Brogrammer: Difference between revisions
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{{quote|They are re-examining their relationship with the company after reading about last week’s comments made by Emil Michael, Uber’s senior vice president for business at Uber, who suggested that the company hire researchers to spy on journalists critical of Uber’s policies and executives.|--[http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/23/fashion/uber-delete-emil-michael-scandal.html more lol]}} | {{quote|They are re-examining their relationship with the company after reading about last week’s comments made by Emil Michael, Uber’s senior vice president for business at Uber, who suggested that the company hire researchers to spy on journalists critical of Uber’s policies and executives.|--[http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/23/fashion/uber-delete-emil-michael-scandal.html more lol]}} | ||
{{quote|Robert Scott Dervaes, 45, paid several unsolicited visits to Uber headquarters on Market Street this fall, according to the former Secret Service agent who serves as Kalanick's bodyguard. There, he delivered random ramblings through "slurred speech." Later, on Twitter, Dervaes — who, according to his tweets, apparently thinks Kalanick is out to get him — also delivered "credible" death threats to Kalanick, attorneys for Uber declared in court.|--[http://www.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/2014/12/17/uber-ceo-travis-kalanick-has-a-stalker not making this up either]}} | {{quote|Robert Scott Dervaes, 45, paid several unsolicited visits to Uber headquarters on Market Street this fall, according to the former Secret Service agent who serves as Kalanick's bodyguard. There, he delivered random ramblings through "slurred speech." Later, on Twitter, Dervaes — who, according to his tweets, apparently thinks Kalanick is out to get him — also delivered "credible" death threats to Kalanick, attorneys for Uber declared in court.|--[http://www.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/2014/12/17/uber-ceo-travis-kalanick-has-a-stalker not making this up either]}} | ||
{{quote|*Openness directed towards feelings and aesthetics rather than ideas. Women generally also have a stronger interest in people rather than things, relative to men (also interpreted as empathizing vs. systemizing). | {{quote| | ||
*Openness directed towards feelings and aesthetics rather than ideas. Women generally also have a stronger interest in people rather than things, relative to men (also interpreted as empathizing vs. systemizing). | |||
*These two differences in part explain why women relatively prefer jobs in social or artistic areas. More men may like coding because it requires systemizing and even within SWEs, comparatively more women work on front end, which deals with both people and aesthetics. | *These two differences in part explain why women relatively prefer jobs in social or artistic areas. More men may like coding because it requires systemizing and even within SWEs, comparatively more women work on front end, which deals with both people and aesthetics. | ||
*Extraversion expressed as gregariousness rather than assertiveness. Also, higher agreeableness. | *Extraversion expressed as gregariousness rather than assertiveness. Also, higher agreeableness. |
Revision as of 01:28, 7 August 2017
Brogrammers are manly men who make manly code. Windows 98 and all other bitchin' operating systems were coded by the fat sausage-like fingers of a brogrammer. Imagine a douchey jock but fatter and paler and prone to keeping one hand down his pants at all times. His code tends to be sloppy and full of bugs because he's too busy jacking to online porn to check his work.
Why are there no girls on the internet?
- Women are not smart enough to make code. This is common knowledge.
- Women are happy to await the return of their baconmaker while happily making sammiches
- The Bible explicitly states that the sole function of women is to serve the sexual and gastronomic needs of the brogrammer. It's right there in Genesis.
This brings up a reasonable question: why would women want to code? The answer is obvious: They don't, it's a sucky and shitty job that usually doesn't pay very well. But feminists keep bringing it up, so we here at ED have to make an article on this crap. Consider yourself "informed", especially since the TOW article about brogrammers is such crap.
Fundamental Character Traits
Brogrammers are only manly men, and since you are a virgin, here are quick tips on how to identify a Brogrammer:
- His desk will be full of Red Bull or Monster cans and there will be typical mainstream music playing in his speakers. Nicki Minaj makes him hard.
- He will usually be dressed with either a cool shirt (i.e. one that only a hipster would wear) or a shirt with a drinking joke. Sunglasses will never be missing, not even while working indoors at night.
- Facial hair is mandatory, other hipster fashion statements (tight jeans, ugly shirts, oxfords with white socks) frequently seen.
- Don't expect him to code well or to understand serious languages, all he'll do is poorly written Ruby in conjunction with Ruby on Rails, because that's "the cool language that cool people know".
- All brogrammers will have the popped collars and fat fingers that are needed for brogramming.
- Prone to raepiness and bitch-slapping
Useful and lulzy quotes
—--we totally did not make that up |
—-- lol |
—--more lol |
Notorious examples
- Jack Dorsey and Evan Williams, the two beef-curtains who started Twitter and tried to fire each other
- Travis Kalanick, founder of Uber and total screaming fucknut
- Evan Spiegel, creator of Snapchat, says things like “have some girl put your large kappa sigma dick down her throat”
- Justin Mateen of popular douche-dating system Tinder, likes to fondle female employees: "Wolfe, who had dated Mateen, says he called her a “slut,” a “gold digger” and a “whore,” among other things, and hounded her for details about her personal life long after the two had stopped dating. In text messages included in the complaint, he talked about “middle aged Muslim pigs” and referred to someone else as “that homo.”"
- Mahbod Moghadam, cofounder of Rap Genius, and firedtherefrom lol
- Brian Chesky of Airbnb lol "In 2008 when Airbnb launched it only had two customers and one of those was Chesky. The company had a difficult time starting up because the idea behind the company was not really appealing." What a pussy.
- Jacob Appelbaum, hero of Tor and Wikileaks can't keep his grubby little paws off the wimmenz
- Perry Roach, founder of web censorship company Netsweeper loves him some stupidlawsuits
- And don't forget their patron saint, Michael Arrington, who started TechCrunch and was fired by his own partners lol
See Also
External Links
- Shitty and useless TOW article
- They have their own Tumblr, just like every other pathetic luser subculture, and like all good bros, it's blank
- CNN article
- Atlantic article
- "Silicon Valley asshole problem"
- Mashable article
- From "five reasons why you're a cunt"