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Doom
If you are Jack Thompson or come from Zdoom, Skulltag, Newdoom, or DoomWorld, please go to this page.
Doom is the video game adaptation of the critically acclaimed movie of the same name. Like with every time a good movie is turned into a video game, the game sucks. Fans of the movie cried that they did not stick to the original plot of having people get a virus and turn into either a superhuman or a monster depending on how many times they were molested as a kid. They complained about the idea of having teleportation technology give demons the opportunity to rule the earth was unoriginal, even though they at the same time love Warhammer 40k when they stole that part of the plot for the story for one of its figurines.
Doom is also a shite type of Heavy metal music that fanboys claim to have been created by Black Sabbath last Thursday.
The whole story of Doom, in YouTube videos
Previous Video | Next Video
Story
The player takes the role of a silent protagonist, only known as the Doom guy. As this totally original character that is almost never used in today's FPS's, you are sent to a military base or some shit on Mars. The booklet that originally came with the game explained most of the backstory, but nobody reads those, do they? Basically, shit gets real, and Satan sends his death warriors after you, and you shoot them in the face. Lather, rinse, repeat. Wow, what a great game play mechanic. Shoot monsters until they die.
There is also something about a large evil corporation, and since all corporations are evil, this is bad news for our hero. They are responsible for bridging hell to Mars, and therefore they must be taken down, Obama style. Eventually, once you kill enough innocent hell-creatures, Satan shows up and you kill him.
Monsters
Imp
See:
Criticism
Doom is considered a more important artistic achievement than the works of William Shakespeare. It's all about killing and death and despair, teaching followers to murder infidels in the utmost neutralization of The Great Satan. Still, Hamlet can compare to this amount of pointless death of worthless creatures.
It has also received much criticism for its lack of relevance to the feature film and for the fact that Romero hired Mexicans to make the game.
—Some guy, SWEET! | ||
Many critics have accused the game of inciting violence in young children. These accusations have led to the industry enforced rating system in all of our games today. Because everyone knows that 17 year olds will murder their parents because of video games, but once you turn 18 17, you'll be A-OK!
Doom IRL
Doom has inspired many great attempted reenactments. One such attempted Doom scenario was Columbine, in which two avid Doom fans(with the help of Marilyn Manson's satan invoking music) teamed up to go on a rampage at their school. There may have been a miscalculation somewhere, as instead of shooting demons and hell spawns, they just shot some kids. Definitely not as cool, but still pretty badass, and an achievement rivaling the likes of Doomguy.
Children across the globe still honor Doom's memory by playing it, getting extremely violent, and going on shooting sprees. Doom's legacy is in the hands of the children now. Nothing goes better together than an angsty teen and an assault rifle.
The Doom Community
The Doom Community is fairly large for such an old game. There are several sites that make up the main population of the community. While some are better then others, they all have their fair share of faggotry and lolcows.
Doomworld
Doomworld is by far the largest one, and possibly the center of Doom related drama, much of it stemming from the /newstuff chronicles and the various lolcows that are just too adorable to put down immediately. While the most intelligent members of the doom community can be found on Doomworld, there are quite a few retards who show up every now and then. Most of the time they simply leave or do so much stupid shit that one of the moderators finally gets tired of locking their threads and either bans them or "Losers" them, which means they can only post in a section of the forum called "Losers" that only other losers can see. However, there are a few who just can't seem to get the fact that nobody wants them around through their thick skulls. One example of this would be ReOL, currently known as GeorgeF551, a creepy mother fucker with a weird elevator fetish who spends most of his days recording himself riding up and down elevators and then putting the videos on youtube, which can be found here.
The majority of users on Doomworld fucking hate modern games. If you praise Halo, Call of Duty 4, Bioshock, or some other shitty games chances are the oldfags of Doomworld will form an angry mob and take turns raping your sorry ass. However, getting down on your knees and sucking the dicks of System Shock 2, Thief, Deus Ex, or other old games considered classics will result in the oldfags revering you as their god and they will get down on their knees and gleefully chug your hot manly lead.
The users here are quite easy to troll. Criticize any WAD, game, source port, website, video card, or user they like, and you can cause a shitstorm with ease!
Tormentor 667
Tormentor is skullful a mapper who likes to think of his wads unique pieces of art, no matter how shitty they are. This particular lolcow enjoys introducing innovative game elements to doom, such as giving the player a pitchfork and a couple of shitty guns that are all completely useless because all except one of them does less damage than the pitchfork the player starts out with. Another fine example of his shitty maps would be Sapphire - Orbital Research, which he mainly made to show off some shitty textures he ripped from some quake texture pack. Deathz0r wrote a review on it and basically called it shit. Almost 9000 pages of flames, lulz, and bawwing ensued.
None of this compares to his magnum opus, Knee Deep in ZDoom, which took him at least 100 years to finish. Tormentor, being the creative genius that he is, came up with the brilliant idea of remaking the first episode of Doom... IN ZDOOM! Meaning he could do all sorts of amazing stuff like adding in new monsters, slopes, scripting, and transparent glass! In addition to this he decided it would be a good idea to totally revamp the maps in terms of appearance by adding in all sorts of mind blowing shit such as more lights, borders in rooms, and even more computer terminals.
Upon it's release however, it was almost universally trashed. For one thing, the wad was bloated with all sorts of unnecessary shit such as fake lens flares and ugly sprite rotations. On top of that, a lot of the maps had extremely confusing layouts that left the player wandering in circles for hours and extremely unbalanced enemies such as a black imp that was a pain in the ass to see in the dark, almost completely silent, and had an attack that could kill you in just a couple of hits. Again, Deathz0r flamed the shit out of it but this time it was greeted with over 9000 pages of flames and bawwwing that ended with a wonderful surprise, Tormentor showing off a letter he had received from John Romero praising it, and he gladly waved it around like a retarded kid showing his mom a macaroni picture he made in special ed. At this point Bloodshedder, one of the moderators, decided that the AIDS level in the thread had reached dangerous levels and it was time to close it, but Doomworld shall never forget the day /newstuff was closed.
A sequel to Knee Deep in ZDoom, The Shores of ZDoom, is planned. It is, like the first, going to be a remake of a classic episode using the new features provided by the ZDoom engine, because we all know how well that went last time. The irony is that Tormentor is not the one leading this project. Supposedly, he's only making one map for the project and has yet to even start on it after around two years. The only reason he has anything to do with the project at all is because the project leader is too damn stupid to kick his sorry faggot ass off the team. Tormentor's most recent masterpiece, Stronghold: On the Edge of Chaos, is a shitty souped-up version of the also-shitty Invasion mode from Skulltag. Though version 1.0 hasn't been released yet, the beta versions are completely rife with bugs, despite this thing being in the works for seven years. HAHA DISREGARD THAT. I SUCK COCKS. The wad was actually started in 2004 but was on hiatus from early 2005 to later 2008, meaning that it was actually in development for 3 years. On top of that, the majority of the maps consist of nothing but copy and paste jobs which suggest even less time was spent working on it than that.
Has a staggeringly pretentious website which can be found here.
CJ Wright
CJ Wright was a mysterious figure who rode into Doomworld somewhat quietly but managed to start lactating sweet delicious lolcow milk almost immediately. Although he had only appeared recently, he claimed he had been mapping for Doom since 1994. He also proudly claimed that he was a 30 year old unemployed psychology major who lived in his parents' basement. CJWright takes a lot of pride in his mapping. In fact he takes so much pride in it that he confessed that he usually just maps until he's bored with the map which usually takes 5 minutes or less, throws in an exit, and then releases it. As a result, every single map he's churned out is complete shit and there's way too many to name. They all suffer from the same problems. Poor texture choices, poor monster placement, poor texture alignment, poor FUCKING EVERYTHING. Never the less, this doesn't stop him from raging whenever someone insults his maps, provides him with constructive criticism, or even a fucking compliment. Post by post, he slowly reached internet infamy, almost reaching his climax when he made a joke a former doom member who had died of cancer. Finally the mods had had enough of him and decided to ban his sorry ass.
Sigvatr
Thanks to a quick google search last thursday, Sigvatr became somewhat of a legend on Doomworld as well as the origins of a sort of mini meme. One day a lonely doomworld member was searching for hardcore porn using google. At some point he decided to search for keyboard goop, and what was the first search result? Why none other than a post on something awful from everyone's favorite member on Doomworld. The something awful post consisted of a montage of photos of Sigvatr scraping gunk off his keyboard. Nothing special right? After he was done scraping it off though, he proceeded to photograph himself jacking off and then ejaculating on to said keyboard gunk. Still nothing special right? After he was done jacking off, he proceeded to eat the the semen and keyboard gunk combination. The last photograph in the thread is him bear his teeth at the camera with mouse poop and semen dripping from his mouth. This became the source of a major discussion on both the forum and IRC and Sigvatr will forever be remembered for this. The thread if you really want to see it: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3221068
New Doom
This site is pretty much dead thanks to Wmull, the Administrator. During the time it was active though, it was somewhat infamous due to the fact that Wmull would ban people for various retarded reasons, such as saying Doomworld or having an account on Doomworld. Eventually the site was hacked and pretty much raped. Surprisingly, that's not what killed it. One day while fucking his plushie doll and pretending it was Chris Chan, Wmull got the brilliant idea that he should make people pay to post on his forum, kind of like Something Awful. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite the same thing because Something Awful's forum is actually active. Unsurprisingly, this didn't stop Wmull from trying. It failed. Miserably.
Skulltag
Some guy wanted to make a version of ZDaemon which is better, but turns out they both suck. There's also a few over nine thousand furfags playing this game, so yes, trolling is possible. (Especially Ænima) However, on the latest Skulltag update, they added an "Ignore player" Function, so this makes it harder to troll. Also you can't use the kick-shield glitch anymore because the way you kick players is changed, instead of typing the player's name you have to choose it. There's also a group of people called "The Nazi Rangers", Which just plain goes around saying "GO GO NAZI RANGERS!!!" And shit like that. They usually go in Jumpmaze servers.
The forums are a breeding ground for furfags, weeaboos, spics, jews, retards, internet tough guys, faggots, black people, and you. Most of the people who post on the forum don't even play anymore. Instead they spend their pathetic lives bawwwwing on the forum about how the moderators are nazis who do nothing but abuse their powers (Ironically the moderators rarely ban people and unbanned everyone a while ago) and demanding that they ban someone whenever they make fun of them.It's also home to some of the most hilariously retarded clans, such as [Magic] whose main tactics for achieving victory consist of either a) saying they beat the opposing clan, even if they haven't even challenged them yet b) blaming their defeat on lag and saying they are victorious because they would have won if they hadn't lagged so much.
The Projects/Releases section of the forums is an especially lulzy place to be. Such craptastic projects as "Swan Fox" are a perfect example of DeviantArt's odd ability to infect every goddamn nook and cranny of the internet with its poorly-drawn anime fanart, even a source port for a videogame that was made at least 100 years ago. Almost all other Skulltag projects follow the same template -- mundane shitty-looking material that's been ripped from Realm667 and hastily thrown together and pasted into ass-ugly maps that look like they were made by a black 6-year-old with cerebal palsy. Here are some other great examples: (1) (2) (3)
Carnevil
Carnevil, aka Carnbarn, aka fatfuck faggot, powerword "Brad Carney", is the lulzworthy creator of the clusterfuck that is Skulltag. He also started making some dumb videogame of his own called Project Vegan, but nobody really cares about that because it basically resembles the Quake 3 engine and it's totally gay. He ragequits both projects on a bi-weekly basis, like the whiney little attention-seeking bitch he is. Although he just loves to dish out sarcasm and flame whatever he doesn't like, he's the first one to get upset if you criticize anything that he's associated with, even if you're right.
RGMBSK
RGMSK stands for "Really Ghey Men Sucking Kock". A RGMSK member will tell you that they were 100 hackers strong at one time, but in reality it was just three 24-year-old college-dropouts who were butthurt because they were molested during their childhood. Theta, Harrison, and Simk, who are even gheyer than the sites and users that they "hack", are constantly trying to inflate their own e-peens by flauting their hacking "victories" on their own damn forum which nobody ever sees. Their hatred of Skulltag stems from the fact that they all got their dumb asses banned for trolling sometime around 2007 because they were dumb and had no idea how to proxy or otherwise get away with trolling. Rather than being grown-ups and owning up to their stupidity, they blamed the Skulltag administration for being "power-hungry tyrants" and denying them their rights to be a part of Skulltag. Of course, their arguement is invalid because Skulltag is free and its "community" consists of nothing more than furfags and memefags. Regardless, they swore that they would one day have their vengence on Skulltag.
In reality, they failed to really do anything at all. The only 2 successful "hacks" of the Skulltag forums (aka a simple PHPBB exploit that even a retard could spot) were spotted by the dumbfuck admins when they were on their semen breaks, and fixed almost instantly. (Although in the short time that the forums were down, Simk managed to redirect Skulltag.com this particularly luzly video of his tiny 1-inch Korean chode, which was, in his own words, "dedicated to MEAGALHHHED": http://simkballs.200gigs.com)
Theta, the most lulzy member of RGMBSK, in addition for having an appetite for the cock, thinks that he is SUPER 1337 because he and RGMBSK claim to have "destroyed" the [SM] clan, which is lol because a.) all they did was get a few passwords on the clan's forums and b.) SM really wasn't even a clan to begin with. Rather, it was just a bunch of self-obsessed furfags (such as [this guy]) who made an "HQ" wad where they plastered the walls of each room with extremely hi-res porn of Sonic the Hedgehog. Theta also used to make Youtube videos where he "leaked" crappy wads that sucked anyways, so nobody really gave a shit. Also, Theta claims that he started "a war with skulltag", which is just a fail way for him to make himself feel more important than he really is. Which is funny because over 9000 percent of Skulltag players don't even know who he is because they're too busy playing GvH and eating their own shit. Sometime during the summer of 2010, Theta "retired" from LibertyDoom and RGMBSK. That's right folks, he "RETIRED" from something that he never got PAID FOR in the first place: trying to troll a small online Doom community that nobody IRL has ever heard of. But hey, not as if he had a job (or a life) anyways!
GvH
Thats right. It has its own article. Anyways, GVH (which stands for Gays vs Homos, the rumors of it being called Ghouls Vs Humans are FALSE!!!), Any way, it is the result of a terrible experiment on a rat's Testicle, created by this faggot, thats right, urban dictionary hates him too. Anyways, the player base is particularly consists of well.... FAGGOTS, GAYS, HOMOS, FURRYS, NIGGAS, RETARDS, AND TERRORISTS. The game is over-played, which is updated 6 months. (oh ya btw, cuttymanmike, you said upudate it, its been a month nigga). Basically, you play as a GAY or a HOMO. GAY usually can fly around and use melee attacks and sometimes ranged attacks (such as cumming on someone), HOMOS have low hp and have guns and shit like that. Then they duke it out to see who wins, but the real winners are straight people.
VoltLock
An australian punk islamic terrorist that kills skulltag every month or so with shit wads that don't deserve praise. Like All out war 2... the second cumminginging! This attentionfag never ceases to amaze people with shit he spews out. And when attention is drawn away from him, he always manages to get it back by promising shit that will never happen, Australian servers in skulltag.
MM8bitDM
Cutty kills St again! (noez)!
Zdaemon
Fuck you, there's already a ZDaemon page.
ZDoom
While the ZDoom community is small, the source port ZDoom itself is pretty popular among shitty and experienced mappers alike due to all the FANCY EFFECTS AND COEDING!!! it supports. There are some pretty good mods to be found on ZDoom, and it's worth looking for them, if you don't mind some of the more fucked up people who can be found on the forum. While the furry infestation on Zdoom is small, the furfags there are extremely annoying. Ceeb and Project Dark Fox, two of the more unsavory furries have a nasty habit of exploding in pure rage whenever someone replies to their posts with "Much like your posting", or MLYP for short. The exact reason for this has never been determined as they add anyone to their ignore list who points out that they're being total faggots. Some speculate that they were once raped by a large black person screaming "MUCH LIKE YOUR POSTING" with each thrust. However, this is untrue because one of Ceeb's favorite activities is buttsecks and he would most likely have enjoyed the raep session. JackTheRipper is by far the worst furry though. However, he has been inactive for some time so it is assumed that he died of AIDS, proving that that there is a God after all. JTR first became infamous due to the rather disturbing threads he would post consisting of extremely sick shit. Sometimes it'd be a thread about a shit he'd taken. Once he created a thread where he bragged about getting fucked in the ass by a shemale (seriously). He disappeared for some time and everyone hoped that he was dead. Unfortunately, he returned again, this time under the name JMAA and announced that he was coming out of the closet, and revealed that he was a gay furry and that he had made a change for the better and would no longer create fucked up threads. Shortly after this announcement he announced his newest project for ZDoom, The first gay furry dating simulator for Doom. Needless to say, things only went downhill after that.
Protip:
If you want to troll a ZDoom fag, tell him that Eternity Engine is better than Zdoom and has more flexibility for modding.
Odamex
You realize no one plays this right?
See also
- Chex Quest
- Korax
- The Doom Comic
- The Doom Fanfic
- Quake - Same shit
- Doom 3
- Half-Life
- Wolfenstein
- NEDM
- Duke Nukem 3D
- Marathon - Biggest Doom ripoff ever.
- ZDaemon
External Links
- Doom 3's Official Website
- An unofficial fansite for WADs and shit
- The ultimate Doom weapon.
- Imp Sex for Sick Fucks
- Spam everything with zeros because you can't get banned there.
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