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Culture War
In internet terms, a Culture War is a type of large-scale dramatic event that often transcends both the internet and real life and involves a conflict over the term's namesake, Culture. Unlike wars of old, a Culture War rarely ends in death; occasionally you'll see some broken noses and black eyes, but any loss of life is usually caused through an hero'ing. It is important to note that the term "Culture War" in itself can mean one of three different things:
- A war IN culture - this is where consumers of a particular culture go to war with each other
- A war ON culture - this is where an outside group declare war on a culture in its entirety
- A war WITH culture - this is where a war is fought using culture as the weapon (i.e. Memetic Warfare)
These are not mutually exclusive in the slightest. GamerGate for example has been known to involve all three.
History
Think back. Way back. Long before SJWs. Long before Jack Thompson. Long before the World Wide Web, even, to 1920s Germany. War has been over for a few years, and the nation is starting to hurt all over. Money's lack of value is literally causing people to go insane and an hero as a result. Losing veterans who have since found themselves homeless are being spat on in the streets. Some feel so emasculated over their BTFO'ing that they start dressing like women. The arts have taken quite a tumble. Instead of picturesque scenes and detailed portraits, we're left with flat colors and abstract nothings. Instead of classical and German folk songs, Jazz has taken over in the clubs and theaters. The industries are striking frequently and rarely producing anything of quality.
Your name is Adolf Hitler, and you can't take it anymore. So you start a Culture War, branding all of this Weimar society as "degenerate" and seek to take control of the country so that you may exact your plans for cultural supremacy, and you achieve it in as bloodless a manner as possible.
Since Hitler's ragequit in 1945 this scenario has played out dozens of times, from McCarthy's purging of Hollywood through to the present-day rise of Cultural Marxism. With the breakthrough of internet, they have become only more prevalent in recent years.
Lifespan of a Culture War
As little to no deaths are recorded during a Culture War, it typically isn't over until several years after its initial emergence, whereas most of the action typically happens in the first two weeks until a stalemate is reached. From there on in the weaker side has learned to abate their mistakes and errors of judgment, all the while hiring lapdogs to speak for them.
The Politics of a Culture War
The driving force between all Culture Wars is politics. Whether or not it pertains to real-life events or so much as forms an allegory is up to the belligerents. Below is a brief guide on who you're likely to meet in the midst of a culture battle, please consult the detailed guide on the right for further information.
The Left
Cultural Marxists
More often than not, the whole raison d'etre of a Culture War are these sick fucks. They stumble across something that upsets the groupthink, and decide they need to do something about it. When asked, will deny that they even exist. And in the few occasions where they aren't the instigators, are often themselves responsible for creating an instigatible piece of culture i.e. banning men from a meeting or show, encouraging an 8 year old boy to put on make-up and slut it up with horny gay men, or producing a video game where the main character cannot be white.
Social Justice Warriors
A milder form of the Cultural Marxist, these are usually just mouthpieces that cry oppression whenever the time is right. Likewise, they typically lack any real-world power, whereas those further left generally manage to sink their tentacles into just about anything.
Liberalistisists
Your typical internet lefty. Frequent practitioner of mental gymnastics. Will parrot anything that CNN and Snopes tells them.
The Center
"Neutrals"
Left-leaning, always opts for the path of least resistance. In a way they're similar to nihilists, except they actually care. Voted for Obama, probably voted for Clinton after being told Sanders was no longer an option.
Fencesitters
True neutrals, though in reality they're just pussies who need someone to make all their decisions for them. KnowYourMeme is full of these two-faced NPCs.
Fanatics
You know who they are. The type of person that won't side with a team until they're winning.
The Right
Alt-Right
Other than political party allegiance, alt-righters follow more or less the same beliefs as moderate leftists. They still want to inject faggotry in your works of art, think transpeople are mentally sane and are usually prepared to die for Israel.
Old Right
Like the above, but existed decades ago and are largely culpable for every mis-step made by and towards America since the outcome of World War 2. Freaks out over just about any type of media, responsible for propagating the "Satanic Panic". Partially responsible for Sega's success in the 1990s, given that the only game they allowed their kids to play was Sonic the Hedgehog.
Far Right
Often incorrectly referred to as the "alt-right", mainly by clueless retards or those who actually are part of the alt-right (in which case the former applies anyway).
Major Culture Wars
Violent Video Games (1992 - 1999)
Thanks to the release of games such as Mortal Kombat, parents started to grow concerned that their little Timmy would start imitating what he saw at the arcade. As NWA had ruined it for every other artist and band act out there in the music industry through the introduction of the "Parental Advisory" sticker, Mortal Kombat arguably had the same effect on video games. Though some games in the past had been relegated to behind the counter, there were no rules in place for those with only slightly objectionable content. The outcome of the first phase of this war was the implementation of age ratings, followed by a 7-year long ceasefire on behalf of the moralfags and Jewish lawyers hellbent on finding a new scapegoat for murderers to use in order to escape responsibility for their actions.
Fallout from Columbine
Moar info: Columbine.
Though these ratings were rarely vindicated in the years hence, following the release of titles such as Doom, Grand Theft Auto and Resident Evil, there had to be that one faggot to ruin it for everyone else. In this case it was two faggots, but the effect they had through their hilariously failed High Score attempt was instrumental in cementing the negative stigma that some hold over violent games as a whole to this day. Immediately Doom and other game-playing clubs at schools and workplaces were banned overnight, and cogs began turning inside the previously-mentioned lawyers.
Violent Video Games 2: Sex-lectric Boogaloo (2004 - 2008)
In October 2004, Rockstar released San Andreas, the fifth main title of the Grand Theft Auto franchise. By the time most of the intensive modders for its predecessor, Vice City, successfully completed the game two months later, a modder known for the Myriad Islands addon named Barton Waterduck coded a program to view animations. During December and most of January the following year, chat was ablaze on various GTA fora that several unused animations had been discovered, namely SEX, KISSING, SNM, and BLOWJOBZ. It was here that a Dutch manchild named Patrick Wildenborg discovered that the animations were part of an unused code.
8 months following the initial release on PS2 and Xbox, the game was ported (albeit very poorly) to the PC, which is when the proverbial can of worms that continues to haunt the assholes of the Houser brothers to this day was released. The story goes that with mere weeks to go before the final discs would be pressed, some talentless hack decided that rather than remove the whole thing completely and spare any controversy, hiding it was just as viable a solution. This of course, backfired.
So when the time came to pass and the scandal made the news, who did Rockstar choose to blame?
- Was it the employee(s) who chose not to spend the time removing the feature, delaying the game if necessary?
- Was it themselves for not checking the game thoroughly before release and prying back into the now stitched-up source code?
- Was it the backwards rating system that allows full-on massacres with chainsaws, shotguns and molotovs aplenty but a minor depiction of fully-clothed sex is over the line?
- Or was it the naughty player who stuck his nose where he shouldn't have?
If you answered D, congratulations. And so all copies of SA were recalled and replaced with the dreaded version known as 2.0 that was designed to crash if it detected that any game data was modified. As the internet does not tolerate such rampant faggotry however, within a matter of days a Downgrade Patch was made available. Rockstar ended up as both losers and winners, since they were humiliated at how otherwise nameless hackers managing to fuck up their billion-dollar investment through a single boolean value, yet at the same time won by default since nobody gave a shit at what Hilldog and some jackass had to say.
