Battlefield 2

The cannonfodder of every Battlefield 2 battle.

The soldiers who matter.

BF2 playerz lieks Mudkips.

Even EA stat servers need some patches.

Battlefield 2 (popularly known as Battlefield 2: Electric Boogaloo) or BF2 (Butt Fuckers 2), is a racially motivated online FPS that shows the truth in stereotypes. Proof being that all African Americans are unintelligent while all white soldiers are clever and have practical working skills. The game is divided into three nations: Murrika, China, and Al Qaeda; sandniggers who do nothing but take the blame for what the Jews did that fateful day. Each team has seven classes to separate cannon fodder from the soldiers. The high professions of Medic, Sniper, Special Ops, and Engineer are reserved for Caucasians while the blacks get the frontline duties of Assault, Anti-Tank, and "Support". Months after the game was released, flame wars were started over whether this was a clear prejudice against blacks, an example seen here. When asked about the blatant racism involved in this game, an EA spokesman stated, "We were going for realism, and if you don't like it, go play Unreal Tournament, you filthy fucking nigger Jews." Also available is Battlefield 2142, a BF2 mod that takes place far in the future and is distinctly known for featuring nothing but all-white armies.

Radio commands

Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy boat spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Enemy infantry spotted! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Need a Medic here! Good deal, thanks!

Guess what. This was all from one player.

Community

This game, as of 2011, is chock full of faggoty Brazilians. There is nothing you can do about this infestation so you'll just have to live with the constant "HUEHUEHUEHUE U HELP MEE STATPAD PLOX OR I REPORT U". Also, automatic boot/banning occurs when you say the words FUCK FAGGOT BITCH WHORE HOE ASS ASSHOLE or any variation thereof. Cunning use of periods will be your only hope in defeating this SKYNET censorship. God bless, soldier.

This censorship is probably attributed to those commy Brazilians not wanting to expose their virgin-eared youth to such horrors that make up the english curse words, ignoring the fact that YOU ARE ENGAGING IN FUCKING VIOLENCE. At least they have their priorities straight.

That said, although these wild brazilians have apparently sold enough cocaine to buy computers that can finally run this 2005 game, they are missing the required vespene gas to afford headsets/mics. Therefore, join the most populated squad and voice "EL GATO EN MI PANTALONS" for lulz. Chances are, one of them will understand you. Or not, since most Brazilians speak Portuguese. Yell at them anyway, asshole.

Facts

• If you blink, or take your eyes off the screen for more than one millisecond, you die.
• If you move, or think about moving, you infect your computer with AIDS instantly.
• Throw only grenades, you become the best.
• Always teamkill with tanks, and then claim your computer lagged up

Electronic Arts

EA is well known for their ability to enrage the Battlefield 2 community. Between pumping out a Sims 2 expansion every week, they put two Mexican illegal immigrants to work on the next expansion for Battlefield 2. They never fix shit, but are quiet efficient at releasing new booster packs and full games at top price. They said they were coming out with a new patch to fix some of the glitch-tacular shit like 'nade spam and bunnyhopping and that it would come out last Thursday. That was 2 months ago and all they have to show is a shitty beta. In under a year they pooped out three mods with a robot game named 2142 expected by the end of the year. Some individuals enjoy putting anti-2142 in their forum signature because they actually think their opinion matters.

However, chances are, if you actually purchased 2142, expect to enter a classroom full of classmates two weeks from now and proceed to pwn all their asses out of the simple frustration of having purchased such a sub-par game. It happened like twice last week. Expect to be banned. Schools are kind of uptight about that kind of thing.

Strategy

Battlefield 2 revolves around the teamkill punish system where a user can ban someone from a server if they tk too much. There are two main objectives of the game. The first one is to "spot" as many enemy boats as possible before you get kicked/banned. The goal is to get your entire radar full of boats. This is extremely useful in boat-less maps such as Strike at Karkand. If you start the boat spotting, many of your fellow team mates will join in.

Claymores and You

After mass nadespam, claymore mines are quite possibly the easiest way to to ruin peoples' lives while simultaneously winning the game effortlessly. Since claymores are triggerd when somebody walks past them, are more sensitive than your mom's clit, have a massive blast radius and they stay until they go off, you can just run around the map and put them anywhere the other team has to get through and then just sit back, relax, kick your feet up, watch your killcount go sky high and listen to everybody freak out when the whole team gets blown up just walking down the street. For bonus trollpoints, do this while playing MEC or while on a Christian server and spam the chat with "ALLAHU AKBAR!!!" and "DEATH TO AMERICA!!" when your claymores kill people.

How to Spot Enemy Boats

When standing still or not moving the mouse, hold the "Q" key to bring up the menu and then right click and left click once. This brings up the "Spotted Menu" and boats are the first on the list.

Banning

The other is to get as many people banned in a round as possible. The default ban is three punishes, but can be set as high as an admin desires. Some servers turn off the tk punish system altogether which allows anyone to teamkill as they please. If you happen to get the USSEX or any form of high-powered gun near a very populated spawn area, lulz will ensue (this works best on an aircraft carrier).

How to Punish

When someone teamkills you, an option will appear at the lower left side of the screen asking if you would like to forgive. At this point, press the Page Down key. Pressing Page Up is for pussies.

Trolling Techniques

• Blocking: Standing in front of a J-10 or blocking it with jeep on the runway is hilarious. Many pilots will try to swerve around you, only to teamkill numerous other players and then crash into buildings off to the side.

• Using the PKM : The PKM is the best weapon at everything in the entire game. A high powered full auto sniper rifle that is also a bazooka that has massive lulz-inducing potential. Getting just one kill with the PKM will induce cries of "OMG U FCUKIN PKM WHORE IMMA BAN U" "STOP USIN TEH MKP FAGBAG!!!" followed by the whole other team forming a massive noob army by respawning with the PKM and spraying randomly in your general direction. When this happens, nobody can have nice things and the game degenerates into a massive orgy of fail just like most wars do IRL.

• LMG Rape : Play Support, spawn with an LMG (SAW or MG36 is preferred but a PKM is fine, too), go prone and let a cluster of teammates run a little ways in front of you. Open up on the fuckers and don't stop until they're all double dead. Rejoice in the ensuing brick-shitting and epic lulz. Afterwards, spam the commorose with "Sorry, I screwed up".

• Boundary: Fill up a transport chopper and fly people out of bounds, a place where everyone automatically gets a suicide and a -2 points in score. Hilarity ensues when everyone respawns.

• Carrier Blocking: On a map with a carrier that is far away from the battle zone, step into the cockpit a Blackhawk and sit there without moving. Very fun since doing so strands all your teammates on the carrier. Massive lulz ensues when someone C4s the helicopter when it's filled to the brim with angry, impatient passengers.

• Commanding: Dropping artillery on your own team, especially the aircraft carrier, inspires everyone on the team to seek you out and kill you. Thankfully, it is not possible to ban commanders for artillery tks.

• Commorose Spam: Nothing inspires teamkilling more than hearing someone say "ENEMY ACTIVITY, DO YOU COPY?" over and over and over. To prevent being blocked for 30 seconds, keep "spotting" at a steady pace. However, it is impossible for you to get blocked if you're the commander, so you can go crazy there.

• Jeeps on Carrier: In patch 1.3 EA allows commanders to drop vehicles anywhere on the map. If you are the USMC team, it is a complete waste to drop a car anywhere other than the aircraft carrier. Unfortunately, a later patch removed the ability to drop vehicles on buildings and players. This cut the game's lulz factor by at least 100.

• Jumping on Vehicles: Jumping on top of any vehicle is a great way to draw a tk. When they start moving or taking off, you will fall through and be teamkilled.

• 'Nading Shit: Upon being too pussy to actually fight with guns, standing behind sandbags or a wall and jumping out and throwing grenades is lulzy enough to get a few teamkills.

• Noob Approach: Sit in a high-valued vehicle and ask things like "HOW DO I TAEK OFF?" and count down the seconds before someone snipes you out.

• Pearl Harbor: Get into a jet, pilot that shit up, fly around until you find a large group of your teammates, and plow right up their asses. For bonus points, do this on an aircraft carrier to maximize historical accuracy.

• Ramming: Using a jeep you can ram into any occupied vehicle in the game and force a teamkill on the driver/pilot. The best target is a full transport chopper where a tk count can rise to as much as 9 or more people.

• Random Votekicks: Start random votekicks against the top players and tell everyone in the server that they are hacking. Although the VK system is godawful, many players will get upset and teamkill you for your false accusations.

• Running People Over: A fun thing to do is to take a jeep and run people over. If you jump out right before the collision, the person will die without any teamkill punishment handed over to you.

• Spotting Nonexistent Players: Spotting enemy snipers that don't exist is a fun way to watch numerous teammates spend half the round running up huge mountains and buildings just to find absolutely nothing. When they realize you were just fucking with them, expect a bullet in the head.

• Stalled Jet/Chopper Punishes: If you run into the engine on the F-35 (US jet) or into the guns on the MEC chopper you will automatically create a teamkill even if it's standing still.

• Team Wounding: Wound yourself down to 1-2 bar of health and then go up to a friendly and shoot him 2-3 times in the chest. Most people will counterattack and shoot you once, killing you, giving a great opportunity to punish a teamkill.

• Verbal Assaults: Start battles with random people over politics, sports, whatever. This works best on European servers because Euros are fucking retarded. Proclaim to love Bush and disagree with everyone. Then start wounding teammates and watch the teamkills rack up.

• C4 Fun: C4 with friendly fire on. Need I say more? Bonus points if you screenshot their ragdoll in midair. If FF is off, plant a few near a distracted sniper or commander to send them flying. They'll die from the fall and won't be able to punish you!

• Driving Away : Hop into a transport or jeep. Call for your team mates to "Get in", while being around 20-30 meters away. As your team mates are just about to hope into the transport, drive away, repeat this technique numerous times for maximum lulz.

• Commander Fail: As the commander, constantly spot enemies that don't actually exist, drop artillery, UAV support, and Supply drops in useless locations (or arty on teammates lul), and constantly give squad leaders senseless orders and demand they "follow orders!" and they're the worst squad you've ever set eyes on when they don't comply. Remember, as commander, you can't get chatblocked for spam. So if there's ever a time when the ears of your helpless teammates are not clogged with your lovely voice, you're doing it wrong.

Project Reality

Project Reality is a shitty community-made modification for Battlefield 2 that tries to make the game more realistic. What it actually does is slows the pace of the game down to a crawl, and makes it so you have to work with your teammates to do anything. Also, the servers are full of USI-ridden basement-dwellers who take the game way too fucking seriously. Prime trollbait, in other words. You can download the mod here.

Best Ways to Troll in Project Reality

Here are some ways to troll in Project Reality that are sure to get you plenty of lulzy reactions:

• Through the commrose menu, get a Pilot kit, get into one of the transport helicopters, and wait until you have a lot of your teammates in the helicopter. Proceed to crash it in the lulziest way possible, killing all of your teammates in the chopper with you.
• Get a transport helicopter and ram it mid-air into a friendly transport helicopter. Bonus points if both choppers are fully loaded with teammates.
• If you are a commander or squad leader, build structures in the middle of roads that your teammates drive down.
• Get behind your teammates, to where they will not notice you are there. Throw grenades at them. You will be much less likely to be kicked/banned from the server if you team-kill with grenades as it's easy to make it look like an accident.
• Throw incendiary grenades onto your team's assets (AA guns, mortars, etc.)
• Get a troop transport vehicle, stop and tell everyone in it to get out, and once they are all out run as many of them over as you can.
• If you are on the Insurgent team, throw Molotov cocktails into your team's arms cache. Massive butthurt is always a result.
• And, last but most importantly, be sure to shoot any teammate that comes with in your view, always.

Warrock

Warrock is a poor nigra's version of Battlefield 2. It's almost the same game, but it fails even harder. In-game, you play in a fictional middle eastern country with 2 factions named N.I.U and Debran. You start with 4 classes, each with their own retarded specialization:

• An Engineer
• A female medic
• A Sniper, the most popular class
• The cannonfodder Assault class (which, of course, is a nigger).

Warrock, to sum it all up, is basically a capitalist-fueled game where even a 6 year old child with Down syndrome can spawn camp you for hours with the shitty stock weapons and equipment just by playing as the medic class and doing a barrel roll each time they spot you. Also note that since this game was made by Koreans, they made their faggot version of the M16, called the K2, the Assault class' starting weapon.

Warrock Tactics

• In some conquest maps each faction gets some aircraft and choppers. Even if you have no fucking idea how to fly them, go for it! And make sure that when you are flying a fighter bomber you must drop all your payload in that patch of land with no enemies whatsoever, but for extra lulz you can drop everything on your teammates. They'll praise you for it.

• When playing a medic NEVER and I mean NEVER heal your teammates. There are medical stations there anyway; tell them to go fuck themselves since you need dem drugs to be a one-man-army.

• Always play as an Engineer even where there's not a damn vehicle in the map. Hey you may be useless as shit, but you look cool with that gas mask.

• Running over your teammates with vehicles will instantly promote you by 1 rank. So in one game be sure to drive like a drunk on weed so you'd be instantly promoted by 30 ranks in one game.

• Keep doing a tech-roll.

• Play a heavy specialist, get a G-Launcher, spam it everywhere, and lol on regular intervals.

• Since rawket lawnchairs and grenade launchers are so realistic in Warrock where you can fire it at point-blank range and survive the explosion but the enemy can't, be sure to use them on every occasion, including CQB moments.

• When piloting the heavy tank, be sure to drive it near enemy territory and park it there. Your teammates will thank you for making things more challenging for them.

• Apply everything you've learned playing every other generic FPS game and do what you do best.

• Medics are Women. Let that soak in a little.

Related Articles

• EA
• EA Download Manager
• Battlefield 2142
• Battlefield Heroes
• Battlefield: Bad Company 2

External Links

• BF2 - The official bloated site of Battlefield 2. Website is now for faggy Battlefield 3 shit.
• BF2 Europe Forums - Dumb euro's bitching about every aspect of the game.
• TotalBF2.com - A good place to get instant-banned for mentioning BF2's shortcomings.
• BF2S - Best place to check how much of a noob you are and who's a jet whore.

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