Hello Kitty

File:Hellokitty2.jpg

Oh the humanity!

Hello Kitty was created by Sanrio, a Japanese company created solely to be an outlet for desperate young women to recover some semblance of innocence.

Those who actually find Hello Kitty to be an enjoyable, lovable character need to be euthanized post-haste, except for Gas Mask Girl DISREGARD THAT, NO ONE IS EXEMPTED, NOT EVEN THE ONES YOU FAP TO.

Apparently, Hello Kitty violates the AUP.

Hello Kitty fan?

Why Hallo Thar Kitty...It's A Trap!!

File:Hello kitty kotex.jpg

4 retarded

Hello Kitty fans are easily identifiable; however they often are otherwise normal, probably goddamn retarded, female women. Another type of Hello Kitty fans, are those plauged with wapanese syndrome. Usually, they are old men, pedophiles, uncles, or gaiafags who like to dress up as women

Usually somewhat shy, these young women are usually revealed to be Hello Kitty consumers by accident.

Oh, and the entire Emo Scene Queen commmunity. They assrape Hello Kitty.

Often, someone such as a family remember will discover a small trinket, such as a pen/pencil, micro toy or lip balm with a Sanrio character, most commonly the egg-headed "feline" Hello Kitty. I'm not sure what they were on when they drew Hello Kitty, but I'm pretty sure it was actually drawn with an amputee's amputated foot.

When confronted, those stricken with Hello Kitty admiration will often reply, "Oh! I love Hello Kitty! She's so cute!"

In no time at all, more and more Sanrio merchandise creeps through the normal possessions of a young cunt to form a veritable Hello Kitty shrine.

Daily blood sacrifices are made for good fortune, as well as keeping the fearsome Hello Kitty deity happy. It is believed that any item offered upon the kawaii alter is devoured by Hello Kitty in her fluffy cloud paradise.

Many young Hello Kitty enthusiasts offer their "virginity" to their deity of choice, usually the sassy but personable penguin Badtz Maru. This is a symbolic offer, in which followers re-virginize themselves by pledging unending celibacy.

Sanrio: Helping damaged women sleep through the night.

It's often thought to be "edgy" to take Hello Kitty and alter it to be something atypical. Such other "corrupted" children's characters also include CareBears made gay and goth.

Other Mutated Animals

Sanrio also raped the image of raccoons, tigers, penguins, rabbits, other cats, puppies, fish, Your mom, and Stalin.

A surprising amount of lulz or at least uncomfortable irritation is to be had here, at the Sanrio website. That particular link leads to the confusing page of characters, including an obsessive-compulsive raccoon and a panda made of APPLE which Hello Kitty poops out from time to time.

poop + Japan = <3

Sanrio's Statement To Its Fans

Dear loyal buyer-sama,

We appreciate so muchly the purchase of Hello Sanrio Kitty Chibi Honorable Kawaii!

Continue buying and to be owning for Herro Kitty-chan

We continue blotting away memory of Bad Uncle touch you down where!

When the dust settled, I stood alone...

Oh god no

Hello to you too, Kitty!

It's been twenty years since the beginning of the noble crusade my personal hero, Admiral Simon P. Scalesington led single-handedly.

When he first saw sight of Sanrio's Hello Kitty prototypes he could see a future in which emotionally damaged women with histories of sexual abuse were not promiscuous and free with their affections but instead found a way to recover a bit of a metaphorical hymen.

Thusly he realized he must stop this adorable creature from gaining a niche market among women who previously would give it up to anyone who could take away the pain of previous sexual encounters.

He began campaigning with the earliest forms of the internet against Sanrio, claiming the company was run by pedophiles who commonly engaged in unnatural and unacceptable conventions of behavior including scat, goatse, and camwhoring.

After erroneously refering to one exec as a "Size Queen," Sanrio struck back.

Releasing the un-lulzy, unstoppable monster called Shinkansen. Shinkansen is an unstoppable bullet train with a relentless blood thirst quenched only once, briefly in 1987 during the Red Rains of Keralai in which the sky literally wept blood.

Landry the motherfucking adorable Raccoon! Jesus, look at the tiny ducky!

Shinkansen tracked Admiral Simon for three solid months before eventually finding and pwning him into the afterlife.

It is now I, the noble antihero who must strive in my fallen commander's stead. Though I strive day and night to conquer Sanrio and finally put Hello Kitty in a kawaii pink coffin, I still attest that Landry the raccoon is fucking adorable.

I'm working on it, valiantly.

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