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COBOL: Difference between revisions

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Created page with " {{achtung|'''COBOL IS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS.'''}} {{programming}} '''CO'''MMON '''B'''USINESS '''O'''RIENTED '''L'''ANGUAGE WAS INVENTED BY A WOMAN, WHICH IS [[T..."
 
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Created page with "COMMON BUSINESS ORIENTED LANGUAGE is the prune juice of the programming world. If you still know how to use colbol, you are [[old|a respected and valuable member of the programm..."
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COMMON BUSINESS ORIENTED LANGUAGE is the prune juice of the programming world.  If you still know how to use colbol, you are [[old|a respected and valuable member of the programming community]], as very few people are [[old]] enough to know how to program in [[shit nobody cares about|COBOL]].  COBOL was invented by a [[wimminz|woman]], which is probably the main reason why it downright sucks giant [[cocks]].  We all know that wimminz never make anything worthwhile.


{{achtung|'''COBOL IS WRITTEN IN [[ALL CAPS]].'''}}
__TOC__
{{programming}}
'''CO'''MMON '''B'''USINESS '''O'''RIENTED '''L'''ANGUAGE


WAS INVENTED BY A [[Your_Mom|WOMAN]], WHICH IS [[TITS OR GTFO|PART OF THE PROBLEM]] (THE OTHER PART BEING THAT IT IS STILL GENERALLY TYPED IN [[ALL CAPS]]).
= EXAMPLE CODE =
<pre>
  ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.
  *THIS IS A COMMENT.  PERIODS (BESIDES COMMENTS) DENOTE END OF STATEMENT.
  IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
  PROGRAM-ID. HELLO WORLD.
 
  ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.
  INPUT-OUTPUT SECTION.
 
  DATA DIVISION.
  WORKING-STORAGE SECTION.
 
  PROCEDURE DIVISION.
  MAINLINE.
  DISPLAY "HELLO WORLD".
  END-RUN.
</pre>


ALL PEOPLE WHO <del>CAN</del> WOULD WORK WITH COBOL ARE [[AN HERO|DEAD]]. COBOL IS A [[Pain_Series|LONG AND SHITTY]] LANGUAGE WHICH IS ENTIRELY TOO VERBOSE. WITH ABOUT 5 LINES OF C OR C++, YOU COULD EASILY DO WHAT A 100 LINE PROGRAM IN COBOL CAN DO.
1. Divide envrionment <br>
2. Comment a line of code <br>
3. Write a shit-ton of code <br>
4. Hello world <br>
5. ???? <br>
6. PROFIT!! <br>


THE BASIC HELLO WORLD PROGRAM IS AS FOLLOWS:
In [[python]], a similar program would only take about 5 lines, as opposed to [[over 9000]], which is why [[shit|COBOL]] sucks.
<PRE>
        ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.
*THIS IS A COMMENT.  PERIODS (BESIDES COMMENTS) DENOTE END OF STATEMENT.
IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
PROGRAM-ID. HELLO WORLD.


ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.
= trolling COBOL coders =
INPUT-OUTPUT SECTION.
* (if their a wimminz) steal their [[diapers|depends]]
* eat their prunes
* steal all of the hard caramels
* destroy [[bullshit|social security]]
* take a shit in the local bingo hall
* walk all over their lawn
* raid the dollar store


DATA DIVISION.
WORKING-STORAGE SECTION.


PROCEDURE DIVISION.
= See Also =
MAINLINE.
* [[Programming]]
        DISPLAY "HELLO WORLD".
* [[C]]
                END-RUN.
* [[Nerd]]
</PRE>
 
...AND JUST THINK, THAT'S ONLY TO DISPLAY HELLO WORLD...
 
{{stub}}
{{Softwarez}}
{{Softwarez}}
[[Category:Softwarez]]
{{haxor}}
[[Category: Softwarez]]

Revision as of 13:21, 17 April 2011

COMMON BUSINESS ORIENTED LANGUAGE is the prune juice of the programming world. If you still know how to use colbol, you are a respected and valuable member of the programming community, as very few people are old enough to know how to program in COBOL. COBOL was invented by a woman, which is probably the main reason why it downright sucks giant cocks. We all know that wimminz never make anything worthwhile.

EXAMPLE CODE

 
  ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.
  *THIS IS A COMMENT.  PERIODS (BESIDES COMMENTS) DENOTE END OF STATEMENT.
  IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
  PROGRAM-ID.	HELLO WORLD.
  
  ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.
  INPUT-OUTPUT SECTION.
  
  DATA DIVISION.
  WORKING-STORAGE SECTION.
  
  PROCEDURE DIVISION.
  MAINLINE.
  DISPLAY "HELLO WORLD".
  END-RUN.

1. Divide envrionment
2. Comment a line of code
3. Write a shit-ton of code
4. Hello world
5. ????
6. PROFIT!!

In python, a similar program would only take about 5 lines, as opposed to over 9000, which is why COBOL sucks.

trolling COBOL coders

  • (if their a wimminz) steal their depends
  • eat their prunes
  • steal all of the hard caramels
  • destroy social security
  • take a shit in the local bingo hall
  • walk all over their lawn
  • raid the dollar store


See Also

COBOL is part of a series on

Softwarez

Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage.

COBOL is part of a series on Programming.

[2 L337 4 MEEnter the Matrix]

ADA • Assembly • C • C++ • COBOL • Debug • DOS • Erlang • Error • Fdisk • Fortran • Integer • Java • LOLCode • Machine Code • Matlab • MIRC Script • MUMPS • Open Source • Perl • PHP • Programming language • Python • QBASIC • Ruby on Rails • Scratch • SSH • Visual Basic

Hacks

Firefox XPS IRC Attack • Safari XPS Attack • Sandworm

Programmers

Bill Gates • Linus Torvalds • Weev • Goatse Security • Terry Davis • Theo de Raadt

Other Topics

Operating system • Warez • Notepad • Is not a bug, it's a feature • Database Error

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