around this gay series now. How sad.
History
At least 100 years ago, there was a hippy that did a whole lot of crack right outside of a Wal-Mart. Feeling high and mighty (or maybe just high), he ran into the store straight towards the quilting section. He took several rolls of cloth and completely covered his body with them, and started dancing to the soft-core pop music playing over the intercom. A bunch of liberal arts students saw the man's expression of the human creative genome and joined in his mummified dancing until they were tazed, beaten, and thrown out of the store by security. The students and the crackpipe decided to hang out and form a suicide cult afterwards because of how oppressive the world was, calling themselves "this is it" for the drama.
But then they fucked off and started making crafts instead because the bright, pretty colors of felt agreed with their PCP addictions.
Characters
The Heroes
- Some Bird Faggot - A black/green bird in a schoolboy outfit, for all of your furry shota needs. Was pretty lulzy in the beginning when he screeched, "IT'S JUZT A BOARING OLD OR-RANJ," but since has become a faggot that just says the obvious. We shall refer to him for obvious reasons as Mr. Birdie.
- Some Yellow Retard - A yellow-skinned puppet that was a huge focus in the first video. He devolved into a retard aspie. It really shows what thisisit thinks of Azns. We shall call him, based on his well thought out characterization, Retard McGee.
- Some Red Pedophile - A
puppetman dressed in red with some yarn over his face. He seems half-aware of all of the crazy shit everywhere, leading to the conclusion that this series takes place in the LSD hallucinations of this character. To match his costume, we shall refer to him as Used Tampon. - The Yellow Retard's Father - Just sits there and looks at porn whilst simultaneously staring the viewer down and making them feel unclean. That's all.
The Villains
- A Britbong Notebook - Mindfucks the puppets for the lulz in the first episode.
- Time Wizard - For some reason people get a clock with arms and legs mixed up with a brit in his early 20s. Likes mic spamming and mindfucking the puppets.
- Jewish Sasquatch - Threatens to go 3guys1hammer on the puppets if he doesn't get moniez. Fucks off to who-knows-where afterwards.
- Pesky /b/ - A serial rapist that runs a cult and has his way with Retard McGee
- The Computer from Courage the Cowardly Dog - A computer with Windows 95 that tries to convince the puppets that porn doesn't exist, which makes Used Tampon realize that his friends are being raped by boxes of oats.
- Communist Food - As bunch of faggots who learned everything they know about nutrition from #effyourbeautystandards, these guys would like nothing more than to see the puppets eat nothing but their thick white sauce (we're not even kidding).
- Lamp - Appears for like 30 seconds then turns into much better villains thanks to TV magic. All he does is masturbate to Retard McGee drowning after he breaks into his house, and use a voice that sounds like that faggot alien from Lilo and Stitch had a down syndrome baby.
- Camera Crew - A camera crew filmed by a camera crew. Assassinates or turns the puppets into stark raving retards whenever they're seen. Possibly a branch of the Illuminati.
The Series
Previous Video | Next Video
Bad Things That Could Happen
Their first video on Youtube has absolutely nothing to do with this god-awful series, but it's still worth mentioning because of how many trees died to make all of the crafts in this video, and crafts are for faggots.
Bad Thing That Could Happen follows the PCP pipe dream of some colossal fuckup that can't do anything right much to the expense of inanimate objects with faces, answering many questions that we all have regarding the world of Thomas the Tank Engine. Such bad things include fag druggies dancing on a sandwich, ghost condoms coming out of eggs, and dumbasses lighting their houses on fire.
It's worth noting that this video abbreviates to BTTCH, which is one letter away from what your mother is.
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared
The viral mess that started this shit, Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, which isn't abbreviated into anything lulzy, follows the adventures of three homosexual roommates as they learn from the manifestation of Tumblr how to be as creative as people who write Sonic fanfiction.
We begin with the camera cutting between crafted versions of things that the writers have shoved up their asses before meeting with our puppet friends, sitting at a table looking bored because they aren't on the interwebs reading ED. Suddenly, BAM, britbong notebook singing about things like oranges, clouds, and her technicolor hair. Huh, obnoxiously dyed hair... it's almost as if this was made to pander to Tumblr. Things take a turn south as one of the puppets, Retard McGee, paints a picture of a clown. Our notebook, suddenly experiencing flashbacks to her rape at the hands of Juggalos, summons the almighty power of God and destroys the vile painting before it can trigger her any further. To distract from her meltdown, the notebook gives them mundane shit to do.
Suddenly, OMFBARBEQUE HOLY SHIT NIGGER WE'RE IN THE MOTHERFUCKING MATRIX!!! OMFG WTF GORE CAKE EAR RAPE EAR RAPE EARRAPE EARRAPE*!!! *Trigger warning: rape.
The credits roll after the notebook tells the puppets to lurk more and stop posting.
In order to justify watching an uber randum puppet show, various retards around the internet diverted their shame to the excuse "but there's a deeeeeep meaning to the video." This has caused countless hours of searching and fan theories to be wasted trying to make sense of a Youtube video about puppets, presumably by the same people that would try to develop Tolkien lore for Sesame Street if Big Bird started vomiting blood for no reason.
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared 2
TO D-D-D-D-D D DDDUEL!!!
After the booming popularity of the first shittastic, but admit-ably charming video, Thisisshit renamed their channel to accommodate for being a one trick pony and prove their resolve to milk this video for all it was worth, much like Salad Fingers or Mega Man
DHMIS2 follows the adventures of our homosexual lovers about to engage in an orgy, with the Used Tampons's tentacles going into deep dark and wet places in Mr Birdie. Unfortunately, their erectile dysfunction requires them to watch copious amounts of homo-erotica before getting the party started. Unfortunately, because they still don't have internets or online porn, they need to watch pay-per-view cable.
Used Tampon tells the gang to "stop mucking around," which we can only assume is Britbong for "stop wasting the time and fetch the lube." Suddenly, the clock starts singing!
OH BOY MOTHER FUCKER HERE WE GO!!!
The clock starts singing about... time. Wow. It uses its magical wizard powers to completely rape the space time continuum while singing about time and bathing the puppets in hot steamy sexiness until the bathwater literally turns into shit. Oh yeah, and Retard McGee's dad comes out of nowhere. Eventually our clock starts teaching our puppet pals about TEH INTERWEBS while using shock sites to eye-rape Mr. Birdie. The clock then remembers that trolling exists and to be cool with the kids summons fish all throughout the house to make it smell like shit and then ear rape the puppets and audience for the lulz. Pissed off that he remembers that he doesn't have a penis to participate in the gay orgy afterwards, the clock decides to use his wizard powers to murder all of the puppets.
BUT IT WUZ ALL A DREAM TV SHOW!
With two of the members now with killed libido, Used Tampon shuts off the TV and the gang resumes sitting around doing jack shit. Retard McGee meanwhile tries to hide a boner after being exposed to hardcore guro.
The uber secret meaning is about... capitalism, or something.
Kickstarter Faggotry
—Official Kickstarter slogan. | ||
Realizing that they spent most of their money on cheap special effects from the previous video, Thisishit decided to use leftover props to e-beg for jew golds on Kickstarters. They made videos begging for jew golds using dark lighting to hide their (lack of) a proper set, the same costumes from the previous videos, and a big scary life-sized Muppet costume covered in your mother's pubic hair. If they didn't reach the goal, the puppets were said to be killed. Ironic, considering that pointless gore is the only reason why people care for this series.
Euros only. Americunts GTFO.
Donations prizes included a soundtrack of the songs released in the series (and you only know of 2 of them!) because you're a stupid shit that likes to listen to audio dramas, a poster, a prop, and a bunch of other shit. Crafts are hard, so a good prop might have been good. Unfortunately it probably would have been a background shit that could just as easily be a knockoff, so your bragging rights are moot, maybe? I don't know, I can't tell you since I didn't spend money on this shit.
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared 3
Hey, you know any of the charm that the last two episodes had? Well, we hope you hate it, because we're going to replace it all with SERIOUS FUCKING EDGE!!!
Our gang of faggots is thankful that they never accessed the internet, because they are outside. Mr. Birdie reveals that he's packed the gang a delicious picnic of raw chicken. Like, raw raw. You can still see red. The filming set must have stunk after like 5 minutes of shooting. Retard McGee starts giggling like a retard as a butterfly passes by. Mr. Birdie smashes it because he hates retard laughter. "Pesky /b/." Retard McGee runs off in a fit of tard rage, and comes across a butterfly that happens to also be a child molester. He starts singing some retarded Barney crap about love, and much to our surprise nobody calls the cops.
We're then treated to an LSD hallucination made with cheap computer animation. Not giving a shit about their retarded liability, Used Tampon and Mr Birdie choose to let the rapist take Retard McGee into his cult without doing jack shit about it. We cut from a scene of a groundhog getting THE SEXUAL THRILL from being stroked by Retard McGee (I'm not even making this up). Afterwards we're treated to the two other faggots back at their picnic. IS LOVE TOO MUCH FOR YOU? ARE YOU TOO MUCH OF A FAGGOT? HERE'S A PICNIC SPLATTERED WITH BLOOD, ARE WE STILL EDGY ENOUGH FOR YOU!?!
The rapist butterfly promises Retard McGee some pussy, much to Retard McGee's delight. Retard McGee starts to ask about how to get this fabled pussy and is answered with a short video about an ugly loser that lives in a cave after being shunned by society. Our cult rapist then teaches Retard McGee about monogamy, and immediately anyone with half a brain cell cranks their edge-ometer in anticipation, because we know that it's going to go full MacFarlene soon.
Suddenly, CREEPY ROCK FALSE IDOL! They must feed their statue gravel or he becomes angry because, satire? Otherwise Malcolm will NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP and really everyone just plays along because they're tired of his shit. Our rapist shows his true colors, as he attempts to fully indoctrinate Retard McGee into his cult so that he may have his way with him.
BUT IT WAS ALL A DREAM, or was it? Retard McGee's friends find him sleeping in a tree at sunset, disappointed that he wasn't eaten by wolves in the meantime. Mr. Birdie then kills Retard McGee's only child right in front of his eyes for teh lulz and because this episode was lacking in pointless gore. What, you thought we were joking when we said that Retard McGee was cult-raped?
The secret meaning is... actually, who the fuck knows? You're on your own faggot, Tumblr's too busy masturbating while trying to think that it's some pro-gay propaganda. It's not, okay!? It's not that even if it may have rainbows, satire making fun of the Old Testament and the traditional concepts of marriage, two males are alone in the woods for hours with nobody else watching, two males having an offspring.. okay, it's pro-fag propaganda. The pandering is blatant.
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared 4
Our three homosexual friends are playing a board game when Used Tampon draws a card from a deck. The card has the question "What is the biggest thing in the world?" written on it. Before anybody has time to shout the obvious answer, Retard McGee's Tourettes starts to kick in and Mr. Birdie tells him to STFU. They all start looking at a globe and then a computer sings at them in shitty autotune. He keeps interupting them and singing about his smartz.
The computer starts to ask enough questions to make the Facebook startup process seem as easy as the biggest thing in the world, and Used Tampon just wants it to STFU. This causes the computer to sperg out and make shitty CGI with cheap static effects appear for for-fucking-ever, and the episode turns into a bad Youtube Poop of itself. Somehow this puts them in the virtual world, where Renamon is nowhere to be found for our furry pleasure. Everything looks so digital, and the puppets learn that they're really just digital avatars while their real selves sit at a table. They're looking for shit to do, and just before anyone goes of to fight XANA, the computer tells them that there's three things to do: Get raped by Jews, camwhore, or PARTY HARD. Used Tampon is disappointed by the lack of porn.
Suddenly, zOMG MR. BIRDIE LOOKS FUNNY!!! Yep.. it's time for this bullshit again.
Even Used Tampon decides he's had enough of this cheap CG bullshit and leaves the room right as shitty "scary" versions of the other two start to appear out of nowhere for a cheap jump scare. In the other room is a white room with shit that's supposed to make you nostalgic from the previous episodes in a blatant set (that's the joke, kids), and then Used Tampon's head explodes right before he exits the Matrix.
The meaning behind this episode is simple: Don't tell autists to STFU or else they'll try (and fail) to HAX you, and the internet may or may not be srs business.
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared 5
With Used Tampon free from all of this bullshit, Mr Birdie and Retard McGee are sitting in the kitchen wondering why Used Tampon isn't making them some sandwiches. Good thing too, because the food starts warning them that if they eat unhealthy food, they'll all be irl b&! Immediately after hearing that, everyone on Tumblr went to go cry so nobody watched this shit. Meanwhile Used Tampon keeps trying to call his friends to redpill them on the dangers of feminism and fat acceptance but nobody knows how to answer a goddamn telephone so it's a wasted effort. Mr Birdie starts to realize that he's going through a bad trip and then Retard McGee eats him alive in probably one of the only times the series is actually disturbing. The End!
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared 6
Thank God it's finally over!
The longest video in the series, and probably the most boring too. This one is about wet dreams, and how they can cause an existential crisis if you're a clueless fuckwit like Retard McGee is.
The episode begins with Retard McGee in bed, moaning about how he misses his ghey fuckbuddies. Suddenly, the bedside lamp comes to life and brings him into a bootleg Rick and Morty episode. The dreams cause Retard McGee to fall into a pool of oil in his bed, which takes us to a dimension filled with hundreds of Used Tampon clones. Our Used Tampons begins to sing the lyrics of "DHMIS 1", and it's so fucking lame that everybody tells him to get the fuck out.
Upon GTFO'ing, Used Tampon appears in an empty, endless, checkered room with a lone computer depicting Retard McGee having a fucking seizure on his bed. Used Tampon starts mashing random buttons and spawning villains from previous episodes because nostaglia, scaring the shit out of Retard McGee for great lulz. This continues for a few minutes until out-of-fucking-nowhere Retard McGee's dad touches Used Tampon on the shoulder and points to a giant plug. The plug is pulled to end all the suffering, and everything reverts back to the beginning of "DHMIS 1", but:
What an original and creative idea!
The Uber Secret Meaning
The super secret meaning behind it all is that it's jst trying to be a mindfuck. CONGRATULATIONS, THEORY FAGGOTS, YOUR HOURS OF WORK ARE WASTED. GO BACK TO WRITING FANFICTION AND DYING ALONE!!!
The Fantards
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared fans are, in some ways, worse than furries. Furries go out of their way to sexualize tame anthros like Mickey Mouse or try to turn them into pseudo-Warner Brothers bullshit, while DHMIS fans go out of their way to sexualize puppets of birds, clocks, and a notepad with a face, topped off with a special layering of Special Snowflake Syndrome. Good luck finding fanart of that fucking notebook that doesn't either look like a tumblr self-insert or like it was drawn by a 9 year old.
The most defining feature of DHMIS fans is how little their self-awareness is. They are generators of irl lulz, since most of them are sperglords that love le ebin memes and tumblr culture, and are just waiting for companionship outside of the tubes to feed their starvation. This isn't difficult to do either, it's just a matter of directing the conversation to the right aspies. These people will literally imitate the clock from the second episode and shout "mwair mwair mwari mwair MWAIR MWAIR MWAIR MWAIR MWAIR MWAIR MWAIR MWAIR" in public without a second thought to their retard impulses. Then again, they're fantards for a puppet show, so who's surprised?
Gallery
-
You browsing ED: a visual demonstration. -
How to draw a cartoon clock: Doing it right -
How to draw a cartoon clock: Doing it wrong -
How to draw a cartoon clock: Doing it.. out of focus? -
How to draw a- oh, fuck it.
-
No, the big guy himself did not make this. -
A world without heterosexuals. -
The clock's disappointment in his fanart anatomy -
MS Paint? Check.
Original Character? Check. -
-
-
GOD DAMN IT!
See also
- Five Nights at Freddy's - The lazier counterpart to this series, who tried basically the same things but couldn't even keep a coherent story over the course of six games.
- Homosexuality
- Art
- Liberal arts student
- Propaganda
- Tumblr
- Deviantart
 |
||
|
|
||