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AnandTech

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AnandTech is a site dedicated to informing rich, cracker, basement dwelling, suburbanite gamers about which proprietary piece of shit hardware has just been released for the Pee Cee that your UNIX system won't support for a few more years. You will find no VMS or BSD users on this site. AT was started at least 100 years ago by a dirty dothead named Anand La Shrimpy - noted for his short stature - on a Geoshities web page. The proper pronounciation of "AnandTech" is debated. Some argue it's "ah nand tek" while others debate it's "an and tek". Who cares? You're a chicken Jew. Don't worry about it! No one speaks jibberish anyway.

Anand La Shrimpy, founder of AnandTech. Note the lack of neckbeard. There's no way this guy's a Lunix admin.

Admins

SysOps on AT are widely renowned for their sense of humor and undying paternal instincts. Admins watch over and protect the herd of cats that is the userbase of AT from trolls, price gauging, and non-repetitive posts in threads without fail. You can rest safe with these guardian angels at your side. Also, users can be nominated for adminship. Unlike ED, where you can be an IRC op in under a week, AT takes a fucking lifetime. Just pad your post count with bumps, stay on the forum for 5+ years, and suck lots of cock. Before you know it, you'll be annointed.

Users

 
Typical AT user in his natural environment.

Never before in the history of the Internets has a ginormous number of retards co-inhabited one large basement of the Wired. As many times as these morons have been butthurt by trolls selling fake shit, it still happens every week. A true testament to the n00berocity of AT. Have a gander at the Chopperating Systems forum. You'd think after such a shitty track record by Microsoft producing software that the number of nerds, on a site supposedly dedicated to bringing the news about hardware, who would buy into another release of Windows would be rather minimal. Wrong! OSes is packed with threads about Vista and cuntbags whining about their shiny, new Quad Core Pentiums not being supported. Efficiency experts at work!

Even more amazing are user rigs, if 32 bit CISC systems can really be considerd "rigs". Be sure to check out the "My Rig" links in peoples' signatures to see how much love fagberts give to their IDE CDROMs, non-ECC RAM modules, and CPU coolers. That is, if you can actually find real posts amidst the 23 pages of pages of bumps. Bumps? you say. Yes, that's right. Rather than just allowing threads to be sorted by last modification time, AT doesn't mind wasting zillions of disk blocks on their solar heat generating SATA drives to allow users to push their threads to the top of the first page of a forum.

Trolling AT

 
What moar users on the forum need to hear.

Unbeknownst to most, AT is a virtually untapped resource begging for trolling. Search for posts from banned user DVK916 and discover how little it takes to set these geeks off. Do your part to keep the lulz alive. Here's how.

How to troll AnandTech in seven easy steps:

  1. Get an account from a free mail provider like Yahoo! or Hotmail.
  2. Create and validate an account on AT.
  3. Post on the For Sale forum. Make up a really sad story, like one involving your family being almost killed in a car accident.
  4. Offer hardware that's almost "top of the line" in x86-Land for prices that are slightly under market value.
  5. Get morons to send you the money before shipping items.
  6. ??????
  7. PROFIT!!!11

Faillery

  •  
    Achtung! This is why Flash is not suitable for websites, kids.
  •  
    Why bumping is fucking retarded.
  •  
    Leenox n00bs on AnandTech.
  •  
    For being a supposedly technically competant place, a lot of morons fell for Microsoft's bullshit and bought Vista.
  •  
    Hey, look at the CDROM in my x86 PeeCee! It's got a whopping 1GB of memory! A winner is you.
  •  
    AT is troll-proof. Don't even try.
  •  
    Note this insightful discussion of trolls on AnandTech: You can't troll the users of AT. They're way too smart for that.
  •  
    The pretentious moderators of AT laying down the banhammer on those intelligent enough understand supply and demand.
  •  
    Watch out /b/! AT is taking over this town.

Links

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