CrimsonNightshade

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CrimsonNightshade is even worse than every weeaboo shit on DeviantART, as she doesn't obsess over animu but rather her own faggot characters. She's a talentless closetfag. Not only does she obsess over her own characters, but she recruits other devianTARTlets to fangirl. Beware! If ever meeting this person IRL, she might believe you're her best friend because she's a virgin. To the dismay of the people who do know her in person, they are plagued with her constant assault of bad drawings, unwanted hugs, "cute noises" and emoing over retarded things like being unloved and misunderstood. If you happen to look at her for more than two seconds, she immediately leeches onto you and sucks the happiness out of you. (Multiple cases have been reported...sometimes from random strangers) She is also the leading cause for aneurysms, migraines, siamese twins and birth defects.

Art? Speak Engrish.

This DEFINITELY gives me a boner. Definitely.

OHLOLSOAMAZINGLIEKWOAH!!!!!!!

Her gallery is a shitpile of 'finished' work that is nothing but a jumble of sketchy lines and misproportioned limbs. There is no such thing as a dynamic pose, and all 'mature content' pictures consist of one leg wrapped around another. Not only that, she considers herself a god and refers to herself as 'Lady Author'.

Although her work IS shit, she has improved since her first pieces. Her first pieces didn't really have a human-esque shape and no apparent bone structure in the elbows. Basically it looked like an old lady with Parkinson's drew a retarded dragon and called it a hedgehog (Refer to the Furry category in this article).

CrimsonNightshade bitched to her uptight parents for so long that they bought her a tablet. Whoop-de-fucking-do. She believes that a $400 piece of machinery will actually help her artwork look better now and in the long run, make her a all-around better artist. The funny thing is, SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO USE IT! Rather than making her "art" better, it becomes worse than before. A tablet is a rather simple piece of machinery. If one understands the basic concept of a tablet, they can produce great art. CrimsonNightshade can't grasp that concept. Her already shitty art loses all hope whatsoever.

CrimsonNightshade uses The GIMP, otherwise know as Photoshop for Jews. When she got her tablet she got PS Elements and Painter, but feared the change to a somewhat useful software would make her art look "way too amazing for dA". She believes that GIMP as well as her tablet will make up for her lack of talent. She uses only four things on GIMP: Brush, Stamp, Dodge, & LENS FLARE!!!!!!!!!!! All hair is one color with a big white streak through the middle "To add depth" to the piece of shit. She also believes that all win men wear the same clothing, because all wins are the same. Her win people also don't wear shirts. They wear shitty two-coloured coats & pants. These coats are obivously nothing like Link's tunic or Zelda's dress. They wear coats. Coats are not tunics.

To ensure the fact that her characters may actually be real, she names her friends after them. This is apparent by the Artist Comments on every single one of her unoriginal, static-pose drawings. What makes it worse, is a five-year-old could produce something at least more interesting. It seems the only thing she's good at is consistency, since every character looks the same. Each character is also in love with her, but they're still win. (lolwut?)

When she actually finds an artist that is good, she will pay them to force them to draw her half-assed, ass-burger characters, and then bitch about how talentless she is in a journal. Her coloring is flatter than a monkey's ass.

She follows the Rules of DevianTART religiously.

Ersatz

This sorry, sad excuse of a story is a spawn of fanfiction for Legend of Zelda. Every character is win, females are obsolete, and every character is in love with every other character. Except the brothers. A conversation with CrimsonNightshade tends to go like this---

LOLZ I HAZ NECKLAZE GIVES ME POWAH!

	“	Blah blah blah Ersatz blah blah blah Resistance blah blah blah blah blah And blah blah blah blah. Blah blah, Blaaaaaah. Aren't I great, lol?! Love meeee!	„
	—CrimsonNightshade, when asked about Ersatz.

Not only is every character fucking each other, there is also an epicfail war going on because of a retarded, insane, dead puppet thing, and everyone has Link ears. Putting aside the fact that the story has no plot other than fucking and brotherly love, every character has tattoos on their face. This makes them not human.

Not only that, they get powers from necklaces. Oh, and if you take it off, you die. Easiest suicide ever, amirite? Also, every character is an emo and looking for some reason to kill someone off. If you start CrimsonNightshade on a conversation of Ersatz, you may be deaf for a week. Not only does she kill you slowly with explaining the story to death, she claims she views it as a manga, full-length animu, and live-action movie. To make things worse, she will attack you with so many terms and words that your head will spin from stupidity. To make things even more pathetic, she made up a fake language to go with it. It's a mix of pathetic attempts to sound latin and a weird form of gibberish. Some believe that it is the language originally spoken by goatse. Some of her IRL friends unwillingly took part in the creation of this story, having been forced into helping her create this amazing piece of work.

Insult Ersatz, and she'll fucking FLIP.

Her favorite character is a faggoty, wimpy little nerd kid that is actually her self-insert character. Apparently, not only does he save the day, but he also likes the cock very, very much.

Some very lulzy dAramallamas could be started here.

Lucky for us, a local [an hero] wrote a parody from some sad, sorry excuse of an RP:

The Alan/Kael RP (Real Porn)

Alan smiled as Kael fucked him, the bell signaling the end of the fuck. He stood up, cumming; cracking his dick and ass before grabbing his sac off the floor. "Man, what a boring fuck!"

He giggled slightly, his penis focused on the other American. He hid his gonads easily- something he'd been doing for months now. Bad Alan, he thought, Kael is an Italian. He shook his boobies, clearing his penis. His silly STD problem was just guilt from his sister's dog, is all. "Hey, you wanna come home with me? Fuck around for a bit?"

Kael smiled at the taller American. "Sure, my win, hardcore, guy-on-guy porn subscription ran out."

The two gave head to each other before heading to Alan's house, Kael smiling as he was fucked the whole way there. Alan was the only real butt-buddy in school. He had only been just transferred four hours ago, (due to measuring a 12 oz bottle of Smucker's grape Jelly and a 2" diameter, 6' garden hose) so he was a bit of a whore. His long, girlish pubes and extra set of genitalia didn't help his case, either. "So," he asked, "When do ya want to do it again?"

Alan got an erection. "I know, I have a 12 oz bottle of jelly and a horse!"

Kael also got an erection. "Okay, I can't wait!"

He stretched again, his pants dropping and exposing his dick. "An afternoon performing sexual intercourse with a horse." He became even more giddy. 

"Everything is good!"

Alan mentally fucked himself, looking at his excessively large penis. "Oh baby," he exclaimed, causing a love explosion in his pants. He smiled, adjusting his sac to pleasure himself. "No offense to Italians, but I think everyone could do without them for a few years.... Except you... You damn Italian."

Alan leaned in to show that he was serious. "Your sister is a hooker. Now, that's sexy."

Kael fucked himself. "Yeah... If she wasn't a whore... Gods." He fucked again. "Hey, we're not THAT bad at fucking! We're pretty much the only couple that sucks off everyone in the damn area!"

Alan fucked, pretending to suck a cock off to the side of him as he started to fuck Kael. "It's awwright, baby, I like it raw. UnF! Busty Asian Beauties! Unf! I splooged!"

Alan fucked Kael harder. "That's so hot!"

CrimsonNightshade the Furry?

Furries are srsbzns

Before all the shitty not Legend of Zelda fan art CrimsonNightshade drew shitty Sonic the Hedgehog fan art. She believed that she was Shadow... Another angsty 'misunderstood' emo antagonist that becomes a protagonist.

Not only did she believe she was Shadow, she called her friends by other Sonic characters' names. However, she grew a dislike for Sonic when the blue hedgehog forced Shadow into an asthma attack that was near fatal. She has wet dreams about Metal Sonic, another emo faggoty antagonist,and made Not 1--- Not 2---- But over 9,000 Mary-Sue ( at best! ) OC's. Her former obsession with these characters gave her a taste for bestiality. Let us all say a prayer for all of her pets past, present and future. May Ceiling Cat have mercy on their poor, poor souls.

Faggot.

CrimsonNightshade put her faith in her fellow tARTlets sometime last Thursday, telling us all how faggoty she really is. How surprising. About 20 minutes later, the journal was fucking DELETED for fear of parents and even moar flamezors. Too bad a local an hero got a lucky screencap. Pics are worth 1000 words....

The Shoulder Saga

On November 14, 2008, CrimsonNightshade announced to her "Friends" that she hurt her shoulder. For about five years after this minor injury, she played it out as if her arms & legs were slowly gnawed off by a rabid monkey. She still complains that the doctor didn't treat her properly & that her shoulder still hurts. Don't tell her that her art is terrible though. She'll say it's because her shoulder still hurts and can't draw well. Last Thursday, 2 local an heroes punched her in her "hurt" shoulder, causing many a lulz when she started to cry.

She has been seen wearing her sling randomly for the past 7 months. It has been theorized that whenever she thinks she's out of the limelight, she breaks it out again. That, or when she sees someone else injured, she thinks she's also in pain. Not only that, if the old 'shoulder' excuse doesn't work, she complains of splitting 'migraine' headaches on the computer. Migraines are made worse by light, as it creates a high sensitivity to it. Either she's a masochist or a very, very strong-willed soul, amirite?

These are also signs of autism (which has also been theorized and almost proven).

It Begins

On June 11, 2009, sometime last Thursday, CrimsonNightshade was flamed by two an heroes.

Her response?

	“	Look. You're being fucking unnecessarily cruel. If you have something to say about a picture, do not sit there and tell a person how shitty it is. You tell them calmly and fucking kindly what you think that they could improve on. You do NOT fucking sit there and ridicule it.	„
	—CrimsonNightshade, who obviously just learned a new vocab word, 'fucking'.

Maybe you should get your money to shut them the fuck up. Or hit them with your tablet. Believe me, it'd have better use that way. Any critique this far wouldn't have any use, or even be understood.

Summary: BAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW

The 100 Rules of CrimsonNightshade

Yes, some /b/tards got together and wrote her her own set of rules.

• I. Zelda is real.
• II.. Zelda IS real.
• III. Everyone can become a Zelda character.
• IV. All Zelda characters CAN and WILL become OC's.
• V. All male OC's are win.
• VI. All female OC's are STD-ridden, sexaholic sluts.

I'd hit that! ...With my car.

• VII. It can always have buttsex. No exceptions.
• VIII. Rule 34 is applied on every page. No exceptions.
• IX. Tattoos on ur fais r kewl!!!1!!one!!1eleven!one!

Am I not hooman anymores?

• X. All names must sound Latin.
• XI. If the plot is lacking interest, use yaoi.
• XII. There is always a sequel/prequel.
• XIII. It needs another plot twist, right nao!
• XIV. The antagonist CAN and WILL rape the protagonist.
• XV. A setting is fine, too.
• XVI. An original language does not make up for a lack of setting.
• XVII. Everyone is EMO.
• XVIII. The antagonist has an insignificant minion that WILL get his own story.
• XIX. All good characters have evil clones/twins/shadows/magical beings/alter-egos.
• XX. Good evening, I'm Chevy Chase and you're not.
• XXI. If the antagonist is male, he's a kinky bastard!
• XXII. If the antagonist is female, PMS!
• XXIII. The hair can be bigger.
• XXIV. The less clothes you wear, the more protection you have.
• XXV. It must be spoken about for hours on end to EVERYBODY.
• XXVI. "It is AMAZING or I hate you." NO EXCEPTIONS.
• XXVII. All friends go by your character's names.
• XXVIII. Your story is already incredibly famous--- even if it's not famous yet.
• XXIX. You must RP, even if you are passing-out sick.
• XXX. Porn. Yep.
• XXXI. L.A.R.P. is as far as you take it.
• XXXII. You suck. Deal with it.
• XXXIII. A line is a line. A scratch is not.
• XXXIV. There is porn of it. No exceptions.
• XXXV. If there is no porn of it, porn will be made of it.
• XXXVI. "Rape" is a four letter word. So is "Plot."
• XXXVII. A.D.D. is not always a good trait.
• XXXVIII. Because everybody wears no clothes in the middle of winter.
• XXXIX. Convenient time skips.
• XL. BURN THE WITCH!!!
• XLI. Heteros and Lesbo's are obsolete.
• XLII. I like that dress... Wait, what dress?!?!?!
• XLIII. ^w^ is old. Make a new face, dammit.
• XLIV. Booksmarts increase as streetsmarts decrease. No exceptions.
• XLV. Ranting is a good way to let it all out. That is, if you have anything good to rant about.
• XLVI. Commissions are expected. You will purchase art of it, no exceptions.
• XLVII. 48!
• XLVIII. 47!
• XLIX. Even though you can help, it doesn't mean we want your help.
• L Is dead.
• LI. Proportions! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, USE THEM!
• LII. Nobody understands the antagonist... Not even the antagonist...
• LIII. You shouldn't have.... No, really. You shouldn't have.
• LIVE from New York, It's Saturday Night!
• LV. When in doubt, add another minor character.
• LVI. It's 'E' or 'K'. Deal with it.
• LVII. Mustaches make everything better. Get it?!
• LVIII. Mary Sue is NOT YOUR FRIEND!
• LIX. No one is over 20.
• LX Sedans are the greatest.
• LXI. Instant gratification will get you nowhere.
• LXII. There comes a time when niceness will end.
• LXIII. BTW, you need a plot...
• LXIV. LurkMoar.
• LXV. It needs more LARP. No exceptions.
• LXVI. A rat's nest is also fine, too.
• LXVII. What's a 'fashion sense?'
• LXIX. Everybody/nobody __(verb)___ me; Well, I ___(verb)___; My ___(noun)___ (once) had/has....
• LXX. Ewww, it's stinky and it looks like chapped lips!
• LXXI. dA is srs business.
• LXXII. If I favorite one of yours, you have to favorite one of mine. No exceptions.
• LXXIII. There will be a comment left, no exceptions.
• LXXIV. OMG KAWAII DESU NE!
• LXXV. Well, it's only a simple love dodecagon.
• LXXVI. Because a new character will totally make the nonexistent plot understandable.
• LXXVII. The world is a runway, and people pose everywhere they go.
• LXXVIII. Animu > Real life.
• LXXIX. Nobody understands my art!
• LXXX. What art?
• LXXXI. It's not sodomy if you consent.
• LXXXII. It's not sodomy if you don't consent.
• LXXXIII. It's not sodomy.
• LXXXIV. Expensive drawing equipment won't make you a better artist.
• LXXXV. Behold my awesomeness!
• LXXXVI. If the fish is still in the tank, then don't drink the water.
• LXXXVII. Don't bring your cat into this, either! That's someone else's job.
• LXXXVIII. If you can't see the floor, clean your room.
• XIC. Everybody HATES me! D:
• XC. Yep.
• XCI. Mature games are for MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY!
• XCII. OMG YOU KILLED SONNIKU!
• XCIII. I has monies! MAEK ME SUM DAMN ART NAO!
• XCIV. Natural Selection's EPIC FAIL!
• XCV. I'm not perverted, she did it!
• XCVI. Soft porn is still PORN!
• XCVII. Velvet is SO in.... HAHAHAHA Sorry, can't keep a straight face.
• XCVIII. Prude is the new awesome.
• IC London.... I see France... I see... **vomits**
• C U Next Tuesday, bitch!

Lol HACKED

In case you didn't notice, CrimsonNightshade's account got hacked last Thursday, inciting much lulz and BAWWWing.

• 
  Notice her status...
• 

	“	omg, you sick cocksucker!!1	„
	—The first person to comment on Enkairo's true form.

	“	wtf?? O_________________o;;;;	„
	—The second person to witness this atrocity before it was baleeted.

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