Rebecca Black

IT'S Saturday! GOTTA NOT GET DOWN ON Saturday!

Rebecca Black is a 13-year-old talentless, spoiled, rich kid who is trying to be the next Lady Gaga or the ~~female~~version of Justin Bieber. She gained international attention after throwing one too many tantrums before her parents finally gave in and agreed to pay $4,000 to a "professional" recording industry, ultimately resulting in the conception of the worst music video in existence. After being discovered on YouTube, it incited haters, jealous similarly talented kids without rich parents, and other casual viewers to give her the precious 15 minutes of fame on the internet that she had apparently so deeply desired, badly criticizing her to the point of making her cry and hopefully forever crushing her futile dreams of becoming a mainstream musician.

Not even excessive amounts of whore-paint can cover that up.

She wouldn't have any hope left even if she decided to switch to lip syncing, since her repulsiveness spreads beyond merely her voice. As a common consensus among Pedobear's associates, from Fritzl to Creepy Phil, even the sickest of fucks would much sooner break this bitch's mouth than dare place their dick near any orifice of this wart-covered face that is capable of producing such an ear-splitting cacophony of utter fail. Even satan himself vomited upon seeing the original recording of the Friday music video before it was largely bleached with autotune and visual editing of her misshapen head in order to minimize the chance that her entire online audience would commit mass suicide following its debut. On a related note theologians and philosophers universally agree that Rebecca Black is proof of the existence of Satan.

Friday

The song consists of the line "Friday! Friday! Gotta' get down on Friday!", sung in her terribad voice, as well as "fun! fun! fun! fun! fun! fun!" every ten seconds. The song describes the terrible, terrible strains of being a modern teenager as having to rush to school with a bowl of "cereal" without actually getting to eat anything, playing hooky despite being ~13 years old, and going to a party at night with no adult supervision. Thank you so much, Ark, for making a song to screw the best day of the week over. While the song contains no lulz, it should be noted that Rebecca Black was successful in getting her haters to round up and flame her with the fury of a thousand suns, with a Like/Dislike ratio on her video to be proud of. And she profits from the revenue every time you view her video. Because the comment section had long ago degenerated into a spam-filled chat room, the comments have been disabled.

Rebecca Black is living proof that even Auto-Tune has its limits; a mediocre voice will be improved, but a voice that should never be singing even in a grade school concert gets even worse.

Rebecca Black's (Fri)Day

Wakes up with make up already on
Goes downstairs and sings about eating cereal but never gets it
Sings about everyone being russian
Goes down to catch the bus but takes a car ride with her unlicensed friends instead
Asks which seat she should take when theres only one left
Doesn't go to school
13 year olds drive her to a party with no seatbelts on.
And to end the night, some creepy nigger who thinks he can rap comes to get her in his van

Butthurt and deletion

	“	I think that's an accomplishment, you know. Even a person that doesn't like it... er... it's gonna be stuck in their head.	„
	—Rebecca celebrates her voice in comparing it to the sounds of an infant that's being slowly clubbed to death

It would seem that Miss Black got tired of being trolled and DMCA'd her own video. Unsurprisingly enough, this resulted in over 9000 copies being re-uploaded immediately, ranging from shitty quality to glorious 1080p.

It should be mentioned that apparently, Rebecca has never learned the lesson that many others have learned the hard way about the internet: Once it's on the internet, it stays on the internet. Rebecca Black made the mistake of uploading a shitty music video that went viral overnight, and no amount of crying or copyright faggotry will fix this.

Eventually she ~~got over her butthurt and matured~~ realized she was losing out on money from JewTube views, so she reuploaded the video in September 2011 (Clicking causes brain damage.)

Blame Bieber

The so good it's great song Friday by meta Justin Bieber has thrust young, talented, and attractive singer-songwriter Rebecca Black into public attention. Of course, like all self respecting white people, everything was paid for by her parents. The lyrics, recording, and low quality music video (I detect Sony Vegas was used to edit) were all put on mommy and daddy's tab. The "hit" single has now officially gone viral a month after its recording and production, thanks to Tosh.0. In it she is shown joyriding around without a seat belt, in her friends' dads car. The video also includes rapping done by a 32-year-old black man. It is important to know that said black man was only in the video under a condition of parole. What do you get when you put together well-written music, spotless production, and a well fitting and directed music video? Sure as Hell not this delicate slice of Fred Phelps's scrotum. Hopefully, she will follow the same path as all other over-privileged attention whores.

Ragequitting School

Recently, Rebecca Black revealed that when her music video went viral, she started getting bullied at school. In fact, it got so bad that just after the 2011 school year, she quit school altogether, and is now getting homeschooled by her mother, who could be doing something way more useful with her time than trying to educate a fucking retard like her.

During the interview, Rebecca whined about being trolled in the hallways at school, receiving death threats in the mail, and how she can't go outside in public for fear of her life. While the old media lined up to express their support, the rest of us saw this coming a mile away. The fact that she didn't realize that singing a song like that and posting on YouTube would earn her a one-way ticket to lolcow status really makes us question her level of intelligence.

It would appear that ragequitting and running away is Rebecca's standard modus operandi whenever she's getting trolled, whether it's IRL or in her YouTube comments. Since she couldn't manage to pull her video down, Rebecca has since chosen the other option (no, not that option, sadly) to avoid trolls; becoming a fucking hermit and hiding inside her home. We here at ED are hoping to find out where this is, so that we can express our support with a show of good faith during these tough times for her.

Tumblr

Yep, the dumb bitch went and made a Tumblr account.

She has her ask box open, but due to fear of haters, does not allow anonymous questions.

"i'm not perfect. i'm that kid that makes you feel extremely awkward. i'm proud of the way i cook chicken tacos. all the little quirks people have fascinates me. i like wearing power rangers t-shirts, shorts, and moccasins. teenage mutant ninja turtles are great, too. OH. and nutella is amazing. don't question it. people know my name, not my story. my name's rebecca, and i'll never stop being me"

- Rebecca in her Tumblr bio.

The link to her blog can be found here: [1]

And The Ear Rape Begins!

She has re-uploaded her video on her official channel now.

Moar Videos

Not too long after the premiere of "Friday", YouTube was abuzz with various attempts at parodying this monstrosity. Unsurprisingly, most of these efforts surpassed the original by far.

̧̐̊͛͛̃ḧ͎̩̤͂ḭ̸͍̖͑v̷̞̩̜̖́̇e̜͍̱̠̋ͨͥ̆ͅ-̡͉̓̓̇̑̏̈m̦̀į͎̇n͍̻͔͎̳͋̓ͦ̇͒̋̊ḋ ̴̧̻̐̊͛͛

/b/ version

Funfunfunfunfunfunfun

Duet-style remix featuring a far more superior musician

Christfag version, "Sunday"

NO

Yet another day of the week parody

An actually professional parody

How Rebecca will likely sound after puberty

Conspiracyfag's take with liberal tautology and a shitty hipster animation

Previous Video | Next Video

Friday II: Electric Boogaloo

Later emerging on YouTube as Rebecca's second musical masterpiece, a song entitled "Prom Night" that featured the recycled tune of Friday underneath slightly reworded lyrics quickly gained many views. However, Rebecca herself claimed that the song wasn't hers, though the hideous robo-voice it features clearly tells otherwise. Obviously, it is safe to assume that she secretly released this song in hopes that it would get more positive reviews than "Friday"; however, upon discovering the opposite was true, decided to break personal ties with it.

Apparently Rebecca decided to look past the butthurt previously forced upon her and plans to continue using the infamous attention to what she assumes will be a possible advantage in order to proceed with her pop misadventures. Upon claiming her very own little pieces of internets territory including a website and a slew of self-important social networking accounts, she publicly announced that her next unsurprisingly chronology-themed hit would be revealed to the world via her YouTube channel on July 19, 2011. She then proceeded to sit in a corner and sob quietly over the bowl of soggy cereal that she never got to eat.

	“	I am in LOVE with this mirror. <3	„
	—The ever-delusional Rebecca Black

About ARK Music Factory

ARK (Association for Retarded Kids) Music Factory is officially a Community, Music/Entertainment Channel and Independent Record Label based in Los Angeles, California. (ARK community is for everyone! - Kids, teens and child molesters!) But the actual purpose of ARK Music is being the Ytask of Web 2.0 by providing cheap fap fuel for fugly old pedophiles while hiding itself behind a seemingly legit business idea. ARK makes most of its IRL profit by "producing" the original Ark written songs of talentless upper-class white chicks for astronomical prices. Because of the realization that money can still be made off of old media, ARK Factory is expanding into the TV and Radio businesses. But ARK basically comes down to this manifesto: Use little children for profit like a pimp uses a hoe.

Rebecca Black's original "Friday" video

My Moment

After making the world's ears bleed once, Rebecca Black did not have the decency to call it quits. Rather, she released another piece-of-shit song, that was only bearable to listen to thanks to autotune.

To get a true taste of her so-called "talent", get a taste of "My Moment" without autotune. Listen if you dare (caution: unsuitable for anyone with sensitive ears):