Clementine

This article is about the user Clementine. For the music player, see iTunes.

Clementine's Avatar prior to her rape. Items lost include two Gifts of the Tards, the Furfag Skin, a Western Zodiac, that piece of shit Sun Staff, a Gift of the Whores, Weeaboo's Treasure, and a Shadow Spirit. Total loss: sixty bucks.

On Gaia Online, there are these newfangled things in your accounts called "passwords". These "passwords" are how you access your account. If you give your "password" to someone else, they can access your account and also change the "password" to something only they know, thus locking you out of your account. This is known as "scamming". If you are "scammed", it is assumed to be your fault.

Most Gaiafags know the score, but Clementine, a bright and articulate 13-year Manhattanite, thought she, her older sister, and her mother, knew better.

	“	I feel like I just witnessed my own murder.	„
	—The Gaiafag Clementine herself

When the obvious scamming happened, instead of filing a report, Clementine turned into the perfect lolcow and got a pair of bullshit bloggers to write an article about it, even though the article itself is littered more with wankery about the bloggers than any real news.

What Really Happened

Even GAIANS are loling over her stupidity.

Clementine was whoring it up towns like the furfag she is. When a male stranger repeatedly begged her to gift him a cape, she refused. Before she even finished getting rid of him, she received a PM from some account pretending to be a mod that said she'd been reported and needed to give the mod her password. While this should have set off the red lights, being of slightly better intelligence than a retard, she went and talked with her mother and sister, who

	“	unanimously agree she should submit her password.	„
	—The consensus of idiots

Her account got nuked shortly afterwards.

Rather than realize what she's done is completely stupid, she unleashes THE FUCKING FURY and whines until some blogger goes and harasses Gaia for her. Eventually, the Jews finally twist Gaia's arm into giving Clementine her account back (but not her username), sans all her items except the worthless ones like her precious pet Water Meat.

Quotes From the Article

An accurate depiction of Clementine's family after they realized they just helped their idiot daughter get scammed. The fruits are smarter because they'll never give out their passwords.

	“	Described by her mother as a shy, intensely creative, sensitive and intuitive child, Clementine's creation of Bluebird and her constant retooling of this avatar allowed her to experiment freely with alternate senses of self. "The transformation was fascinating,” her mother remarked. "To watch her slowly immerse herself in this virtual world and new personality and figure out how to negotiate these new interactions was a perfect opportunity for trial and error in a seemingly safe environment. She became increasingly emboldened and gained confidence from the feedback she received from other avatars as she immersed herself deeper in the culture."	„
	—Clementine's Mother and Fucking Idiot #1

	“	In hindsight, by waiting patiently for some communication from Gaia they had played right into the hands of the hacker by giving him time to abscond, comparable to allowing a kidnapping to go unreported.	„
	—Drama from the article, cause we all know kidnapping is equivalent to losing $60

Thank god the scammer didn't touch her 1,500 gold Water Meat, and only took 130,000 gold worth of other items instead! Srsly, the item's actual name is Water Meat.

	“	"My watermeat is here," Clementine tearfully finds. "That's good."	„
	—Moar Drama from the article

	“	... she realizes that while she was banned someone had traded her possessions for $134,508 in Gaian gold. Her identity lost, her valuable possessions stolen and sold, for the first time she now knows what it feels like to be the victim of a serious crime.	„
	—Still Moar Drama

	“	...to Clementine the victimization is real and her Mom believes she needs support and an opportunity to heal emotionally from the experience.	„
	—Oh cry me a fucking river

If only Clementine had talked to Leon when she entered Towns on that fateful day, none of this would have happened.

	“	Clementine's loss – meaningful to her – is less than $60, although that relatively small sum had been converted into more than $130,000 in Gaia gold, attesting to Clementine's collecting skills, passion and commitment.	„
	—Sure, if you've only been on Gaia for a month and kept yourself logged in for days and days on end, ignoring a little thing called LIFE

	“	You can't have your most valuable bling hanging out for every virtual thief to covet.	„
	—Clementine's Mother, who thinks her daughter's shit is valuable

	“	this publication's editor mentions Clementine's experience and suffering to a senior marketing executive from a major national advertiser who coincidentally has contacts at Gaia and their venture firm. She advances Bluebird's cause with Gaia CEO Craig Sherman. Within a week, Bluebird’s identity is restored, her possessions and Gaia gold is tracked down, recovered and returned.	„
	—Whoop-de-fucking-doo

Clementine Day

Gaiafags prey on Clementine in an attempt to imitate 4chan.

For a change, Gaiafags stood united, not for a decision by the admins or a newly released item, but in unity with the sheer lollercoaster Clementine had caused by being a whiny bitch.

Thus, on November 22, 2007, Gaiafags whored it up by cluttering up their avatars with every goddamned monthly collectable and furry item they could find (plus one Water Meat!) and celebrated Clementine Day, held on Thanksgiving because:

	“	We will be thankful that we are SMARTER THAN THAT!	„
	—Truth, [1]

And thus, Gaiafags finally did it for the lulz, and made pretty pictures with their bodies in towns, totally ripping off 4chan's highly creative swatiskas.

Despite the obvious faggotry involved in merely being on Gaia, Clementine Day stands as proof that there may very well be hope for Gaiafags to learn the ways of Anonymous.

See Also

• The BullShit Article that Started it All
• Gaiafags get to feel superior for a change
• GCD does Clementine Day for the lulz
• Alex Wuori, another moron who went to the news rather than deal with his own problems

Clementine is part of a series on Gaia Online.

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