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Colegio Cervantes shooting
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
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HIS FAMILY WERE NARCOS AND HE GOT THE GUNS THERE!!! |
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|---|---|
| José Ángel Ramos Betts | |
| Nationality: | Mexican 
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| Highscore | A teacher on her knees |
| Top 50? | FUCK NO |
| Style | Single player |
| An Hero? | Yep |
On the beautiful morning of January 10, 2020, just mere weeks before Coronachan would dominate us all, our youngest challenger yet would go on to perpretrate a mass shooting, and despite fragging only 1, caused massive lulz in North America (specifically Hispanic parts). This challenger is José Ángel Ramos Betts, a shameless ripoff born and raised in Mexico since 2008, too retarded to do anything but play Fortnite and frag a singular teacher. Distracting from all the brutal cartel murders, it was a nice change of pace, occuring in the town of Torrèon, at a secondary school - Colegio Cervantes. This case is lulzy due to three factors:
- Perpretrator is a LOLumbine copycat
- It occured in the same nation as the Colegio Americano del Noreste shooting, also same kill counts
- Perpretrator is fucking 11, world record for youngest school shooter
—José before the shooting | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
A boy of many faces (and problems)
On April 8 of 2008, in the shitty town of Torrèon, Mexico, there was a little kid that was just born, that seems so cute! Too bad we're talking about this article's main person, José. While being born in fuck nowhere Mexico, immediately giving you a justification for mass homicide via cartel, this boy took a different route. So, why did this kid sperg out? Some people say it's le vidya, the scapegoatiest of scapegoats. Some people say it's his narco family, and some people say it’s autism (it’s always autism.)
- He played Fortnite extensively all day
- His mom epicly an heroine'd for the Lulz
- His father was always absent so he had to stay with his uncle
- His grandmother was murdered
Not much is known about the perpetrator, but his father, in true and honest Mexican fashion, was arrested for drug trafficking. This was the foundation of the Reyes family fortune. Until their retarded bastard child showed up to his school that is. Then they got arrested, LOL.[1] This kiddie was very fond of Eric Harris, one of the LOLumbine shooters, even scribbling the words “NATURAL SELECTION” on his shirt with what were probably crayola markers.[2].
The shooting
At exactly 8AM on January 10, 2020, our challenger asked his teacher for permission to pee-pee, and she let him go. Little did she know this manlet would fuck her life up permanently. Since he's slow in everything, not just intelligence, he spent too much time larping as Eric Harris and loading his guns, and the teacher went to look for him. However, he finished reloading JUST IN TIME to start shooting, saying: "Today is the day". Injuring her badly (couldn't even finish her off) he went to a nearby classroom and just started to SHOOT FUCKING EVERYTHING, injuring 5 classmates and his P.E teacher. Afterwards he was walking in the hallway, almost an hero'ing, when his English teacher came up to him on her knees sucking his cock, begging him to stop. But José was already mad that he couldn't kill anyone cause he was a dipshit, so he epicly put the gun in her mouth and killed her. After that, he shot himself in the eye to end his own pathetic life and forget the trauma of being molested by his teacher.
And thus ended the life of José: born retarded, died retarded.
Reactions
Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador loved the event and said this in regards: "LET'S FUCKING GO THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT SHITTY FEDERICO ELIZONDO YAY" His wife didn't agree and lamented the shooting, lamenting the fact that parents don't check kid's backpacks. The Governor of Coahuila Miguel Ángel Riquelme Solís liked it secretly, and in regards of him being a Columbine copycat, said this: "lol natural selection hehehe"
Graded Score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kill count: | 1/20 1 frag |
| Accuracy: | 0/20 Could only kill someone kneeling in front of him |
| Style: | 4/20 Cockumbine copycat and narco family |
| Butthurt: | 5/20 Lulz in Mexico but that's it |
| Bonus: | 2/20 Killed a cock-sucking teacher |
| Total score: 12/100 (F-) | |
Police action
Wanted Level:
Police Force
