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Chip Berlet: Difference between revisions

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'''Chip Berlet''' is a fat [[communist]] [[attention whore]] who spends most of his life on [[Wikipedia|the inferior wiki]] under the wing of his patron, ex-KGB agent [[SlimVirgin]]; where he currently edits under the [[sockpuppetry|sock account]] '''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/The_Four_Deuces The Four Deuces]'''. He is the byproduct of a freak accident circa 1949 at the [[New York City|Brooklyn Zoo]] in which a [[Marxism|Marxist]] immigrant worker in charge of sweeping the shit out of the cages huffed a bad batch of [[shrooms|magic mushrooms]] and [[accidentally]] impregnated a walrus. Nine months later little Chip was born, weighing in at a ripe 133 pounds. Berlet is an enemy of [[Daniel Brandt]].
'''Chip Berlet''' is a fat [[communist]] [[attention whore]] who spends most of his life on [[Wikipedia|the inferior wiki]] under the wing of his patron, ex-KGB agent [[SlimVirgin]]; where he currently edits under the sock account '''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/The_Four_Deuces The Four Deuces]'''. He is the byproduct of a freak accident circa 1949 at the Brooklyn Zoo in which a marxist [[Mexican|immigrant]] worker in charge of sweeping the shit out of the cages huffed a bad batch of [[drugs|magic mushrooms]] and accidentally impregnated a walrus. Nine months later little Chip was born, weighing in at a ripe 133 pounds.


[[Image:Chip_Berlet.jpg|frame|right|"Walrus-breeding experiment gone terribly wrong"]]
[[Image:Chip_Berlet.jpg|frame|right|"Walrus-breeding experiment gone terribly wrong"]]


By age 16 Berlet had already ballooned to 379 lbs - a condition he blames to this day on [[Jerry Falwell]], whose appearance on television induces him to eat compulsively. With a case of ho-hos in hand, Berlet departed his home at Polar-ama Adventureland to pursue a sociology degree at the University of Denver. Six months later he became a drug junkie, dropped out, and took a job as assistant consul general for Albanian dictator Enver Hoxha. To maintain support for his drug habit, he became a writer for High Times magazine where, like most addicts, he attempted to convert others, especially [[13-year-old_boy|young and impressionable teenagers]] into using drugs and destroying their own lives.
By age 16, Berlet had already ballooned to 379 lbs - a condition [[victim complex|he blames]] to this day on [[Jerry Falwell]], whose appearance on television induces him to eat compulsively. With a case of Ho-Hos in hand, Berlet departed his home at Polar-ama Adventureland to pursue a sociology degree at the [[Colorado|University of Denver]]. Six months later he became a junkie, dropped out, and took a job as assistant consul general for [[Albania]]n dictator Enver Hoxha. To support his drug habit, he became a writer for High Times magazine where, like most addicts, he attempted to convert others, especially [[13-year-old_boy|young and impressionable teenagers]] into using drugs and destroying their own lives.


Berlet has spent most of his career attempting to refute the psychotic ramblings of [[Lyndon Larouche]], which has led observers to speculate that Berlet in fact is a low-level polemicist in the service of the British Empire.
Berlet has spent most of his career attempting to refute the psychotic ramblings of [[Lyndon Larouche]], which has led observers to speculate that Berlet in fact is a low-level polemicist in the service of the [[UK|British Empire]].


==Chip Chip Cheerio!==
==Chip Chip Cheerio!==
The thing to remember about Berlet is that he likes to consider himself an "expert" on everything, and being an "expert" gives him free license to quote himself as an "expert" on Wikipedia. Berlet came to Wikipedia at the invitation of [[SlimVirgin]] in 2004, and ever since he's been held up as the in-house "expert" of deference whenever Slimey and her cabal of [[Jayjg]], [[Will Beback]], and [[El C]] need somebody to justify their edits.  
The thing to remember about Berlet is that he likes to consider himself an "[[expert]]" on everything, and being an "expert" gives him free license [[USI|to quote himself]] as an "expert" on Wikipedia. Berlet came to Wikipedia at the invitation of [[SlimVirgin]] in 2004, and ever since he's been held up as the in-house "expert" of deference whenever Slimey and her cabal of [[Jayjg]], [[Will Beback]], and [[El C]] need somebody to justify their edits.  


To think of it another way, Chip is an insta-quote factory. If you are SlimVirgin and you need an "expert" quote to brand [[Noam Chomsky]] as a racist/bigot/anti-semite/homophobe/carnivore/asshole, all you gotta do is ring up Chip Berlet and he will not only write "Noam Chomsky hates Jews" - he'll also publish it all over PoliticalResearchAssociates.com, a web page he owns. Voila! Instant "expert" quote.
To think of it another way, Chip is an insta-quote factory. If you are SlimVirgin and you need an "expert" quote to brand [[Noam Chomsky]] as a racist/bigot/anti-semite/homophobe/carnivore/asshole, all you gotta do is ring up Chip Berlet and he will not only write "Noam Chomsky hates Jews" - he'll also publish it all over PoliticalResearchAssociates.com, a web page he owns. Voila! Instant "expert" quote.


Except that Chip isn't really an expert on anything...except for daily calorie intake. That's Wikipedia's dirty little secret - their in house expert is really just another stupid angry fat guy with a keyboard. Forget PhD's or even college degrees, Berlet doesn't even have so much as a lawnmower mechanic's certification from ITT Tech. Despite his love of gorging on deep fried chicken wings at the University of Denver dormatory in the early 1970's, Berlet's drug habits and sedentary lifestyle effectively prevented him from from attending class. In other words, he couldn't fit through the front doorway anymore. So one day he waddled himself onto the campus freight elevator and flopped into a flatbed truck usually reserved for transporting orcas at the Denver Aquarium, and hitched a ride to the People's Republic of Massachusetts.
Except that Chip isn't really an expert on anything... except for [[fat|daily calorie intake]]. That's Wikipedia's dirty little secret - their in house expert is really just [[basement dweller|another stupid angry fat guy with a keyboard]]. Forget PhDs or even college degrees, Berlet doesn't even have so much as a lawnmower mechanic's certification from [[ITT Tech]]. Despite his love of gorging on [[KFC|deep fried chicken wings]] at the University of Denver dormitory [[before the Internet|in the early 1970s]], Berlet's drug habits and sedentary lifestyle effectively prevented him from from attending class. In other words, he couldn't fit through the front doorway anymore. So one day he waddled himself onto the campus freight elevator and flopped into a flatbed truck usually reserved for transporting orcas at the [[Colorado|Denver Aquarium]], and hitched a ride to the [[Massachusetts|People's Republic of Massachusetts]].
 
== See also ==
*[[Daniel Brandt]]
*[[Conspiracy theory]]
*[[SlimVirgin]]
*[[Wikipedia]]
 
== External links ==
*[http://conservapedia.com/Chip_Berlet Berlet] at ''[[Conservapedia]]''
*[http://conservapedia.com/Wikipedia:The_Daniel_Brandt_controversy An article about their falling out] at ''Conservapedia''
 
{{TOW}}


[[Category:People|Berlet, Chip]]
[[Category:People|Berlet, Chip]]

Revision as of 03:47, 16 February 2012

Chip Berlet is a fat communist attention whore who spends most of his life on the inferior wiki under the wing of his patron, ex-KGB agent SlimVirgin; where he currently edits under the sock account The Four Deuces. He is the byproduct of a freak accident circa 1949 at the Brooklyn Zoo in which a Marxist immigrant worker in charge of sweeping the shit out of the cages huffed a bad batch of magic mushrooms and accidentally impregnated a walrus. Nine months later little Chip was born, weighing in at a ripe 133 pounds. Berlet is an enemy of Daniel Brandt.

"Walrus-breeding experiment gone terribly wrong"

By age 16, Berlet had already ballooned to 379 lbs - a condition he blames to this day on Jerry Falwell, whose appearance on television induces him to eat compulsively. With a case of Ho-Hos in hand, Berlet departed his home at Polar-ama Adventureland to pursue a sociology degree at the University of Denver. Six months later he became a junkie, dropped out, and took a job as assistant consul general for Albanian dictator Enver Hoxha. To support his drug habit, he became a writer for High Times magazine where, like most addicts, he attempted to convert others, especially young and impressionable teenagers into using drugs and destroying their own lives.

Berlet has spent most of his career attempting to refute the psychotic ramblings of Lyndon Larouche, which has led observers to speculate that Berlet in fact is a low-level polemicist in the service of the British Empire.

Chip Chip Cheerio!

The thing to remember about Berlet is that he likes to consider himself an "expert" on everything, and being an "expert" gives him free license to quote himself as an "expert" on Wikipedia. Berlet came to Wikipedia at the invitation of SlimVirgin in 2004, and ever since he's been held up as the in-house "expert" of deference whenever Slimey and her cabal of Jayjg, Will Beback, and El C need somebody to justify their edits.

To think of it another way, Chip is an insta-quote factory. If you are SlimVirgin and you need an "expert" quote to brand Noam Chomsky as a racist/bigot/anti-semite/homophobe/carnivore/asshole, all you gotta do is ring up Chip Berlet and he will not only write "Noam Chomsky hates Jews" - he'll also publish it all over PoliticalResearchAssociates.com, a web page he owns. Voila! Instant "expert" quote.

Except that Chip isn't really an expert on anything... except for daily calorie intake. That's Wikipedia's dirty little secret - their in house expert is really just another stupid angry fat guy with a keyboard. Forget PhDs or even college degrees, Berlet doesn't even have so much as a lawnmower mechanic's certification from ITT Tech. Despite his love of gorging on deep fried chicken wings at the University of Denver dormitory in the early 1970s, Berlet's drug habits and sedentary lifestyle effectively prevented him from from attending class. In other words, he couldn't fit through the front doorway anymore. So one day he waddled himself onto the campus freight elevator and flopped into a flatbed truck usually reserved for transporting orcas at the Denver Aquarium, and hitched a ride to the People's Republic of Massachusetts.

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