Kesha/Timeline

Date	Event	Location
May 1, 1776	Adam Weishaupt founds the Illuminati.	Ingolstadt, Bavaria
March 17, 1956	Rosemary Patricia "Pebe" Sebert hatches from a reptilian egg.	Michigan City, Indiana
September 26, 1973	Lukasz Sebastian Gottwald is born.	Providence, Rhode Island
March 1, 1987	Pebe attends a party and Kesha Rose Sebert suddenly falls out of her vagina.	Los Angeles, California
May 1, 1991	F.A.R.T. the Movie is released. The film features an old woman identifying the scent of 4-year-old Kesha's fart as coming from a "very virile man".
1997	Dr. Luke joins Saturday Night Live as their lead guitarist.	NBC
2003	Pebe forces 16-year-old Kesha to record her first song, "Stephen".
May 12, 2005	The Wedding Planner episode of The Simple Life airs. This episode features two whores staying at the Seberts' house while planning a wedding.	Fox
September 26, 2005	Kesha signed a contract with Dr. Luke and his record label, Kemosabe Records.
October 5, 2005	Kesha attended Nicki Hilton's 22nd birthday party where she wasn't drugged or raped.	Paris Hilton's House
October 6, 2005	Kesha did not wake up naked in Dr. Luke's bed and did not phone her mum.	Dr. Luke's Bed
December 5, 2005	Kesha has her lawyer, Fred Goldring, attempt to terminate her contract with Dr. Luke.
January 27, 2006	Ke$ha enlists DAS Communications to find her a better contract within a year.
January 27, 2007	DAS Communications fails to find Ke$ha a contract within a year.
May 25, 2008	DAS Communications sent Ke$ha and Pebe an email in which they used "explicit language" when referring to Dr. Luke.
September 11, 2008	Ke$ha attempts to terminate her contract with DAS Communications and celebrates Jews Did WTC.
January 1, 2010	Ke$ha released her first album, Animal.
June 16, 2011	Ke$ha admits under oath that Dr. Luke never abused/raped/teabagged her.
October 18, 2011	Pebe admits under oath that Dr. Luke never abused/raped/teabagged Ke$ha.
November 10, 2011	Ke$ha registers the domain name putyourbeardinmymouth.com	GoDaddy
December 6, 2011	Ke$ha makes her first post on her Put Your Beard In My Mouth Tumblr.	Put Your Beard In My Mouth
April 25, 2012	Ke$ha makes her last post on her Put Your Beard In My Mouth Tumblr.	Put Your Beard In My Mouth
September 25, 2012	Ke$ha's Die Young single is released.
November 30, 2012	Ke$ha releases her second album, Warrior, which crashes harder than an aeroplane into a skyscraper.
December 14, 2012	Adam Lanza goes for the high score.	Newtown, Connecticut
December 18, 2012	Ke$ha apologizes for causing Adam Lanza to murder 20 children and then proceeds to lie about being "forced" to sing Die Young.	Twitter
December 20, 2012	Ke$ha admits that she lied about being "forced" to sing Die Young.	Ke$ha's Website
April 23, 2013	Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life begins airing its first season on MTV.	MTV
October 7, 2013	Pitbull's single, Timber, is released. The song features Ke$ha and is currently her last song... and we hope that it fucking stays that way.
October 29, 2013	Pebe Sebert sends Dr. Luke an e-mail where she attempts to extort him and threatens to blackmail him with Ke$ha's false rape accusations.	A Series of Tubes
January 3, 2014	Ke$ha checked into Timberline Knolls, an eating disorder treatment center.	Lemont, Illinois
March 6, 2014	Ke$ha was finally released from Timberline Knolls after doctors erroneously deemed her to no longer be a threat to society.	Lemont, Illinois
September 5, 2014	Simone Battle of G.R.L., a Kemosabe signed girl group, is found hanging in her closet. Ruled a suicide, but Ke$ha has never denied involvement in her death.	Los Angeles, California
October 14, 2014	Ke$ha files a LOLsuit against Dr.Luke and finally plays the rape card.
December 2, 2014	Lady Gaga reveals that she was allegedly raped by a music producer early in her career.	The Howard Stern Show
December 2, 2014	Mark Geragos poses the deeply philosophical question "Guess who the rapists was?" and then responds "#bingo" when some faggot says "Lukasz".	Twitter
December 2, 2014	Lady Gaga's lawyers call Geragos out on his bullshit.
December 2, 2014	Geragos claims that Lady Gaga's lawyers are lying and then threatens to drag Lady Gaga to court to testify against Dr. Luke.
December 23, 2014	Ke$ha performed live with Yeast Infection.	Nashville, Tennessee
October 23, 2015	Jem and the Holograms, a reboot movie of the 80s animu of the same name, is released. Ke$ha has a small role in this shitty flop of a movie.
February 19, 2016	New York Supreme Court Justice Shirley Werner Kornreich denies Ke$ha's request for an injunction.	New York
February 19, 2016	Brandon de la Cruz starts a GoFundMe campaign in an attempt to raise $2,000,000 and buy Ke$ha's contract from Sony.	GoFundMe
March 9, 2016	Shitty tabloid The Crap publishes an article that claims that Sony is planning on dropping Dr. Luke.	The Wrap
March 9, 2016	The faggots of Twitter begin planning for the #SonyIsDroppingDrLukeParty.	Twitter
March 22, 2016	Ke$ha files an appeal against Shirley Kornreich's ruling that compares her contract to slavery.	New York
March 22, 2016	The progressive libtard commenters on HuffPost begin frothing at the mouth and finally start calling Ke$ha a liar after her slavery comments.	Huffington Post
April 3, 2016	Ke$ha claims that she rejected a deal that would have given her her "freedom" if she apologized for making false rape allegations.	Instagram
April 3, 2016	#FreeKesha began turning into #SaveKesha.	Twitter
April 6, 2016	Ke$ha gets BTFO when Shirley Kornreich dismisses all but one of the claims in her LOLsuit against Sony.	New York
April 7, 2016	Jennifer Lopez releases her single and "feminist anthem" Ain't Your Mama.
April 7, 2016	The spastics on Twitter begin harassing Jennifer Lopez via the #JLoSupportsRape hashtag after finding Dr. Luke listed in the credits for her new single.	Twitter
April 7, 2016	Demi Lovato makes a tweet promoting Jennifer Lopez's Ain't Your Mama and is promptly harassed.	Twitter
TBD	Ke$ha does an Amy Winehouse/Steve Irwin/Kurt Cobain.	TBD