Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Hearthstone

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>KaneLives95 at 04:50, 6 June 2015. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Do you like Magic: The Gathering? Do you like card games that require no skill or thinking? Do you like World of Warcraft? Do you love wasting hundreds of dollars on virtual cards where most of the cards suck ass? Well then allow me to present the game for you!

Hearthstone is Blizzard's latest masterpiece that has the gaming world storming that it's the best Free 2 Play game ever! Teased as the next big thing, fans were disappointed to hear it's a card game, but then turned around and loved it when Blizz offered them free mounts in WoW.


Gameplay

Hearthstone is played by two players playing a deck of 30 cards. The goal is to A) Beat your opponent to the point where they explode into fireworks or B) Fill your board up to the point that he An Heroes. To kill your opponent, you play minions onto the board and cast spells at the cost of mana. The game even has some features that they didn't completely rip off from Magic such as the copious amount of random number generators. Random minion, random damage, random random random! At that point you'll wonder are you playing a TCG or are you in Vegas?

Classes

In Hearthstone, you have a choice between nine classes where half of them are severely underpowered or luck based. Depending on your playstyle will depend on what class you choose

Class Hero Power Theme Description

Priest
 		Healing everything to unkillable levels and stealing your beefy cards like a little bitch. If you like luck based gameplay, or pissing off your opponent, then Priest is the class for you!

Warrior
 		Beating everything down with weapons and dealing damage to EVERYTHING! Used by losers who think the Horde is hardcore. Annoying class if they have a chance to gain armor.

Warlock
 		Demons and damaging yourself. The most P2W class in the game next to Druid. Used by eSports players to beat up little kids on Twitch.

Mage
 		Spells and freezing people. The first class in the game you start with. Because it's the one people start with everyone thinks it's the best in the game until they realize how broken Hunter is.

Druid
 		Accelerating to the point where they can drop beefy minions on turn 3. Another P2W class. Turn one you're thinking you can take this guy, then turn two the bitch drops an 8 attack minion.

Hunter
 		Beast minions MINDLESSLY RUSHING YOUR OPPONENT TO THE POINT THAT THEY DIE TURN 5!


Shaman
 		Using powerful cards that overload your mana and hexing people. The weakest class in the game. If you see a Shaman on ladder, it's probably a bot.

Paladin
 		Beefing up weakass minions. Blizzard's favorite class as they give Paladin the coolest cards.

Rogue
 		C-C-C-COMBOS! The edgiest class in the game. Used to be the most powerful until it was nerfed to the point where it's not played anymore.


Play Mode

Now that you know the nine exciting classes to build a deck with, you're ready to play the game. In Play Mode you play against other humans and the occasional Shaman Bot. However, it isn't like in Starcraft where you are paired up with people of similar skill. You're paired up against anyone ranging from the mobile gamer noob who just installed today to the P2W eSports streamer. You have a choice between two modes in Play Mode.

Casual Play

This is where everyone goes when they're tired of constantly being raped by Golden level 60 Hunters at rank 20.

Ranked Play

The main meat of the Hearthstone. All the pros and their mothers love to flop their big beefy legendary minions trying too hard to achieve the ultimate dream: Rank 1 Legend! To get there, you'll have to fight through millions of players worldwide, starting from rank 25 to rank 1. Then, once you get past rank 1, you arrive at Legend rank, where you'll fight through the most tryhardy players in existence to reach Rank 1 Legend. What happens if you reach Rank 1 Legend? NOTHING! All that happens is Blizzard gives you a pat on the back for all that hard work and hundreds of dollars to spent on getting the cards to get to legend. In fact, all you get for reaching legend is a shitty cardback. In fact, why play ranked at all? The only reward is a cardback every season that you get by reaching rank 20. After that you can just go into casual play and play against people who aren't losers.

Arena

If you're terrible at Ranked Play, which is the majority of the playerbase, there's another gamemode for you! The Arena!

For the small price of 150 in game gold or $1.99 you can draft a deck made up of random cards that you would never be used in Ranked Play because they're god awful and win fabulous prizes!

Depending on how many games you win determines your rewards. Below are the possible prizes in order from how many wins you achieve:

  1. Card pack and a few in game shekels.
  2. Card pack and a little bit more in game shekels.
  3. Card pack and some more shekels. Now we're getting somewhere.
  4. Card pack and only slightly more shekels then the last time.
  5. Card pack and the slowly increasing amount of shekels. And you thought World of Warcraft was a grind.
  6. Card pack and another step up in shekels. You know, most players don't make it this far and only get 2-3 wins.
  7. Okay, now we're at the good stuff. Card pack and 150 gold. Now you can buy another arena run!
  8. Card pack and (Okay, I think you get it by now. I'll just skip ahead until something changes.)
  9. Nope.
  10. Still the same reward.
  11. Almost there!
  12. Two Card packs and 200 shekels. All that work when for 200 gold you could've just bought two card packs.

Don't worry snowflakes. If your deck sucks that hard and you don't win anything, you'll get one card pack filled with the same shitty cards you used in your arena run.

Solo Adventures

Do your decks still suck? Then we have the perfect solution for you. Solo Adventures are mini expansions that offer you thirty new cards, and only have of them are actually worth a damn. Instead of simply crafting them or getting them in card packs, you have to fight computer controlled bosses with shitty A.I. to get the cards.


Bonus

One has to wonder, what if all of Encyclopedia Dramatica was a game of Hearthstone?

See Also

Hearthstone is part of a series on

Gaming

Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

Retrieved from "http://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Hearthstone&oldid=160033"