No offense, but...

"No offense, but..." is a magic amulet against offending anyone's Puritan sensibilities. Therefore, it is the opposite of lulz.

Not a fence.

No offense, but that's one fat ugly bitch.

Joined together with the twin gems of IMHO and the Devil's Advocate stance, it creates an enchanted shield that grants the user +5 versus personal accountability if he was level 16 yesterday afternoon.

How to use "No offense, but..." in your daily speechings

1. Before you make a statement, don't think. Ideally, you should achieve a Zen-like blankness, which is conducive to fucktardery. If you have to think, focus on cookies. Or bears, or bears made of cookies. Anything but what you're about to say.
2. Make sure you have everyone's attention. You are the most important and educated person in the room. This is mission-critical.
3. For maximum impact, just open your mouth and let a bunch of random shit fall out. This is called verbal diarrhea.

Here are some examples. "No offense, but..."

• Can I touch your hair? It's just so... exotic.
• GMO foods just taste better.
• Hitler was pretty efficient, if you think about it.
• I don't see what's wrong with calling you a good-for-nothing black person.
• I think Madonna is pretty good.
• I'm a vegan.
• If you don't like Metallica, you're a fag.

For in-depth training please see: dubious disclaimer, h8, racism, rape, liberals.