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Ateaseweb
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KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID! This article is TL;DR. You can help by editing this page and removing the large blocks of boring text. |
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Ateaseweb.com is a fansite for dicks. The message board and its origins are somewhat shrouded in mystery, dating back to 1999. It boasts an extremely diverse and developed community, however dysfunctional.
There are three types of people on Atease: those who post strictly in the main forum and worship Radiohead members' various body parts, those who post strictly in the other music forum and compulsively create lists to prove their musical nerdiness, and those who stay mostly in general chat and are obsessed with meeting up and fucking one another (genchat is also home to countless intelligent but disaffected teenagers who are really into sarcasm and outverbalizing each other). Naturally, there are many exceptions, but it's impressive how long this format has stayed pretty much unchanged despite a lot of turnover.
Radiohead
In Rainbows
In Rainbows is an awful album by Radiohead which was made listenable by some vinyl dude who doesn't like his work being shared. In keeping with the spirit of his wishes, here are some links so you too can enjoy it -
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=DW1YKHHX http://www.sendspace.com/file/7ten6j http://www.zshare.net/download/73528211090fbb79/ http://hotfile.com/dl/32069741/74466c9/abc123inrain.zip.html http://depositfiles.com/en/files/pq2v5n6xg
The Story Behind the Boarder
Notable Homos and Other Prominent Boarders of Atease
- adriaan (admin)
- alan
- Ally
- Ash (top poster)
- Benjamin Linus (cunt)
- Boxcars
- Chat
- Clarky
- computer talk
- Crazy Disco Party
- Crispin Alexander
- Dada Science
- eat the sun
- Gash Tache
- Goudvis
- Grunthos The Flatulent
- Hank Kinsley
- Helvikene
- Hot Dog Day #49
- hulmerist
- I Like To Iron
- irondragons
- Izzi/mass hysteria
- Jack F Brown
- Jack Shite/fsmicropenis
- Jaunty Angle
- Jehannum
- Jenks
- JohnRoss/Silverion
- kae'at k'lasa
- Knickers
- lightningscar
- _LIZ_ (gumpee)
- lover's spit
- lukin?
- Mack8
- mathsislife
- Maze
- Mr. Yuk
- nanakey (admin)
- Nexus6 (pedophile)
- Osaka Seafood Concern
- Plasma Agitator
- Plopsack
- psycho
- rainwater
- Rhies (resident wanker)
- Sillygoose
- skinny_antenna
- Synesthesia Syntax (gumpee)
- Tom Piltoff
- TomorrowsCat
- Unheard_Of (admin)
- Viddy
- Wahdiohead
- Will Quotes
- Woodo
- you ever seen a ghost?
Notable Toolsheds Who Tried To Add Their Names To The Above List But Inevitably Failed Because They Are Terrible Faggots
Better luck next time.
The Rise and Fall of Yifan Guo
Yifan Guo is a tragic misanthrope. As one of the original Ateasers, this strange convergence of neurotic blogger and tenacious troll employed an arsenal of china-related aliases, all focused on two final goals: to disrupt racial harmony (he's azn, lol) and to get some advice on boning hot chicks.
Yifan was perhaps the most oft-banned Ateaser. From his genesis as DetunedRadio, to his rebirth as Warchild, and in his latest incarnation as Starlight, the guy has never seen fit to modify his approach or post his picture in Mugshots. As a consequence, pwners (not likely) known as Boxcars and Robert C Mackle teamed up with co-conspiracist (he's azn, lol) Ocin to conduct the most lukewarm of all pwnings. An alias was registered, in the form of HerSpaceResearch - a female Chinese love interest who would either make or break Yifanchan once and for all. The name Lin Yao was selected by Boxcars, alongside pictures contributed by Ocin of some random azn chick from MySpace. Yifan fell for Boxcars' and Mackle's affectionate posts and Ocin's suggestive PMs, and soon enough declared his love for the fictional creation. Pictures, phone numbers, and sexually-charged stories were exchanged, and when the time came for the Big Reveal, Boxcars chickened out and suggested that Yifan never discovered the extent of the deception. Ocin however had other plans, revealing everything but the pictures (which were wrongly assumed to be fakes) and forcing yifan into a self-imposed exile of shame.
It was a long time before Yifan returned, and Mackle and Boxcars bridged the gap by registering new aliases in Yifan's honor. For a while, ComotoseBunnyButcher and WenJiabao provided (barely) passable Yifan impersonations until the little guy (he'z asn, lol) saw it fit to return. At this time, Boxcars and Yifan had formed a somewhat parasitical relationship on MSN, in the form of Boxcars' penance for being so downright nasty. During these bonding sessions, Boxcars finally discovered that the Yifan pictures in his possession were actually genuine, and also managed to accumulate a further 3 pictures, 2 of which he posted on Atease during his short-lived work as the Rogue Moderator Rorschach (when Yifan was once again in need of pwning).
Ramshackle
On July 7, 2003, during Radiohead's Hail to the Thief Tour, a fan on the messageboard registered the alias "freedom for Palestine" and began posting bomb threats for the show in Bergamo, Italy that night. The matter was investigated by authorities, who identified a messageboard user known as "ramshackle". Unfortunately, soon after, the messageboard suffered a major crash and all post data was lost. "Ramshackle" was apprehended, tried, and incarcerated for 2 months. No shit.
Adriaan
No one really knows whether the apparent owner of the board Adriaan actually exists. Affectionately known as 'ade' or 'that dutch bastard' around the board, the true identity of Atease's first member remains uncertain. Amongst other theories, atease member Sebadohead recently stated that Adriaan was nothing more than "Pins dressed as a man". Some say he sleeps upside down wearing only a kilt and that he only eats small Filipino boys. Most likely he is merely another alias. Ade is a supremely clueless and inapt site admin, who's let the site decay into its current state slow servers, porn ads, and penis pix. In January the board was hacked, and Ade promised that the board would be upgraded to version 3.0, we have not seen this yet and much of the board's functions are currently broken.
Goudvis
Goudvis began his slow and treacherous climb up the atease shit pile sometime in 04. He soon garnered popularity in the community for being "that quirky carrot fucker" and charmed many women/girls/toddlers into e-marrying him. In mid 06, it was suggested that a new moderator be added to the roster of the almost entirely non-existent atease staff, and Goudvis campaigned (unopposed) for this position. Eventually, Ade woke up long enough to grant Goudvis moderator status. Despite not actually moderating the place, Goudvis still wanted more power, and was made admin by late 07. This move sparked anger amongst the users of atease, but Goudvis found reason to ban them before they could speak out. Currently, he leaves the site almost entirely unmoderated, save for a few arbitrary bannings and thread locks every few weeks. The last rebels seceded when their leader, Crispin Alexander, had a mental breakdown, cut his hair, and pulled a Holden Caufield. As of now, Goudvis has accepted his fate as the hated admin, and continues to ban certain member repeatedly, while lying about numerous aspects of his adminship to escape menial tasks such as name changing.
Goudvis has attracted notoriety for decreeing that all Radiohead fans and Atease forum members must share his PC liberal/left political views. Certain topics or even the mention of 'offensive' words such as 'black' or 'muslim' were enough to get the offenders unceremoniously banned. In the summer of 2008 he became embroiled in controversy when the infamous 'Southie' posted a succession of racist diatrabes against white people. In one thread she called for the extermination of all white people in Africa. When it was pointed out to Goudvis that inciting genocide was a serious breach of International law, let alone the terms and conditions of Atease, he simply refused to even moderate the threads in question and instead banned anyone who objected to her.
In late 2008 the glorious Fuhrer Goudvis, champion of race and nation, heroicly suppressed the winter rebels in an uprising against At Ease poster boy Nexus. Nexus - who has served At Ease for many years, and never ever touched a child in an inappropriate way - was attacked entirely without reason by almost EVERYONE on At Ease, entirely coincidently. Heroic leader Goudvis stepped in to action, banning members high and low, at the expense of his own popularity and respect. Not that he had either. During the summer of 2009 Goudvis was driven off the board. More recently he was demoted to Moderator and rarely comes to atease anymore.
However, the spirit of Goudvis lives on under new admins and classics forum nobodies nanakey, clairey and Beachbum.
Crazy Disco Party
Crazy Disco Party (also known as Sean ) is probably the one of the most consistent boarders on the atease. He consistently makes parody threads in Main which almost always get reported, to which he usually receives a suspension for. Outside of Crazy Disco Party's head , however, it's a worth noting that these threads are incredibly unfunny and banal.
He was banned for a while when the new administrator Benjamin Linus was knighted, due to Crazy Disco Party posting a thread containing intimate details about a car crash Linus was in. This resulted in a hilarious uproar of Linus' family completely freaking out and a lot of emotionally charged posts by both accounts . Crazy Disco Party claims that he had no prior knowledge of this and that it was some kind of practical joke. He was unbanned and issued an apology by Linus for his overreaction.
Crazy Disco Party joined atease in 2003 but didn't start posting regularly until 2005. He has made a name for himself by making literally hundreds and hundreds of threads, most of which are complete crap but he made countless timeless ones (most of which are now lost due to the board hack) like 'drop to the floor at the end of just', the atease christmas card threads and just loads of others that are so great so just trust me (they're all utter shite). It's worth noting that Crazy Disco Party has tried to tamper with this article, many at time, so as to give the reader, you, a more solid reading experience.
mathsislife
Mathsislife/John Bond registered to Atease on the dawn of "In Rainbows" - Radiohead's 7th Studio album. John Bond started out his life as a Troll, and not much has changed since. For a while he took refuge in the Meeting People is Easy thread, which is now moot . He spends a considerable amount of time on MSN, masturbating to a select group of premium individuals. His favourite hobbies include - Distributing pictures of his younger sister, Faye, to grown men,(whose names begin with a C) soon approaching their first pension cheques. Whenever John Bond has free time, he takes a liking to typing up long, hyperbole laden paragraphs, reminding us all of his failed life and wearing green shoes.
Hot Dog Day #49
There was once a man so encapsulated within the spherical realm which some call the worldwide internet that he committed himself greatly, and with ever-present dedication and loyalty to the practice unlike any which this earth has ever seen. This hallowed practice is known as “boarding” or to some less kindred spirits, “posting”. The ritual involves churning ones soul forth unto a flagrant community of deranged, tepid, and otherwise incomprehensible beings. Each of their minds are represented by a pseudonym and image, vastly unrelated to their actual, meaningless lives. One by one they gather together in a sort of virtual collective intelligence, each trying to outpace each other’s feeble comments with one more revolting and insinuating than the last. Frequent debates, or “flame wars” often occur, wherein two or more representations are in a heated battle of the mind, fought with derogatory, hateful, and often soul-shattering insults, meant to crush the opponent into submission by pure thought alone. This is where our subject comes into question. Hot Dog Day #49 is one of the leaders of this postage brigade. He himself, has amassed nearly twenty thousand individual boarding calls, and has done so with the utmost grace, style, and fanatical criticism that have ever been divulged. His power is unmatched, and his absolutely, unblinkingly rude commentary never, ever goes unnoticed. It was perhaps at the dawn of his postal service, that he chose his ultimate path. We may never know, however, as his actual identity is as reclusive as the very soul in which we all seek to discover entombed within our unfortunately mortal flesh. After finding love with the lesser Estonia sister, he came to the great realization that his boarding career really screwed him up and made him FREAK OUT and that he had to leave forever to save himself from becoming a goblin.
Wierd Fishee
Wierd Fishee sold her house and moved her entire family to Oxford, for reasons she claims had nothing to do with the fact that it is the home of Radiohead. While there, she divorced her husband because she fell in love with a mysterious musician she refers to as her "soul mate" or her "boyfriend"--despite the fact that she does not have and has never had a relationship with this person. For over a year she has said that they will hopefully be together "soon". Because she met her self-described soul mate the exact same day she met Thom Yorke, because her posts detailing her encounters with her soul mate closely resemble her posts detailing running into Thom Yorke, and because she interprets every song Thom has written since they met to be about the narrator leaving behind his stifling relationship for a new lover, many have come to the conclusion that Wierd Fishee is a mentally ill stalker who believes Thom is in love with her. Wierd Fishee will hurl insults and threats when her beloved Thom is slighted in any fashion, and because she is pathologically lacking in self-awareness will react with an air of wounded martyrdom when she is attacked because people believe she is implying that Thom is a scumbag who gets his bandmates together to write a concept album about wanting to fuck another woman which he then performs in front of his longterm partner and their children. She is the mother of ateaser transdimensional.
Sadly, Patricia passed away in early 2011 from a brain aneurysm. Her good organs were harvested.
Silverion
Michael Kim Trowbridge is a 25-year-old retard from Middle England who comes out with this sort of crap:
This is essentially related to the last thread of mine. Since that went into crapism with the usual overlong posts that are spam and idiots posting without actually saying anything... The point stands that people always try to find groups that are most close to them. Trying to find a mould. I always used to say i will not be a sheep. I will not look for my own mould. The group of people who are most close to my own sence of personality. So many friendships people form that are shallow and dont mean all that much. Based on how much you have in common with others. Well everyone knows opposites attract. Everyone also knows that a few friends formed over time mean more then a dosen friends formed over a matter of weeks. This is what i mean by cliques. And no. I am not part of a clique unless you would name it as an anti clique. Which i guess i am. But thats better then a bunch of friends who stab you in the back as soon as you start to change. So does anyone here know what i am trying to say?
He changed his name from Silverion to JohnRoss some time ago as to avoid the reputation he built for himself previously. It didn't really work and he now stacks cans for a living at Tesco (actually a lie, as he was recently exposed as a benefits scrounger who pockets a small fortune in "disability" hand outs.) and spends his spare time exacting vengeance on those who mock his backwards feet with his trusty Braveheart replica sword.
This is not who I am,this is NOT OKAY
Gert
gertruda_1 is a 26 year old obese Croatian troll. She writes angry posts in terrible English about how men suck, and how she thinks that every man she has ever met is evil. The only sexual experience she ever had was with a golden retriever called Bilbo. Despite her hatred of men, Gertruda desperately wants to have a boyfriend. However, she will never achieve this dream, since the actual problem is that men think she is evil, rather than the other way around. Similarly, she professes her hate for ateaseweb and everyone in it yet continues to frequent the board and annoy everyone with her posts. Most agree this is because her life is one big depressing and pathetic Croatian trainwreck. Gertruda picks up leaves in a park for a living and regularly complains about how poor she is. However, she somehow manages to afford music and video games, and of course the huge amounts of junk food that are required to maintain her disgustingly high body weight. She is famous for seeking out topics with "penis", "vagina" and "anal" in the title, entering them and reading all the posts, then posting her disgust at having to read such filth and subsequently reporting the topics to Goudvis to delete. There are rumors that she bribes Goudvis by sending him naked photos of herself (Goudvis apparently has a fetish for obese trolls).
In late 2009 details of Gert's attempted seduction of, and subsequent rejection by, white trash Aussie Borat lookalike Augie February were leaked to the board prompting Gert to become and even angrier, more embittered board laughing stock than ever before. She now deletes her account and post and leaves the board forever on an almost monthly basis only to return shorty with an even more hilarious outlook on life. She was last seen posting under the alias "Lady Vengeance", but now prefers to spend her evenings sending weird texts to people who have "wronged" her, spamming their email accounts with password recovery emails, and placing bogus ads in their name. Goodness knows what dastardly shit she has planned in the future. It seems that her capacity for vengeance knows no bounds.
Barry28
Sam Barrington began his rapid rise to board notoriety in the Autumn of 2009 when, tired of posting without being noticed, he decided to change his name to various dictators and then actually board in character. This proved to be unpopular so he reverted to type and posted some of the most inane shite in the history of boarding and built up an impressive postcount. Unfortunately his slightly unusual relationship with his pet and sole friend Molly came to light during this posting spree so, taking advantage of an unsucessful suicide attempt, Barry28 drove 12 hours to lose his virginity to fellow carcrash boarder Will Quotes. When Will Quotes dumped Barry28 for long term boyfriend (and noted child molester) Viddy, Barry28 retaliated with the following:
Hey, i'm not sure if this is the account you use for emails so you might not get this. I'm also not sure if your phone is playing up again or if you're just not replying to me. I can understand the latter.
I made it clear in Aberdeen that i was sorry for the way i had behaved. After you told me to stop talking about my family and myself so much, i tried to do that. I know i'm moody, but i really do like being with you. I had fun and i know i should have offered to take you places or out to dinner or something. I'm just not used to relationships of any sort as you know.
I think i know why after telling me you didn't want to see James, you are seeing him now. You don't have anyone else there really. You told me you weren't with him, so i believe that, but it's still really hard knowing that he can be with you and i can't. He's lied to you and messed you about so much and it makes me very angry.
I am in love with you, and it hurts not being with you. I'm not very good at showing how i feel, i know this. But i really do love you and think you're beautiful. I really want us to try and get to know each more, and you said you wanted that. I really do. I need you and i want you to need me.
I'm not going to go "lol troll" and leave you, i will never leave you. I know that all your previous relationships have resulted in guys leaving you. I will never do that, i couldn't do that. You an amazing person and i want to be with you. I am trying to be less selfish and think of others, to be less arrogant and all the other truths you told me. I needed to hear them and no one else has ever told me like you did, bluntly. It has worked.
I don't want to say much about James as you know what he's like and what my opinions on him are , but i know he will continue to mess you around and if you want to move on and do well at uni, he will not help, whether you are "together" or not. He's done some awful things to you that i could never forgive anyone for and that you shouldn't have to forgive him for.
I'd really like to come and see you in N.Ireland as i've said. I could get the ferry and drive up, which wouldn't be far at all, or i could fly from Birmingham.
Please don't shut me out, i love you so much. I'm not asking you to trust me, but to let me prove that i want to be with you, and only you.
He flew from the UK to Boston to fuck Sophie G. a matter of weeks later.
Jaunty Angle
marting (intentional lower case m) is a big gay, roflcoptor.
Ash
As of January 2010, this weird little dude (aka twenty-five-year-old Aaron of Minnesota) has accumulated over 90,000 posts, making him by far the top poster on Atease. Obsessed with monkeys, ducks, and the absurd, his life is one never ending pursuit of a larger post count. His posts are mostly incoherent, frequently brilliant messes of puns and alliteration peppered with obscure pop culture references (ex-pop star Aaron Carter, band Super Furry Animals, and actor Crispin Glover are a few of his fixations). In late 2006, he was banned after attempting to bypass flood control through multi-browser browsing. To further humiliate him, Ade had his post count reduced to one. However, he easily bypassed the ban, and posted on atease under several aliases, Dr. Lime/Evil Dad Ash 3/Abu. He had suggested that he may have his name changed to Abuladdin, Aladdin, and din. He is currently sporting a massively unattractive beard.
In November of 2009 his Abu account was deleted by car-crash survivor Brent because Brent hated the board and wanted to destroy it wah wah. The same guy who deleted him felt bad for him because Ash legitimately had a massive breakdown so he reinstated his Ash account and gave him his original postcount. He was recently outed as looking like the lead singer of the Fleet Foxes, which whenever mentioned, he tries to hide resentment for by regularly spewing inane amounts of his usual bumbling oddly spaced posts that resemble random notes from serial killers.
This is his YouTube channel, where he makes videos for his homemade music.
Notable Events
Leaving atease
Many users deem it necessary to have themselves deleted from atease permanently. Radiohead fans genetically lack the ability to quit stuff using their own free will. Cock tease Mannequin left atease for good and had her account deleted. She was spotted over the next few days on various messageboards over the world wide web, including gaia online and the honda s2000 forums. Unfortunately due to not being 11 and her lack of an s2000 she was unable to integrate herself into these communities and eventually came crawling back. She returned to atease 3 days after leaving as wilson the volleyball. Other members who have left atease only to soon return include The Ghost Of 'Lectricity, Viva Hate, and a few others.
Soliciting Minors
It has become common practice on atease for male members to try to solicit nude pictures from the teenage girls that currently plague atease. As you would expect, the most common offenders are those who scream pedo at other guys for pointing out that people under 30 are sometimes hot. Unfortunately, as of this date, no members have been successful in achieving the holy grail of internet perverts everywhere. Often when such advances for pictures are not met members often lash out and harass the female users even more. Male members often try to use their own genitalia to persuade the youngsters to part with their precious nudes. Many users believe nexus6 used the LEGSFROMHELL to solicit noods from Pokeh, but again, this is JUST CONJECTURE. After Goudvis was driven off the board, Nexus6 hasn't really been around much because no one sticks up for him.
Penis Pix
Genchat has seen an incredible volume of male genitalia pictures in its time. Sexually frustrated Ateasers such as Viva Hate, kid8, Polvo del Coyote, Scottish Dude, and most recently, transdimensional, have for whatever fucking reason felt compelled to take pictures of their penes and post them on the message board (though they are occasionally leaked by the females whom these guys intended to woo). Transdimensional was sold out by the user meisadumb1 when she leaked the pics into an msn group conversation. Much hilarity ensued with people posting the link here, there, and everywhere. Notable troll boxcars suggested seducing transdimensionals mum, who posts on atease under the alias weird fishee, and showing her own sons cock to her whilst passing it off as his own. Sad sick fuck.
Atease Couples
Atease has brought together a surprising number of couples, some of whom have traveled thousands of miles to meet and fuck each other. A few examples:
- Radioskull and blackstar (who?)
- shimbot and the dude (now married)
- Scott Walker and Ocin/Joanna and Kathleen (first board threesome)
- May-May and Faithless
- pins and crap
- Knickers and Crazy Disco Party
- Nanakey and skinny_antenna
- Will Quotes and Plopsack
- Crispin Alexander and eat the sun
- TomPiltoff and lightningscar
- wearethepigs and Barton (currently on indefinite hiatus)
- TomorrowsCat and Jenks
- Hot Dog Day #49 and helvikene
- Mathsislife and Rainwater (allegedly)
- lover's spit and 7sk
- Sophie G's gaping hirsute vag and various sad virgins
"The Classics" and "Cheesecake"
There is a board that most people pretend doesn't exist, and it is The Classics board, full of obnoxious, elitist bitches who write and fap to Radiohead porn fan fiction, also known as Cheesecake. You have been warned.
Years in Summary
2004
In May of 2004, ateaseweb.com's message board saw a surge of users due to Radiohead's performance as promoters for the Coachella festival. There was another crash, with many boardies left in disarray without post counts and familiar aliases to fall back on. When the board was reestablished later that month, users were required to provide an e-mail address, which led to a noticeable decrease in offensive aliases. 2004 was also the year the impressively original phrase "my god, you are ugly" became rampant throughout the message board as a form of trolling. In response, it became a joke to retort "say what you will, I'm not ashamed of my face." What's wrong's the wrong that's always in wrong. Also, fans started suggesting that "Punch Up is JUST RIPE to be a 10-15 Live Jam!", parodying Radiohead's guitarist Jonny Greenwood's comments on jamming as "mutual masturbation." There was a series of completely useless online petitions started to support this cause. All of them failed. Fucking emo dumbasses.
2005
It was in 2005 that a plot to destroy the ateasers, was uncovered. All signs point to the evil Mortigi Tempo as being the source of the destruction. Multiple Atease crashes have left the ateasers scattered and alone, but a few brave soldiers have taken it upon themselves to annihilate the evil MT from the inside by making it the opposite of what it is: interesting and witty. The task proved to be easier than previously thought. MT seemed to lay down its arms immediately, the beauty and originality of the ateasers blinding their putrid souls.
As the rebuilding of their kingdom continued, real life awaits all ateasers. May it be swell.
It is also worth noting that 2005 was the year Crazy Disco Party decided to embark on a personal crusade to get as many posts as possible.
2006
Crazy Disco Party (then IilasticarettyIII) along with classic boarders like cashmango, NinjaBreadMan and trixtah took over Gen Chat and had lots of fun and IilasticarettyIII changed his name about 50 times one letter at a time and people had to guess would it turn out to be and it was fun.
2007
After the non-entity that was 2006, atease sparked back into life in 2007 with some truly memorable threads.
Notable users included hellobidies, and his relationship with plasma agitator, KidA/mnesiac becoming the first person to have two threads simultaneously in classics, ragdoll and her inevitable death, as well as the slow, sad decline of wierd fishee into her mental breakdown.
In actual fact, a user, Drea, did die at the age of 29 of a stroke. No shit.
2008
2008 began slowly, with many notable users (Kathleen, Crispin Alexander, rainwater, TomorrowsCat, Polvo del Coyote, September) leaving, and several being banned (ReCreeper, Kid A/mnesiac). Atease was held together by MPINE, a chat thread in which almost every single "important" ateaser posted. This thread (pronounced M-Pine), was created by the man known as "Doity." Doity left atease for known reason, but most believe the legend he lurks around trying to find "Pumpkin Eater." New and promising faces emerged from the gen chat scene include mathsislife, Pretty Patterns, Hot Dog Day #49, superdave (later leaving the board over cock pics), irondragons (faggot), eat the sun (easily angered), and the.eraser (has a great accent and is a huge pervert).
Genchat went under something of a revival. TomorrowsCat, Crispin Alexander and Kid A/mnesiac (under the new moniker I Like To Iron) were posting regularly again, as well as other boarders becoming more amusing. Izzi and Plasma Agitator were generally considered to have a monopoly on being the hot girls of gen chat, since all of the other girls had left; neither of them seemed flattered at all.
A minor stir was caused in late September, when it was revealed that Winsley and Bidies had resumed their relationship, though now they are no longer an item.
The November Purge
Late 2008 bought dark times for At Ease, with the 'November Purge' gutting gen-chat of many of its best members. The controversy was bought about by facist Goudvis siding with unpopular pedophile Nexus and clueless foreigner Gertuda regarding several incidents of "bullying". By several, that actually means a continued campaign of harassment lasting well over a year, however the fact is neither of them are very good people and probably (certainly) deserve to be bullied. None the less, the November Purge robbed At Ease of freedom of speech and expression, and the formally jovial realm of gen chat became one of oppression and sadness.
Amongst others, members banned or suspended during the crisis included Alan, psycho, mathsislife, Barry28, Crispin Alexander, Capt Monterey Jack, Disinterested and Charles Haywire. This led to a horrific backlash; Eat The Sun invaded and conquered main, crippling the community that blossomed there. The sheer volume of moderation during the crisis - which many rightly considered to be totally unjustified - resulted in widespread calls for the resignation of carrot-fuck-head Goudvis, and more extreme members have even called for his death.
As we moved into the second half of November, the spirit of revolution still hung in the air, though the coup seemed to have been called off. Almost all of the banished At Easers have returned in some shape or form, and life in general chat continued much the same as it was before - the one notable absense being that of the infamous :nexus: smiley.
On November 19th, Goudvis upped the ante. Within a matter of days he'd deleted the account I Like To Iron, as well as Eat The Sun (who later returned as angelene) and noted faghat Yakabe (a.k.a. Helpless/Worthless/Useless/Lived With A Junkie/Wanked Off A Tramp/Helpless). Despite half a dozen attempts, Yakabe was never able to regain the respect of GenChat without a 2000-strong post-count as /b/lackup, and eventually went into exile. A board precedent was set shortly afterwards when Crazy Disco Party successfully contested a thread deletion, regarding some self-harm images. It is now thought that the revolution is back on, with Crazy Disco Party the most likely candidate for our new glorious leader.
2009
Atease, stuck in this funk of no lulz and fewer personalities than ever before as old boarders drifted away like rats from a sinking ship, or a stinking shit, or some such, continued to decline. Radiohead almost completely forgotten except in main (they eat babies and smell) and Anyone Can Play Guitar (god knows, trust me boys), genchat succumbed to a bunch of cunts and a bunch of even bigger cunts, leaving the whole place in ridiculous excess of cunts.
During late summer, administrator Goudvis and his reign of terror were put to an end, he resigned because he could no longer deal with the frequent diaper changes that Nexus6 required. He gave the torch up and it was given to a quirky 21 year old bro from California called Benjamin Linus . He made a good first impression by reinstating the accounts of many who were banned by Goudvis in his reign of terror, this led to some slight backlash in the beginning, but in the end produced good boarding.
New Years eve brought the hacking of Atease. There wasn't really been a completely clear explanation of the events that occurred at the time of this edit. Finidi was the account that allegedly hacked the board but it was said that it wasn't really him behind it and it was later discovered that car-crash cunt admin Benjamin Linus had been responsible, trying to create traffic for his own worthless 130bpm messageboard that no-one gives a fuck about. Several randoms were made administrator including Ash, admin nanakey and moderator addict were completely deleted. Every subforum on the site was deleted except for Multilingual, which every thread was moved to. Most of the megathreads such as WHEAT were deleted. This prompted a response from Ade, who was convinced by the staff that there was a huge flaw in the 1998 forum software. The board was restored to a mostly working state, and Ade promised a board upgrade to IPB version 3.0. It was only upgraded to the latest version of 2.x. Ade has since completely disappeared, no one knows where he is and he is not in contact with the administrators.
2010
This season brought a new chapter to atease folklore: THE UNCOVERING OF HOT GIRL ALIASES
Boarders Izzi and the anti suck were both outed to be aliases. The anti suck (Morgan Henderson) was created by a boarder called Owls (Laura Weiss). To fabricate an identity for the anti suck, Owls created a Facebook page for Morgan, using pictures of some unknown trendy and attractive girl from the LA area. A network of friends was also created by Owls, a facade of countless fake Facebook pages were set up by Owls as a network of friends of Morgan to give the impression that Morgan was actually a real person. She was outed because of suspicions that arose from some extremely sketchy characteristics during post-thanksgiving season. Right around the time that the anti suck was discovered and banned, Owls completely disappeared and no longer responds to communication of any kind. This is most likely due to embarrassment.
Izzi was acted out by a male boarder called Mass Hysteria. Suspicions arose to her cause when discussions of the anti suck brought attention to other hot girl boarders who no one had ever met. Boarder Hot Dog Day #49 heroically asked an administrator to run an IP address check on her account and it was quickly revealed that she was indeed a fake. Later on, Mass Hysteria admitted his losses and explained that he basically had a mental breakdown. Most of genchat thought it was hilariously pathetic and laughed at his expense. He also seemed to have lost a few long term friends over his charade, this too brought laughter at his expense.
Most of the major events of 2010 revolved around British boarders Barry28 and Will Quotes, including Will Quotes' suicide attempt, Barry28's subsequent loss of virginity to her and Will Quotes' two timing of Barry28 and long term boyfriend (and third highest poster) Viddy. The leaking of Barry28's love letter to Will Quotes and his subsequent rejection by Boston jew-slut Sophie G. eventually led to an extensive exile from the board.
Another notable event of 2010 was Crazy Disco Party become the second highest poster on AtEase after his permaban was revoked in the wake of the board hacking scandal.
2011
After the NY Clique folded in 2010, mostly due to the Sarapik sisters working their way through every North American male boarder, the board once again became dominated by Brits. Of these Brits, boarding legend Crazy Disco Party, master troll Plopsack, Official Best Euro Boarder 2010 wearethepigs, lanky cunt Gash Tache and comeback king I Like To Iron formed the all conquering Power 5 (or P5 as it has become known) and immediately set about removing perennial 14 year old Bug from the general chat forum. For this they were universally hailed as heroes and will continue to rule the board with an iron fist for the foreseeable future.
In late January, the worst kept secret in clique history was let out of the bag, when Gash Tache was replaced by Maze after his decline involving the boarder specialist, who has since left. In February, the P5 suffered its first major setback, as posting machine wearethepigs (Luke) was suspended for five days after an avatar related scandal. To crown an impressive return to boarding form, psycho was rewarded with a temporary spot in the P5.
As with all cliques initiated and maintained solely by terrible retards, the P5 dissolved even quicker than it started.
Threads of Notable Idiocy
- Martin post the third person thread
- WHEAT
- CHAFF...MARK I
- the greatest board hoax ever
- The Viva Hate Q&A
- i think i'm nonsexual like a faux-moz/fakeVIVA
- I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM AND CRY
- Thrad.
- ARPEGGI!!1!!1!1!
- Let's invade the Hanson forums!
- Gay Week
- Turn On the Bright Lights vs Nevermind
- Stupid Chinese Bitch ass motherfuckers
- BIG News!!!
- Is it wrong to assume Vampire Weekend are wealthy / privaleged?
- I want an indie girlfriend
- Attention Hot Dog Douche #49
- Guidelines and restrictions for moderators
- Which of these 10.0 boarders will lose their virginity first?
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