Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 17:50, 9 March 2014

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT NANOMACHINES, SON!!!1

He is the senator we need, not the one we deserve

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance (also known as Metal Gear Raiden) is the ninth game in the Metal Gear series. Originally teased right after the launch of MGS4 as Metal Gear Rising, the game concept was too metal for Kojima himself to fuck up, so it was handed over to motherfucking Platinum Games much to the disappointment of Metaru Gia fanbois. However, demand for the game remained high since fanbois enjoy jerking off to Raiden's tight cyborg ninja ass. The game is full of brain-melting bullshit ripped from the Metal Gear Solid series, couched in the sublime and elegant drama of cyborg weeaboo sword-fights. Like every Metal Gear game, this one spawned a massive cult following with fans spewing related memes to death like they did with Portal.

Plot

Since this game takes place in the future, Snake, the Patriots, and other related jerkoffs are not part of the plot. Game director Hideo Kojima designed it to be a spin-off, and then handed the writing off to his bottom bitch interns because he was too busy fapping to Quiet.

Players assume the role of Raiden, who was smart enough to abandon his dead lying bitch girlfriend Rose and worthless son so he could return to the battlefield. After being defeated by a katana-wielding wetback, he ditched his old cyborg body for something with more teenage appeal and set out to defeat an army of cyborg terrorists.

Gameplay

Pretty much all you need to beat this game.

There is no need to describe how easy it is to be good at this game as long as you can parry every enemy attack and then rape them with QTE slow motion sword slicing.

Characters

Maverick Security Consulting, Inc.

Raiden - He is back and more homosexual than ever, showing off his tight cyborg ass in every combo. After losing to Sam and failing to protect Nelson Mandela, he became a cyborg and swore to destroy all the baddies with his tools of justice.

Boris - Raiden's russkie boss. Always complaining about rules of engagement or some such nonsense.

Kevin - Token black man. Affirmative action exists even in the future.

Courtney - Retarded cunt who always spills her coffee like a retarded cunt. Comedy!

Doktor - Ich liebe Kapitalismus! A German cyborg scientist with a German accent, very clever Kojima.

Sunny - She is also back, serving as pedobait for gamers by showing off her delicious flat chest.

Blade Wolf - A cybernetic dog that somehow survives to becomes Raiden's partner after being sliced into thousand pieces.

George - A homeless Guyanese kid who doesn't speak English. He was kidnapped by a pedophile and sent to some filthy laboratory in a Mexican sewer where most of his brain was scooped out before he managed to escape. He is nothing more than comic relief.

Desperado Enforcement, LLC

"Jetstream" Samuel Rodrigues - A Brazilian weeaboo who cuts off arms and doesn't afraid of anything.

Mistral - Your typical Albert Camus sand nigger from France. Has a ton of arms and wields a polespear.

Monsoon - A Cambodian douchebag who never shuts up about his frigging memes. Also known to be the hardest boss in the game because of MAGNETIC POWER, JACK! NATURE'S POWER!

Sundowner - A Californian with an inexplicable southern accent who wants to top the high score made by the Jews. Downer lieks the war economy very much because it stops them warmonger from turning into ware fare fraud. Downer believe kids are cruel and they should be all cyborg and have their brains scooped; connects to shitty killing simulator MMORPG. This badass is also FUCKING INVINCIBLE!!! until Raiden comes along and slices him into a million pieces.

Steven Armstrong - A liberal-hating, football-playing, true American ex-Marine Senator who wants to turn the country into a land where the rich are free to troll the poor as hard as they want. Senator Armstrong is the hardest object known to man due to the power of NANOMACHINES, SON! and can beat people nearly to death without leaving any visible damage. Could have gone pro if he hadn't joined the Navy.

	“	"'I have a dream.' That one day every person in this nation will control their own destiny. A nation of the truly free, dammit. A nation of action, not words, ruled by strength, not committee! Where the law changes to suit the individual, not the other way around. Where power and justice are back where they belong: in the hands of the people! Where every man is free to think - to act - for himself! Fuck all these limp-dick lawyers and chickenshit bureaucrats. Fuck this 24-hour internet spew of trivia and celebrity bullshit! Fuck American pride! Fuck the media! FUCK ALL OF IT! America is diseased. Rotten to the core. There's no saving it - we need to pull it out by the roots. Wipe the slate clean. BURN IT DOWN! And from the ashes a new America will be born. Evolved, but untamed! The weak will be purged and the strongest will thrive - free to live as they see fit. They'll make America great again! [...] In my new America, people will die and kill for what they BELIEVE! Not for money. Not for oil! Not for what they're told is right. Every man will be free to fight his own wars!"	„
	—Steven Armstrong, A True American.

RULES OF NATURE

This game's soundtrack is far more addicting than its gameplay, so addictive that it has its own Guile theme. It is also the reason for a bunch of shitposting on /v/, where anons argue which OST is the best.

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Memes, Jack! The DNA of the soul!

Nanomachines, son!

Aka, metal gear series in a nutshell. This infamous meme was spoken by none other than the patriot himself: Steven Armstrong. Remember, this meme is the universal answer to all questions in existence. Why? because nanomachines, son.