Alien

This article is entirely factual. Australiens have provided empirical evidence that aliens are real (claims hijacked by aliens)!

Aliens are cephalopodan creatures from France that are often shown as brutal uncivilized murdering bastards. But those are just blown-up lies; most aliens are actually perfectly civilized rapists who genuinely care about their victims and are masters in the art of anal telekinesis. It is a fact that most aliens are sex offenders - records show that 99.99% of anal rape crimes committed in Texas are done by extraterrestrial beings, or Mexicans. Contrary to popular belief, Sk4t0r05 is not an alien, but a retard from a nearby country, and is often referred to as the German Vermin. He is, however, an anal rapist.

A typical alien drone used for anal probes.

Man's best friend

An alien apprehended by the CIA before being transported to Area 51.

A halloween costume honoring our alien friends.

A glance at the medical department of an alien space station; rectal-abdominal surgery.

File:Ilegal Ailens.jpg

They took yer jeb!

Over the centuries some aliens have become presidents, top athletes and even slurpee scientists. Yes, nowadays an existence without aliens is hardly imaginable; They do our laundry, iron our clothes and watch the kids when we're not at home. The best thing about this is that we learn a lot from aliens, their superhuman ability to be completely apathetic to any form of drama is something we should all endeavor, it's even rumored that there are some aliens active at ED's drama lexicon, Aussieintn for instance is definitely one.

Aliens bring wealth, knowledge and happiness to everybody, except for the few broken souls that create usernames that are half composed of numbers. These doomed non-entities almost uniformly rob graves for sexual pleasure and as a result are made the targets of the aliens' marvelous anal technology. This includes the SIT (Small Intestine Translocator) and the ARD (Anal Rotation Device, presumably stolen from Nikola Tesla). Their horrid screams are often heard at graveyards as the aliens plunge their evil metal machines in the tiny, quivering rectums of unwilling young gothic teenagers.

Apart from that, they're kind friendly creatures who go to church every Sunday. They also like to stare at people through windows in the middle of the night. OMFG LOOK BEHIND YOU!

The Famous Moshman Incident

Sometimes, aliens infiltrate the government.

Aliens mostly come out at night, but one particular alien ate too many shrooms on one occasion and became disoriented. After eating the face of a cat belonging to a suburban family, the police were contacted and began to undergo the pursuit of this dreadful/grotesque/lulzy creature. The creature, dubbed the Moshman, was eventually pursued by army helicopters, tanks and other awesome military crap. To the embarrassment of the US government, who went so far as to nuke half the world in an attempt to neutralize the alien threat, it was later revealed that this alien was in fact just a small midget with a corset on its head.

okay, who's the jackass that blanked the article?