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Cancerr
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This article needs a serious clean up
Somebody should do something about it. |
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Cancerr is the cancer that is killing sammiches! |
—Cancerr | ||
Please note, this article contains no information concerning Cancer or The Cancer That Is Killing /b/. It is an article about a real live person.
Introduction
—No, seriously, she isn't. | ||
—random stupidity from Cancerr | ||
Cancerr is a sociopath who posts on various website forums and chats in several IRC channels. She is also the proud mother of a 2-year-old abortion that she has yet to name. She lost her baby after her man beat her senseless for fucking up his sammich. But that's otay, cos a good sammich is hard to come by, whereas plopping out spawn that will eventually deplete the National Sammich Reserve is a recipe for FAIL and RUIN.
Description
In the beginning, God made the Horse. Several eons later, we still have the horse, but we also have Cancerr. Because of her outlandishly long face, Cancerr has often been mistaken for a horse, when in reality she is a camwhore who often posts pictures of herself from the neck down to avoid comments about her equine facial structure.
Ego
Cancerr also boasts a monstrous ego and her envy is unmatched on the Internet.
— just about every woman who has ever spoken to Cancerr. | ||
—Cancerr speaking of herself…which is always | ||
A Portrait Of A Sociopath As A Young Woman
—cancerr | ||
Because of her massive ego and her general disdain for any other person in the whole wide world, Cancerr is a Sociopath of an order rarely seen on this side of the padded cell. She is constantly in denial of her problems and her personal shortcomings. These include:
- Living in a shed in her mother’s back yard
- Gaining huge amounts of weight due to cheap hay pricing
- Figuring out how to use a soldering iron to bend beer bottle caps into jewelry
- How to wear said jewelry on her hooves
- How to sell the crap
- How to warm up hot pockets in the microwave when her hooves are far too big to push the buttons
- How to deny her own abortion
Keeping the Story Straight
—Cancerr... explaining how she has become pregnant by a person she met on the internet... | ||
Cancerr is a pathological liar. Because she finds her life boring or just plain lame, Cancerr must lie about her life in an attempt to "jazz it up" a bit. As usual, we find that Cancerr cannot keep her mouth shut and chats herself into being caught in a lie. For those of you who don't know, the Stanford University mascot is not "tree" but rather "Cardinal."
12:40:18 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : im at university 12:40:20 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : durrr 12:40:34 Longtoe : phoenix university? 12:40:36 Longtoe : lol 12:40:44 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : stanford a few minutes of bullshit. 12:51:52 Longtoe : Hey cancerr what is your school's mascot? 12:51:57 dan : face it, you are a washed up brat and you have to go back and forth from continent to continent because the people around you get sick of your shit 12:52:12 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : yes, thats it 12:52:33 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : tree 12:52:50 dan : oh you fucking moron. you dont even go to stanford you dipshit 12:53:05 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : what if i did? 12:53:07 Longtoe : LOL 12:53:11 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : i mean, i know the mascot 12:53:14 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : so it must be true 12:53:17 dan : nobody believes you anymore 12:53:19 dan : you fucking liar a few more minutes of bullshit 1:20:43 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : and left me to be raised in stanford by grad students 1:20:48 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : and thats where i've lived ever since 1:21:00 dan : oh wait, you lied about the stanford stuff, better take that out...you know edit it 1:21:18 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : no no, its all true 1:21:23 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : our mascot is the tree 1:21:30 dan : ... 1:21:50 dan : jump on google pls 1:23:52 ···• cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr went and quit the channel Quit:
In this chat, she also proves that she is an insufferable idiot. Approximately five seconds worth of search time would have revealed all the information she needed. Pays to research before you start yapping.
Negative Reputation
—Cancerr trying to dig out of the hole | ||
On theforum members are encouraged to use a reputation system (Rep) to rate other users. This system is a valuable tool in that it allows new users to see who the douchebags on theforum are and it also allows senior members to haze, bully, and cause general drama on the various sub-boards.
Cancerr currently boasts an impressive negative 7000 Rep points. This is a true testament to the users of the forum in that they actually all voted as one voice when it comes to the douchebaggery of Cancerr. Because of this low score on her Rep scale, Cancerr cannot view certain portions of the messageboard; she has vowed to gain positive Rep so that she can then go and access these hidden areas.
First, when she found out that she could not access hidden forum areas she immediately stated that she didn't care and that they were "gay."
5:06:24 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : how many posts do you need to get into wi now? 5:06:36 dan : 1001 5:06:38 s33w33d : You? 3842528723465932459218749123572091375012375023. 5:06:39 ThinkPink : 5000000000 5:06:53 gub : 5. 5:07:09 ThinkPink : 2pisuared 5:08:06 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : i've got like 1003 5:09:07 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : 1005 and still nothing 5:09:28 ThinkPink : pretty sure you have to have positive rep, as well 5:09:48 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : really? 5:09:51 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : thats gay 5:09:56 dan : lol 5:10:02 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : i'll have to post my tits agian or something 5:10:15 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : eh, wi sucks anyway
Fine, this is good enough, nobody wants her around anyways... but Cancerr is a dramawhore. She cannot stand being left out or not invited. Soon these hidden areas of theforum began to prey upon her mind. In typical Cancerr fashion, she attempts to connive Rep points by showing naked portions of her slutty body. This is okay, there are plenty of noobs on the forum boards who haven't seen her flappy and overworked tits. Chatters in #spf recognized her schemes and found them to be quite funny:
5:18:18 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : so i have -7000 rep 5:18:23 gub : hahahahahha 5:18:25 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : how long would it take to get to positive? 5:18:28 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : lol 5:18:42 dan : even if arsch repped you for two months... 5:18:42 ThinkPink : it'd take some bunghole pictures at this rate, I think 5:18:44 ThinkPink : ;) 5:18:57 gub : moar ass 5:19:08 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : lol 5:19:17 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : maybe a week of being super nice to people and 3 tit pics? 5:19:30 gub : doubtful, but might as well try 5:19:44 dan : there arent that many people with enough rep to move 7000 points in a week 5:19:50 dan : at least that would rep you 5:20:06 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : but collectively? 5:20:26 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : 100 people? 5:20:35 dan : dunno, the pissant reppers only give you 20-50 points 5:20:38 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : according to cotton you can rep someone about every 4 days 5:20:50 dan : thats if you give rep all the time 5:20:55 ThinkPink : i don't rep a lot, I can rep the same person like once a month 5:21:01 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : me too 5:21:03 dan : and you max out...cant use rep for 24 hours 5:21:06 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : or less than that 5:21:20 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : well cotton makes it his mission to neg me every four days 5:21:24 s33w33d : i can move a lot of rep 5:21:26 gub : haha 5:21:27 s33w33d : but i don't/ 5:21:31 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : omg it'd be almost worth it to get green just to piss him off 5:21:34 s33w33d : i should do it more often so i can neg rep you more 5:21:41 s33w33d : but i don't 5:22:30 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : once you go red its hard to go back because people are sheep 5:22:37 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : they see you're red so they rep you red 5:22:43 dan : or they are the shepard ;) 5:24:48 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : god im bored 5:24:53 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : i really should do stuff 5:24:56 ThinkPink : come fix my car 5:24:57 acefire : go outside 5:25:00 acefire : play in traffic 5:25:02 acefire : plz
Finally, Cancerr realizes (far too late) that she has to change her retarded ways if she is ever to get out of the hole she has excavated for herself.
5:28:52 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : i have to start being nice to the people that hate me. 5:28:53 ThinkPink : NVM, it's stuck on sept 22 5:28:59 charlietuna : tard parade? count me in 5:29:00 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : they're all morons so they're easy to manipulate 5:29:36 charlietuna : joolies a communist! 5:30:33 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : socialist 5:30:44 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : i would be a communist but dont believe it can work on a larger scale 5:31:06 cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : and also it stops progress in stuff like technology.
So it looks like Cancerr will be posting tits in order to gain access to places she cannot see as of now. Photos will of course be put here and updated as they come in, but since she isn't promising anything, they may never show up at all. Further reading can be found in this thread
Dramawhore Gallery
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These are worth about 10 Rep points -
Myspace angle for the noobs -
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Europe Via Van
Some time in 2008, Cancerr came up with the brilliant idea to pack up her traveling carnival of defeat and move it to Europe. The original conversation went something like this:
cancerrrrrr: Fuck, I hate America. Things are so much nicer in Europe. the_rest_of_the_channel: Don't let the door hit you on the way out. european_guy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cancerrrrrr: does anybody know if they like jewelry in Europe?
GTFO
Once she arrived in Europe (Britain) she immediately began making friends and everything turned out happy. Fast forward a few months and yes, even Europe is sick of her shit. She has been asked to leave her apartment by her housemates, who, coupled with the tragic circumstances of her miserable life and with the lack of rent payments they have received, were forced to tell her to GTFO. Oh well, no worries... she still has a plan.
—cancerrino | ||
So now this miserable bag is living in a van down by the river. Things aren't that bad, they could be worse... but she has everything taken care of inside the van to make it as comfy as possible. She can cook, sleep, and even make her jewelry right out of the back of the van! I hear the Europe is a fine place to tour via an automobile; beautiful spaces, lots of history, incredible food... whatever could go wrong?
Wrecking a Van
—cancerrrino, May 2, 2009 | ||
Since she owes her housemates a bunch of money, this new development in the ONGOING MISADVENTURES OF A 30-SOMETHING RETARD is particularly devastating. She cannot afford to fix the van unless she stiffs the people she has been living with. She cannot afford to pay the money she owes to her friends unless she is willing to forego fixing the van. What to do! What to do!
[12:46] cancerrino: my housemates just got a new bill [12:47] cancerrino: and now i owe them money [12:47] cancerrino: and i intend to be as much of an ass as they were to me [12:47] Mephistol: lolol broketimes [12:47] cancerrino: because its only fair [12:47] Mephistol: you should get a job julies [12:47] Mephistol: instead of being a deadbeat and not paying bills [12:48] cancerrino: and now they got a new bill and they want money from me! [12:48] cancerrino: hilarious! [12:48] thelostpatrol: fuck 'em [12:48] cancerrino: yea, seriously tlp [12:48] cancerrino: they gave me so much shit, it was unbelievable [12:49] cancerrino: the girl started yelling and swearing at me [12:49] zacwax: and of course you didn't deserve any of it [12:49] cancerrino: and i pretty much damaged my roof cuz it was consuming me so much [12:49] cancerrino: and then now they're here saying "oh, please pay us this money" [12:49] wiciltd: Don't blame other peoeple for your own mistakes [12:49] wiciltd: Tht's not proper [12:49] cancerrino: no, it was my mistake [12:49] cancerrino: but this drama stressed me out [12:49] cancerrino: which caused me to make a mistake [12:49] cancerrino: still my mistake [12:49] cancerrino: but all im saying is this really got to me [12:50] dan: given your track record of not telling the truth, the whole channel can pretty much take this new story with a grain of salt [12:50] cancerrino: and bothered me a lot [12:50] cancerrino: sure dan [12:50] cancerrino: i dont care [12:50] dan: you owe them money and you are lying here about it
TheForum was, as usual, full of helpful comments:
Cancerr has even provided us some interior damage shots of the wreck.
Abortion and lulz
—Cancerr and her twisted use of statistics. | ||
A few years ago, Cancerr met a bum online. This bum swept her off her feet and predictably she wound up pregnant. Rather than accept her failure, she first attempted to joke about her troubles, however this soon devolved into her blaming everyone and everything for her lapse in judgment.
Oddly, she doesn’t realize that you have to swallow the pill for it to work.
—Cancerr | ||
Not realizing that most people don’t make her type of mistakes, she goes on to give us another shining bolt of wisdom:
— Explain it all away, honey… | ||
None of her rationalizations work. In the end, she resorts to saying that her child probably would have been a miscarriage anyways.
In Cancerr’s mind, she thinks that she can do no wrong. If she posts about having an abortion because the child might be miscarried that sort of logic seems right to her… seems “okay.”
Finally, it should be noted that Cancerr’s own mother is taking care of her at this time.
Drug Abuse
—Cancerr | ||
—flouch | ||
This section promises to be a very enlightening view into an idiot's mind.
It has recently been revealed that Cancerr is a speed freak and a meth whore. This sort of destructive behavior is very conducive to her other hobbies such as postwhoring, never keeping her mouth shut, hiding out in a shed in her mom's backyard, and coming up with ideas to get rich quick. Maybe this is why she fears her abortion would have ended in miscarriage? Let's listen as the expert explains her habits:
[22:11] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> im bored [22:11] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> i should have stayed in the shed [22:12] <NickDanger> stable [22:12] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> i wish i could live out there and have some privacy [22:16] <Nowhereman> were you guys dropping acid [22:16] <drstupid> only like 100 times ten years ago [22:17] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> me too [22:17] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> i wonder if it affects me now [22:19] <drstupid> nah [22:20] <drstupid> it's remarkably harmless compared to thinks like meth [22:20] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> i really need to date a photographer [22:20] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> cuz i cant take pics [22:20] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> i suck [22:20] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> yea, meth is evil [22:20] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> i used to do a lot of speed in germany [22:20] <drstupid> i'll take pics of you [22:20] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> then came to the states and took meth cuz i thought they were the same thign [22:20] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> omg, totally crazy shit [22:21] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> i cleaned the bathroom with a toothbrush [22:21] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> speed never did that to me [22:21] <drstupid> meth is retardedly strong [22:22] <drstupid> people who don't do it can do a few little grains of it and be up for 48 hours [22:22] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> its dirty too [22:23] <cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr> speed is a clean high
Drug Abuse Gallery
—Cancerr telling the truth again. | ||
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lol -
LOL -
LOL -
It's been a hard day's night... -
people who gulp their drinks tend to be alcoholics.
Quotes
Cancerr never shuts up. She doesn't see that by letting her jaws flap, she only makes herself look more of a retard. Straight from the horse's mouth, a lulzy group of quotes that feature the full magnitude of her brand of thinking.
—Cancerr talks about babies. The facepalms keep facepalming... | ||
—Cancerr's van is leaking differential fluid and she doesn't know what to do. | ||
—Cancerr, talking about shellfish. Of course, she cares more about shrimp than her own baby. | ||
—Babies must be a threat as well. | ||
—A child's life isn't amazing, therefore it's okay to kill one...but birds and ants? Fuck Yeah! | ||
—Older men can't stand her flapping gums. | ||
Dual Assholes
suey : julieee suey : do u really have 2 buttholes? cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : no suey, 3 suey : why do people say that cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : cuz they cant count f : she takes it in the cans suey : hmm suey : pictures? cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : lol suey : pictures julie ! cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : im sorry ur just gonna have to take my word for it cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : MY word is like law or something cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : or the bible jenzi : hahaha suey : i know what your boobies look like suey : but iono how your treasure chest and stuff looks like f : suey you pervert f : stop tryin to see her vagina! cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : hahah cancerrrrrrrrrrrrr : god suey, you sound like stile
It is spoken of in legend that Cancerr is in possession of two assholes. Whether she does walk this earth with two anus holes is true or not remains to be seen, however there are enough adolescent internet n00bs floating around to keep this legend alive.
—Mr Bates - posting from the Sing Sing Correctional Facility | ||
Despite this mystery, there is no real proof of dual assholes at this time. It is hoped that further investigation will shed light on this subject.
Further Butthurt
—Cancerr | ||
When Cancerr discovers her ED page, she quickly decides to post about the page on her favorite forum, hoping to receive some sympathy from her many fans (the usual gang of idiots). As usual, this meets with failure. Scorned by people she thinks love her, she takes her bawww show onto IRC:
[21:37] <cancerr> dood, i dont know everything. almost everything but not everything [21:37] <cancerrr> oh, i also found out today that i have an encyclopedia dramatica page [21:39] <ln> fantastic [21:39] <ln> is it flattering? [21:42] <cancerrr> not really [21:43] <cancerrr> unless by flattering you mean really insulting
After realizing that she is now an internet celebrity, Cancerr has placed this page in her favorites and checks for updates by using her F5 button.
Logs
Log 1
Cancerr pees on a stick? In her hand? wat.
10:18:58 julie : haha DAN WAS KICKED 10:18:59 julie : fag 10:19:04 dan : HAHAHAHAHA 10:19:14 MoeFoe : gaffotz 10:19:28 julie : omg i just got my period a second ago 10:19:31 julie : and i caught it just in time 10:19:38 julie : how awesome am i? brilliant timing 10:19:51 gub : in ur hand 10:19:53 gub : sick fuck 10:20:01 julie : no, while i was peeing 10:20:02 julie : durr 10:20:07 JayEm : in gubs mouth 10:20:09 julie : you can put that on ur little cancerr profile dan 10:20:11 azariel : on a stick? 10:20:26 JayEm : i do not like green eggs and ham 10:20:28 gub : ew. 10:20:29 julie : on toilet paper 10:20:49 gub : on a STEEEEEEEEEK 10:21:09 s33w33d : INSTANT REPLAY! 10:21:14 julie : ON UR CAWK 10:21:24 azariel : THIS IS THE MOST ADVANCED STICK YOU WILL EVER PEE ON
Log 2
Cancerr discovers that internet fame has it's bad side. ONOES MUH JEWELRY!!! This discussion deals with this picture.
10:44:39 dan : tell me exactly why you want it down and i will tell the sysop. he can take it down 10:44:52 julie : really? 10:44:52 EisernLint : dachau, deutschland gotta keep the beat, keep the beat 10:44:54 EisernLint : hang ten in east berlin. 10:44:54 Nowhereman : AIDS makes you thin 10:44:55 EisernLint : do it. 10:44:55 julie : or are you fucking with me 10:45:04 slimchance : im the sysop 10:45:04 dan : no 10:45:05 julie : i always gain weight in the usa 10:45:09 slimchance : and he is fucking wit you 10:45:09 dan : wait 10:45:11 julie : i gained 40 pounds once 10:45:21 dan : you want to take that down because you THINK you are fat? 10:45:27 EisernLint : you ate a toddler whole? 10:45:35 julie : no, because it looks like me 10:45:40 ···• a big ol message from redrum : she does look like a horse 10:45:41 dan : well dur 10:45:58 julie : i just dont want some people who like buy my stuff to run into it 10:46:04 julie : and like recognise me 10:46:07 azariel : what? 10:46:08 azariel : hahahaha 10:46:30 dan : hehe, guess its not so little a profile is it? 10:46:36 azariel : why would anyone buying your stuff give a shit what you look like? lest you are selling your panties 10:46:40 Nowhereman : they wont recognize you with your current chin multiplicity 10:46:50 Nowhereman : :))) 10:47:15 mastersamwise : even then.. it's not the face they care about if buying panties 10:47:36 julie : what if i become famous and im on oprah? 10:47:41 slimchance : that is hilarious. 10:47:42 julie : then someone might recognize me 10:47:43 slimchance : you are famous 10:47:51 julie : well internets dont count 10:47:52 slimchance : but not for you jewelry 10:47:56 dan : hehe 10:48:00 slimchance : well yes. interenets do count. 10:48:14 julie : but what if i become a politician 10:48:19 julie : then it could damage my career 10:48:26 slimchance : then im moving to a different country 10:48:40 slimchance : but youre a loafer.. you dont have a career to change. 10:48:54 julie : i almost ran for senate last year
Gallery of Frau Cancerr
A small snippet in the life of a Drama whore
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Cancerr's home -
The Feed Trough -
Where the magic happens! -
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Cancerr, crying about being banned for her faggotry -
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Should I take drugs? -
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The Tits that launched a thousand noobs...and trolls -
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Abortion modeling this year's jewelry -
Cancerr makes her triumphant return to the forum. she has more proxies than the netherlands. -
wat -
BABIES ARE NOM NOM -
Cancerr calls out ED -
The miracle of photoshop
Further Reading
Provided below is a small list of external links designed to illustrate the massive rainbow of insanity and fail that is Cancerr. To further illustrate her fail, just read some of the comments made to her (usually within the first five replies) and you will see just how much people are sick of her shit.
- TheForum
- Cancerr's plea for help falls on deaf ears
- OMG ladies, its period talk time!
- Where do you wipe your ass juice?
- oh for fuck's sake
- Cancerr shows her green monster
- tl;dr
- You and your entire family are truly wonderful people.
- brings tears to the eye.
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Cancerr is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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Cancerr is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |
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Cancerr is part of a series on |
| People |
| Cancerr • WAXLABLTABLER • Pyromaniac Guy • Zombies Make me Hot |
| Other Items of Interest |
| Stile Project • Stile Raid • Goatse • TheForum |