Psychochondria
This is a disease that afflicts SJW's, Lol-cows and Attention Whores. It makes them think they have every psychological disease known to mankind. Unlike a hypochondriac, who nervously fumbles through the Physicians Desk Reference, dreading that they have every physical disease; the Psychochondriac gleefully pores through Psychology Today, on a mad quest to self-diagnose themselves with every mental disease.
Yes, they'll have a dog-eared copy of The DSM-IV in one hand and their sad excuse for genitalia in the other hand, looking for new diseases to claim they have.
Why do they do it?
There are many reasons -- all of them bad -- for why some jism-stain would pretend to have a mental illness they don't actually have.
Such as....
- To make themselves seem interesting and mysterious, full of hidden pain than needs to be cuddled away;
- To seem "psycho" enough that bullies and twolls might be intimidated and leave them alone;
- To have an arsenal of (bullshit) reasons why they are oppressed and deserve special treatment;
- To have excuses for lazy, selfish or arrogant behavior.
but the biggest reason....
- So they can pretend they are unique and not the cookie-cutter conformist clone they actually are.
Examples
In order to not name names or "trigger anyone", I'm just going to refer to the Psychochondria sufferer as a Twunt.
- Claiming to have Multiple Personality Disorder makes folks think The Twunt has at least two personalities (instead of having zero.) Also, the Twunt can make up for their lack of friends by adding new "Headmates".
- Claiming to have Asperger's Syndrome gives The Twunt an excuse to behave like a self-absorbed antisocial douche in public. (Also, the myth is that a high IQ is a side effect of Aspergers this means Twunts can be as douchey as a guido fratboy, as selfish as a Republican billionaire and as curmudgeonly misanthropic as a mad scientist....while pretending this bad behavior is part of a genius brain that is 2Deep4U.)
- Claiming to have Gender Dysphoria gives Twunts the excuse to dress like the worlds lamest fruitbasket (mostly by accident, because the Twunt has no fashion sense or don't know how to dress themself.) Also, what better way to turn themselves into the Worlds Most Speshul Snowflake? They can demand that people refer to them with new pronouns!
- Claiming to have Bipolar Disorder gives them an excuse for whining when they don't get their way, and makes fake threats of suicide sound plausible.
- Claiming to have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder means that nobody is allowed to tell The Twunt truths they don't want to hear for fear of "triggering" them.
- Claiming to be Schizophrenic means nobody can call The Twunt's LOLRANDOM penguin of doom waffleshit "unfunny."
- Claiming to have OCD means that folks have to cut The Twunt a break when they spaz out about Sanic the Hedgehog having Green Eyes and Blue Arms. Also, their constant chanting of DESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESU is just something everyone is just gonna have to live with.
- Claiming to have Epilepsy is really crass, and is almost as unglamorous as claiming to have Diabeetus. The Twunt can pretend to have a spaz-fit and nobody will think they are, y'know, just being a 'Spaz.
Why its bullshit
If someone were as ill as these Attention Whores claimed to be, they wouldn't be in the mall food court demanding that innocent bystanders Check Their Privledge. They'd be in the fetal position in a rubber room, kept in check by a straight jacket and 5 billion millograms of Mellaril.
How to do it
- ) Go ahead and look up a mental disorder in a textbook.
- ) Think about what kind of weird shit folks afflicted with that disorder do all the time.
- ) Does what they are doing sound like fun to you?
- ) Congrats, now you can do THAT THING and nobody can call you on it.
- ) Oh, never mind. Yes they will....but if they do, you can accuse them of being insensitive clods who don't understand your Special Snowflake Jeenyus!
- ) Write a Tumblr Blog Post about how oppressed you are. Starving, AIDS-infected child soldiers in Somalia don't have it as rough as you, amirite? (Answer: No, uarrnawtrite. U need to be recruited by Joseph Kony so U can have something real to kwy about.)
How to Troll Someone who is pretending to have mental disorders
1) Demand proof. No, thats it. If they can't produce an official doctors note proving their claim. Constantly remind them that by faking it they are being politically incorrect and insensitive and problematic and an oppressor. This will make their head implode. Then they can claim to have Imploded Cranium Disorder, and not be a liar.
2) There is no Step 2. There doesn't need to be. Just call 'em on their bullshit and make dem Kwy.