Crysis 3

The suck-ass PC version only rich white people can play.

Crysis 3 is the follow-up to the masterpiece Crysis 2.Surprisingly, it is both superior and suckier than its predecessor. The fags at Crytek thought it would be much better to piss on the only reason people bought Crysis 2 - because it could run on suck-ass computers with parts not made five minutes ago.

Storyline

The world has been taken over by the aliens, which are exactly the same as the ones from in the second game, and now you're going to rape their asses in New York. You're playing as Prophet, the "Asshole in the Suit" who gets orders he has to complete, kicking some ass and then gets more orders. The problem is that he has to do that with consolized controls and a shitty A.I. that stands in his way, making his journey to the shitty game ending a real pain in the ass.

Multiplayer

This is the thing which allows reviewers to excuse how shit the rest of the game is, by claiming that the game is most fun when played with a bunch of screaming, 12 year old, Amerifags.

The DX11 Drama

For some reason, the DirectX11 drama with Crysis 2 just wasn't enough for Fagtek. They concluded that in order to stop poor people and non-Aryans playing their game, they would prevent the PC version running on any videocard which didn't support DirectX11, better known as the shittiest API ever created. Fagtek announced this, then refused to answer why the suck-ass Xbox 360 version and the suck-ass PS3 version ran just fine without it.

Related Articles

• Halo 2 Another game with fake-ass DirectX restrictions.
• Crysis The only REAL Crysis game.
• Crysis 2
• Far Cry The last good thing Crytek ever made.

Crysis 3 is part of a series on Gaming Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.