Azeus

Battle of Lipstick
Part of Online Beef
Jonathan Rex's last moments in his bunker
Date May 15, 2002 – November 30, 2007 Location Introspectrum, RapeMusic.com; Lipstick Alley, RapeMusic.com; Lipstick Gallery, RapeMusic.com Result Unrecoverable defeat for Azeus
Combatants
Revolutionaries Producers Aliases E-Thugs Moderators Amoralists	The Thousand Alias Horde of Azeus
Commanders
1st Alias Hunters Ghetalion 2nd Alias Hunters Yayo 1st Revolutionist Front Black Soultan 2nd Revolutionist Front Riz 1st Banhammer Brigade Memento 1st Bay Area Thugs J-Nyce	1st Alias Division Azeus 2nd Alias Division Azeus_suezA 3rd Alias Division AzeussuezA 4th Alias Division Azeus_Rex 5th Alias Division _Rex_ 6th Alias Division Anidawehi 7th Alias Division Yahunyahti 8th Alias Division JonathanRex 9th Alias Division NtrikitMind
Strength
Total strength 76,066~ posts, 2 Photoshops, 1 CSIII degree, 1 Google.	Total strength 30,769~ posts, 5 years of lies, 7 lawsuit threats, 11 Wiki vandalisms, 1 crappy book
Casualties
4 Bannings	4 Bannings, IP revealed, PowerWord: IRL Named, 2 Photobucket wipes

OH SHI-

Azeus is a 1337 Wiki Hax0r

Brit Boi Gee leads the final charge.

Jonathan Rex is was an influential personality of RapeMusic.com who prided himself in being master of illusions and ambiguity. His Flame Warrior class was an Artful Dodger. When one falls for his superior intellect, the target has no idea what role he or she is playing until (and if) he reveals it to them. He is a self-professed master of secrecy, and a philosopher-prophet who embodies Yeshua and the Tao. While having his aliases slightly exposed out over the years, he maintains that his real identity has never been compromised. Before the Battle of the Alley, advanced metaphysical theories used to suggest that he was once immune to Google searches that can track down every single post a user has ever made. Whenever he was actually cornered and sonned, he would run to the defense of It was a social experiment. None of this explains the vast amount of time and effort he put into RM, though - at his height, he was actively posting for up to 12 hours a day.

Azues is a poet, philosopher, king, majestic knight, lion, playwright, screenwriter, actor, philanthropist, rapper, producer, singer, artist, monk, hot guy, Spiritual Leader, priest, deacon, nun, bishop, pope, rabbi, scholar, author, athlete, businessman, prince, president of the united states, emperor, philosopher-king, czar, kaiser, sculptor, magician, astronaut, professor, nude dancer, kickboxing champion, painter, admiral of the high seas, general of the armies, casting director, secret agent, chancellor, pharoah, celebrity, gangster, chieftan, novelist, kingmaker, RM debater to the stars and one hell of a guy.

Jonathan Rex

From Amazon.com:

"Jonathan Richard Rex was born in August of 1981 and raised on military bases around the world. During his childhood he was hurled into several chaotic disasters from the San Francisco 7.1 earthquake in 1989 to the volcanic eruption of Mt. Pinatubo in 1991. Two typhoons also assisted in educating him on the power of God and nature. At the age of four, he began training in Tae Kwon Do, Judo, and (later) boxing during high school, where he attended East and West Noble in North Eastern Indiana, playing football for the school and basketball for Campus Life. His summers were spent at Lake James Christian Assembly. After receiving his high school diploma through Newport Pacific High in Scranton, Pennsylvania, he traveled around the United States as a musician, pursuing a recording contract in the hip hop industry. Today he and his wife, Natalia, are beginning their sophomore year at Pittsburg State University where he is majoring in education with an emphasis in theatre." -PublishAmerica, on securing your identity online

Some of the ludicrous boasts and exaggerations of Az can be seen here. On RM, he has claimed to have met and recorded music with Eric Clapton, worked as a DJ, bouncer, and so on. He claims to be from the Cherokee Native American tribe, in spite of his almost blinding whiteness. He also claims that he was born in Israel, making him a Jewindian with lots of culture and minority coolness. [1]

Also, Newport Patriot High does not exist in Scranton, Pennsylvania. I know, I live there.

First Incarnation

Azeus signed up to RapeMusic.com on May 15th, 2002 as Azeus_suezA, (clearly alluring to the mythology of Janus with his mirroring name) and posted frequently in the Poetry session. His trite, unmoving prose was embraced by a few subhumans, but all in all, it did not provide nearly enough ego-inflation to feed his demands. Had they only have known that Azeus has battled volcanoes and typhoons with his bare hands, they would have groveled in subserviance like the peons they were. Azeus spun off the handle and found himself banned in 2003... but not without instigating irritation amongst the RM.fag denizens. He also met his "wife" around this time in the poetry section, who posted as Somberglance. They later met up, and AZ brainwashed her into staying with him. However, this is only one possibility - its widely believed that his wife was completely imaginary, and that he did not have a real relationship with the woman in the pictures he posted. AZ has also claimed that Somberglance was his alias, or that hes really Somberglance pretending to be AZ. Who knows, who cares - if he were Pinocchio, his nose would reach to the Kuiper Belt.

Second Incarnation

Azeus recovered July 22nd, 2003 as AzeussuezA and decided that pretending to be a metaphysical philosophical guru would be a wise career move. During his time spent in the IntroSpectrum, the Taleus Project peaked and was winding down. (Ghet took on the alias persona of an internet prophet preaching about the differences between humans and animals) Seeing the influence of this simple method hold the interest of the commoners, Azeus was inspired and attempted to try the same approach, but instead, ended up recycling speeches from the Matrix in long-winded tl;dr posts. At this time, Azeus managed to make permanent enemies out of Ill Rich, Black Soultan, Riz, Double ML, and almost anyone else he came in contact with because of his condescending and holier-than-thou "humbleness".

Third Incarnation

Azeus revealed that he is Jonathan Rex and on July 13th, 2006, providing many pictures of him and his lovely wife. Confident his years of mocking everyone for not understanding him has solidified a loyal fanbase, he unleashed a monstrosity of a book called Tao for the Christian Mind. After the RM.fag mobs tore it to shreds and used copies were already availible on eBay, Azeus quickly discarded his identity, claiming that "SUPRISELOL I MADEZ IT ALL UP IM NOT REALLY JOANATHAN REX!"

The Battle of Lipstick

Opening Shots

Professing himself to be a master Internet Security Technicianisterism, Azeus believed himself untouchable and immune to the ramifications to over 5 years of cumulative fucktardedry. What Azeus wasn't expecting was Ghet was still reeling from failing to reveal the identity of Faviano. Ghet redoubled his efforts and sharpened his online tracking abilities, swearing never to lose again. Within an hour and a half of making that post, Azeus had his IP (4.65.214.171) exposed on ED from an old banning that he forgot to clean up. He immediately counter-attacked with a volley of Internet Lawlsuits:

"Take my IP Address off of that site. If you want to leave the rest there, I could care less. The IP issue is a legal issue. Ask your friend, Soultan. He'll confirm it." -Azeus, master of the law

Ghet called his bluff and said fuck off. Meanwhile, Azeus was furiously contacting Janitor (the guy who runs RapeMusic.com) to have his IP removed from the old signature. He also blanked the RapeMusic.com article 11 times. These revisions were undone within minutes and Azeus denied being The Architect.

The Long Retreat Begins

Azeus announced that his reactive measures were simply diversions to protect his real identity. He also ordered hs e-lawyers to the front line to buy himself some more time for Janitor to edit his IP posted in his old signature. But Ghet was on the ready and ordered his reinforcements at Google to unload everything they had on Azeus. In this pitched battle, the golden gem of his identity was revealed. His post he made about him being Jonathan Rex came to the forefront once more. The Photoshop teams went to work and ED was notified of the recent gains in Ghet's camp. Azeus, predictably, told everyone that those pictures were not him and then suggested that he would be in trouble if Ghet did not remove those photos:

"I don't want any part of this anymore. If this guy finds his pictures associated with me I'm making it clear that I am not that guy, for all legal purposes (if there ever should be). Anything I have said in the past as that guy, was jokes. That is not my name and those are not my pictures." -Azeus, on identity theft

Azeus quickly wiped both of his Photobucket accounts. At this point, Ghet offered the terms of conditional surrender to Azeus to preserve whatever was left of his online legacy. He turned down the offer, believing his Scorched Data policy of deleting and editing his content would save him. Predicting that Azeus would not surrender and would deny being the person in the phots, Ghet unleashed his final concealed weapon: EXIFs, matching the date of the photos with the date of the post:

"http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com...:Staredown.jpg
Camera manufacturer EASTMAN KODAK COMPANY
Camera model KODAK CD33 ZOOM DIGITAL CAMERA
Date and time of data generation 10:36, 11 July 2006 (07-11-2006 10:36am)

http://board.rapmusic.com/archive/in.../t-996928.html
POST DATE: 07-13-2006, 05:52 PM

COINCIDENCE!? I THINK NOT!

BITCHES DONT KNOW BOUT MY EXIF!" -Ghet, on CSIII.

The Killing Blow

Ghet expended his current information reserves entirely in the previous conflict, leaving him exposed for a vicious counter attack. However, Yayo charged in with the 2nd Alias Hunters and provided the coup-de-grace that brought an end to Azeus forever:

"http://www.amazon.com/Tao-Christian-Mind-Jonathan-Rex/dp/1424155673/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1196445780&sr=1-4

plz put his book in the encycopedia" -Yayo, on kicking the dead

Broadsided by the initial bombardment by Ghet and then overwhelmed by the community's universal retaliation against him, Azeus made his final speech before being driven from the site:

"This is going to end right now by you chillin the fuck out and accepting that you won and I have told you that I want no goddamn motherfucking part of this retarded shit or I will not fucking stop. Do you understand that. Those are your options. I'm not giving you a motherfucking thing. I've been nicer to you than I have EVER been to anybody like you in my whole fucking life." -Azeus, on learning lessons

Further Lulz and Faggotry

Long ago, Riz called Azeus out by suggesting that Azeus is Neo from Starship Troopers.

In one of Azeus' clever "mind-games", he decided to trick RM into thinking he was a flaming fag.

This is the sort of shit he would typically post:

"But the fact of the matter is this . . . It is not “me” which you like or dislike. It is your own mind’s creation. If any of you actually had it figured out you would be differential towards me and everybody else on RM; neither being for or against. Now watch some of you come in here and claim that is the case. If you even respond you show that you are not indeed differential towards me for you’ve actually formed an opinion worthy of typing out (which we know you only share for the ‘weakness’ which lies within you, seeking out the approval of at least one other person who will agree with you so that the weakness may be temporarily masked with confidence). I am Jesus and Judas, Buddha and Hitler, Bush and Kerry. I am your little Brother and your older Sister, your Father and Mother. Without “your” mind and its labels I don’t exist. Without my mind and its labels you don’t either. Wake the fuck up. You think I’ve been playing this game because this is really who I am? You don’t even know which illusion to pick from. I haven’t built any walls, I’ve constructed a Stonehenge and you idiots can’t figure out what it means. Perception is reality. What we perceive and understand depends upon what we presently are, not what truly is.' -TL;DR

Azeus Facts

• Azeus was born in 2000 bc, his strict regimen of calisthenics and yoga has greatly increased his lifespan.
• Azeus created his wife out of a rib he removed from his body.
• Azeus gave birth to the entire Native American race.
• Azeus can type 600 words a minute. This means he spends, on average, only 20 minutes typing each reply.
• When asked why he posted so much on rm.com, Azeus scoffed and explained that according to a great philosopher who he taught, rm doesnt "exist" so how can he post on it?
• Were all living in a play that azues wrote in a campus library. the Azeus we know is only a representative, the true azeus has a name that cant be pronounced.
• Azeus has a belt in all forms of martial arts. theyre not black belts, theyre even darker than black.
• 'Azeus' is NOT Swihali for 'bullshit'.
• Azeus gave up careers in: photography, fighting, sports, journalism, rapping, poetry writing, lion, philosophy, personal saviour, bouncer, God's Final Witness, property development, book writing, and DJ'ing... to be a full-time message board debater.
• Azeus is the only person in US legal history to be prosecuted for impersonating themselves.
• Azeus once took out a double page personal ad.
• The dinasour T-Rex was named in honour of Azues's future son.
• Once, when azeus was penning a holy book, his finger slipped and he invented sanskrit.
• Azeus believes a picture is worth a thousand words and has a photographic memory. For your own sake, dont ask him shit.
• Azeus once hired a skywriter as a surprise for his wife on valentines day. The plane crashed after running out of fuel.
• Azeus's resume lists more positions than the kama sutra.
• Azeus knows who "he" is. "You" don't know who "you" are. But "he" probably does.
• Azeus takes drugs because he cannot just say no.
• Azeus knows everything, has done everything and will annoy the living shit out of you if you read any of his posts.

Identity

Natalia has been found and the wolves are on the chase

• Jonathan Rex's IP is 4.65.214.171 and his hostname is lsanca1-ar22-4-65-214-171.lsanca1.dsl-verizon.net. He has attended USC in Los Angeles. He is really good at keeping his identity secret. (More information about him can be found here)
• His e-mail is [email protected].
• Here is one of his Photobuckets. Here is another one of his Photobuckets.
• Azeus is also known as known as Yahunyahti, AzeussuezA, Anidawehi, Azeus_suezA, The Architect, Azeus_Rex, _Rex_, Superman70 (speculation), Tacit, johnny_spanish, JonathanRex, NtrikitMind and Asseus
• He has also written a book about survivng volcanos and typhoons, but none of this prepared him for the natural disasters facing him on the intrawebs.
• Look, this fag got so shook he deleted his music. He is also a professional Cold Fusion user.
• This little camwhore has a YouTube site, too.
• His wife made an account on CoolWebPages.com. (Her e-mail address is [email protected])
• He also posted on ReligiousForums.com, but managed to get banned there, too. No surprise there.
• YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM ARCHIVE.ORG! AwardSpace? Seriously, guy, are you gay or something?
• And now we found his MySpace

Gallery

• 
  Match.com now offers heroin-addict compatibility.
• 
  Removing shoes = l33t IRL proxy
• 
  After months of using e-lawyers, Suge finally pays up.
• 
  Cover of his shitty book.

See Also

• D. Omen