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Alligator
| File:20180610 012556.png | |
|---|---|
| Aligator | |
| Scientific name | Alligator mississippiensis American Alligator |
| State Of Being | Living Fossil |
| Classification | fashion. Make great shoes |
| Residence | American South |
| Top Speed | 33KPH |
| Can it kick your ass | Easily |
| Longevity of species on Earth | 30 million years |
| Carnivore Rating | Very Tasty. Especial in a tomato base gumbo or just plain with nothing but salt and a little Tabasco to taste |
The Alligator Alligator mississippiensis or the American Alligator is a big toothed, overly friendly lizard that does neighborhoods and housing community a favor by eating different kinds of rodents such as rats, stray cats and small dogs.
A living fossil, 35 million years ago it was the Alligator that was home and got the memo when Raptor Jesus put out the call that a flood was coming when G-D decided to throw a flow at the Earth Giants because HE was getting sick of seeing Wimmins ignoring the men of earth to Yiff with T-Rexes and kids being born with scales and tails.
A very friendly animal that can be fed by hand. You should always run right up to one and scratch it behind the eyes, better yet, they are so safe, docile and trustworthy it is safe to sit in front of one and slap the edge of the water it is hiding beneath.
Go up and give one a hug when you see onr.
Florida's Easter Bunny
Every year, to celebrate the birth of Raptor Jesus, inbred Trailor park hicks staple bunny ears onto to heads of freshly hatched Alligators and sell them to the children of tourists for $25 a pop where they are later flushed down the toilets of major metropolitan areas when they are found in the child's suitcase. They later grow into the nightmare inducing, man eaters of legend.
The Giant Sewer Monster From Hell
After your mom flushed your Florida Easter Bunny down the toilet it filled It's belly on cockroaches and rats until it was big enough to feed on other Florida Easter bunnies and Ninja Turtles until, that one day, when it became that giant monster that will crash through your bathroom floor and toilet when you are inoportunaly taking a Shit.
They're down there and thanks to immigrants and the illegal animal trade, so are 90 foot pythons and boas.
Now you you know why there is such a high turn over rate with sewer workers and why they make so much.
Shoes
If you can actually break yourself away from the comfort of your basement apartment to walk up the steps and can actually make it upstairs, all the way without your feet swelling up to two times their original size then you should think of getting yourself a pair of these pimp walking bad boys because they are proper uniform for playas and men with balls big enough to face the sun, go outside and approach a girl in a bar.
Averaging about $800 a pair for the low end brands, you might have to go without your Xbox One, PlayStation 4, Junk Food and computer to get yourself a pair.
It'd be better if you didn't. Like all your promises of going outside to talk to girls, they'll just be like you are, sitting in the basement gathering dust. More so, these are shoes that must be properly cared for. You can't even keep your promise to your mother to take a shower every week so it might be best if you stick with your Dollar General brand flip flops.
If you want a pair but are worried about libtard things like sustaining the species, don't worry, Alligators have survived for over 35 million years - they will survive another 35. If they don't, who gives a fuck. It's all about looking good.
Letherhead
Leatherhead is the coolest character from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cannon and if you use any source other than the Mirage Comics version you are obviously a fag.
Originally an infant Alligator, Leatherhead was the original mutant in the series when Utroms exposed him to the mutagenic agent turning him into a Humanoid Alligator.
Letherhead is designed to be that one character we are afraid of because, to keep us safe, our parents warned us about these giant scary monsters that hide away and live in our sewers when we were kids. We all know they are down there in the sewers snapping bones between their teeth with Pennywise the Clown. They wait there and want us to reach mindlessly into that street sewer after a paper boat we're playing with.
You know they're there, because you can see their eyes glowing, that's why you go out of your way, when crossing the streets, so you don't have to step over the sewer.
Even Batman thinks twice before going down into the sewers to deal with that illeegal steroid shooting, bad skinned, eczema prick Killercroc.
Remember that.
How To Make Sure You're Never Attacked By An Alligator
| File:Crocasgator 521.png | |
|---|---|
| Differences between Alligators and Crocodiles | |
| Alligator Snout | Alligators have wider, U-shaped snouts. |
| Crocodile Snout | front ends are more pointed and V-shaped. Toothy grin: When their snouts are shut, crocodiles look like they're flashing a toothy grin, as the fourth tooth on each side of the lower jaw sticks up over the upper lip are |
- If you're in a state like Florida golfing and you hit your ball into a water hazard, leave it.
- Don't live near canals or water sources like lakes.
- Keep your pets inside. Small mammals like dogs, cats and children are seen as food.
- If your pruning grasses or bushes by the lake, always face it.
- Never play against the University of Florida or start a fight at a game
- Have someone act as a lookout for alligators when you need to work near water sources.
- Kill them indiscrimitly
External Links
- Scrappy alligator plays with woman. Body found.
See Also
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Alligator is part of a series on Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
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Alligator is part of a series on Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage. |
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Alligator is part of a series on Visit the Memes Portal for complete coverage. |