ChaCha

Your run of the mill guide at ChaCha.

CrotchCha was one of the many contenders who tried to replace Google. The difference between ChaCha and most search engines was that ChaCha supplied users with an online guide to help you find relevant results. USATODAY claimed that "One day searchers may quit Googling and start ChaCha-ing"[1], a statement that aged brilliantly.

By the end of 2016, no one beyond a small handful of autists were using this shitty service. It turns out getting a guide you have to actually read, instead of a neat list of results, isn't as popular as some would have thought. On December 12 2016, ChaCha's parents finally decided to kill it by lethal injection. It was shut down when they finally ran out of cash, hosting a search engine with hardly any adverts is surprisingly hard. To be fair to the braindead creators, they did try to keep this monster of a search engine alive, to the point where they were in debt, desperate for any advertising, no matter how many scams or viruses it would give it's tiny userbase.

Typical ChaCha Search

Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: Lien(82603)
Lien(82603): Welcome to ChaCha!
Lien(82603): hi there
You: Hi Lien
You: ... If that is your real name.
Lien(82603): yes
Lien(82603): how can I help you today
You: I looking for 2 girls, 1 horse, and 3 polynesian tigers.
Lien(82603): what type of girls
You: 1 black 1 white
You: I like them like oreos
You: I want to buy all of this, of course.
You: wait
You: are you there
Lien(82603): yes
Lien(82603): trying to find your request
You: ok do you think I could attain all this for less then 1000 rupees
You: ?
Lien(82603): sorry for the delay
You: Its ok
You: do you think i can get it for less then 1000
Lien(82603): not sure
You: o
You: well if i have to sub the white girl for a mongolian one its usually cheaper. Right?
Lien(82603): ian 
Lien(82603): i beleieve so
You: ok then
You: sub the white for mongolian
Lien(82603): ok
You: Want to know what im going to do with all this.
Lien(82603): Thanks for being patient! Rest assured I'm finding the most relevant results for your search.
You: Do you think you could find male horse and tiger.
You: ?
You: I need you to talk so I can ask stuff. You're just searching without talking.
Lien(82603): ok
You: Now I want to cross breed them and make a tiger girl and a horse girl.
Lien(82603): lol
You: Do you think this is easy to do
Lien(82603): don't know
You: o
You: Well I was thinking if I take the horse semen and tiger semen
You: and mix them then feed it to the girls it would work.
Lien(82603): i thnk that might work
You: enough searching
Lien(82603): Are these results sufficient?
You: i need you to talk from experience
Lien(82603): While I am searching, have you had a chance to look at the relevant links at the side of the page?
You: I was to busy thinking
You: I need to know your opinion know.
You: now*
Lien(82603): ok
Lien(82603): cool
You: How much money do you think i can make at a circus if this works
Lien(82603): anythign else
Lien(82603): lots of money\
Lien(82603): let me know
Lien(82603): i want some
You: like 2000rupees
Lien(82603): sure or more
You: i will split 50/50 with you
Lien(82603): ok
You: I can wire transfer if you want.
Lien(82603): ok
You: What would a good name for them be lien?
Lien(82603): good question
Lien(82603): what do you think
Lien(82603): tiger hay
You: I can name one and you can name one
You: How about Judeth
You: be honest is that a good kinky name
Lien(82603): higer
You: I want them to be kinky
Lien(82603): lol
You: Judeth and Higer
You: Excellent
Lien(82603): lol
Lien(82603): ok 
Lien(82603): need anything else
You: man shipping and handeling is gonna be a lot.
Lien(82603): well
Lien(82603): it depends
You: UPS is a pain with that
Lien(82603): true
You: Hey one last thing
Lien(82603): yea
You: rate this rap
Lien(82603): i am here
Lien(82603): what rap?
You: I'm the hiphopapotamus my rhymes are bottomless
You: ...
Lien(82603): yea
You: what would you rate out of 10
Lien(82603): 8
You: any criticism
You: improvements
You: ?
Lien(82603): no
Lien(82603): it was cool
You: Ok I'm off to bread see ya in hollywood.
Lien(82603): ok
Lien(82603): see ya
Lien(82603): need anything else
You: yes a picture of danny tanner having buttsecks with dj tanner.
Lien(82603): uh
You: think you can help
Lien(82603): not sure
You: well can you try
You: Ok I g2g dude. I need to finish eating my fecies.
You: peace
Lien(82603): bye
Lien(82603): Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.

Status: Connected to guide: Paul(69848)
Paul(69848): Welcome to ChaCha!
You: hey paul
Transfer: You are being transfered to another guide who can help you search even better!
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: Eric(56251)
Eric(56251): Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hi Eric
Eric(56251): Hey
You: I'm into experimentation, and I was hoping you could find me something
Eric(56251): Ok
Eric(56251): What??
You: I want two goats and one girl
Eric(56251): for purchase?
You: finding the circumference of a circle
You: I want detailed pictures of it
Eric(56251): Dont be silly girls cant do math
You: I'm VERY interested
You: you're right...
You: but the goats could do it while she sits there and looks pretty
Eric(56251): Thats what shes good at
Eric(56251): but Im pretty sure goats would just try to eat it
You: oh yeah...
You: describe the picture for me...
You: mmm...
You: oooh
Eric(56251): Girls look pretty
Eric(56251): goats 
You: kinky goats
Eric(56251): do math
You: no no no
Eric(56251): Man girls are so PRETTY
You: I want detail...
Eric(56251): the girl has hair
You: ahhh....
Eric(56251): and two eyes one nose
Eric(56251): and a mouth
You: oooh... Yeah
Eric(56251): with LIPS
You: look at me baby...
Eric(56251): and she has ears, 2
Eric(56251): a neck
You: uhh...
Eric(56251): shoulders
You: yeah....
You: Oh god
Eric(56251): shes wearing a tshirt
You: Oh god..
You: keep going@!
You: YES
You: GOD
Eric(56251): she has no breasts
You: IM CUMMING! IM CUMMING!
Eric(56251): she lost them
You: FUCK GOD YES!
Eric(56251): due to cancer
You: I love chacha…. Oh God…
Eric(56251): her shirt says
Eric(56251): FIGHT BREAST CANCER
Eric(56251): shes a little chubby
Eric(56251): but not too big
You: Round two? Okay.
Eric(56251): shes got like a little roll of fat between her shirt
Eric(56251): and her pants
You: more cushion for the pushin
Eric(56251): and her belly button seems bottomless
Eric(56251): just a black hole
You: ooo..
Eric(56251): and her pants are clearly too tight
You: just how I like it
Eric(56251): but she wore them anyway
You: naughty
Eric(56251): shes got thick, meaty thighs
Eric(56251): and shes wearing jeans
Eric(56251): they are.. fashionable
Eric(56251): her feet are stuffed into sandles
You: mmm
Eric(56251): but she has an obvious ingrown toenail on her right foot
Eric(56251): she painted her nails
You: I knew you'd come around
Eric(56251): but you can still see
You: okay, enough of the bitch, describe the goats....
Eric(56251): now shes sitting on a rock
Eric(56251): ok
Eric(56251): goats
Eric(56251): theres one
Eric(56251): on the left
Eric(56251): hes got like a bell around his neck
You: ooh... Lefty...
Eric(56251): he has two little stubby horns
Eric(56251): and ears, 2
You: Kinky little goat...
You: aw
Eric(56251): one has a big chunk cut out
You: I like amputeees
Eric(56251): I think thats from another goat biting his ear
Eric(56251): and his eyes
Eric(56251): eyeballs
Eric(56251): are vertical
Eric(56251): because goats are just like that weird
You: vertical
You: wtf
Eric(56251): hes makign a chewing motion
Eric(56251): with his mouth
Eric(56251): but he isnt eating anything
Eric(56251): maybe hes just dumb
Eric(56251): hes staring at me
You: maybe....
Eric(56251): i think he wants something
You: what about the math?
Eric(56251): i dont know what
You: grass?
Eric(56251): i dont think he knows either
Eric(56251): probably grass
Eric(56251): but hes trying really hard to determine whether Im grass
Eric(56251): stupid goat
Eric(56251): the other goat
Eric(56251): looks very similar
You: I love goats ^_^
Eric(56251): to that guy
Eric(56251): but hes eating a piece of paper
You: ooh which one
Eric(56251): with a circle on it
Eric(56251): the girl
You: describe the guy
Eric(56251): i did
Eric(56251): hes grey
Eric(56251): grey fur or hair or whatever goats have
Eric(56251): hes kind of gaunt
Eric(56251): i guess you could say hes in good shape for a goat
Eric(56251): he has cloven hooves
You: oooh
Eric(56251): and a little tail
Eric(56251): the tail is mostly white
Eric(56251): but the rest of him is all grey
You: mostly?
You: does it have shit on it?
Eric(56251): !!!! WARNING !!!! abusive language by infoSeeker (does it have shit on it?)
Eric(56251): i thought it would be rude
Eric(56251): to look that close
Eric(56251): he might bite me
You: ooo
You: yeah
Eric(56251): the girl goat
You: that would
You: I'm sorry
Eric(56251): is a little shorter
Eric(56251): she also has a bell
You: wait..
Eric(56251): shes brown though
You: I wanted two GUY goats...
Eric(56251): and she has fat udders
Eric(56251): well
Eric(56251): I COULDNT GET
You: man... That's gross
Eric(56251): TWO GUY GOATS
Eric(56251): ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE
You: but...
Eric(56251): ya its gross
You: Chacha...
Eric(56251): look
You: you find what I want...
Eric(56251): you wanted goats
Eric(56251): i got you goats
You: Guy goats
Eric(56251): you wanted a girl
Eric(56251): i found you an amputee
Eric(56251): but shes a girl amputee
Eric(56251): so
Eric(56251): quit your bellyachin
You: :(
Eric(56251): i did my best
Eric(56251): id like to see google do better
You: :(
Eric(56251): the other goat
Eric(56251): has
Eric(56251): eaten
Eric(56251): teh paper
You: You're really hurting my feelings Eric
Eric(56251): that i drew a circle on
Eric(56251): for them to measure
Eric(56251): im afraid to stop her because shes bitey
Eric(56251): she just had babies
You: put Nipples on the paper to show, Hey we're not all work
Eric(56251): and they get bitey when they just have babies
Eric(56251): ok
Eric(56251): i gotta go the cops are coming
You: mmm... Pregnant chicks are hot
Eric(56251): i stole these goats
Eric(56251): and the amputee girl
You: :(
Eric(56251): im going to jail...
You: you could come hideout at my place!
You: I trust you
Eric(56251): again
You: ahhh
Eric(56251): third time
You: again?
Eric(56251): this week
You: what did you do?
You: man I thought I knew you
Eric(56251): murdered a family
You: that's deep man
Eric(56251): they
You: I trust you
Eric(56251): had it coming
You: you had good reason
Eric(56251): ya i didnt like
Eric(56251): them
You: you had to kill those babies in self-defense
You: it's okay
Eric(56251): only two of them were babies to be fair
You: everyone's curb-stomped an infant in their life once or twice
You: true...
Eric(56251): everyone whos not a pu**y
Eric(56251): i gotta go man
You: damn fuckin straight
Eric(56251): !!!! WARNING !!!! abusive language by infoSeeker (damn fuckin straight)
Eric(56251): cops are coming and i just killed the amputee
Eric(56251): im taking these goats
Eric(56251): to mexico
Eric(56251): Thank you for using ChaCha!

Status: Connected to guide: JohnN
JohnN: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hi there.
JohnN: Hello
JohnN: How are you today?
You: Great John, how are you?
You: I'm looking for something along the lines of fiction featuring Captain
Kirk and Commander Spock of the classic television series Star Trek in a
narrative pairing.
JohnN: Good, thanks for asking
You: No probl em :)
JohnN: Okay, one moment please.
You: Preferably of a fan written nature.
JohnN: Are you looking for something as in a sound file or something someone has written?
You: Something along the lines of fan fiction. Just, you know. Short stories by fans... Preferably 
something of a... mature nature.
JohnN: Something along the lines of link one?
You: Yes, EXACTLY like that, thank you!
JohnN: Okay, one moment while I find related websites
You: Very good, sir.
You: I'd also accept anything with Mcculley Culkin.
JohnN: So, you're also looking for Star Trek meets Home alone kind of fan fiction?
You: Yep.
JohnN: Interesting.
JohnN: Let me see what I can find.
You: Thanks, man.
You: Oh, I'm also in the market for explicit Bart/Lisa GIFS if you've got an extra minute.
JohnN: Well, unfortunately, I can only make one search per session
JohnN: You know, I'm not seeing anything Star Trek and Mcculley Culkin related.
JohnN: Would you like me to transfer you to someone else who may be able to help you further?
You: How odd.
You: No, I think I got everything I needed out of you.
You: Thanks!
JohnN: Great, have a nice day.

EdwardF: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.
You: hey, i heard this rumor 
EdwardF: yes
You: george bush looks like or is a monkey 
You: i'm trying to verify this 
EdwardF: really
You: well that's what i need help with 
EdwardF: i will see what i can find, one moment please
EdwardF: there is one, i will see what else i can find
You: oh my god it's true 
You: george bush is a monekey 
EdwardF: can i help you find anything else tonight
You: yes i was thinking of a barry white egg cup 
You: like you know the ceramic or metal cups that hold eggs 
EdwardF: one moment
You: i would prefer one in the shape of barrys head 
You: rather than a screen print 
EdwardF: sorry there seems to be no sites with barry white being 
associated with any egg product
EdwardF: let me try again
You: oh well im pretty pleased i got to the truth about the bush monkey
rumor first
EdwardF: i can look for the egg holder once more if youlike
You: i guess youre pretty good at this 
You: go on 
EdwardF: sorry i dont see any listings 
EdwardF: i hate not getting a result
dwardF: can i do anything else for you this morning
You: edward 
EdwardF: yes
You: hold me

Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: KarenB
KarenB: Welcome to ChaCha!
KarenB: Hello!
You: hi karen, i want to know the most painless way to kill myself
Transfer: You are being transfered to another guide who can help you search even better!
Looking for guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: LauraM
LauraM: Welcome to ChaCha!
LauraM: What can I help you find on this topic?
You: can you help?
You: i want to find the quickest, most pain free way to end my life
You: i'm far beyond suicide prevention. i just want to die, will you help me
You: please
You: laura?
You: why does everyone leave me?????
LauraM: I'm here
You: so how should i go about it?
You: every website i've gone to has told me to take pills, but i know that can be painful unless you know what your doing
You: assisted suicide looks good, thankyou laura
LauraM: You need to seek help
LauraM: Not just from me
LauraM: And it's probably all pretty painful
LauraM: Is there anything else on this topic I can find for you today?
You: what good would that do, i've spent over £3000 on counseling over the last 2 years. it wont bring my wife and children back
You: anyway, thankyou laura. You've given me the courage to end it all. Thankyou.
LauraM: Are you still there?
You: Thanks, I'm done.
Status: Session ended.

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: EmileD
EmileD: Welcome to ChaCha!
EmileD: Hello
EmileD: How are you?
You: Hey, how are you?
You: I'm OK. You?
EmileD: iam good
EmileD: How can I help you today?
You: Well, some guys at work were talking about "meatspin" and I was wondering what it was
EmileD: ok, just one moment while I look it up for you
You: OH MY GOD!
You: WHY WOULD YOU SHOW ME THAT?!
EmileD: you asked what it was
EmileD: its my job to give you the info you asked for
You: THIS IS DISGUSTING!
You: EW!!!
You: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
EmileD: well you asked for it
You: YOU'RE SICK!
EmileD: whats wrong with you fag!!!
EmileD: you must be gat!!!!
EmileD: !!!! WARNING !!!! abusive language by guide (fuck you!!!!)
You: YOU SHOW ME THAT AND HAVE THE GAUL TO CALL *ME* GAY!?
EmileD: biat** you asked for it!!
EmileD: ho
EmileD: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.

Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: KimberlyJ
KimberlyJ: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hello Kimberly
KimberlyJ: Hi there
You: I need help...this is kind of embarassing
You: but I'm just barely legal
You: and my boyfriend wants to have intercourse
You: and I was wondering if you could find any sites that teach me how
You: or if you could give me pointers
You: I don't know how to had sexual intercourse
You: Oh, I forgot to mention that I am a homosexual
You: You may have heard of us
You: So I don't think these sites are very relevant
KimberlyJ: Let me transfer you then.
Transfer: You are being transfered to another guide who can help you search even better!
Looking for guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: sheria
sheria: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hello Sheria
You: This is kind of embarassing but
sheria: hello, how are you today
You: I'm good but a little nervous, how are you?
sheria: fine don't be nervous
You: You see...I'm just barely legal and my boyfriend wants to have sexual intercourse
sheria: and there is nothing to be ahamed about
You: but I don't know how
You: also, we're homosexuals, you may have heard of us
sheria: yes I have
You: I asked KimberlyJ but she said she didn't know how homosexuals do it
You: and she transferred me to you
You: It's kind of embarassing to be telling so many people I don't even know
sheria: well the good thing is you don't know us
You: Yeah, it'd be much worse if I was asking my parents
sheria: so its less stress for you
You: I'm Catholic
sheria: I am a christian
You: Oh gosh
sheria: and do not agree with your lifestyle
You: This is why I was nervous
sheria: but I do not wnat you to get into something that will be bad in the end
sheria: no pun intended
You: So you won't help me?
sheria: i will say if you are not ready to make that step wait
sheria: and I will send you to a site that can help
You: I'm ready...mentally. I want to pleasure James.
You: It's just that I'm not sure how exactly homosexuals have sexual intercourse.
sheria: how do you know that you are homosexual
sheria: I have a friend and she said it kinda comes with know that that is who you are
sheria: think about it
You: I was born this way
sheria: and hold a min while i try and assist you
You: Even when I was little when I would meet other boys I found attractive
You: I would get flustered
sheria: you are catholic
sheria: do you attend church
You: Yes, I attend church
sheria: and have you spoken with your priest
sheria: regarding you perference
You: No, I've already told you that this is embarassing for me
You: But James and I do believe Jesus is God. Well, not God himself but you know what I mean. The son.
You: God made us this way
sheria: then you and james need to read his word regarding what he feels about the lifestyle
You: We have, and we're not entirely sure if the Bible is being interpreted properly
sheria: in my faith we belive in the holy spirit and in other spirits good and bad
You: I mean why would God create people for him to hate?
sheria: and believe that there are spirits that can be prayed off and that is one of them
You: We're not posessed. We're very kind and good people.
You: James works in a nursing home on weekends and I help out at the local homeless shelter on holidays.
sheria: there is such a thing as the devil or enemy and his job is to steal kill and destry and anything contrary to God is to him
You: So you believe the devil is the cause of all homosexuality?
sheria: is good to him is what i meant
sheria: yes
sheria: and murder and diease
You: I don't understand why God wouldn't stop him though. I mean God created him, he was originally an angel.
sheria: that is why God said he bears our sickness and diease and we claim it and he wil take it
You: Couldn't he just as easily destroy him?
sheria: he gives us feel will and everything we do is a choice
sheria: let me ask you
sheria: he says that we are in this world but not of it
sheria: when satan was knocked here he was the put here on earth
sheria: though its all Gods world this is where he rolls
sheria: and God is a God of order and will set things right in time but we have free will and an option to follow him or not
sheria: the path to God is good but narrow , many rather the broad cause its popular
sheria: Are these results sufficient?
You: The links?
You: Or the paths?
sheria: the links
sheria: the narrow is always God
You: the link talks about a boy and a girl...
You: James and I are both boys
sheria: hold a sec
You: However I do believe that homosexuality is the narrow path that many have chosen if that is what you are talking about
sheria: avert.org
sheria: is a area for all
You: oh I see there is a sidebar, thank you
You: was that the question you wanted to ask me?
sheria: if it is ok i would like to pray for you, that you and james get a Greater understand of what God has for you both
You: Thank you
sheria: talk to your priest just to get direction on everything
sheria: I do love you and you have a great day
You: I think I love you too.
You: You're very wise.
You: Are you a man or a woman?
sheria: i am a lady
You: Oh...then I could never love you like that
sheria: lol
You: but as a neighbor
sheria: i like that
sheria: i am married any other way could get me in trouble
sheria: :)
You: Oh, haha.
You: Well I don't know...
You: if the devil is ridin' dirty here on Earth
You: Couldn't God just stop him?
You: Why would God make us suffer?
sheria: He does not he shows us the way i see it like this, 
God gives a us something that satan does not a choice to do good or bad.
We all know hte difference but our choice is where we take the stand . 
Satan is bent on evil alone. He wants to take as many of us with him because it makes is fire a little lighter. 
His fate is already know but its ours that is not
You: I've always felt that God was the one who created me and put me on the path of a homosexual.
What he had planned for me as my obstacles in this world. 
I've never thought the devil would be the one who made me this way.
sheria: so to get to know God and what he wants for you is important to make that choice 
so that you can have a choice and not the one this world lays before you only, 
why do you think they wanted the bible out of schools and things like that , 
it forces many to see that what they do and how they live there lives is not the way God wants it
sheria: do you believe in angles
You: Yes
You: Angels are who told Mary she was pregnant even though Joseph never made sweet love to her.
sheria: when satan fell he took a 3rd of them with him
sheria: so not to say he came and tapped you and said you will be homosexual
sheria: we have things called generational curses and they are passed down
You: are those like AIDS and mental retardation?
sheria: i did not understand it till i read the bible and was free of some during a weeked with the church
sheria: something like that
You: I've read much of the Bible but I always interpreted it as God destroyed the sodomites 
because they did not care about the poor
You: and not because they were homosexual
sheria: no they swapped wives, men with men , women with women, 
and they worshipped idols and there was only one family that followed what 
God said and they were the only ones that got out
sheria: I have to go though
sheria: I loved talking to you
You: Will I ever see you again?
sheria: please go to your priest or a christian church ( pent, baptist) ask questions and 
ask for the location they are there for that reason if they are true men and women of God 
they will explain and make you welcome to learn of God
sheria: LOl
sheria: yes you will
You: Thank you so much sheria. I enjoyed talking to you as well.
sheria: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Looking: ...
Status: Tasia has connected to help you with your search on Movies. Please wait while your guide searches for your results.
Tasia: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hello
Tasia: Hi there
Tasia: What kind of movies can I help you find today?
You: I would you to find me a film that is a romantic comdey starring Edward Norton and Petter Sellers as a pair of street thugs who go to a strip club and get kidnapped by drug lords and forced to smuggle drugs into mexico, rated PG-13
Tasia: Are you just needing the name of the movie?
You: Yes
Tasia: One moment please
You: Also a place where I can order it on DVD would be nice
Tasia: Sure :)
Tasia: Do you know how old the movie is?
You: Made in 1997
Tasia: Peter Sellers died in 1980
Tasia: Could you be thinking of a different actor?
You: Nope
You: Edward Norton and Peter Sellers
Tasia: This site shows the movies Peter Sellers was in and lists his date of death 
You: Which was?
Tasia: July 24, 1980 of a heart attack
You: Sorry I ment 1967 lol
Tasia: lol okay
Tasia: hmm .. 
Tasia: Well 
Tasia: I'm still not finding a movie that Edward Norton and Peter Sellers were in together .. 
Tasia: Would you like to see the three movies Peter Sellers did in 67?
You: Forgot to mention I am not sure if the movie exists but if it does I would like to watch it
Tasia: Well, I don't think it does
Tasia: Is there something else I can find for you on this topic?
You: The movie I wanted
Tasia: Doesn't exist
You: Are you sure?
You: Can you name me a movie that exists?
Tasia: The link I provided gives you a list of all the movies Peter Sellers was in
Tasia: I can give you a link to the movies Edward Norton is in as well if you'd like
You: What about a movie where Edward Norton wants to run for president but discovers that he can't because he was born in canada
Tasia: Is this another movie you're not sure exists?
You: Yes
Tasia: I'm sorry, I can't help you.
Tasia: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Your ChaCha guide was Tasia ID: 73800
Status: Session ended.

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Looking: ...
Status: Brenda has connected to help you with your search on help me. Please wait while your guide searches for your results.
Brenda: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: hi, brenda. i have a question.
Brenda: Hello
You: uh, yeah, hi. i have a question.
Brenda: What may I help you find today?
You: are you ready? most other guides have flat out refused to help me... it's something so horrible that you may not ever wish to see the light of day again.
Brenda: I will attemp to assist you with your search.
You: you are so willing to help, brenda. and so courageous. why is this?
Brenda: I'm sorry I am not allowed to chat. Do you have a serious search request? If not I will need to end this session.
You: all right. very wise. best ot get to the meat of the matter. i'm looking for a picture of an infant with Harlequin type ichthyosis. it's for my medical class.
Brenda: Just a moment while I bring up that information.
You: godspeed, brenda. godspeed.
Brenda: Thanks for being patient! Rest assured I'm finding the most relevant results for your search.
You: i will wait, brenda, for you to search those deep dark hollows of the interwebz for this most unholy prize... but will you make it out... with your mind intact?
Brenda: I have found some articles, I am still searching for pictures.
You: hmmm... a picture is what i need. try some of the darker corners. somewhere of pain.
Brenda: I finally find one and it won't allow me to send, I am still searching. Thank you for your patience.
You: you saw it? you saw the terrible thing?
Brenda: Check out this site.
You: does it have pictures?
Brenda: Yes.
You: and you can look on them without fear?
Brenda: Yes.
You: mein gott, brenda... you must be... THE CHOSEN ONE!
Brenda: Is there anything else on this topic I can find for you today?
You: no, no, no. what can i do for you, o chosen of longcat?
Brenda: Have a good day.
You: for it is you who will lead us to victory on catnarok!
Brenda: Thank you for using ChaCha!
Status: Your ChaCha guide was Brenda ID: 44482
Status: Session ended.

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Looking: ...
Status: anthony has connected to help you with your search on pain series. Please wait while your guide searches for your results.
anthony: Welcome to ChaCha!
anthony: Hello
You: hello, anthony.
You: if that is your real name...
anthony: it is
anthony: Please be more specific as to what you're looking for on this topic.
You: it's actually quite simple. it's a montage of medical abnormalities called the pain series. i need it for my medical class
anthony: ok
anthony: one moment please
You: i'll wait.
Transfer: You are being transferred to another guide who can help you search even better!
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Looking: ...
Status: Cristi has connected to help you with your search on pain series. Please wait while your guide searches for your results.
Cristi: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: uh, yeah. hi, cristi.
Cristi: Ok, one moment while I look that up for you...
You: ok, thanks
You: did you check them? is it a montage of medical abnormalities? i kinda need it for my medical class.
Cristi: Yes, i read, looking now
You: ok, cool. i'll wait.
Cristi: I'm having a hard time finding these results, I will transfer you to a new guide for more help.
Transfer: You are being transferred to another guide who can help you search even better!
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Looking: ...
Status: nedra has connected to help you with your search on pain series. Please wait while your guide searches for your results.
nedra: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: uh, hi nedra. can you try to find my stuff? it seems nobody else can.
You: hello?
You: why am i having so much trouble with this?
nedra: I am having technical difficulties. Transfering you to another guide.
Transfer: You are being transferred to another guide who can help you search even better!
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Looking: ...
Looking: ...
Looking: ...
Status: Guide not connected.

Some argue that ChaCha is a shitty idea, as it takes at least 100 times longer than a Google search and gives you maybe two results tops if the topic happens to be easy. It also has some "No pr0n policy," which ensures the breakthrough search technology is only applied to appropriate searches.

However, ChaCha is an endless source of lulz, as nothing is more fun than trolling ppl at random. Because of this, ChaCha employees are paid under minimum wage to put up with 13 year old boys shit all day.

But unfortunately the sick fucks have removed the endless source of lulz by removing the guide search entirely, leaving only a simple search, due to research and development into Text Messaging services. It was cheaper, even though that's hard to conceive, given the Guides' pay rates. All guides are now being retrained to work with users and their cell phones.

ChaCha has recently tried to acquire a larger share of search results from Google and so have tried a flagship of a service, in which Guides are given a better pay rate, in exchange for putting information in their blogging system, so that Guides' pages get hits in search results, which gives users a chance to search with their Guides. The only problem with this is that the Guide system no longer exists.

Hello (Insert Name Here),


We're looking for some of our most passionate Guides who have a deep knowledge about anything and would be interested in consistently writing about it.  Are you an expert on home-schooling?, Do you love to write about the best restaurants in your area? Do you have helpful tips to share with others about your local community? If you do then you might be the kind of person we're looking for.

As Esther said in her blog,

"We want to drive traffic to all the services and to find ways to spread the news about the unique value ChaCha offers by providing answers from people who are passionate about helping others. One of the ways that we can do this is by appearing in the top search results. In order to do this, ChaCha is partnering with Compendium Blogware, who will provide a tool for Guides to create blogs and for ChaCha to gain prominence in search results. We can “win” certain keywords, which will drive InfoSeekers to our Guides’ blogs on specific topics. Once they read the blogs, they will see the ChaCha search box where they’ll have the opportunity to search with a Guide."


Having a blog is a great way to share your love and knowledge with everyone and if you are selected to be one of our test-pilots for our ChaCha blogs you'll find out what a rewarding experience it can be!

If you're interested in maintaining your own personal ChaCha Blog, click on the link below to complete a short survey.  We will be starting with a small pilot group before making them available to all Guides.  If you are selected to be a part of this group we will get you blogging!

Thanks!

-Justin Keller
ChaCha Guide Care

External Links

• ChaCha

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