Virus

Either referring to an infectious micro-organism or a computer program designed to fuck with other computers.

See those legs? NOT EVEN REAL LEGS! Just proteins that happen to behave like legs when a current is passed through them.

First Definition

A microscopic entity that infects other organisms and reproduces through the host's cells, often causing negative health effects like an insatiable desire for yiffing. Most virii are able to eventually pwn their host if left untreated. It is debated by scientists as to whether virii can be classified as living organisms (which is awesome), as it cannot reproduce by itself, a requirement for the biological definition of the word 'organism.' Virii are also immune to antibiotics (also awesome), further supporting the thought that they are not alive. After a human immune system pwns an infecting virus, it 'knows' how to dispose of it if it were to ever try to fuck with you again. Some virii, however, constantly mutate, causing the immune system to have to figure out how to pwn it again. The result of this is that you constantly get the common cold.

How does this kind of shit even comes about to exist?

1. Retarded cell shits out its DNA.
2. DNA floats along.
3. Dumbfuck bacteria's friend dares to eat that shit.
4. Nothing happens.
5. Repeat steps 1-3.
6. Assbrained bacteria starts crapping more ...
7. ... viral DNA out instead of making its food.
8. New DNA is a little different.
9. Repeat steps 7-8.

Eventually through sheer dumb luck you get this faggot, the mother fucking T-4 bacteriophage. This nigger doesn't give a shit about you, its about as alive as that funny looking .exe in that hentai manga you downloaded, its just the hellspawned offspring of a machine and some primordial organism.

That stone cold killa doesn't even care about reproducing, all it wants to do is fuck your shit up and just ruin your day.

Nigga is probably just a biological weapon come to wreck your shit.

DISCLAIMER: The T-4 bacteriophage, like all varieties of viruses can only infect one particular organism so you are safe... for now. Also remember that for every organism that has been investigated, not a single one has been found to be free from viruses that target them.

There are also people who argue that the virii were just developed by alien jews that lived on the earth before humans and attempted to make nanites for teh lulz, but eventually ended up wiping themselves out of existence.

Commonly Known Virii

These locusts are dancing to celebrate the evolution of a new strain of the ebola virus.

Cold: Extremely contagious, colds are spread through any conceivable contact with an infected person. Usually causes minor flu symptoms. There are so many strains of the cold virus that it is impossible to be vaccinated for them. So deal with it, pussy, and show up for work.

Influenza (The Flu): Commonly spread by airborne saliva. Can cause varying degrees of fever, headache, runny nose, nausea, and fatigue. This virus is smart enough to tell time, as it mutates annually, and many, mostly old people, are encouraged to get the vaccine for the flu that particular year since they suck too much to deal with it themselves. The flu was originally developed by the jews as a precursor to AIDs.

Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV): Spread through the sharing of most bodily fluids, excluding saliva. Statistics say that it is most commonly spread through the sharing of needles, but we all know it's gay buttsex that causes AIDS. This virus is strange, in that it doesn't pwn you itself, but rather destroys the immune system of its host, which lets other sucky virii, like colds, pwn you instead. But don't be fooled by its passive behavior; if you get HIV, you will be pwned. Period. So would you rather be pwned by a lame virus, or would you rather go out with a bang, shot down by S.W.A.T. teams as you shoot every person not as lame or gay or buttsexed as you?

Second definition

case of extreme intelligence on ED

PROTIP: Unsolicited pop-ups are always friendly and helpful

A virus can also mean a malicious computer program designed to fuck with your settings, programs, e-mail, or entire computer altogether. Usually made by lonely hackers who like to make computers do what they want cause they can't get anything else to, including 16 year old girls and their penises. In addition to that, most of caught virus creators said that they did it for the lulz.