Chat Avenue

Chat Avenue (located at the 3rd exit off the information superhighway, north-bound) is a delightful online chatroom, a shining beacon of hope for the lonely, perverted, pedophiles and would-be-trolls of the cyber-world.

Claiming to be the internet's largest chatroom, it's a completely free service, which merely requires the input of a nickname from a user.

This, coupled with the site's non-existent moderators, makes it fine pickings for flame wars and in general, all round lulz.

Within the realm of Chat Avenue, there are a number of different 'specialty' chatrooms to enter.

It should be noted that the type of chatroom entered will have a massive influence on who a user will come into contact with, and thus the severity of retardedness faced.

Population

"Gt any sexi pics?" ... I sure do!

Chat Avenue is home to several distinct groupings of people:

The Slutty Teen - Tends to be bored, middle class teens with nothing better to do than hold "Webcam Shows" to entertain complete strangers. They enjoy swapping stories of sexual encounters and cybering, as they are incredibly experienced in this field. They tend to be victims of surprise sex in later life.

The Middle Aged Man - Generally is a bored husband in a stagnant marriage looking to meet new people. Translated, this means he wants teh sexx0rz!

The 'Has No Friends IRL' - A rather sick-minded individual who is on Chat Avenue for the reason it was designed for - to meet new people. This type of person tends to be someone who is disillusioned with Facebook and/or has a serious amount of free time on their hands.

The Pedophile - The staple group of the Chat Avenue population, it is estimated for every one user there is at least 3 pedophiles, waiting to get their grubby hands on some delicious illegal meat. Pedophile haunts are limited exclusively to Kid's Chat and Teen Chat.

The ASL Stalker - Similar to the Pedophile, but more persistent and attracted to anything with a central nervous system. ASL Stalkers tend to be would-be An Hero candidates.

Teh Gamer - A minority in the grand scheme of things, and only really found in Game Chat. They are highly defensive (especially if they have pledged allegience to the PS3 or Xbox 360, the two playable factions in the popular real time strategy game, "Console Wars") but when observed in the wild they are known to roleplay with their own kind.

The Troll - Although rare, trolls can be found spamming the chatrooms. Their sole purpose is to annoy all the above types of people, preferably all at once.

For more information on their natural habitats and activities, see below.

Types of Chatroom

Teen Chat

Screenshots say moar than words.

Teen Chat is one of the more popular chatrooms in the site.

However, contrary to popular belief, it is not the ideal place of choice for a flame war. In fact, it's incredibly hard to get a word in at all, before it's lost among the heavy volume of desperate people advertising themselves (via Age/Sex/Location format) and an even larger volume of paedophiles grooming for children.

Indeed, typing, "Hi, 11 / f / London here" will guarantee at least 6 responses from middle-aged men saying, "Hi there, I'm 46. Are you ok with that? Have you got cam?"

However, for what it lacks in trolls, Teen Chat can prove a powerful offensive weapon.

Got an MSN / Yahoo contact you're not particularly fond of? For girls, splash their email address all over Teen Chat claiming they're a "Hot girl willing to do anything on cam! Add me!" (Emphasis on anything. And throw in a liberal amount of winking smilies for good effect too.)

If this message is copied and pasted several times into the main chatroom the victim can expect at least 50 new contacts on their IM within minutes, each one as disgusting and perverse as the other. This tactic works best if the girl has morals, that way, she will be doubly disgusted.

For guys, spamming their email address on Gay Chat is preferential.

Teen Chat has also been known to inspire the romantic side of people. Cybering (keyboard sex) is about as commonplace as Herpes is IRL.

For example:

Big Dog: i slowly start kissing down ur neck and remove ur shirt
Well Fitt Bbz: as my shirt becomes undone, I lick the back of your ear, over and over again
Big Dog says: i stick my dick in ur mouth and start to massage ur breasts
Well Fitt Bbz: as your dick slides into my mouth, i start to gag and realise that I've been
drugged - I scream for help. "RAPE!" i cry, "RAPE!"
Big Dog says: ............
Well Fitt Bbz: oh, sorry
Well Fitt Bbz: wanted a dramatic twist there
Well Fitt Bbz: go on
Big Dog: i lead u into the bedroom and lay beside u on the bed while sliding ur pants down
Well Fitt Bbz: as my pants slide down i take an epileptic fit and start foaming at the mouth.
Weill Fitt Bbz: I also lose control of my urinary system, and begin to excrete everywhere.
Big Dog: wht the hell
Well Fitt Bbz: play along!
Big Dog: i shove my dick back in ur mouth to stop the foaming
Well Fitt Bbz: but I just cant stop, the seizures are getting bad
Well Fitt Bbz: - my jaw locks and snaps off your penis, blood goes everywhere
Well Fitt Bbz: you scream in pain and I choke on what remains of your urethra
Well Fitt Bbz: this is great, keep it going!
Big Dog: i start licking ur tits and rubbing ur cunt gently with my fingers
Well Fitt Bbz: Then liek idk, my bff Jill runs in and sees you molesting my dead body?
Well Fitt Bbz: THE END.
Well Fitt Bbz: That was class.
Well Fitt Bbz: Thanks for cybering bbz!
Big Dog: ...do u have ne nude pics
Well Fitt Bbz: Ok, the story's finished now. Hehe you big fool you.

Kids Chat

Avoid Kids Chat at all cost. It contains the highest concentration of predatory paedophiles just waiting to click on some young, fresh meat like yourself.

College Chat

Asl asl asl?

College Chat contains a slightly lower concentration of pedophiles due to the dwindling numbers of prey. However, the pedophiles are replaced by a much more dangerous type of breed - the ASL stalker. Females in the age bracket of 18 - 24 are most at risk from this threat. The ASL stalker will start by seeking someone out with a girly name, like Princess or I-Lurve-Me-Tits. He (it's always a he) will then proceed to ask that person for their Age, Sex and Location. ("Hi asl?") If an ASL is given that pleases the stalker, he will then proceed to ask for a social networking site or instant messenger address.

NEVER disclose your details unless fully prepared to deal with the wrath of a recovering WoW addict. If trolling, have a fake email address and/or social networking site at the ready to dispense to your new stalker.

Girls Only Chat

First and foremost, there are no girls here. All the apparent 'girls' are actually males pretending to be female because they like the cheap thrill of being asked "Asl?" by guys, but lack the inner-slut to advertise themselves on Gay Chat.

General Chat

General Chat attempts to hold some semblance of normality, but fails miserably. It's home to the 'serious' user of Chat Avenue, those that actually want to make e-friends. It is assumed that because these people tend to live in a world of their own IRL, in the chatroom they will police themselves. This makes for epic lulz. Utterance of any of the following phrases, such as; "Madeline McCann." / "Anyone else here a member of NAMBLA?" /"I regret aborting my seven month old baby with a coat hanger." etc. will more than likely prompt 2 types of responses;

Universal disgust at what has just been typed (generally expressed in the form of "O.o")
An all out ethical and moral debate on the evils of the modern world

Gay Chat

Just another day in Gay Chat.

Basically the same as Teen Chat, but without females. (However there's more than enough estrogen in the room to make up for the gender gap) Be warned, this is one room where if you do choose to advertise yourself, you will more than likely be asked by someone in your area to meet them at your local public restroom. Oh noes!

Adult Chat

Where grown-ups talk about serious things like bills, income tax and Hello Kitty's bid for global domination.

Just kidding, this place is full of sad pathetic married men looking for whores and sad pathetic married men pretending to be whores.

Singles Chat

Tends to have more ASL stalkers than College Chat. The golden rule to remember while in this chatroom is that if the person you're talking to ever sends a picture to you, it's always been taken from google.

PROTIP Add [email protected] to your MSN and Troll the 33 year old pedo for Great Lulz!

Video Games Chat

An underpopulated but exceedingly funny room. When it's not empty there are generally about 4-5 people, all of whom are involved in a bitter console war. ("XBUX DOES NT DESERVE GTA!!one111!!11one".)

(Sports Chat and Music Chat also exist, but they're not important IRL, so why should they be online?)

Security

Chat Avenue claims it has a stringent security system, but some would argue it doesn't really count, because when you get banned you can log right back in under a different name. In this regard, Chat Avenue is very similar to the social networking site, Bebo, where the kids are left to fend for themselves.

Trolling Roleplayers

If someone, like you and I, likes doin it for the lulz, then one will begin intimately and pull off an edge with a dramatic twist, like so...

BagerMan89: I go into the bedroom
Dalcomie: I follow you
BagerMan89: I put the tip of my dick inside of ur tight white pussy
Dalcomie: As you penetrate me I sit up and begin projectile vomiting
Dalcomie: And you sit up and pull your butt open Goatse style
Dalcomie: You shiver in pleasure as I puke into the opening of your rectum
BagerMan89: I put my plump luxuriant sack into your mouth and get a red lipstick stain on it
Dalcomie: I suck it obidently but then I choke on a chunk of dead skin
Dalcomie: I start coughing and spluttering and accidentally on purpose bite into your testicles
BagerMan89: what ?
Dalcomie: I just came baby

Dangers of Chatrooms

Srsly, old men pretending to be 13 year old girls?

The Art of Copycatting

It works best in rooms where cliques have formed and there are regular users. (i.e General Chat.)

1. Scout the room, looking for the most popular 'chatters.' Note their names and their e-friends.

2. Wait for them to log out. Then, log yourself out and log back in under their name! Oh, the art of deception! It may be best to wait a while before logging in as your intended victim so it doesn't look that obvious.

3. Let the e-drama commence! Have whoever it is you are impersonating announce publically that they are a closet gay, or, that they blame the Jews for 9/11, etc etc. The basic aim of the game is to destroy their hard-earned e-social networks!

4. To confuse the users of the chatroom even more, log out after the first escapade, and log back in, claiming how disgruntled you are that someone is copycatting "you." ... then wreak MOAR havoc!

MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE WAY OF COPYCATTING

1. Find your target's name.

2. Open the program "On-Screen Keyboard", as well as Notepad.

3. Type in the name of your target in notepad, then click on the on-screen keyboard.

4. Type on the on-screen keyboard in this order: "left alt" (on the number pad)"0" "1" "6" "0" "left alt", you should see an invisible character show up after the last letter of your target's name.

5. Copy paste the new extended name in the "Nickname" box in whatever chat-avenue room you're going to and have fun.