Terraria
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Did you mean Minecraft? |
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This game is actually nothing like Minecraft but you are encouraged to say it is anyway, as it makes the Tarraria-tards extremely mad |
Terraria (Tear-her-rear or better known as Minecraft 2: Electric Boogaloo or Autism: Now In 2D) is a sandbox game created entirely in C# with XNA and is the brainchild of the brilliant programmer Red. The game was created in merely 4 months, and it shows. Being a game made in C# and XNA it's a cookie-cutter, uninspired, and overall extremely terrible; in fact being made in C# is the very reason why you shouldn't play it to begin with. But the game itself is not as notorious as the fact that just after its release the serious video game reviewers THE BEST GAMERS made a fair and balanced review of the game, just to be taken down by Blue, Red's lover.
The Game
As you can perfectly see the game is pretty much Minecraft, meets Cave Story starring Bartz from Final Fantasy V. Also another interesting thing is the apparent relationship of the developers Red & Blue. Rumour has it that they in fact are lovers and that they RAPED AND MURDERED A YOUNG GIRL IN 1990.
Party Girl
In a money-grabbing attempt to sell the game to more Bronies (One of the few groups lonely enough to actually buy the game) The developers added the Party Girl: AKA a near exact rip of EQG Pinkie Pie.
This attempt to sell more games was unsuccessful as most Bronies, being autistic, already had the awful game.
Review
When the game was released hordes of autistic nerds rejoiced. Everybody was pretty sure that it was the second coming of Christ. Realizing that this game was fooling everyone and turning them to scrubs, THE BEST GAMERS published a review pointing out the fact that Terraria is basically just a Minecraft ripoff with stolen artwork. To finish off the review (and maintain their high standard of journalistic integrity), THE BEST GAMERS performed an investigation of one of the developers, Blue, and showed the world what a classy fellow he is.
Butthurt because THE BEST GAMERS put out the a factual and completely unbiased review on the internet, Blue pissed his pants and submitted a DMCA claim. YouTube complied, taking down the video because fair use laws do not apply when the subject material is made out of shitty code and Final Fantasy sprite rips. Shortly after the first review disappeared, Blue put up a helpful and informative post in which he cleared up a few things:
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In case you were concerned, "[he] was not ranting while he wrote this, [he] was rather calm." He went back and edited his post the next day, but sometimes that is what it takes to "accept it, admit it, and forgive" the people that you were calling idiots just three sentences ago.
Who is Blue
Many things could be say about him but as they say a picture is worth more than a 1000 words.
So what exactly does Blue do? According to the Terraria website, Blue is the "Production Assistant". According to another part of the website, he is the "PR Manager." According to his forum profile, he is a "Developer."
"Jeremy (Blue) Guerrette is what most would call a jack of all trades. He lends himself to the idea of every person being a story worth reading. He does not believe in solution through conflict and this has led him to be very outspoken in the ways of mediation and compromise. As a gamer he finds joy in the chance to explore many more stories. He hopes to be a part of something that can bring stories and joy to many others. This is his main goal as Production Assistant for Terraria."
In other words, he doesn't do shit and has absolutely nothing to do with the game's development. His job is to write shitty poetry, stalk women, make an ass of the team, and occasionally update the developers' Twitter for them. Some speculate that the only reason Red keeps him on the team is because Blue gives him head every day.
The Art of Touching a Woman
Like a hand in rushing water, a cool and tangible surface, like a hand out a car window, the wind controlling its movement, like a hand upon green grass, as you watch it bend in softness, like a hand touching fire, every moment leaves a mark, like a hand in the frozen snow, your warmth could melt it all, gently, slowly, specifically, all detail matters, and every inch is art, I could tell you about a reason, to love a moment like this, but its better left, unsaid, for a touch is worth a thousand words, and pictures just don’t matter anymore, for only a memory of your touch, can bring that look to her face, and that longing, to her eyes.
As you can see, Blue is a master of fiction. After all how could he write something like that when he doesn't even have fingers to fingerbang?
Gallery
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The title screen. -
The "man" himself. -
Ooh, Exploitable! -
Blue's old dating profile, which he recently deleted.
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No, seriously. -
Protip: /v/ actually believes this shit so repost this for maximum trolling -
The only thing worth doing in terraria. -
Guerrette cosplaying Mr.Game and watch. -
Blue and his underage girlfriend -
blue, girlfriend, and their mexican friend -
Terraria 2: Electric Boogaloo AKA Terraria In Space
After Red gave a welfare queen the pregs he stop updating terraria because he needed to get an actual job to pay for his nigglet. Autistic children everywhere starter getting scarred, but no fear Tiy the great artist behind the original art of Terraria is making a brand new game. The game called Starbound is a truly new original game that in no way or form is a cliche sequel that has been done too many times. All we know is that it has bird tits to sell the furry crowd. Also Blue is working with Tiy so expect more lulz.
The Nightmare Before Christmas
After Red released the update 1.1, the Moderator XetaCorp decided to fake his own death. When the community of butthurt faggots found out he was dead, memorial after memorial was made in memory of the wonderful mod they grew up with. On Feburary 28th, 2012, the forum member Bobrocket leaked the info that Xeta had been faking the whole time. This made moderator Rarity very sad, and thus threatened to b& Bobrocket.
TerrariaOnline 2: Electric Boogaloo
On July 24th, 2013, the forum lost beloved member Bobrocket. He was b& because he posted a picture of Ocram (the shitty console edition boss) claiming it was his. He was dealt a one-week ban for piracy. Becoming more butthurt, Bobrocket then decided to evade his ban 5 times to call the homosexual admin a "Dysfunctional asscrack", and a "faggot". This, of course, made the entire team of moderators very butthurt, and permab& his ass.
However, as soon as news spread that Bob had been b&, his comrades sought his remembrance, and made thread after thread of "Bobrocket tribute threads", and "R.I.P Bobrocket" signatures. They have gotten to the point where mods have been told to b& anyone who tries to give Bobrocket more glory.
External links
His failed Kickstarter- achievement hunter profile
- RPG Maker profile
- A veiw to behold
- Blue's Photobucket profile
See Also
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Terraria is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |