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Craigslist
Craigslist, also known as "Kikeslist" is a website purely to find hookers not any more. It's a good place to find some anonymous pussy if you're a married old senator (just use the word "discreet"). "CL" as the kids call it, is also the largest single site in the world for gay men looking for homosexual hookups. Seriously. It was started in San Francisco after all, a town where a blowjob is the equivalent of shaking hands, and saying "Pleased to meet you" is almost always a prelude to getting fucked in the ass.
Craigslist likes to hide the fact that it's purely an escort service by posing as a good place to sell your used junk or look for apartments, but every non-sex-related listing is fake, auto-generated by Craigslist itself. If you don't believe this, then try to sell there, go ahead. You have to make an account, get past a human-unreadble CAPTCHA, then you're hit with their phone verification. This thing calls you and makes you hit a random number to get a pin. It won't leave a pin or dial extensions so it won't work on voicemail, forwarding systems, your work number, and it also blocks most other things like prepaid cell phones. So you have to divulge your real phone number, but then you find it still won't get you a pin. So you mail them and select the option "tech support (phone authentication)" and the form refuses to submit gives the error, "You must provide the phone number you used to validate your account. Please check and try again." Yup, you can't mail them about phone verification issues until you've already verified a phone number with them. The only way to get it to work is to have them send a text message to your cell phone, costing you phone charges. Once that's done, you find you still can't post anyway. Okay now remember how Craigslist is free despite costing them a heap of money to run? Well after you've given Craigslist 30 phone numbers and done the verification that it asked for, despite that it wouldn't take any of them, you find suddenly all these numbers are bombarded by telemarketers. Now you know how Craigslist makes money. All posts of products for sale on Craigslist are fakes generated by Craigslist's software itself. The only real ads on Craigslist are for sex, and not just straight sex as Mediacrat posts on there.
Posting an ad on Craigslist can be a source of lolz. For example, posting this:
- I'm a fairly small, very submissive Jewish girl looking for something pretty specific. (Some of you are going to think this is sick ... but its what I want.) I'd like someone to be dominant and abuse me, humiliate me and hurt me in a concentration camp type scene. You be the sadistic Nazi guard, and I'll be the prisoner who has to do whatever you say. Uniforms a ++
can get you responses like this:
- I got Nazi camp @ my hezhous
- hi,i think i can do that for you,first of all,i have alot of knowledge what went on in the concentration camps
- Vaats thees? My name is Wilhelm and I will make you realize how inferior your little jewish ass is. You are there for me to use for pleasure for my dick, nothing else. I don't care about what you want, it's all about me, got it? Reply only if you want to be my cum dump tonite. Achtung!!!!!1
- do u ski ??
although most will look like the ones you post:
- SWM 19/5'8/145/8" cock. sup!
NOTE TO GENTLE READERS: Posting as a female may flood your inbox.
Craigslist is known for being free, almost never charging anyone money, and being a non-profit site who is poor. It will soon go bankrupt because eBay, after failing to take them over in a stock purchase and then failing to make their own craigslist clone, decided be like Scientology and sue them to shut them down, and Craigslist hasn't any money to afford a single lawyer. [1]
Craigslist Trolls
Craigslist is home to a wide variety of trolls. These trolls are categorized as Uber-Trolls and trollips. Staff often helps.
the Tulsa Troll (aka RedFag. aka the illiterate Injun, etc.)
The most vile asshattery comes from The Tulsa Troll. Known primarily for his original trolling handle 1986_Redford this under-douche has gone on to become one of the most prolific of craigslists community of pseudo-religious right wing whack jobs. According to craigslist forum lore redford started as a proto-troll under the study of Farang-Ba, a homeless pedophile from the tenderloin area of San Franciso.
Thousands of Handles:
Known for years to maintain a trolling database of over 1000 handles, being the attention whore that he is, he posted the entire list on New Year's Eve 2008 in the craiglist feedback forum, in front of craigslist staff. Craigslist staff, who are mostly in a comatose vegetative state, failed to actually do anything until two notable freedom fighters risked everything to bring truth to the masses.
On February 2nd, 2009 the consultitute published the landmark document 1986 Redford Competitive Landscape Handle Matrix which exposed this dirtbag's countless handles. That document, along with subsequent releases, finally revealed this homos true agenda and began the great purge. Hundreds of the 'redfords' handles were wiped out in seconds.
To this day, redford as he is known, continues to spend copious amounts of time posting fake conversations and demanding that forums remain 'R+' It was recently uncovered that nearly 10% of all forum posts in the primary craigslist feedback forum are composed of redford trolling handles.
A randomly updated list of his handles can be found on internetz.
Color Orange BANNED from Craigslist:
After claiming to have been appointed forum administrator, craig personally ordered the color orange banned from the site. As the legend goes, It used to be that users on craigslist could use any color they wanted.
Then in April of 2009 redford (aka the illiterate injun, aka the tulsa troll) misused his powers to fool peanuts and proto-tards into believing he had been hired on as craigslist staff. Coloring his own handle orange and posing as an imp handle, he proclaimed himself forum moderator.
Small-town craigslist hillbilly proto-teabaggers became enraged, some proclaiming that they were "mad as clams" and demanded answers from craigslist staff.
"I just posted to the help forum! angry as clams!" i_crapped_my_pants 04/04 19:56:59
Due to the overwhelming number of complaints, understaff were forced to ask Craig for advice on how to handle the situation. Craig Newmark became so violently angry that he had been disrupted whie staking out squirrels in his vegetable garden decreed "I ban the use of the color orange forever!" To this day craigslist does not allow the use of the color orange.
Craigslist Proto-Trolls (trollips)
Craigslist forums are also full of other proto-trolls (or trollips as they have come to be known).
Notable Craigslist Trollips and their forum of preference: (note: As with regular trolls, trollips carry many handles, in order to keep pace with staff deletions and handle bans, so only the general name is noted)
trollip (favorite handle) - forums trolled (troll handle of choice)
Panda (HiddenPanda) - US Politics, Job Market
Gidget (AsiansAREUberSmart) - US Politics
HelpfulHedda(HelpfulHedda) - Feedback, Help Desk, Flag Help, Peanut Gallery, Handle Spotting
"Helpful" Hedda is the resident help desk black hat faggot. This dumbass literally posts dozens of useless garbage posts, which she then proceeds to miraculously not answer by cutting and pasting premade answers. By doing this he is trying to earn 'cred' with craigslist staff in the hopes that someday he will be made a moderator or some other bullshit position.
RFJasongate 2006
In August 2006, RFJason pwned all of Craigslist with his cunning RFJason Craigslist Experiment. Much lulz ensued.
Fun With Craigslist
While there are multiple methodologies one may use for lulz involving Craigslist, one of the most noteworthy requires several minutes of access to a friend's, enemy's, or loved one's e-mail, as one must both submit and then verify the post on the e-mail account.
Access to their account can be bypassed by setting up a fake Gmail account.
1. Set it up using the prefix of the account you are going to flood ([email protected] becomes [email protected]), this way the responders use what looks to be the proper e-mail at first glance.
2. Forward all the e-mail to the other account, saving copies of all e-mails.
3. Set up the craigslist ad and confirm it on your Gmail account, they get a copy and cancel the listing with ZOMG WTF is this shit I am not a fag!!!.
4. Periodically check the confirmation e-mail to see if they hit “DELETE MOTHERFUCKER I AM NOT A FAG”, and reinstate the listing causing them to wonder why craigslist won’t delete their ad.
5. Reply to the responses requesting more cock shots or photos of their gaping mangina.
6. ????
7. PROFIT!
It is preferable that one compose an account according to sexual preference which is oppositional to their own, as one wants the maximum offense. One needs a photo which is not modelicious, yet not terribly unattractive, and a storyline which encourages a high rate of reply. So if the photo is of a man, post in the m4m section along the lines of I am in a happy relationship with a woman, but the idea of getting it on with a guy kinda turns me on; or if the photo is of a girl, post in the w4m section with whatever you feel like, as you get generic replies anyway. Remember to tailor your post to suit your victim's preferences, and to post it in the most appropriate or active metropolitan area you can.
Include cheesy lines like Some even say I'm a walking orgasm, and, of course, state that their reply only gets yours if they include a photo.
Note: Nearly all men will state that they have a "7 and a half inch cock." The 7 inch one typically belongs to their boyfriend.
In September of 2006, RFJason conducted a remarkable experiment, the results of which can be seen here.
Lulz can be had by posting a victims phone number in the free stuff section with any barely believable story invented. This will result in the victims phone being flooded with calls and voice mails with begging stories.
Also, lulz can be achieved by playing the W4M game.
How do I play the W4M game? Ha! Ha!
- Step 1. Go to your regional Craigslist W4M (can be platonic, casual, or serious).
- Step 2. Search only "with picture"
- Step 3. Upload your finds to /b/
- Step 4. ????
- Step 5. PROFIT!
Forums
Craigslist has 112 Forums.
Note: R = log in to post; R+ = log in to post, no handle overwriting
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Flaggers
Craigslist is a fun place to troll for flamez or to spout off nihilistic dogma and crush others with acerbic comments (resulting in lulz). One problem exists with its current format: flaggers. Some ppl (see: morons, Atheist) have deputized themselves as decency police. They browse CL and flag posts using the all-too-accessible button whenever they see people having any fun. Often these flaggers will claim sexism, racism, or pornographic images forced them to flag a post. More often than not, though, these morons are in the process of losing what little control they have over their real life, so they decided to empower themselves as OL Hitlerz. Having a funny post full of juicy lulz flagged after 17 seconds on CL would make Doris Day slay a bus full of school children. Flaggers are destroyers and all should suffer horribly for their arrogance. On the other hand, anti-flaggers can explode into an insane rage if you prod them. This is good fun. Of particular interest is anything involving pets. This can get people to go completely crazy if you even hint you flagged a pet ad.
BRBFBI
Potential pedophile and former Mario Brother's Magic Helper, Paul Yoshi Moore had charges made against him by a secret agent of the FBI in March 2007 after he was Partyvan'd in February of the same year.
The FBI took all his porn. As Yoshi is a pr0n photographer, they took an enormous fuckload of pictures from his house in Sacramento. So many pictures it took them six weeks to go through them all. But, hey, it takes a lot longer to go through a collection when you have to fap to every other image, amirite?
The FBI alleges that Yoshi, after smoking some mushrooms and jumping up and down on some turtles, took pictures of a 17 year old girl. Oh - and two 14 year old girls, and used the pictures in an attempt to pimp the girls out on Craigslist.
An undercover FBI agent tracked down Yoshi after he contacted the 17 year old through Craigslist and met her in a Sacramento hotel. She then offered him a blow job in exchange for money. Note that the press release this information comes from does not mention whether he took her up on this offer before he arrested her - but as FBI field agents get expense accounts for paying informants he'd have to be pretty dumb not to have, amirite?
Murdah
Moar info: Michael John Anderson.
On October 25, 2007, Michael John Anderson posted an ad as "Amy" requesting the services of a nanny. Despite being a 19-year-old male, he succeeded in pwning 24-year-old Katherine Olson and dumping her body less than a mile from his house.
World Series
—At 43, "buxom" means "fat." | ||
Craigslist again grabbed the national spotlight when it was found that even scummy hookers enjoy our national pastime. 43 year old Susan Finklestein posted an ad on the mighty List proclaiming that she would have sex for 2009 World Series tickets. The skanky prostitute proclaimed that she was "buxom," "gorgeous," and was so desperate for the tickets, she would do just about anything. She then added, "I'm the creative type! Maybe we can help each other," which must have included variations of several boring positions that 43 year-old saggy housewives think turn the world on.
Much later, she was arrested by an undercover police officer who was posing as a john with tickets to the coveted games. She could not be reached for comment because her phone number was disconnected this afternoon, leading even the dumbest of people to conclude just what kind of person she is.
Best-of Best-of
Craigslist has a best-of section. For example:
- Nude Bible Study [2]
- Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers? [[3]]
- Will trade my girlfriend for yours [4]
- How to win an argument on CL [5]
- Seeking a sexual tyrannosaur for a romp in the park [6]
- Wow, all these women responding to my ad! [7]
- Fulfill my Waffle House Fantasy [8]
- Homophobia is HOT! [9]
etc.
Related
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Craigslist is part of a series on Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage. |