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Heterophobia: Difference between revisions
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[[File:True Love Is Illegal In Virginia.jpg|thumb|right|Up until recently, under the decree of the tyrannical witch, [[Chris-chan/People#Mary Lee Walsh|Mary Lee Walsh]], heterosexual love was a serious crime in the state of [[Virginia]], punishable by death.]] | |||
Heterosexuals are banned from [[gay marriage]], and subjected to an arbitrary "child support system" that consumed three dollars in bureaucratic junkets to Las Vegas for every dollar that reaches a child in need. Apartheid practices including segregated dorms, military service, and bathrooms has been reported. These measures are so successful that within the heterosexual community, people reportedly engage in only a small fraction of the sexual contacts enjoyed by normal homosexuals. | Heterosexuals are banned from [[gay marriage]], and subjected to an arbitrary "child support system" that consumed three dollars in bureaucratic junkets to Las Vegas for every dollar that reaches a child in need. Apartheid practices including segregated dorms, military service, and bathrooms has been reported. These measures are so successful that within the heterosexual community, people reportedly engage in only a small fraction of the sexual contacts enjoyed by normal homosexuals. | ||
Revision as of 10:53, 24 April 2012
Heterophobia is a serious psychological ailment causing uncontrolled expression of fear and hatred toward heterosexuals. Throughout history heterophobia has been linked with heinous crimes against humanity.
Blood libels
Heterophobes indulge in a rich tapestry of fantastic allegations against the heterosexual minority, which they allege to be laid down in two of the apocryphal "Protocols of the Elders of Zion", called "Leviticus" and "Deuteronomy". Supposedly, this Jewish conspiracy organized heterosexuals to sacrifice gays to their heathen god in a ritual sacrifice by stoning. Claiming to be defenders of human rights, these vigilance groups claim that countries run by the Jews, such as Iran, still engage in these blood sacrifices. These rumors are, of course, baseless. In fact, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Iran are all basically run by faggots. (I'm not making this up!) As our reliable sources at Blackwater inform us, the Iranians really stone women for exceeding very strict and discriminatory quotas on heterosexuality.
Anti-heterosexual atrocities
Many atrocities begin with the allegation that heterosexuals are breeding and threaten to take over and destroy the planet, like they did in Kosovo. Sinister "sterilization" protocols began with tards and quickly spread to cover Jews, trade unionists, hackers, liberals, and especially blondes. This campaign was so sinister and widespread that it is difficult to find heterosexuals, even under promises of anonymity, who will admit that this is not a voluntary decision. In addition to out-and-out sterilization, there are myriad ever-cleverer backdoor methods such as birth control pills, condoms, oral sex, the internet (also known as pornography), and most effective of all, Dungeons and Dragons. These methods have ravaged the heterosexual population to the brink of extinction.
Massacres
Mass murders of straights have repeatedly been organized by groups of fanatic gays like the Knights Templar, the Brownshirts, and Planned Parenthood, running into the millions.
Systematic discrimination
Heterosexuals are banned from gay marriage, and subjected to an arbitrary "child support system" that consumed three dollars in bureaucratic junkets to Las Vegas for every dollar that reaches a child in need. Apartheid practices including segregated dorms, military service, and bathrooms has been reported. These measures are so successful that within the heterosexual community, people reportedly engage in only a small fraction of the sexual contacts enjoyed by normal homosexuals.
Treating heterophobia
The first-line treatment for heterophobic lesbians is two or three courses of rape, which should be administered by a board certified rape therapist. Heterophobic faggots receive similar treatment, supplemented with electroejaculation. (Fuck, we don't have an article about that?) Unfortunately, few heterophobes commit themselves for treatment, and in a widely heterophobic society little can be done to provide treatment to the majority of the heterophobic community.
Save the heterosexuals
The future of heterosexuality may lie with captive breeding programs designed to help them fit into the larger gay community. Research of hybrid populations such as metrosexuals, bisexuals, transsexuals, transvestites and others continues. Others are trained to camouflage themselves in roles as faghags. The idea is that a hybrid species can retain some of the ecological role and character of the original wild heterosexual population, while blending in well enough to "pass for gay" and go unnoticed by those seeking to do them harm. So far, results have been mixed, but scientists remain hopeful.