Lurker

A lurker is a person who, well, um...lurks. Don't know what a lurker is? Ok, retard. A Lurker has an account, is actively reading, downloading, and doing shit, but NEVER FUCKING POSTS.

The IRL version of a lurker is that weirdass stalker guy who stares at all the girls, follows them around, then steals their panties and shit when they're not looking.

Lurking isn't all bad, however. It mostly depends on the kind of lurker you're dealing with.

Types of Lurkers

Rabid Reader

This kind of lurker has no life. They sit there refreshing the forums just to see if anyone new has posted. If someone so much as farts they will know about it.

This kind of lurker makes an amazing troll if they have a good memory as every moment of stupidity will be remembered, screencapped, and ready for use when the time arises. If they have a shit memory or are too much of a pussy to troll, then they're just a waste of flesh who spends too much time on the internet.

Torrent Tard

This lurker is there just to get free shit off others' resources and never contributes anything. This happens most often in torrent communities where the guy going "OMG! plz seed. kthnxbai" is usually same the guy who never fucking seeds anything. This also happens a lot in Hentai sharing communities where people just fap but never upload and on 4chan with the bastards who are "downloading everything but contributing nothing" or who come to /r/ just to request that someone give them sauce yet never help others find shit.

These guys are fail Jews too stingy to part with a single red cent of their precious bandwith or time by contributing. Don't be one of these faggots; it's less cool than being a furry as at least furries share their shit where these lazy fags can't be arsed to do that much.

Got a Life

These formerly contributing members of a community have stopped contributing because they have gotten their asses off their badly worn computer chairs and have gotten a life. This sort of lurker lurks just because between not failing at life, having a hot girlfriend, and making tons of cash at their sweet job they don't have time to post on your shitty little Livejournal anymore. However, they still like to check in just for the lulz.

This kind of lurker has won the game. Try to be like him.

Starcraft

A lurker is also a Zerg unit from Starcraft. Internets users seem to think it is funny to mention this when the subject of lurkers comes up. However, this generates no lulz and only serves to confirm that they do not know any-ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKE!

Newbs & Newfags

Ok, so these kinds of lurkers don't exist as most newbs don't know to shut the fuck up and lurk instead of posting. Seriously, if a single one of these rabid retards spent more than a week actually reading shit before opening their braindead traps to spew nonsense, then the rest of the world wouldn't resent them so much.

If you are a newfag or newb reading this, for the love of god STOP POSTING AND START READING! There is no such thing as lurking too much. In fact, here is some good reading material for you to look up...

The Article of the Now
Any of the "Good New Articles" under the many portals (look at the bottom of the linked page. Those links are PORTALS!)
Any featured article on the portals
Any of the links in the box below for examples of what not to do...