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BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM.
Would you ever buy a game created by this guy?
Back in 1991, Mark Rein•Hagen was sitting in his parents basement fappping to his copy of D&D 2nd Edition, while crying over the fact that his rival, Gary Gygax, could afford more luxuries in life than he ever could. In his ecstasy, an old episode of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer came on the television set. Inspiration struck him faster than his mother’s monthly beatings and he hatched an idea for a new tabletop game that would make Dungeons and Dragons crumble to its knees.
Thus, Vampire: The Masquerade was born. It took the basic ideas of D&D, threw in every horror movie monster you could think of, and gave every creepy goth kid something productive to do besides listen to The Cure on repeat. VTM was a moderate success, so Mark signed up with White Wolf Inc. and created many sequels to his smash hit., all bearing the trademark “Noun: The Verbing”, collectively known as the World of Darkness.
White Wolf, being a reasonable business, soon realized that Mark Rein•Hagen was a batshit insane lunatic and promptly fired him. They decided to discontinue World of Darkness, create their own version, the New World of Darkness, and shit out a new “Noun: The Verbing” each year. Though recently, it has been announced that this idea was really really stupid and they won't do it anymore -- so no new limited game line in 2010.
Vampire: The Requiem – In this D&D knockoff you play as goth kids whose parents don’t give them a bedtime. You buy your fangs and Hot Topic, then bitch about how the popular kids in school called you “Scene” or “Emo” EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE CLEARLY NOT. Every player ends up role playing the same Mary-Sue as everyone else. (In the early 90’s it was Lestat, nowadays everyone plays as Alucard from Hellsing.) Protip for GM's: Roll up an overpowered frat boy character who shows up every now and again to beat the shit out of the player characters. Bonus points if you make him the prince of a territory.
Mage: The Awakening – Have you ever been reading bad Harry Potter fanfics and wished you were watching The Matrix instead? Well this is the game for you! Everyone plays as Neo, except this time you can shoop fireballs out of your eyes. Also, your character gets his magical powers from dragons or some shit. Screaming “FUCK YOU, I’M A DRAGON!” is rampant and common.
Werewolf: The Yiffing – Once White Wolf had roped emo kids and Harry Potter LARPers in with Vampire: The Requiem, and Mage: The Awakening. They needed new players to keep their steady stream of cash flowing. Inspired by that one episode of CSI, they knew that by creating a game about furries, they would alienate even more customers and hit a new demographic. Werewolf: The Yiffing was released to the howls, and cheers of furfags everywhere.
Changeling: The Lost – Once White Wolf had hit every sad minority group it could think of, they went with the next best thing. Gays. In this game you play as Fairies who have just escaped from a magical place called “The Hedge” (Also known as, The Closet”) and now hide from your gay thoughts, while mingling in gay nightclubs. In the old version, Changeling: The Dreaming, you just played an otherkin who found out that they really were a dragon (so fuck you) and go around doing things that show how much better you are than the mundanes who made fun of you in the past.
Hunter: The Vigil – In this game you play as trolls, PKing all the other gamelines. The only good game White Wolf ever produced.
Geist: the Underdeveloped and Unedited - In this final halfhearted attempt at game design on a yearly basis, you play one a few sad sad people trying to figure out how to do the White Wolf editor's job for him. rules can be argued and discussed endlessly in every session because they change with every reference. it also has only one additional supplement because no one at White Wolf could be bothered to try harder.
viichan
Since the World of Darkness is supposed to be our world (only with more people who own leather trenchcoats and katanas), it even has its own version of everyone's favorite online hive of scum and villainy. Well, the vampires do anyway. Just like 2chan blocks foreign IPs, they don't let anyone without black eyeliner on post on it. Being losers who are scared of catching the attention of the Internet Hate Machine, White Wolf doesn't elaborate much on viichan. But it's probably one of those lesser *chans that average a post a week.
All that's mentioned about viichan is that there is some tripfag on it named "NosfukU2" that treats the board like his personal army and gets away with it, and the board regularly enjoys driving random people to an herofor the lulz.
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Sometimes Kindred end up famous and they don't have a damned clue why, the sad case of Andrew Cray being a good example. Somehow Andrew became the meme-of-the-week on viichan. A poster called NosfukU2 picked him entirely at random and decided to make him famous. By the end of the week, his haven had been photographed, his sire sent threatening letters signed "A.C.", his fake SSN reported to Homeland Security, and dozens of animated gifs posted of his blurry startled form being run over by a succession of motor vehicles (including a Weinermobile). Thinking himself the victim of some malicious conspiracy, Andrew struck out against his known enemies. He found himself outmatched, and then burned so badly he fell into torpor where he remains. Andrew's brief kamikaze flight with fame ended in nothing but pain and misery for the clueless vampire. But mad lulz for NosfukU2 and his cronies.
Like most cesspools on the internet, the forums on worldofdarkness.com are filled with gigantic pieces of shit called users. If you’re a new user and you’re having trouble understanding the rules of WOD, god forbid you actually ask a question. You will be flamed and ridiculed until you’re forced to leave. Strangely, this forum has no trolls. It’s ripe for the taking.
April Fool's Day is Serious Business
On April Fool’s Day 2009 Ethan Skemp posted a fake spoiler for White Wolf’s new game “Geist: The Sin-Eaters”. The “spoiler” was an article explaining Geist’s completely broken game system and concept. Since it was posted around April Fool’s day, you would think that everyone would get the joke, chuckle, then walk away. Ethan failed to realize that anyone who would actually buy White Wolf products are absolutely retarded, and 93% of the forum fell for it.
The next day, Ethan screamed “APRIL FOOL’S” and the forum went into a shitstorm for weeks. Half the users were laughing at themselves and others for falling for the prank, while the other half were boycotting White Wolf products, demanding that the broken game actually be made. A week or two after this civil war had started, the mods were forced to put down their signed copies of Twilight, and lay down the banhammer on anyone who mentions the phrase “Ghost of a vampire”.
SKELORIC – An extremely overweight basement dweller (Seriously, read his biography), living on disability checks for his self diagnosed Asperger's syndrome. He hates the World of Darkness, yet he posts 246 times a day, everyday. He claims that the GURPS system is far superior to the WOD system. So, he whines about it each and every day instead of going to a GURPS message board. Also, he’s a faggot. If anyone even mentions the word “gay” or “faggot” he starts to BAWWWWW about it until the user is banned. The mods won’t do shit to him because he posts so often. He's a LOLcow waiting to happen. He is also an extremely opinionated idiot on many other topics and trying to argue with him is like trying to move a mountain with a spoon. (LOL B&)
Mr. Gone – He’s the forum users bitch. He spends all day designing custom WOD templates for use in games. Basically he’s failing at failing because the gamelines themselves have already made character sheets in the back of the book. He’s also a notorious user who posts in every topic, at least 3 times.
Sammi – Sammi is the only girl on the forum. No one has ever seen a picture of her however, so you can safely assume that she falls under the DO NOT WANT section of the ugly market. Also, what girl would spend all day on the White Wolf forums? A man, that’s who! Her posts mainly consist of bitching and moaning, about bitching and moaning.
silentblood – silentblood is a fat, whiny, Norse god worshiping, crossdressing, libertarian househusband, whose interests include incest and taking it up the ass. His family rightfully disowned him because of this, which led to more bitching. Strangely, the forums have enough sick fucks that they do not see a problem with him, and he's accepted as a valuable member of the forum family despite the fact that he deals with his faggy problems by posting threads about his life in the form of terrible goth poetry.
Zombiewulf – Forum users common reaction to Zombiewulf.A.K.A. “Zombiewulf2” Zombiewulf is the forums local 13 year old boy, drama queen, and attention whore. Every time he posts in a topic, he’s immediately ridiculed due to his complete faggotry. He created a sock puppet called Zombiewulf2 and claimed the original Zombiewulf had been hacked. This was his was of explaining his massive stupidity to those who hated Zombiewulf. This might have worked if both accounts didn’t sign on at the exact same time, and post in the exact same manner. He's notorious for his actual role playing skills however. The faggot can't get laid IRL, so he has to force any male or female character playing with him to have sex with his slut character IN GAME. For the life of me I can't think of a word that best describes an imagination rapist. Basically he's sad, pathetic, and lonely. UPDATE Zombiewulf can't handle being lampooned on ED. He's created multiple sockpuppets to try and blank this article. Silly faggot, don't you realize we will always be able to do undo your vandalism? Always. Let his BAWWWWing be a testament to his faggotry.
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This the WORST WEBSITE EVER. .
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—Zombiewulf, being butthurt.
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Go away. If you have any humanity, GO AWAY! ONCE AND FOR ALL.
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—Zombiewulf, screaming at this article.
Zeev - Zeev is boring. He's been RPing since he was a child, which means he's a loser. His characters are boring. His stories are boring. He's just boring. Being this "hardcore" about RPG's, he's very dramatic. Zeev wants people to pronounce his name as "Zah-Eve" or some stupid shit, when everyone knows that you pronounce his name like "Zeve" (Forget basic English! That's for the casual gamers!) He always mentions that his name means "wolf". Trying to impress other users with his Internet Tough Guy syndrome. The term "Zeev" actually does mean wolf, in hebrew. Thus, Zeev is dirty money grabbing kike.
Nobody - Awesome. Always picking on the fat faggot who deserves it. By faggot, we mean the gay fucker listed first.
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If you going to tell a joke story on the Internet, getting basic fact wrong is stupid.
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—Zeev, raping the English language.
All of these members have one thing in common, their obsessive posting. You’ll never find any of their posts to say anything worthwhile, it’s mainly just agreeing with whatever the OP says. They don’t care if it contradicts a previous post, they just have to post at least 50 times a day.
