Crystal ball

A crystal ball. Since balls are touching her hands, it is only not gay because she is female. She is also 65 years old, too, and has decades of experience in massaging balls.

Notice how it's not the Wikipedia globe logo she is holding. This is because a crystal ball is one of the things that WIKIPEDIA IS NOT, and is serious business.

A crystal ball is what those who consider themselves to have esoteric knowledge gaze into. They can see for at least 100 years into the future, and can predict things such as death and when you will get raped in the ass. They can tell you whether you will be rich with lots of cash, or just an alcoholic hobo with no prospects and no future.

Wikipedia

A crystal ball is also something that Wikipedia Is Not. This is a common argument during AFD debates. Because Wikipedophiles are so anal about every precise fucking detail in their encyclopedia, the WP:NOT#CRYSTAL argument surfaces in every debate about things that everyone knows are going to happen, but Wikifags have to be pedantic as fuck about it and delete every article that uses crystal balling techniques. It's almost as prevelant as the citation needed tags fagging up every fucking non-featured article in Wikipedia.

For example, all of the articles for series on Big Brother get AFD debates for crystal balling, because it's too early in the year to have an article, because it's not 100% certain they will have a series in case a television watchdog starts getting butthurt and forces them to cancel the series over a racist scandal. Another good example is music albums and singles, where they start BAWWWWWing over being not able to predict the future. As with anything else, the Wikifags try to keep as much as possible out of their encyclopedia to ensure quality over quantity. They prefer quality over quantity because they don't like to fuck as many bitches as possible like you and I do, and they need to learn that one bit of pussy is just as good as the next piece of pussy, as long as you orgasm from putting your cum (which comes out of your crystal-encrusted balls) in it and spreading your genes and not having to take one fucking bit of responsibility.

Original Research

In cocklusion, all crystal ball-licking is original research. One thing that both Encyclopedia Dramatica and Wikipedia agree on, however, is that trying to insert anniversaries like so is a massive form of unwarranted self-importance and should be punished severely. Nobody will give a fuck about the shitty things that happened at least 100 years ago in the 2080s you fucking faggot, that is, if the human race is even still in existence at that point due to fireballs spitting from the sky caused by global warming... or God, doing it for the lulz.

Asstrology (F.A.O. all Cunts)

The grinning idiot who started all this bullshit.

Astrology done right.

Also known as the science of whoreroscopes, studies the phenomena that a galactic crab that gave your mother cancer on her concaved tits (that’s a dent for you scientifically illiterate black person) can predict with absolute fail that a faggot believer will be able to tell their personality by what month their genetically defect faggot hippies mom and dad had sex.

Although the white master race with their superior science cocksider whoreroscopes as pseudoscience, the believers (man whores) usually dismiss this by claiming:“FUCK YOU, THIS IS SPARTA!” which clearly indicates their fondness to big Mediterranean men with big man bulges wearing skirts and say this is normal.

A proponent of astrology, Carl Jung, now absolutely dead (if you don’t who know he is then you are a poor retard who don’t have access to education and clean water, most likely a nigger, a yellow gook, a Muslim, or a woman) claimed that “his soul-image or anima with whom he mistakenly identifies. And I, Mephistopheles, am, Faust’s own shadow” which made prefect faggot sense and then say butt-rape is normal.

Bill Nye Pwns Astrology

On his children's show, the Eye of Nye, Bill Nye clearly explained why astrology is full of shit by pointed out the obvious, that the constellations have moved from their original dates, and thus people are not the zodiac signs they thought they were. This caused massive butthurt and identity crises among astrofags everywhere and they keep flooding this video to this very day.

	“	scientism is the ultimate disease. Out to disregard everything under the guise of non-proof	„
	—Abyss Reflector, unaware that "scientism" is what gives him the food, clean water, and shelter that allows him to survive on a day to day basis.

	“	Ah... a shining example of sciences' failures.	„
	—James Swanson, an obvious failure

	“	I AM NOT A LIBRA!!!	„
	—Every butthurt "Scorpio" ever

	“	A fun thing to do when someone asks you your sign is to lie and tell them you're something completely different. Then you get to be entertained as the deluded moron makes a fool of him/herself by lighting up and saying "I KNEW IT!"	„
	—chronicprocrastina has the right idea

	“	He's wrong regarding how this information applies to astrology. "Western astrologers don't work with stars or constellations. Their focus is our solar system. They study the patterns of the planets and the moon as they pass through 12 zones defined by the relationship between the Earth and sun. Those zones have the same names as constellations because of a historical quirk, but they are unrelated to the constellations." from: freewillastrologycom	„
	—Kari May unintentionally explains why astrology makes no sense

	“	Bill Nye is a Sagittarius. His body type and cranial structure prove this. He has multiple placements in Sagittarius and Mars in Libra which is in detriment, leads to poor musculature.	„
	—TheAstrocologist still relying on phrenology

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The True Zodiac

Even Spongebob Squarepants knows how stupid astrology is.

The irony is that even if astrologers had some basis in fact, chances are over 9,000 percent they've been doing it wrong. As even nigger astronomers know, the zodiacal constellations have changed places quite a bit over the last 2,000 years because of the of the equinoxes. TL;DR version: you're not the sign you think you are and you've been lied to your entire life. To make matters even worse the stereotype retarded astrologers label the signs under is mixed up and wrong. Without further ado meet the "real you".

Aries (April 14 - May 14): You share the same sign as Hitler. You're a callous asshole who only cares about your own wealth and power and will screw everyone over (even your sister) to get what you want. You're the perfect example of the egomaniacal and materialistic prick who ruins life for everyone else.

Taurus (May 15 - June 16): You're either a fat whore or, the male equivalent, a chubby-chaser. You're a complete pussy-ass bitch who gets his ass kicked every time he gets into a fight. You think you are a devotional and romantic person but in practice you're promiscuous as a hooker. If you have any children you'll be the next octomom.

Gemini (June 17 - July 16): You're a twink who needs to be a lying prick to get ahead in life because you lack any form of intelligence, talent, or character. You're as mature as a 13 year old boy who still wets his bed and makes fart jokes. You're neurotic, spineless, and weak. Kill yourself.

Cancer (July 17 - Aug 16): You're an attention-seeking drama whore who is as emotionally stable as a paranoid schizophrenic 16 year old girl on PMS. You have the greed and cheapness of a Walmart CEO. You're most likely career options are to be a prostitute or, the wealthier equivalent, a media star.

Leo (Aug 17 - Sept 16): You're a spoiled brat and you still think you're king of the world. You demand everyone you meet acknowledge your superior and nobler qualities but no one cares. You criticize everyone else to feel good about yourself, because you know you're a worthless shit. You're still scared of the dark way into your thirties.

Virgo (Sept 17 - October 17): You lack any form of initiative of leadership qualities, which is why you're always a sub. You're everyone's bitch and, as such, frequently become a civil servant where everyone exploits you. As your sign implies, you're probably a virgin.

Libra (Oct 18 - Nov 16): You're "fair", "diplomatic", and try to find common ground because you get your ass kicked no matter how much posturing you make. You have a penchant for drawing and fashion, which makes you a faggot. You think you're a sensitive and deep person, but everyone sees through your bullshit for the passive aggressive cunt that you are.

Scorpio (Nov 17 - Dec 16): The sign of ED herself. You have the personality of a drug and hormone-addled teenager and the intellect of a kingpin terrorist. You're probably a murderer and rapist or in some form of organized crime. Even though you look like a feral beast, you get all the pussy, which is probably why you have AIDS.

Sagittarius (Dec 17 - Jan 14): You typify the rich, snobby socialite in every possible way. You value people for their money and social status rather than their character. You're the ultimate conformist who exiles anyone you deem not to be in the "in crowd". You never miss an opportunity to make yourself look better, you narcissistic fuck.

Capricorn (Jan 15 - Feb 12): You're such an incurable loser even God hates you. As a child you were you were probably anally raped by daddy, which molded you into the loathsome and despicable cunt you are today. Lacking any intellectual ability and natural talent, you resort to hard work to achieve your goals. Your life is as cold, barren, and miserable as a graveyard in winter.

Aquarius (Feb 13 - March 14): You're the sort who will listen to anyone's sob story, no matter how disingenuous it actually is. You honestly think a shit smelly bum wants to feed his family when he all he really wants is some booze and heroin. Yes, you are a genuinely kind and selfless person, but you are infinitely gullible and lazy. You ignore barriers of race, class, and religion because you're dumb enough to believe other people will return the same generosity. Instead, they will only exploit you.

Pisces (March 15 - April 14): You're the typical lazy bum and college dropout. When you're not high on weed you try to swindle people from their money, because you're too lazy to get a job and lack any principles. You describe yourself as "emotional" and "intuitive" but in reality lack any ability to think rationally.

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