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Alex Jones: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 16:34, 20 May 2011
Alex Jones, also known as the fatter David Icke, and the antimatter to Rush Limbaugh, is a "paleoconservative" (read: paranoid conspiracy theorist) and libertarian intellectual from Texas (well that explains it) who believes that the United States is being run by the Worldwide Masonic Conspiracy. He is the leader of the RƎVO˩UTION and can prove all his theories are true; he merely chooses not to.
"If you don't believe 9/11 was an inside job, it is because you consumed fluoride." OR "If you disagree with me, it is merely because you have consumed fluoride. Everybody that disagrees with me is a brainwashed sheeple." -These few quotes are commonly used by Alex Jones and his FOLLOWERS and exemplify the sublime logic and points of argumentation they implement.
Documentaries
The most notable portion of Jones' longstanding career is the absurd number of documentaries he's made over the years exposing the lies of the government. The first big epic title in these exposés was America: Wake Up or Waco, about the FBI raid on the Branch Davidians in 1993.
Average plot summary of an Alex Jones documentary:
- The Branch Davidians were not a cult but a peace-loving religious group. And David Koresh was in no way a pedophile.
- The government is being run by the Worldwide Masonic Conspiracy, who are in turn run by Satanists.
- The Masonic Conspiracy funds wars through centralized banks.
- Israeli intelligence connection to 9/11
(UNDENIABLE PROOF) - The government is creating a North American Union http://www.spp.gov/ as a cover to poison the world population with nano-technology and enslave the human race. (Seriously. Don't believe it? Try this on for size.)
All of these documentaries are on sale on one of Jones' various websites. All of them cost a small fortune for the DVD versions, but since people rip them and put them on Google video no one buys them anyway.
Radio Show
Like every conservative intellectual with a computer, Jones is also famous for having his own radio show. Most of the time it tends to be a circle-jerk of conspiracy theorists and people who call in only to get pwnt by Jones' fanboys.
Other popular topics include:
- Celebrity interviews, like that guy who claims to have fucked an alien and the editor of the World Weekly News
- Jones getting Loose Change made into a Hollywood production
- The true faces of the New World Order
- The Elite Agenda
- Barack Obama is the anti-christ.
Some argue that the Muse song "Time is Running Out" is about the blowjob Jones gave Matthew Bellamy to get him to appear on the show.
The Internet
Jones runs a number of websites devoted to his war against the elite, the most notable of which are Prison Planet and Infowars. Both sites appeal to freethinkers of the eclectic variety. Though conservatards love to cite Jones as a champion of truth and freedom in the wake of George Bush's rampant faggotry, any moron who actually bothers to read his articles would know that he's just as bad, if not worse than the people he so heroically stands against, because he's actually a conservative. He's supposedly what's called a "paleoconservative", which is supposed to be the opposite of a neoconservative. This makes Jones roughly the political equivalent of a televangelist.
Selling points of an Alex Jones website include:
- Articles about the dangers of government
- Ads for critical survivalist literature written by ardent Jones supporters
- Colloidal silver (Argyria ftw!)
- Trailers for Jones' next documentary
- Flash ads for the above that eat up your computer's memory until it dies.
- News about the amero AKA crazy tokens that do not exist
Typical Alex Jones Radio Shows
Previous Video | Next Video |
Dr. Death, 2006
The drama began when a well-known scientist, Dr. Pianka, gave a lecture at the Texas Academy of Science and made some off-hand remarks about how humans were destroying the planet and how likely it is a pandemic will wipe out a large portion of the population in the future. Investigative journalist and general fucktard Forrest Mims decided that these were the words of a mad scientist bent on wiping out the human population with an airborne virus, and Jones quickly caught on, calling Pianka "Dr. Death", the frontman for the elite's New World Order agenda of genocide.
In the time since, Dr. Pianka's received a number of death threats from various crusaders for justice.
- Dr. Pianka asks that people stop sending his daughters death threats
- Intelligent Design fucktard decides to expose Dr. Pianka's evil scheme to the Department of Homeland Security
- The Texas Academy fires back!
- TOW article about the drama
The NWO Illuminati 666
For every action, there is a reaction. That is the way the world works. For every fat, loathsome Libertarian lurking in his trailer-park "fallout shelter," rabidly ordering "survival seeds" from Jones' sponsors, there is an equally fat, community-college grad fag "ironically" listening to the radio show, incredulously gushing in pained exasperation at every single one of Alex's insane assertions.
As such, the only people who actually care enough to vocally and publicly oppose the bellicose Fuck, are knee-jerk Olbermann fans: the same people who thought it "progressive" to elect a nigger president, put a Jew in charge of the banks - and who are more than likely responsible for this very article.
Alex Jones is the definition of shit nobody cares about, and neither should you.
Trolling Alex Jones' Fanbase
- Show them this article.
- Tell them that the world as it is kind of sucks and a New World Order sounds dandy!
- Inform them that Alex Jones is actually a member of the Illuminati misdirecting them with fear into leading the lives of basement dwellers.
- Tell them you voted for Barack Hussein Obama because of his charming smile. Be sure to be wearing some sort of helmet.
- Add a link to Tin Foil Hat to the See Also section of his TOW article. When one of his fan boys reverts your edit, add it again. (The link isn't to the right place)
- Show them the Conspiracy Science articles debunking his movies.
- Inform them that Ron Paul
hashad as much of a chance winning the election as a paper dog has chasing an asbestos cat through hell. - Mock their beliefs by telling them that you're a member of the Illuminati or that Ron Paul is really a space lizard.
- Ask them why they don't get vaccinations or use anything containing fluoride.
- Inform them that JEWS DID WTC.
- Tell them that you think Glen Beck is really on the ball with his anti new world order stuff
- Post here.
- Tell them that Alex Jones is actually a shill for the Jews. People actually believe this.
Critical Questions for the Alex Jones Fan
- If Alex Jones' documentaries and books are full of the vital critical information needed to stop the New World Order, why does he still charge money for them? (Note: all can be found for free on youtube, posted by Jones himself.)
- How can a world-controlling organization be stopped by the very system of government it invented? ...oh wait. It CAN'T.(Note: They didn't invent it, they simply infiltrated it.)
- If Alex Jones and Dylan Avery are all that stands between the government and world domination, why haven't they been killed by CIA hitmen yet?(Note: That would be calling their bluff, and make them more credible.)
- If fire can't melt steel, then why did this happen?
- If heat can't make metal weaker, then why do blacksmiths put shit into fire before hitting it with a hammer?
- Also, isn't steel made by melting stuff?
- See if they can define Paleocon in their own words without using anything they learned from Alex Jones or Wikipedia, or see if they can use it in an accurate and non-sensationalistic manner.
- Ask them if they can explain why Jones stated the firefighters were involved in 9/11 on his radio show and web site, but when he was questioned about it later he denied he ever said anything like that[1].
- Ask them why Alex Jones sucks off homeopathy faggots hocking colloidal silver, if he cares so much for his country?
- If Bohemian Grove is a homosexual hang-out what was Alex Jones doing there in the first place?
- How much did you weigh before you got into conspiracy theories?
- Why does everyone seem to know everything about these "secret" societies?
- Why not move to an area with no government influence?
- Would Alex Jones push me?
Alex Jones' Jewish Connections
- He has a Jewish wife named Kelly Rebeca Nichols, and he has three(3) children with her. His son's name is Einstein (ya think it's jewish?? LOL)
- He and his Jewish wife and children all qualify for Israeli citizenship under Israel's "Law of Return".
- He has at least twenty(20) Jewish sponsors and advertizers that financially support his radio show and websites.
- He has a Jewish lawyer named Elizabeth M. Schurig who is also the lawyer for Holly Lev Bronfman, the sister of Edgar Bronfman, Jr. Thus there are only two degrees of separation between Alex Jones and the Bronfman family, one of the most powerful Jewish Zionist families in the world.
- His flagship radio station, KLBJ AM, in Austin, Texas, is owned by Emmis Communications, a media conglomerate based in Indianapolis, Indiana. The founder, president, CEO, and chairman of Emmis Communications is the dual Israeli citizen Zionist Jew Jeffrey H. Smulyan.
- His radio show is broadcast on Sirius XM Radio. The chairman of Sirius XM Radio is the Jew Eddy W. Hartenstein. The CEO of Sirius XM Radio is the Jew Mel Karmazin. The President of Sirius XM Radio is the Jew Scott Greenstein. Of the six(6) executive officers of Sirius XM Radio, five(5) are Jews.
—anon | ||
Alex Jones gets removed from YouTube
Ricky under the name "Gary" calls up Inforwars and attempts to fuck with them after getting Jones removed from Jewtube.
Parking Lot Story
A source of lulz for the last three years, the Alex Jones' Parking Lot Story is infamous amongst Jones' cult followers, independent free-press, and Alex's detractors, alike.
While the reality of the story is up for debate, it is not unreasonable to assume that Alex - a loudmouth fuck who picks fights with relative strangers - started the fight, and then lost it, accordingly. (An example of his reasoning skills can be heard daily on his radio program, where he debates with callers who disagree.)
The story goes: Alex and company, including his father, Bob, were having dinner at some restaurant. At another table was a RL troll named Steve. Alex recognized the man's voice (as Steve routinely called various radio shows in the Austin area to prank them; favouring Alex's show.) Approaching the man, Alex began to curse at and threaten Steve. Alex, acting big, stated he was going to whip the troll's ass. Steve stepped up and double dawg dared him to step outside...
At first, Alex wavered. But, having a huge ego and a tough guy image to keep up, (and realizing that even if he lost the fight, he could always lie later-on,) Alex went outside to confront Steve.
In the parking lot, Alex was hesitant to fight, but Steve kept at him. In true nigger fashion, Alex threatened to pull his piece on Steve, who RL trolled Alex even more by calling him a "pussy;" stating, to the extent, that "only pussies bring a gun to a fist-fight, you jarhead pussy."
Alex, according to eye-witness reports, ran to his truck, fumbling for his gun, which he apparently slipped into some pocket. Then, with a hand in that pocket, advanced on Steve - who, after a few steps backwards, triple-dawg dared Alex to, "shoot me already, you jarhead bitch." Then popped Alex in the face, dropping him like a faggot.
Alex cried for dad, ordering one of his dinner guests to, "Get Bob!!"
While Alex's cohort ran indoors to fetch daddy, Alex got back up and spat blood in Steve's face. Steve reacted accordingly, and punched Alex again, dropping him.
Long story short: Before fleeing the restaurant parking lot, Alex told Steve that he had powerful relatives in the FBI, and reported to them Steve's [now defunct] bookstore as a terrorist front, and Steve, as a pedo, with large cache of CP . The fed, in true Illuminati fashion, found Steve not guilty of anything.
Alex, remembering his revelation at dinner the night before, went on-air and claimed that he was jumped by 4-5 knife-wielding assailants (despite not receiving even one cut during his heroic struggle.) They hated freedom, loved to oppresses patriots, and wanted him dead. But, Alex told, he valiantly fought them off with only his bare fists, because he wasn't going to lay down - he wasn't afraid!
To this day, Alex fights to have this story removed from the Internets forever.
Ways to troll Alex Jones fans
- Inform them that it was actually the Jews who were behind 9/11
- Tell them Alex Jones is a false flag conspiracy theorists working for the Jews (some people actually believe this)
- Tell them the The Rothchilds are not the reason for their virginity
Gallery
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A voice of reason -
Alex declares war on /b/
Video
Alex Jones proves that the NWO did WTC
Alex Jones gets OWNED by discordian drunk man:
See Also
- Ron Paul
- RƎVO˩UTION
- David Icke
- Survivalist
- Worldwide Masonic Conspiracy
- Loose Change
- Zeitgeist - The Movie
- Truther
- Sherry Shriner
- Coast to Coast AM
- Xee-A Twelve
- Austin
- Birther
- Above Top Secret
- Alvin Greene
External Links
- Prison Planet
- Infowars
- WHAT THE FUCK
- Jones Report
- Seriously how many fucking sites does this guy have
- Stop the New World Order! Through MySpace!
- Fighting for your freedom on Jewtube.
- Antidepressants Cause Murder!
- Homosexuals Cause Suicide!
- 9/11 Causes Abuse of the Bold Tag!
- The Truth is out there! Wake up!
- Maddox' fans insist he call in to Jones' radio show to get PWNT
- A forum of people a mental hospital would not take
- Alex Jones and his shit movies get pwned
- Opinion on Internet2 - Lulzy discussion at TOW where it's particularly obvious he doesn't even know what it is he has an opinion on.
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