College Sex Bloggers: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 14:39, 30 August 2012

Lena Chen, whose whore blogging got her dumped from Harvard, now grosses $20K/year

A special variety of attention whore, typically a young and independent woman, who couch their co-ed shenanigans in feminist blogs detailing every moment of nauseating orifice penetration in their otherwise vapid lives. In an effort to distinguish their gang-bang by the college football team from the actions of whores, these women broadcast their deviances for the world to see rather than keep it behind closed doors at the local motel.

Granted, they will still say anything in exchange for attention, money, or items from online wishlists. But they aren't whores. They're edgy. And they let you cum on their face for free. It all seems like a sweet, sweet dream.

The Reality

Marci Willner and Joe Irwin have no idea how their daughter Samantha became such a cumdumpster whore. Marta Willner and Michael A. Willner were similarly shocked.

Do not discard your semen-caked copy of Kelly the Coed just yet. College sex blogging is, as a rule, camwhoring for fuglies.

College sex bloggers typically suffer from GOTIS, additionally presenting with internet disease and FGAS. All engage in shameless self-promotion in a failed attempt to mimic Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. Instead, in the vein of Lena Chen, they promote herpes and AIDS.

Often, college sex bloggers will remove their clothing if given enough attention. They will also reveal how used condoms slip out of their cunts while they piss on the toilet bowl and/or the discharges their gashes make thanks to the numerous STDs housed in their cunts. As a result, they can be milked for lulz if you aren't too busy fapping to their disease-ridden twat.

Notables

Meghan Bainum

Azn fuckie-suckie bloggers like Zoe Yang need asian-fetish sugar daddies to pay for bukkake scrapings.

Desperate to escape from the thorazine snoarfest which is the University of Kansas, Meghan Bainum started writing about her fellatio-for-funds scam. Some would refer to this as prositution but Meghan drew the line at slurping stranger semen for money.

She hit the big-time when Playboy found her, put her up in a "posh-ass" hotel, and photographed Ms. Bainum with dildoes up her ass.

Jenna Bromberg

"I had period sex and wrote about it," blogged kike skank Jenna Bromberg, "and now people look at me funny."

Actually, Jenna Bromberg tried to blog under the pseudonym "Jenna B," but got pwned when a dude fucked her and forgot her, right after writing an article about it, "My Night Getting My Cock Sucked By Jenna Bromberg". The irony] was not lost.

As one can expect, getting outted as a whore impacted Jenna's career marketability. After the majority of prospective employers laughed in her face, a drone job typing hotel reviews at HotelChatter.com looked fantastic to the pancaked jew. "A vibrator will always be good to you," sighed the cunt in retrospect, "and won't blab how you're a frigid Jew slut to the college newspaper!"

Lena Chen

Moar info: Lena Chen.

What's wrong with a little jizz on the lip?

You could make a whole page about Lena Chen. Lena Chen is a Lolcow who milked the Ivy-placement her daddy bought by whoring it up and blogging about it. Lena Chen is best known for scores of orifice-related pleasures:

Posting about how she "lowered her mouth over his cock and slid my lips over his shaft easily" to tip a pizza boy when she lacked the funds to pay him.
Blogging about her STDs but failing to make the obvious cause/effect link to her manic nymphomania.
Blogging details of how she seduced and fucked her sociology teacher Patrick Hamm, then whining when Internet Heroes emailed the links to the Harvard Dean, thus getting Patty Boy miserably assfucked.
Posting pics of herself nude and with Patrick's jizz smeared on her face, then whining when someone else posted MOAR of her nude pics on the internet.

Naturally is how Lena's weak feminine mind leads her to be unable to take responsibility for actions.

Manic nympho shit was not good for Lena's job prospects. These days, she's grossing $20K a year posting about shoving stuff up her twat.

Helen Chiu

Helen Chiu, blogging as zoeynym, is yet another California Azn who decided to blog about all the cocks she stuffed into her cunt, mouth, and anus. She broke the mold by also writing about the nasty STDs she obtained from her research.

Helen Chiu blogged about all of this from the University of California Irvine (she was rejected by UCLA).

Lena Chen thought this was a good idea and she went to Harvard.

Shelley Gupta

Lots of fuckbloggers are Azn, but this one's a rarity: Shelly Gupta is a Indian who apparently did not get her clit sliced off in time by her Muslim parents. As a result, we get to read scads of shit about Gupta taking cocks in her flesh wound.

Typical of college sex bloggers, Gupta couldn't find a job after graduating, no doubt since employers retched when they googled her online her sexploits. So Gupta is now at a third-tier toilet law school, where she shits on her fellow students and professors on jdjustjurisdoctoris.blogspot.com.

Jessica Haralson

And so, anoter Ivy fugly who fucked up her future by spreading her legs in public.

Once upon a time, she jizzed herself over the attention she was getting. Alas, she was a hambeast, so she did not take any nude pics.

Like all of the skanks listed here, it never crossed Jessica's mind that with all the cum on my resume/google-search profile, who the fuck will ever hire me? Despite her worthless Ivy degree in Creative Writing, Jessica Haralson's job prospects were so hopeless that she ended up fleeing America. Jessica, once a touted Ivy League Skank Blogger, became a babysitter. Enjoy those Ddong-chims, bitch!

In 2012, Jessica Haralson decided it was time to return to America. Still jobless (aside from giving blowjobs to Andrew LeGendre), Jessica decided to make full use of her visits to NYC Sex Clubs by enrolling at the Donovan Urban Scholars Program to teach niggers about proper rape. With her newfound teaching skills from Boston College's prestigious Lynch Graduate School of Education, Jessica aims to impart all her anal sex skills to the next generation.

Karen Owen

In 2006, there was the Duke lacrosse case, which was an innocent case of gang raping a stripper. Now there is Karen Owen, who fucked 13 members of the team, except one at a time.

At first, the lacrosse players were very happy, because she had a big mouth, well suited for oral. The problem was, they were all so bad in the sack, that Owen felt compelled to make a PowerPoint presentation outlining each of their shortcomings. To her surprise, this ended up on the internet, because she emailed it to her friends.

This caused massive butthurt to the Duke University regents, since they all wanted a chance to demonstrate how hopeless they were in the sack.

Owen has graduated from Duke and still cannot understand how something she innocently posted on the internet became a national news story.

Samantha Willner

Cumdumpster Samantha is an oral Communications major at Cornell University. Despite sucking enough cock to land a summer internship in, Sammy doesn't do much "work" besides giving head, since she still had scads of time to blog about ramming shit up her fetid, diseased cunt.

Skankwhore Samantha also finds worktime to blog about such other pressing matters as:

Her ache to suck black cock (Just make sure her parents Marci Willner and Irwin Cohen do not find out. They will lynch the nigger.)
Samantha Willner's fantasy of being gangraped during one of her habitual blackout-drinking sprees.

Samantha Willner will learn that Google remembers all slutblogging on the interwebs until long after graduation and writing about your drunken cumslurping makes getting a job rather difficult in this economy.

Upon discovery of this article, Sammy (or one of her fucktoys) tried to remove her information by blanking this section. Since vandalism is pointless, the "damage" that was done was quickly reverted and the user was banned.

Zoe Yang

What happens to camwhores after they graduate from college? A prime case study can be found by examining Zoe Yang aka Jing Yang, yet another Asian slut.

Zoe, despite her parents' dumping megabucks into the Winsor School, an elite private institution for future academics and cock-hungry whores, was unable to buy her way into an Ivy and enrolled in Pomona College. Nestled in with all the other wealthy wannabes, Zoe hit upon a brilliant idea: blog about sex, add pictures, and become famous. So little Asian Zoe skankblogged her heart out.

Zoe's blog was so cutting edge that the campus Conservatives had great glee in gutting Zoe Yang's Vietnamese whore fantasies.

Shortly after failing at scrubbing the internet of all traces of her fuckie-suckie blog and camwhore pics, Zoe Yang embarked on an inevitable career search, blowing McKinsey & Company away.

Once Zoe realized that sex photos are not exactly good for ascending the corporate ladder and may, in fact, be a hindrance. She immediately tried to change her name to Jing Yang. Jing Yang (aka Zoe Yang aka Yijing Yang) seems unaware that teh internets are a bit smarter than she is.

Alas, the defensive maneuver was too little, too late: once Zoe Yang's whoring was discovered, McKinsey shitcanned her skank ass in short order. Many a hard-working bank nerd cried themselves to sleep on top of their piles of cocaine and cash.

Diary of a Whore

	“	Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have gonorrhea, You might have it, too.	„
	—Badger Sex Blogger Erica Andrist

	“	Summer lovin', gave me the clap. Summer lovin', warts on my ass. Met a boy, thought he looked clean. But now-surprise!-it burns when I pee.	„
	—How Erica Andrist got gonorrhea

	“	EWWW GET UP! YOU’RE GONNA GET BABY GRAVY ALL OVER MY FUCKING SHEETS!	„
	—Jenna Bromberg, post-coitus (Yep, she's a Jew!)

	“	It was real cool to play in someone else's underwear	„
	—fuckie-suckie blogger Meghan Bainum about a Playboy photo shoot (Yep, she's from Kansas!)

	“	Last year, I spent Valentine’s Day in a mental hospital. The day before that, I spent a couple of hours in jail. Before this event, I had taken a decent number of sleeping pills — but I spit most of them out when I realized that I didn’t write a suicide note. To cope with anxiety and depression freshman year, I turned to booze and sleeping pills. I cared so much about what others thought that I couldn’t seek help. I entered this relationship foolishly in hopes for stability.	„
	—Christine Yu, explaining why she's a nympho fuckup

	“	Didn’t you learn about friction in physics class? Well, friction is bad here! Ok, some people don’t keep lube with them at all times — actually, the only time I think of lube is when some mentions anal (Astroglide, anyone?).	„
	—Christine Yu, MIT, explaining how she like getting her rectum boned on "Nerdy and Flirty"

	“	I have Daddy issues. He made me feel generally inadequate all my life. I've never gotten close to friends, but I spill my guts to the person I'm fucking. That person is invariably no more capable of understanding me than anyone else in my life, but at least he can make me feel better by putting a penis inside me. I am not the poster girl for healthy sexing.	„
	—Zoe Yang, stating the obvious, on her sex blog, zoehassex

	“	Here's the thing: I suck at giving head. I blow at giving head. I sputter and choke at giving head. I was with M for six months before I got him to cum from oral. It took weed and perseverance. I successfully gave C head the first two times I tried, and then embarked on a record of failing. He attributes the early successes to embryonic-relationship nervous excitement and says he needed "those bouncing buttcheeks" of sex thereafter.	„
	—Zoe Yang

	“	During shower sex, my ex-boyfriend asked to do me from behind. Due to the angle of my body, the frequency with which he was humping me, and the water streaming down from above, I accidentally queefed. Really loudly. When my ex was finally done laughing, he informed me that he actually witnessed water spew out of me “like a rocket” when it happened. FML.	„
	—Samantha Willner, Oral Communications Major at Cornell University '12, staking her claim to literary immor(t)ality

	“	There are some benefits to having sex while on your period. First, you definitely will not need any kind of artificial lubrication. There will be plenty of wetness to have penetrative sex. If you just want to engage in oral sex, it can easily be done with a tampon in.	„
	—Shelley Gupta, Law Student, making the case for bloodfucking

	“	Hooking up with my favorite guy friend was a no-brainer-until an incredibly un-glamorous bedroom incident on the night of my 19th birthday left me lost and lonely...Tomorrow will be exactly two years since my ill-fated fuck buddy incident. By all outsider and dating-book standards, I am still setting myself up for disaster. But I care too much about him to go back now. Logic says I should get myself out before I really get hurt. Logic is the last thing I care about.	„
	—Miriam Datskovsky

	“	I grabbed his cock and felt it slowly press against my ass. Without actual lube, spit was our only choice and I didn't feel the urge to pull away as I usually do. I just wanted him deep so I'd push back and beg him to pump my ass harder. I was drenching and I needed all those extra filthy mutterings in between moans and thrusts to make me come.	„
	—Helen Chiu, blogging as zoeynym (Yep, she's Azn)

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@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 [[Image:LenaChenNude2.JPG|thumb|right|[[Lena Chen]], whose whore blogging got her dumped from Harvard, now grosses $20K/year]]
-A special variety of [[attention whore]], typically a young and [[stupid|independent]] [[woman]], who couch their [[college|co-ed]] shenanigans in [[feminist]] blogs detailing every moment of nauseating penetration for the world to see.  In an effort to distinguish their [[slutty|gang-bang by the college football team]] from the actions of [[whores]], these women broadcast their [[furfag|deviances]] for the world to see rather than keep it behind closed doors at the local motel.
+A special variety of [[attention whore]], typically a young and [[stupid|independent]] [[woman]], who couch their [[college|co-ed]] shenanigans in [[feminist]] blogs detailing every moment of nauseating orifice penetration in their otherwise vapid lives.  In an effort to distinguish their [[slutty|gang-bang by the college football team]] from the actions of [[whores]], these women broadcast their [[furfag|deviances]] for the world to see rather than keep it behind closed doors at the local motel.
 Granted, they will still say anything in exchange for attention, money, or items from online wishlists. But they aren't whores. They're edgy.  And they let you cum on their face for free. It all seems like a [[porn|sweet, sweet dream]].

College Sex Bloggers: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 14:39, 30 August 2012

Contents

The Reality