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UFO

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An Unidentified Flying Object (often shortened to UFO) is the by-product of Budweiser and/or mescaline, that, to this day, have only been witnessed by God's chosen people. They are known for showing up near trailer parks and methamphetamine laboratories, and appear before those who are alone in the woods at night for completely legitimate reasons. Although no conclusive evidence has been brought forth proving their existence, many scientists have devoted their lives to studying the phenomenon.

A typical UFO, witnessed above Buttfuck, Idaho, 1952
A genuine UFO

Stories

Eyewitness Account #1

<ED_P> omg: http://www.ldi5.com/i/ufo/nat/plasmoide2.jpg. that's wut i saw
<DanF_DrC> ED_P, are you serious?
<ED_P> yes
<ED_P> cept
<ED_P> it was smaller
<ED_P> and more yellowish
<ED_P> very, very bright
<ED_P> like
<ED_P> a flashlight
<DanF_DrC> ED_P, try to form longer more descriptive sentences. tell me what happened. how it moved, how long it took etc
<ED_P> it didn't move from side to side. it move more like, toward me, you know?
<ED_P> the centre of the light was like the picture u showed
<ED_P> but coming from it
<ED_P> was more light
<ED_P> like, in a big radius
<DanF_DrC> ED_P, I see. so it had a core and a larger transparent luminous shell outside?
<ED_P> yeah yeah, like that.
<DanF_DrC> ok. was the shell well defined? sharp edge
<ED_P> it was more of a soft hue
<Grigory> what dos, aleyan look lyik?
<ED_P> i saw an alien with the lite
<DanF_DrC> ED_P, how far away was it? how big? where and when did you see it? for how long? any sounds?
<ED_P> it had like
<ED_P> uhh
<ED_P> it was a few meters away
<Grigory> did it hav, powr sourc?
<ED_P> yeah grigory
<ED_P> AA battery
<ED_P> from what i could tell
<DanF_DrC> ED_P, hmm are you serious?
<ED_P> yeah
<ED_P> i saw a ufo that ran on AA batteries
<DanF_DrC> you saw an alien holding an AA battery?
<Grigory> wat is, battery

Eyewitness Account #2

<DanF_DrC> hi
<Grigory> how do i know i sen ufo????
<DanF_DrC> hehe, if you don't know for sure then you may never know. what did you see?
<Grigory> saw big, gren lite go fast then it come down in trees far over
<Grigory> i lok to see and i find cheesburger
<Grigory> ??
<Grigory> wat dose it mean
<Grigory> sory for englis i am serb
<DanF_DrC> np. you found a cheeseburger? :)
<Grigory> yah in park
<Grigory> wher lite fel
<DanF_DrC> did it have wrapping paper? was it warm?
<Grigory> yes it had biet take ot
<Grigory> was wram, yes
<DanF_DrC> still warm?
<DanF_DrC> no paper?
<Grigory> papr on ground nearbye
<DanF_DrC> ok. it's possible that a person came by and saw the green light and got scared and ran
<Grigory> o
<DanF_DrC> how far away from you was the green light?
<Grigory> wat if alen got hungri?
<Grigory> hm
<Grigory> i say, bout ';50 metres
<DanF_DrC> how big was it?
<Grigory> maybi 500 sozyci
<Grigory> or amamrican mesure?
<Grigory> wat, is ekal?
<DanF_DrC> you don't user meters in serbia?
<Grigory> for big, we us sozyci
<DanF_DrC> tell me in meters please
<Grigory> 50 sozyci, maybi size of house
<Grigory> so is very big
<DanF_DrC> ok maybe 10-15 meters?
<DanF_DrC> like a bus?
<Grigory> no, much big
<Grigory> size of hotl
<Grigory> at lest from distinc
<DanF_DrC> didn't you say it was 50 meters from you?
<Grigory> no
<Grigory> 500
<DanF_DrC> ok
<DanF_DrC> what shape did it have?
<Grigory> kind of, oval
<Grigory> blury
<Grigory> from lite
<DanF_DrC> did it shimmer? like on the road on a hot day
<DanF_DrC> or was it calm
<Grigory> shimer, yes
<Grigory> flash, in out
<Grigory> yes?
* ED_P (*********) has joined ##ufo
<DanF_DrC> no I meant more like a gas flame. you mean it pulsated? like the warp core in star trek?
<ED_P> okay guys i finally found you
<Grigory> star trek?
<ED_P> i was looking for a good ufo channel
<DanF_DrC> ED_P, shh
<ED_P> but i have a huge problem
<ED_P> i think i saw a ufo
<Grigory> it go, flash in out like flame
<Grigory> yes
<ED_P> and i'm scared. i need confirmation.
<DanF_DrC> ED_P, so did Grigory. please wait
<ED_P> my name comes first in the alien alphabet
<DanF_DrC> Grigory, did it have spots on it?
<Grigory> no
<Grigory> to far
<Grigory> it make sound, lik angry albanan
<Grigory> it go, grumbl
<Grigory> yes?
<Grigory> very, faint far of
<Grigory> but i hear
<DanF_DrC> nice
<Grigory> nice?
<DanF_DrC> what you saw was a ufo. if you are telling the truth
<Grigory> i am, tell truth
<Grigory> you are just lik other mens
<Grigory> in amaricanm
<DanF_DrC> I found two pictures. did it look like any of these two?
<Grigory> they say, he is crazy
<DanF_DrC> http://www.ldi5.com/i/ufo/nat/plasmoide2.jpg
<Grigory> they poke me
<Grigory> to take me away
<DanF_DrC> http://www.newzeal.com/steve/remote/comunica/ComBudgetd.jpg
<Grigory> from, home, family
<Grigory> combudget
<Grigory> is it
<DanF_DrC> but green?
<Grigory> yes
<DanF_DrC> excellent
<Grigory> wat is it meaning
<DanF_DrC> hard to say but what you saw is quite rare. I would love to have seen it
<DanF_DrC> was the shape very much like the combudget one?
<Grigory> yes but no strip
<Grigory> just green
...
<DanF_DrC> Grigory, you live in USA now?
<Grigory> yes
<DanF_DrC> where did this happen?
<Grigory> in, jew york
<Grigory> new
<DanF_DrC> hehe where?
<Grigory> new york
<Grigory> , is city yes
<DanF_DrC> new york is a big place
<DanF_DrC> where in new york
<Grigory> in plac with big, tree
<Grigory> man come to me, say giv me moneys
<Grigory> he take moneys
<Grigory> in place
<Grigory> many bad, peoples
<Grigory> in this
<DanF_DrC> where in new york did you see the ufo Grigory?
<Grigory> am not know, amrican name
<Grigory> big place with, tree, dirt
<Grigory> many peopl sleep
<Grigory> in open space
<DanF_DrC> you don't know any way to describe where you were?
<DanF_DrC> was it on manhattan?
<Grigory> big place, many smely, peopl
...
<DanF_DrC> did you feel that it looked at you?
<Grigory> yes, but no eyes
<Grigory> more, like it noes of me
<Grigory> it noes what, i think
<DanF_DrC> did it speak to you?
<Grigory> no, it think words
<DanF_DrC> what words?
<DanF_DrC> what did it say
<Grigory> it say, grigory, we come for you we noes wat u do, we come from albana to get you
<DanF_DrC> really?
<Grigory> yes
<DanF_DrC> amazing :)
<Grigory> they follow
<Grigory> me, from serb
<Grigory> i am not wanting to tell
<DanF_DrC> have you seen it in serbia?
<Grigory> is, mak crazy
<Grigory> but am not
<Grigory> yes, serbya
<DanF_DrC> I believe you. don't worry about how it sounds
<Grigory> they say, he crazy serb stay away
<DanF_DrC> you have seen it before?
<Grigory> no
<Grigory> am confuse
<Grigory> sory
<Grigory> what is, say
<DanF_DrC> no problem
<DanF_DrC> what are you confused about?
<Grigory> words
<DanF_DrC> ok
<Grigory> am understand now
<Grigory> so wat aliyen
<Grigory> is 
<Grigory> do, albana hav such teknologyes
...
<Grigory> you see, is not just serb kill
<Grigory> albanan kill
<Grigory> kosovo was serb before, albanan come in
<DanF_DrC> yes. like israel
<Grigory> israel, is bad
<Grigory> jew, kill all
<Grigory> hate all
<Grigory> yes?
<DanF_DrC> yes they could do better
<DanF_DrC> not nice to the palestinians
<DanF_DrC> silly jews
<Grigory> peoples, always am say, oh jew is suffer, take pity on 
<Grigory> but israel, is very rich
<DanF_DrC> I don't think they are very rich. they do ok but not rich
<DanF_DrC> compared to the palestinians perhaps
<Grigory> is rich, compare to serbya
<DanF_DrC> perhaps
<Grigory> denmark, is rich too yes
<DanF_DrC> well we do ok
<DanF_DrC> we have food and peace :)
<DanF_DrC> although we have troops in iraq :(
<Grigory> ah, iraq
<Grigory> usa, in iraq for jew
<DanF_DrC> because of our foolish primeminister
<Grigory> to protect jew
<DanF_DrC> yes probably
<Grigory> from sadam husin
<Grigory> http://www.kosovo.net/news/archive/2006/November_10/3.html
<Grigory> see, is much violent
<DanF_DrC> about your ufo experience, I think you should write down everything you can remember about it. many pages
<Grigory> yes?
<Grigory> write, in book
<Grigory> in serbyan?
<Grigory> or anglo
<Grigory> helo?
<DanF_DrC> in your own languge so you don't forget. then you can read it later
<Grigory> yes, serb
<Grigory> you speak danyan?
<DanF_DrC> danish
<Grigory> o
<Grigory> so, wat is aliyen look like
<DanF_DrC> I think they can look like anything they want
<DanF_DrC> often they appear as small thin grey people with big black eyes
<DanF_DrC> sometimes tall. sometimes looks like us
<Grigory> do they hav big black beard
<Grigory> dark skin
<Grigory> moslem fez
<Grigory> yes?
<DanF_DrC> hehe never heard of any like that
<DanF_DrC> only some that look like white people
<DanF_DrC> they are call the nordic type
<DanF_DrC> because they are white with blond hair
<Grigory> waht about albanan type
<DanF_DrC> never
<Grigory> jew type?
<DanF_DrC> no
<Grigory> wat is my aliyen look like
<Grigory> is he serb?
<DanF_DrC> It's possible. I think they can look like what they want and it's mostly illusions but I've never heard of any with dark skin
<Grigory> come to help me
<Grigory> from albanan?
<DanF_DrC> hehe no I don't think so
<Grigory> he does not help?
<Grigory> but he is good you am say
<DanF_DrC> well noone knows what they really want
<DanF_DrC> I think they are good overall
<DanF_DrC> they help us grow perhaps
<DanF_DrC> some are very nice. some do what looks like medical tests on us
<DanF_DrC> perhaps they teach us about ourselves
<DanF_DrC> you know?
<DanF_DrC> you understand
<DanF_DrC> you saw something that made you think...
<DanF_DrC> you learn
<DanF_DrC> you grow

Types of aliens

 
History Made Everyday

The grays

In condcut, grays are to humans as people in general are to ants - they either don't give a shit or mess around with them from time to time. Theoretically, it is difficult to say they are teh ebil as most humans aren't vegetarians. They are characterized by having underdeveloped digestive and reproductive organs, and visit earth to get better ones, generally from cows. This explains the phenomena of dead cows found with a perfect 'circle rash' on their ventral surfaces, autopsies revealing missing organs.

Reptoids

These fuckers can best be described as fascistoid space imperialists with a penchant for establishing convoluted conspiracies and secret societies on the planets they want to conquer (in addition to being humongous perverts and breeding with the members of the local power elite). Reptoids have, accordingto some secretive, but totally reliable sources, infiltrated most of the Earth's governments (especially those Israel, UK and the USA) and are now ruling the planet, so feel free to pop a cap in a politician's ass, since he's probably a reptoid in disguise!

Nordics

Tall, fair skinned and blonde-haired humanoids hailing from the Pleiades constellation. The REAL masterminds behine the third Reich and national socialism, these alien aryan demigods, in an act of unparraleled empathy and compassion, tried to uplift us lowly worms to their ranks. Sadly, their chosen prophet and avatar - Adolf Hitler, failed miserably in ushering fourth their grand design. Some of them live still in the frozen north of Europe where they have created a human-masked society of peace and plenty. Unfortunately, many have become afflicted with a strange mental illness that caused them to forsake their true nature and welcome hordes of invasive hukan organisms into their domains.

These other kinds who meet up

These aliens congregate from all over the universe who, as spiritually higher beings, congregate(d) to help mankind (see Theory #1).

Theories

Theory #1

 
Das Boot

Accepts idea of grays, and believes that other types of aliens who are spiritually superior to humans congregate and contact certain human beings to save the world, although accounts have fallen significantly since the 70s. When they contact a human or humans, generally they ask whether the person will accept a small type of mission that will take an hour or more a day to accomplish, including the writing of a book dictated by the aliens signed under a pseudonym or the person's own name. The world along with the rest of the Milky Way, and perhaps other galaxies, are slowly moving towards an area in space with 'higher vibrations'. People have similar vibrations, known as an aura, and the earth functions in a similar way, with its own version of chakras or 'levels of energy' (core, less lava-y levels, etc). The earth is suspected to not be able to withstand this energy and will shatter once it comes in contact with these higher vibrations. The problem is not death, as these aliens are well aware of the spiritual planes one moves up after death; rather, the problem is that energy (also known as souls) will have nowhere to congregate in palpable form to carry out spiritual needs exigencies . As of late, UFO have not been contacting humans, puzzling us on the progress of the state of the world.

Theory #2

 
rut roh

Says that Theory #1 is complete bullshit, and that there are no space aliens at all. It claims that all recent sightings of UFOs are actually the work of Nazi super-science. Once commissioned by Hitler under the "Wunderwaffen" program, these vehicles are now supposedly in the possession of the US government, with a few still in the hands of Nazi scientists who were given refuge in South America.


See Also

External Links

 

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