Joe Firmage

Jailbait Photo of UFO Abduction victim Joe Firmage after a long night of going down on some guys sewer spout.

Joe Firmage is a failed entrepreneur, fudgepacker, feces eater, weenie licker, and Alien Abduction Victim and UFO Crackpot. He is well known for claiming to have been visited by space aliens in his bedroom who then "zapped" him with a ball of blue glowing energy, experimented on him, then sexually abused him. He is also known for blowing millions of dollars of other peoples money on UFO research and his failed companies and projects, for which he subsequently claimed he had been under mind control by space aliens, who turned him gay, and made him take advantage of other people in order to spread their gay alien manifesto called "The Truth".[1]

He founded several companies, all of which went bankrupt, and from which he was fired after claiming to be under the remote control of space aliens (USWeb, Novell, Serius). He also claimed to have been forced to have gay sex with them on their spaceship, and being forced to perform rimming on the alien commander.

Alien Abduction

In his book, "The Truth" Firmage wrote about an incident in 1997 in his bedroom while he was jacking off: "As I was about to snooze, something amazing happened". "A remarkable being, clothed in brilliant white light, appeared hovering over my bed in my room. He had dark hair and a beard, I believe. He looked rather annoyed, and asked "Why have you called me here?" Firmage then claimed that the extra-terrestrial visitor "zapped" him with his blue balls and transported him to their spaceship, where they performed experiments on him and sexually molested him.

Ripping People Off

After his Alien Encounter, Firmage went on to found several other companies including "Manyone" and the "Academy of Arts and Sciences" all of which were dismal failures. Firmage claimed that space aliens had revealed to him how to create anti-gravity and space travel, and he then scammed hundreds of people to work for free by telling them he would pay them salaries, then ripped them all off. He hired young, handsome, gay males with promises of big salaries then failed to pay them. He also used drugs in front of his employees claiming he was a vessel of Alien Intelligence. [2][3]

Jailbait

In order to broaden his experience, and being under the mind control of space aliens, Firmage embarked on a pattern of conduct to allow him to fulfill his jailhouse gay sex fantasies. Joe Firmage used a tin foil hat to conceal himself from law enforcement, but sadly, the hat was not perfectly aligned with the space aliens mind control rays, which allowed him to be detected by police. Firmage was arrested four times for drunk driving, possession of controlled substances, driving drunk on Romulan Ale which was intergalactically transported via a wormhole from Romulus to Earth. The Police were not amused and arrested firmage. While in Jail Joe Firmage was able to truly experience "The Truth" about drinking and driving on Romulan Ale.[4][5][6][7]

Seizure of Assets

Being a self proclaimed genius, Firmage demonstrated his alien enhanced intelligence by mismanaging not only his personal assets, but his mothers as well resulting in his home and his mothers home being sold at a public auction in order to pay off all the creditors, employees, and customers Firmage has scammed and ripped off over the years. His creditors for the most part were rich, single gay men Firmage had dealt with for years.[8][9][10][11]