Butchyjene

BUTCHYJENE IS A MORBIDLY-OBESE-GOTHIC-SATANIC-LESBIAN-WICCA-VOODOO-MAGICK-CRACKHEAD-WITH-THE-MULLET-OF-MOTHERFUCKING-DEATH WHO BRIEFLY TOOK LIVEJOURNAL BY STORM IN 2003. HER LIVEJOURNAL CONSISTS OF HILARIOUS ENTRIES ABOUT HER DAY TO DAY LIFE, COLOURFULLY PRESENTED IN ALL-CAPS. THE MAJORITY OF HER FOLLOWERS WERE EITHER ANGSTY 13 YEAR OLD MALLGOTHS, CHRISTIANS AND SATANISTS ALIKE THAT TOOK THE JOURNAL SERIOUSLY AND TOLD HER THAT SHE'S GOING TO HELL AND/OR IS A FAKE SATANIST BECAUSE SHE ACTUALLY WORSHIPPED THE TRUE PRINCE OF DARKNESS, OR JUST PEOPLE BORED AT WORK LOOKING FOR A QUICK LAUGH... BECAUSE, SERIOUSLY THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING FUNNY.

A LOT OF HER POSTS FEATURED RANDOM SPOUTINGS OF "MOTHERFUCKER" "SHEMHAMFORMOTHERFUCKINGRASH" AND EVEN THE MORE MAINSTREAM "HAIL SATAN". JUST ABOUT EVERY PARAGRAPH ENDED WITH HER SPEAKING IN A HILARIOUS THIRD-PERSON DIALECT TO ANNOUNCE WHAT SHE WAS DOING AT THE TIME SHE WROTE HER POST. HER MAIN ONES WERE "TIES OFF ARM SO SATAN CAN SHOOT ME UP WITH SPEED", "PICKS A PREGNANT SPIDER OUT OF ITS WEB AND LICKS ITS PUSSY", "GUZZLES SOME JAGGERMEISTER WHILE LISTENING TO MOTLEY CRUE CDS BACKWARDS" AND HER MOST USED ONE, "GRUNTS AND FARTS THEN BENDS OVER TO SNIFF IT"

“	SATAN SAYS THAT I AM NO FUN ANYMORE AND THAT I DONT DESERVE MY MULLET OF DEATH BECAUSE I NO LONGER SMOKE CRACK OR SHOOT SPEED. I KEEP TELLING HIM TO GO AWAY EVERYTIME HE PULLS MY OLD CRACKPIPES OUT FROM UNDER MY BED TRYING TO TEMPT ME AND IT MAKES ME CRY HYSTERICALLY AND HE JUST SITS THERE LAUGHING LIKE A BALL OF FIRE IN THE CORNER.	„
—BUTCHYJENE.

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EVENTUALLY, THE PERSON BEHIND BUTCHYJENE GOT TIRED OF MAINTAINING A FAKE LIVEJOURNAL, AND ANNOUNCED IN SAID JOURNAL THAT SHE WAS DONE WITH HER INTERNET SHENANIGANS. SHE ALSO INVITED ANYONE THAT READ THE BUTCHYJENE JOURNAL TO ADD HER AS A FRIEND. MUCH TO THE BUTCHYJENE FOLLOWERS' DISMAY, THE AUTHOR BEHIND IT WAS A FAT, WHINY, WOW-ADDICTED, PSEUSO-SATANIST FAGGOTH THAT WHINED ABOUT HER SHITTY BOYFRIEND, NEIGHBOURS AND HER PERIOD. MAN, FUCK THAT BITCH... FREE BUTCHYJENE!

THE STORY BEHIND BUTCHYJENE

AFTER A ROUGH NIGHT OF BINGE-DRINKING WITH SATAN

BUTCHYJENE LIVED IN A DOUBLE-WIDE OUT IN EAST BUMBLEFUCK WITH HER GIRLFRIEND CHRAILER (LOL?), WHO INCIDENTALLY, SHE ENDED UP MURDERING HER FOR BEING A CHRISTIAN AND NOT REALLY A LESBIAN, SOME SPECULATED. EVENTUALLY, CHRAILER'S RETARDED BROTHER (WHO TYPED ALL OF HIS POSTS PHOENETICALLY SO AS TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE AN ACTUAL RETARD WAS SAYING IT JUST ADDED TO THE OVERALL LULZ) USED HIS SUPER VOODOO MAGICK POWERZ TO BRING HER BACK TO LIVE TO KILL BUTCHYJENE (HER AND HER BROTHER WERE SUCCESSFUL, OBVIOUSLY). THEN, ON OR AROUND CHRISTMAS TIME (TO GENERATE EVEN MORE LULZ), BUTCHYJENE WAS RESURRECTED BY NONE OTHER THAN SATAN HIMSELF, ANNOUNCING THAT SHE WAS "BACK TO LICK SOME CUNTS"

AFTER THE AUTHOR CONFESSED THAT THE JOURNAL WAS, INDEED FAKE (DUH !), SHE LATER RETRACTED THE POST AND DECIDED TO START BUTCHYJENE BACK UP, ALTHOUGH NOT NEARLY AS MANY CARED AFTER THAT NOW-BAHLEETED POST. OCCASIONALLY, ONE OF HER TR00 FANS WILL STILL COME TO HER JOURNAL AND LEAVE COMMENTS ON HER STILL OVER-THE-TOP ENTRIES.

BUTCHYJENE IMPOSTORS AND STALKERS

YES, YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY: MANY IDIOTS ATTEMPTED TO REPLICATE AND EMULATE HER PERSONA ON LAME SITES LIKE MYSPACE AND EVEN LIVEJOURNAL. AS YOU CAN GUESS, THEY ALL FAILED HARD AND WERE BERATED BY NONE OTHER THAT THE FAT SATANIC GOTH QUEEN HERSELF. WHEN SHE WAS IN HER PRIME, SHE DATED A MAN NAMED CALVIN (WHOSE JOURNAL SCREENNAME WAS 'ILOVEBUTCHYJENE') ONLY BECAUSE HE PROMISED TO GET A SEX CHANGE TO BE WITH HER.

LATEST WHEREABOUTS

PREDICTABLY ENOUGH, SHE JUMPED ON THE BLACK METAL BANDWAGON AND DECIDED TO FORM HER OWN BAND CALLED "DICKHAMMER", AND PROCEEDED TO POST THE LYRICS TO HER "ALBUM" ON HER JOURNAL ENTITLED "RAPE YOU WITH THE MOUTH OF SATAN". AN EXAMPLE OF ONE OF HER "SONGS":

“	I WALK UP TO MY LOCAL CRACKHOUSE THAT I CONVERTED INTO A SATANIC CHURCH I KILLED A BIRD WITH A BAT KNOCKED HIM RIGHT OFF HIS FUCKING PERCH!!! I WALKED IN EVERYONE LIFTED THEIR CRACKPIPES UP IN HONOR OF ME AND MY BANDMATE!! WE WALKED DOWN AND TOOK A HIT OFF EVERYONE'S CRACK PIPE AND STARTED HAVING WILD ORGIASTIC BLASPHEMOUS SEX!!!	„

BUTCHYJENE IS STILL UP TO HER SAME OLD TRICKS, BUT TOOK HER FAGGOTRY OVER TO FAILBOOK, WHERE WHINY TEENAGE HIPSTERS MAKE UNFUNNY REMARKS ABOUT HER.