User:Horror9/Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey is the number one reason terrorists hate the West, mostly because the character Anastasia Steele is 21-years-old and not 6 like Mohammed's favorite wife. This smut also provides endless ragefuel for virgins, including supreme gentlemen and school shooters. Fun fact: Adam Lanza shot and killed his mother Nancy because Fifty Shades of Grey was her favorite book, and he then proceeded to obliterate 20 younglings to spare them from every having to read this filth. The book is a favorite among all forms of whores: strippers, streetwalkers, escorts, pornstars, rape victims, models, attorneys, waitresses, massage therapists, human resource management, daytime talkshow hosts, dental assistants, beauty pageant contestants, professional cheerleaders, hairdressers, backup dancers, nurses, college students, sexbloggers, receptionists, substitute teachers, hostesses, news anchors, and your mom. All women really.

Afraid of condemning the book's sexual content and violence against women, the most any woman can say about it is that "that's not her thing" or "I don't know, I've never read it." Pro-sex feminists have made it so any female who criticizes any other female's actions or rape fantasies will be blacklisted as traitors to women, although hens fighting amongst themselves to establish a pecking order is nothing new. Merely mentioning the book to a female, or asking what she thinks about it is nearly a troll in itself. This will make her go into deer-in-headlights mode and mutter "uhhhh" or at least an "*ahem*" as she tries to gauge her current audience. Should I act like I don't know what it is? Should I act edgy (if she's a total slut) and say it isn't hardcore enough? Should I say "that's kid stuff" (and thereby admit to being a victim of child sexual abuse)? Asked about the book at a bridal shower, she might give a copy of the book (if the hype wasn't long dead which the film is an attempt to revive) and say "you HAVE to read this!" along with a monster BBC vibrator. Asked about the book at a political debate, every female in the room who has read the book (all of them) will act audibly offended, and the female candidate will close her eyes and slightly grimace/smirk, knowing that she has already lost, but then attack the questioner for being a sexist jerk and go on to talk about how it's a work of fiction and what does a book about the primal need of women to be in submission to powerful men have to do with my ability to lead anyway?

	“	“Oh, I exercise control in all things, Miss Steele,” he says without a trace of humor in his smile.	„
	—Don Draper Christian Grey

	“	“Let go, baby,” he murmurs.	„
	—Let it gooooooo

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And it's about just getting swept up in the moment with your superior and having it "just happen", which is a euphemism for non-consensual sex, where a woman can absolve herself of any personal responsibility for her own sluttiness and hunger for strange cock. The rapist frees her from any guilt for enjoying sex that has been indoctrinated into her, because the sex was a surprise, but he also increases her status into that of either a professional victim, an empowered wimmin, or the label of a hot chick that no man can keep his hands off of and are powerless to resist. To be raped is to be irresistibly hot, whereas landwhales have an insulating layer of Rape Guard and are safe to walk down any and all alleyways 24/7, unless she's a white landwhale in niggercountry. "Why doesn't my man treat me like Christian Grey?" hambeasts implore. Because hogtied isn't hot when it's an actual hog being tied, unless you're from Kentucky.

	“	...of course he knows where I live. What able, cell-phone-tracking, helicopter owning, stalker wouldn’t.	„
	—restraining orders are for pussies

	“	I am quaking like a leaf. This is it. Finally, after all this time, I’m going to do it, with none other than Christian Grey.	„
	—Ms. Steele about to lose at least one of her virginities

	“	Hmm… Desire. This is desire. This is what it feels like.	„
	—oh for fuck's sake...

	“	He’s the only man who has ever set my blood racing around my body. Yet, he’s so antagonizing too; he’s difficult, complicated, and confusing. One minute he rebuffs me, the next he sends me fourteen-thousand-dollar books, then he tracks me like a stalker.	„
	—Stalking is okay as long as you're a CEO

	“	He’s not a dark knight at all, but a white knight in shining, dazzling armor – a classic romantic hero – Sir Gawain or Lancelot.	„
	—Don't believe a word of this. This is a red herring.

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	“	The personal trainer will report to the Dominant on the Submissive’s progress...The Submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times.	„
	—Sorry landwhales, them's the rules.

	“	Adherence to the above warranties, agreements and undertakings (and any additional limits and safety procedures agreed under clause 3 above) are fundamental to this contract.	„
	—Legalese is so hawt.

Can you imagine being the husband of Erika Mitchell or one of her sons and reading this filth? How mortifying it must be knowing that your wife wrote the most popular smut on Earth, which doesn't feature you in any way shape or form except some obligatory "shoutout" in the beginning calling you the "master" of her universe? Being one of her sons and knowing for a fact that every your mom joke your schoolmates make is true? Knowing that your mum, Erika, yes Mrs. Mitchell herself, wrote extensively about being used as nothing more than a receptacle by a rich sadist who was originally the vampire Edward Cullen? Admittedly, the $95 million might make it easier to handle the mountain of embarrassment. That is, if she gave you any. But for the rest of your life when anyone IRL or OTI calls your wife or mom a whore, they're totally right. "Well she has more money than you" could be the only defense (also known as the Donald Trump Defense).

Film

When normalfags and celebrities finally realized the film encourages violence against women, people began to protest. But only after vapid cunt Katy Perry chose to bring a battered woman up on stage at the Grammys. Seeking to capitalize on the craze of saying violence against women is bad you guys, Angelina Jolie opened an "academic center" to fight violence against women. Whether or not Fifty Shades of Grey will be part of the curriculum is unknown. And certainly the LGBT mafia will be butthurt that the BDSM relationship in the movie isn't about two homos. The group Fifty Shades is Domestic Abuse is planning to protest the London premiere. The group finds nothing wrong with the BDSM portions (of course), for fear of angering pro-sex feminists, but they don't like that Mr. Grey knows where Ms. Steele lives before she tells him. That's just too far! Conservative groups have said the film "glorifies abusive relationships and glamourises abusive tendencies such as stalking, bondage sex, intimidation and isolation." The director said "if we can take this girl on a journey, where we empower her and don’t leave her as a victim, that’s job done." You see? It's all empowering for women, like being a stripper or pornstar.

	“	along with the car, the BlackBerry, the Mac, his black jacket, and a set of old valuable first editions.	„
	—BlackBerry? Jesus Christ, what year was this written?