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Cannibalism
Cannibalism is the lulzy act of gobbling down a member of ones own species because of hunger, for fun, or other reasons, if done by humans it is also called anthropophagy. While eating your own kind can have some survival perks in the animal kingdom, it is usually looked down upon in human society, if not done under the most dire of circumstances to save ones life. Being a cannibal is regarded as one of the worst crimes which can be committed outside a public office, and will lead to major jail time, being excluded from social events, and getting a show on Netflix.
—French lawyer Anthelme Brillat-Savarin,1826 | ||
History
While existing in almost every human culture, at some point in time, casual cannibalism in Eurasia was mainly practised during the stone Age, and only magical cannibalism managed to hang around longer, meanwhile the people of the americas, especially central america, would eat the ultimate Enchilada until the early 16th century. It is still unclear if, for example, the aztecs would resort to cannibalism out of necessity, or if their motivation was purely religious. The Abbos of Australia were also into snacking on each other until the british killjoys showed up in the 18th century, banning „long pig“ and introducing their own disgusting cuisine. Except for some eccentric gourmets like Jeffry Dahmer, and Armin Meiwes cannibalism is almost exclusively a thing on - you guessed it - the continent of Africa. Being served for dinner, or getting turned into magical take away food is part and parcel of life in places like Liberia, Nigeria, Uganda, the Congo, and many more african nations one should never visit for any reason but helping a royal heir in need. It would, of course, be unjust to think that the africans are savages who kill their fellow men just to devour their raw flesh, nothing could be more wrong, they have gas stoves, microwaves and refrigerators, so nothing goes to waste.
Health Benefits
Consuming your daily serving of Bill, Peter or Susie will very likely cause Brain rot, the transmission of parasites, and various other diseases, so dont do it, unless you really have to.
Funny Euphemisms for man meat
- Long Pig
- The goat without horns (Haiti)
- Soylent Green
Famous Cannibals
| NAME | MUGSHOT | DESCRIPTION |
|---|---|---|
| Diego Rivera |  |
Mexican artist, on-off husband of Frida Khalo, and professional fat fuck. Wrote about eating the corpses of people who died in accidents, and which he organized from a hospital.Some believe he made it all up for clout, but look at that Fucker, of course he ate people. |
| Reza Aslan |  |
Jurno, TV-personality and half-assed Muzzy. While shooting a TV-Show he met a fucked in the head Hindu sect, which thretened to kill Aslan if he wouldnt eat the brain of a dead guy. His zombie antics got him into barely hot water, not for consuming human flesh, but for making all the hindus look bad. He got out with his Muslim-Card. |
| Idi Amin |  |
President of Uganda, and Conqueror of the British Empire. Ate people to assert dominance, didnt like the taste, said it was too salty, worse than Leopard. |
| Armin Meiwes |  |
Got screwed over by the german justice system for ordering food online, allthough him eating a man was consensual and polite. |
| Alexander Sawney Bean |  |
Scottish ditch digger who married a witch, and proceeded to lead a clan of 45, of his inbreed children, murdering and eating 1000 travelers. Got terminally pwned by King James VI. |
| Gen.Butt Naked |  |
Liberian Ex-Warlord who fought naked, and ate children to gain +50 Armor and +20 HP. He got pardoned and became a minister. |
| Issei Sagawa |  |
Japanese Midget who shot and ate a Girl while studying in France during the 80s. He was sent back to japan where his rich dad organized a short stay in a hospital, fooling the press and the japanese public into believing Sagawa was locked away, soon after he walked out. Since he had commited no crime in japan, he was left unbothered by the authorities, he may have eaten hundreds since. |
| Jeffrey Dahmer |  |
Americas favourite Cannibal who murdered, raped and killed people, managing to encompass all the meanings of "to take out". After eating 17 men and boys he was caught and sentenced to life, eternity and a bit longer. He was killed in 1994 by a guy who, by his own account, was told to do so by god, which may be the truth. Because of his popularity, still going strong after allmost 3 decades following his death, he recieved a gay themed Netflix adaptation of his life. |
| Mobutu Sese Seko |  |
His full name reads "Mobutu Sese Seko Nkuku Ngbendu Wa Za Banga" which means "The all-powerful warrior who, because of his endurance and inflexible will to win, goes from conquest to conquest, leaving fire in his wake." and he ruled as divine President of Zaire (Democratic Republic of the Congo) performing miracles and sometimes atrocities. Some say that he only sipped a glass of human blood once in a while, for health reasons, while it is safe to assume that he regularly enjoyed man-burgers. |
| William Seabrooke |  |
American writer and alcoholic who was interessted in religion, occultism, satanism, and voodoo, travelled the world and visited to fucked up places like Haiti and is credited with introducing the concept of the Zombie to the western world. Like Rivera he was able to obtain the flesh of a dead man from a hospital, he then cooked an d ate it to learn more about the taste which he described as compareable to veal. |
See also
