Professor Layton

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT EVERYONE IS A FUCKING ROBOT WHO INHALE HALLUCINOGENIC GAS!!!111!one!1eleven !!!1

Professor Hershal Layton is an archaeologist and a part time puzzle solver. He has featured in a number of DS games, with his young apprentice Luke Triton. As it is a puzzle game, it will have puzzles. The puzzles range from insultingly easy, to incredibly hardcore, making you ashamed that you can’t beat a game that has little crappy cutey-pie kiddy drawings. Give this to a Halo MLG fag, and watch them cry, as they can’t complete a puzzle that has you counting up to 10, presented to them by that fucking cartoon cat. Play Mario Kart instead. As a self-proclaimed gentlemen, in his leisure time, Layton likes to read, drink tea and take part in the annihilation of minorities and women, as quoted by Layton:

	“	A true gentlemen is an elitist faggot and a chauvinist and member of the KKK	„
	—Professor Gayton

As for Luke, when he doesn’t have to give Layton a “raging clue”, he does what every NORMAL 13 year old boy does, play RuneScape and goes on Newgrounds. He has a massive fetish for the color blue and is a general all-round annoyance.

Of course these DS games always expect you to blow actual money on these things. We suggest you download it off a torrent. You can find the torrent here.

Story

Professor Layton and the Curious Village

First game of the series, and as the debut of Professor Layton, this has one retarded storyline. In general, the whole population of St Mystere (the stereotypical French village, where everyone is horrendously ugly) are robots, I shit you not. If this doesn’t show incompetence in plot writing, the lack of any plot structure whatsoever is just an insult. The game advertises there are 12 different mysteries to solve, but by grinding through the annoying puzzles (that have no gradual learning curve, they start easy and then suddenly make you their bitch), you unlock the next part of the story. You would think you gradually solve the mysteries throughout the game, but nope, you solve all the mysteries at the very end of the fucking game. They also included a blatant loli in the game (one puzzle has you play as Luke where you grope a picture of her while Layton jacks off in the background, laughing), and the introduction of Stachenscarfen, the biggest troll in videogame history. He has the ability to appear in obscure locations (like a fucking sewer) and will just throw a puzzle in your face that will probably have you in a corner, crying and cutting yourself, considering the final solution. If you can’t find Stachenscarfen, you know what you have to do. It should also be noted the best part of this game is a cutscene where Waluigi appears without context or reason to fuck up Laytons day with his magical spinning balls of death, then the Prof turns into fucking McGyver and builds a rocketship/glider out of cum and biscuits he had in his pocket, then he shoots down Waluigi and a 6 year old girl gives him head while they fly away into the sunset. Upon watching his cock be blocked, Luke becomes an hero for lolicon.

Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box

Also known as Professor Layton and Pandora's Box, as sequels go, they at least boost the plot so it doesn’t look like a scrapped alternative ending to lost. It turns out the whole place is full of hallucinogenic gas, which make Professor Layton and Luke on the equivalent of taking 12 aspirins at once. Not much to say about this one really, Stachenscarfen makes a likely return.

Movies

Professor Layton has also starred in his own feature length movie. Yes I laughed too. Bearing in mind, in Japan, there are now about a billion games in the Professor Layton series, it's only rule of thumb that their will be at least the same number of movies all featuring the gay backwards britfag, and yes there are even puzzles IN the movie, I fuck you not.

Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva

Imagine all the magic of Professor Layton, from your tiny 0.0001 inch DS screen, brought to life on the big screen. Well, the result it looks like a wet shit on a cloudy day, plus it isn't on the big screen, it's on your television, because Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva was such a success, it went straight to DVD. Bravo. The story is not worth mentioning to anyone who is even barely educated, all you have to know is that it doesn't even fucking have Stachenscarfen in it, so it isn't worth any of your time. If you are some sort of masochist, continue reading:

	“	Layton receives a record in the mail from a famed opera singer, Jenis Quatlane. Layton remind Luke of their adventure with her, and the flashback begins. After the events of Professor Layton and the Specter's Flute, Layton receives a letter from a former student of his, Jenis Quatlane. Jenis writes that she is performing at an opera house called the Crown Petone, and there have been many strange things happening. In addition, two young girls from the London area have been reporting missing, and Jenis thinks its related to the strange things happening at her theatre. She includes two tickets, Layton and Luke attend, while Remi decides to stay back in London with Doctor Schrader in search of the missing girls. Layton and Luke arrive as the enormous Crown Petone theatre which was built on the Atlantic Ocean. Layton and Luke take seats in the front row, and enjoy the opera. After its over, Layton and Luke begin to clap, but the rest of the audience seems bored. Then, as the stage is cleared, a masked man comes out and begins talking about the Eternal Life. He says, we will all play a game, and whomever wins, will get the Eternal Life. Inspector Clamp Groski then goes to make an arrest on the masked man, to see the stage fall apart beneath him, dropping him into the ocean. The masked man then reveals the losers will die. The audience breaks into a mass panic, and its up to Layton and Luke to stop the masked man.	„
	—TOW Plot Source

And then Shit hits the fan

So you're wondering, "ohmaigawd, how could this game get any worse" WELL HAVE NO FEAR! Crapcom decided to rear its ugly mug because Level 5 said that Professor Layton's personality was based off of Phoenix Wright. According to Capcom, whenever a developed makes a whisper about one of their belongings, IT MEANS A CROSSOVER (hence Deadpoop and Shoryuken, Ryo and SNK, etc). So Capcom knocked on their doors and assraped Level 5 into making a game with them since Capcom now has to steal other characters from other companies so that thier shitty games can actually sell. BTW the game will be called Professor Layton vs. Turnabout Trial for all five of you who actually care.

Some Puzzles Professor Layton Cannot Solve

A screenshot of the exciting gameplay. This is the point where you turn off your DS, and go outside.

Antidisestablishmentarianism is a very complicated word. Spell it quickly out loud.

Answer: I-T

Do you fancy my girlfriend?

Answer: There is no answer for this which doesn’t lead to violence

A red house is made out of red bricks, a blue house is made out of blue bricks. What is a green house made of?

Answer: Glass... or green bricks, if you said glass.

Did you see Idiots Say No on the telly last night?

Answer: No... oh, right.

What happens when you divide by zero

Answer: Here you OH SHI-