Faking News

See also: Fake News

Faking News is a very serious news website from India (written in a civilized language mind you), which touts itself as the leading satirical news website in India. The website is written by curry-munching baboos, for curry-munching baboos, so a connoisseur of good satire might instead want to try The Onion or The Chaser.

	“	Faking News is a website that has news content with no reliable sources. We simply fake news to attract your attention. And we are honest about admitting it.	„

Hilarity Rarely Ensues

This is Indian comedy

• Lunatics march to Delhi to demand planet status for Moon - Center’s decision to grant statehood to Telangana has already encouraged similar demands in various parts of India, but now the disease is spreading like crazy. In what could start a series of queer demands for a change in the current state to which an object currently belongs, a bunch of lunatics (people who are obsessed with Luna i.e. the Moon) have demanded that the status of the Moon should be upgraded from satellite to planet.
• Domino’s launches figure-free pizza for carefree consumers - Pizza makers Domino’s has announced a new series of figure-free pizzas for people who eat with vivid hunger and utmost concentration, without diverting their attention towards extraneous aspects like calories and fat on the platter. The pizzas would be available in all sizes with extra cheese and would be delivered within half-an-hour of your hunger pangs. Most people have welcomed the concept of figure-free food and want more of it.
• Porn star Jenna Jameson poses in clothes to protect animal rights - Renowned and respected porn star Jenna Jameson has surprised everyone by posing fully dressed, covered from head to toe in clothes, to send out a strong signal to the world against cruelty to animals. Jameson wore fur to highlight the plight of animals that are killed by human beings to cover themselves. The event was organized by FALTU (Fur And Leather Things Unlawful) activists.
• Facebook launches Facebook Tsunami to take on Google Wave - Google Wave, in the past few months, has created a lot of debates over what could be the future of online communication. Many speculators believed that Facebook would face its first serious threat and might not survive the competition. In an attempt to obviate these speculations, Facebook team met the precogs (the three girls who have the power to see the future) of the Hollywood movie Minority Report and worked with them on a complete makeover of Facebook. As a result, facebook is all set to launch Facebook Tsunami.

Those crazy Indians, aren't they wacky?

Hilarity Ensues

Just like the theory that one million monkeys on a typewriter typing for a million years should produce a good novel, Faking News managed to troll to death old media in October, 2009, by writing the article, Unable to attract even a single girl, frustrated man sues Axe. Old media, always hungry for a lulzy story that they don't have to do any research on, snaffled it up like a fatty at an all-you-can eat restaurant.

The Article

Lynx won't attract very white looking Indians for you.

In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment for Hindustan Unilever Limited (HUL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case against the FMCG company, which owns the Axe brand of men grooming products, for ‘cheating’ and causing him ‘mental suffering’. The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he’s been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements suggest that the products help men in instantly attracting women.

Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her by appearing naked in front of her after applying all the Axe products.
No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her

No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her

“Where the fuck is the Axe effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I’d try to impress my lonely bai who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect my foot!” Vaibhav expressed his unhappiness.

Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company’s instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn’t experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.

“I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light or heat. I’d always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I’d do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children’s reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai.” Vaibhav expressed his frustration.

Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has been served a legal notice in this regard.

HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn’t possess the bare minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place. Officially HUL has not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have tough time convincing the court.

“HUL might be tempted to take that line of argument, but it is very risky. There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don’t attract women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I’d suggest that the company settles this issue out of court.” noted lawyer Ram Jhoothmalani said.

Old Media

Newspapers such as Ananova, The Daily Record and The Australian picked up the story and run for the endzone with it, but were quickly coat-hangered once it was found out the news was fake by a news-outlet. Journalists, who are supposed to check sources when they write an article, failed completely. Caught in the depression of troll's remorse, Faking News, like pussies, called the newspapers who reported the story to tell them it was fake, and issued this:

“	Faking News appeals to the people in India and abroad not to get confused and misguided by the duplication of content of Faking News on some mainstream news websites and blogs. Faking News also appeals to the website owners and blog authors to double-check the source of any content before they decide to duplicate it on their platforms.	„
—Faking News on common sense.

Media Watch

The Australian television show, known for it's extreme left-wing bias laid the smackdown on the newspaper The Australian, reprimanding it for poor journalistic integrity.

Media Watch Report

See Also

• India
• The Onion
• The Chaser
• Old Media
• Trolling
• Australia

Faking News is part of a series on Sites Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.