Board Games

Board games or Bored games are just like card games and video games in general, secret basement-dweller trapping devices designed by Jews to milk more moolah from gullible putzes. These games usually require more than one person to play (or one other ethereal being if it's an Ouija board).

History

Board games are the oldest things in the world, besides porn. Board games have been played since people decided to stop committing sodomy as soon as they would spot one another and live in societies. Human archaeologists discovered these board games in the ruins of ancient basement-dweller dungeons. These basement-dweller historical sites indicate that basement-dwellers lived in nests even since the Bronze Age. The ancient basement-dweller societies spread as far as Iran, Iraq, Egypt, China, Amurica and India. Thus, it's safe to say that basement-dwellers existed in all shape and sizes.

A board game still played today, found in an ancient basement, is Royal Game of Ur. "Ur" was probably this basement-dweller sandnigger "Dungeon Master", who forced his subjects to build a board game in his memory.

Most board games has joined the binary bandwagon. The rise of computer board games and video games in general is one of the reasons people believe board games are dying out. That doesn't make sense since now there's the option to buy board games online and just print them out, taking laziness to a whole new level (of course there is no doubt Jewish ingenuity behind it all).

How To Play

The idea: players would pursue two paths, either the “working person’s rut” or “able-bodied welfare recipient’s promenade,” and see who could get ahead first via government welfare payouts or paydays. The player with the most money after taxes wins.

Amurica is not a racist country... it's not!

Board games are games that involve moving or placing tokens or certain items on a cardboard to achieve some kind of goal, according to the set of rules everyone makes up on the way. The games can be based on pure strategy like Chess or complete luck by throwing a dice around. Most of the boards have a mixture of these game types to further expand your torture options. Board games are based on defeating your opponents by carefully, politely and patiently playing the game without cheating. Of course by that in practice it means being inpatient, hyperactive, quitting halfway, cheat and just don't giving a fuck about the game while not giving a fuck about the fact that people notice that you are not giving a fuck about it. Don't forget to throw around false pretenses about other players and mess the gameboard up. You can also start an argument about the rules. If this does not work complain about the game instead of admitting the truth, that you are a sour loser or an inflexible person.

Types

There are many different types and styles of board games. From widely known board games like Risk and Dungeons & Dragons" to "Hoppla Lama", "Public Assistance" and "Darkies in the Melon Patch". Some are sold in your local book store, a toy store or a checkout in a larger store, but can never be found among a true board game retailer. These games hints that you can trick your friend which you secretly want to fuck into telling some kind of secret. All you get when you buy one is instead some shit which gathers dust.

Among board game retailers you can buy more hardcore board games. When you have learned their rules after three months of study, you have to wait three decades to find someone willing to play with you. You might have better luck playing card games (such as Magic the Gathering) or figure games (such as Warhammer 40,000) because all nerds play them. If you do, be prepared to pay top dollar because for each year new expensive and imbalanced cards and figures will come which makes previous editions obsolete.

Tabletop Roleplaying Gaming

Moar info: Dungeons & Dragons.

The most popular board games in the basement-dweller society are the so called "role-playing games", where the board is just this auxiliary piece of crap that helps retards to easily visualize the scenario. Of all the decadent degenaretes of western civilization, the most lowly among the lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly are the tabletop roleplaying gamers. You ask what is wrong with tabletop roleplaying gaming? That is the wrong question to ask, you should instead ask yourself: What is right with it?

99 % of all game masters are too lazy or too clueless to master the art of story telling.
99.999 % of all game masters masters are not smart enough to learn the rules of the game. And, even if they could, why would they? The time it takes to learn a roleplaying game's rules, could be spent becoming an actual judge.
Ever heard of the term "Conflict of interests"!? A game master deems in a way that benefits his own desire for how the scenario will proceed, so all you do in the game is virtually pointless.

Therapy

Board games are said to have a therapeutic effect on players because it puts them in certain scenarios where they have to experience different human emotions. Ironically, the vast majority of beings that play board games don't have human emotions, making the therapeutic effect pretty much nonexistent. Board games were created to escape the mundane and repetitive lives we have, but what most don't realize is that basement-dwellers live at the other ends of the spectrum. For them the board games are jobs, they are boring and repetitive, and that's the only thing they're good at, so they won't stop.

Players

As we all now, nerds aren't really that social. Somehow, they decided to live in nests, by building tunnels to connect each other's basements. Along the way, numerous tribes where formed, worshiping different fictional environments and deities. Usually by covering their walls in posters, buying figurines and matching pajamas, while adopting a pseudonym similar to the name of their favorite protagonist (in some extreme cases actually adopting an alter-ego while suffering from delusion). These retards will defend their obsessions fearsome and with brute force, but not in a physical form, but on the internet, because the physique of these shirker weakling faggots can be outmatched by a paraplegic with down syndrome. Sometimes, hordes of nerds gather to challenge each other's superiority and to show off their extreme skills. The chieftain of a tribe/nest is called a "Dungeon Master". This is usually the most insufferable waste of human resource amongst them, and they can be easily identified by their long, dirty, unkempt long neckbeards, jar bottom glasses, tired wrinkled eyes, tumorous beer guts mixed with back problems, deformed gruesome bodies and rebel shoulder hair that escapes their shirts.

Normal people play board games to have fun, but the underdeveloped basement-dweller brain, can't generate fun or happiness that easily, so instead everything is replaced with anger, sadness and bitterness. These are the core feelings basement-dwellers experience throughout their miserable lives. The only scarce moments when they actually feel a slight glimpse of fun and triumph, or what normal human beings perceive as fun and triumph, is when they win against you at a board game, at a card game or in a forum dispute about a board game/card game. After every win, the nerd will do a frenetic victory chant and dance mixed with a discharge of bodily fluids. Besides inflating their grandiose egos, this nerdgasm is so powerful and addictive, that for a second, they actually feel human. It is a well known fact that every basement-dweller suffers from the Dunning-Kruger effect.

To this day, it is unknown how they reproduce in such great numbers, a hermaphrodite reproduction of some sort is implied, because the female basement-dwellers are rare or non-existent, and the males don't know how to use their sexual organs anyway, besides forcing themselves on innocent plush toys of Pikachu or any other weeaboo abominations.